


it's a 30 car pileup with you

by twicelucky



Series: every night's a different story [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, bartender!Jackson, chaebol!jaebum, chaebol!jinyoung, chaebol!mark, messy relationships, student!bambam, student!youngjae, student!yugyeom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-12-22 01:25:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 84,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11956785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twicelucky/pseuds/twicelucky
Summary: Jinyoung comes back to Seoul after two years of studying abroad and nothing is the same.Or the one where Yugyeom and Jinyoung can't get it together to stop fighting for long enough to realize that they like each other.





	1. false happiness is on the rise

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title comes from the song 'Dance Yrself Clean' by LCD Soundsystem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on August 31 and edited on September 17. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from 'Why Does It Shake' by Protomartyr. Also, sorry about Jinyoung being an asshole in these early chapters, he'll get better.
> 
> Songs for this chapter: 
> 
> K - Cigarettes After Sex  
> Pluto - Shin Hye Gyeong

 

_“Whatever it is you’re seeking won’t come in the form you’re expecting.”_

Haruki Murakami

The trip from Los Angeles to Incheon is always strange and disorienting because the sun doesn’t set for the whole thirteen hour flight. Time just skips from one day to the next, ignoring the nighttime. Jinyoung has done it four times now in the last two years, and it’s never gotten any less strange. It’s just one long sunny day.

Jinyoung spends all thirteen hours reading, managing to finish one book, and then another. He hasn’t had free time to read in what feels like forever, between final presentations, exams, and packing up everything to move back home. Plus, it’s not like there’s time for reading during an MBA, Jinyoung thinks bitterly.

When the pilot announces that they're landing soon at Incheon, Jinyoung wonders briefly what would happen if he just didn't leave the airport, if he just caught the first flight he could find and didn't look back. The thought is tempting. He wouldn’t have to face his family, and have to deal with all the company bullshit he’s been putting off.

It’s snowing when he lands in Seoul, a far cry from the mild seventy degree weather he left behind in LA. The weather matches his mood he supposes: grey and depressing. Jinyoung didn’t even bring a jacket, shivering slightly as the people ahead of him shuffle slowly into the jet bridge, and then into the airport.

He allows himself to scan the departures board outside his gate for a second. There's a flight leaving for New Delhi in twenty minutes. If he wanted he could probably still get a ticket. Would it really be so bad to start a new life in India? He has the money for it. He could learn to speak the language. He could change his name.

Except Jaebum would find him and kill him for leaving. And having Jaebum around is basically the best part about coming back to Korea. So Jinyoung forces himself away from the departure board and the boarding gate to New Delhi, and walks to the exit instead, through immigration.

The immigration officer eyes him curiously until Jinyoung hands him his passport and then the officer’s eyes flash with recognition. Park Jinyoung - the son of Park Wonho, CEO of Park Corporation, is back in Korea after two years abroad. His parents are constantly in the news, and so Jinyoung is too, even if just by proxy. He’s recognized almost everywhere in Korea, which is one of the reasons why he loved studying in America. It was nice to be able to go to class without being bothered about his family.

"Welcome back to Korea Mr. Park." The officer says and gives Jinyoung one of those tense, eager to please smiles. Jinyoung wants to wince, but he just smiles and bows politely, ever presenting the image of the perfect chaebol heir, just like his parents groomed him to be.  
  
There’s someone waiting for him at the door from arrivals, sign in hand. Jinyoung sighs. Of course his parents couldn’t come pick him up from the airport after he was away for two years, they had to send a fucking driver. What a welcome back to Korea. At least both his bags arrived.

Traffic is shit on the way from the airport to his parent’s house in Pyeongchang-dong, the car crawling along in the snow. His driver doesn’t say anything to him and Jinyoung can’t tell if he’s relieved or not. His parents have their own drivers but they just use a service for Jinyoung, and he doesn’t think he’s ever had the same person more than once.

His neighbourhood looks the same which to say that it seems to exist in a constant state of demolition and construction, despite the weather. The house across the street is getting a facelift, Jinyoung can see the tiles being applied to the front one by one. The houses of the wealthy are always being upgraded, always competing to be the newest and nicest.

The driver gets out to unlock the gate, and then Jinyoung is back at his parent’s sprawling house nestled amongst the trees at the base of a hill.

A maid bows politely to him in the foyer, and someone else comes to wordlessly collect his bags from the driver. Neither of his parents appear to be home. Jinyoung’s heart sinks a little bit. He knows that his parents are both busy people but they could’ve at least let him know that they wouldn’t be home when he arrived.

“Your mother told me to say that she says hello, and she hopes that you had a pleasant flight.” The maid says, not even meeting his eyes. He doesn’t remember her from his last visit, she must be a new hire.

“Where is she?”

“She had a social engagement. She will return soon.” She says. Of course his mom is out, why would she be home when her only son returns to Korea after two years abroad? He doesn’t even know what ‘social engagement’ means.

“And my dad?”

“Mr. Park is away on a work trip to Japan.”

“Oh. Alright. Thanks.” He says and watches the maid scuttle off. He’d gotten an email from his father a few days ago with no mention of him being away on a work trip.

Jinyoung takes a quick tour of the house despite the fact that nobody is home. The living room has been redecorated since the last time he was home but otherwise everything looks the same. It’s still the same: the perfect house for entertaining, huge and imposing. It feels even more impressive when empty, Jinyoung’s footsteps echoing in the quiet rooms.

His bedroom has clearly just been cleaned -- it still smells like detergent and floor polish. It looks like nobody lives in it. Jinyoung sighs and starts unpacking his bags. Once his clothes are hung up in the closet and his books have been stacked in the shelves it looks marginally more lived-in, like a staged catalogue photo for a furniture store. Jinyoung thinks wistfully about his cozy apartment in Bel-Air, with his record player, bookshelves, and plants. Everything is being shipped over by boat from LA so for now he’s left with whatever he could pack into his suitcases. Two empty rooms on either side of the ocean, and neither one is quite home.

There are people in the kitchen preparing dinner, who ask him what he’d like to eat for dinner, but otherwise nobody speaks to him. Jinyoung doesn’t know what he expected; but it looks like he’ll be eating dinner alone tonight. He should be used to it, he ate dinner alone regularly in LA.

He eats quickly, and goes back to his alien bedroom. Someone has come and actually turned down his bed for the night, like in a fucking hotel.

His house didn’t use to be like this. When he was younger his mother did all the housework, and his father was always home for dinner. But then when Jinyoung was fifteen there was a reorganization at the company: Jinyoung’s father was voted in as CEO, they moved into the house in Pyeongchang, and his mother hired the help.

So now he gets driven places, and his dinner is made for him and his bed is turned down. Complete bullshit, Jinyoung thinks, just for the image. Just because it’s what is done when you’re a chaebol family.

Out of spite he ruffles his sheets slightly. Wow, what an act of rebellion, he thinks to himself bitterly.

Jinyoung changes into his pajamas with every intention of spending his evening quietly reading and then going to bed at a reasonable hour but just as he settles into his reading chair for the night, his phone dings with a message.

 **Jaebum-hyung**  
**Are you at home?**

 **Jinyoung**  
**I am!**

 **Jaebum-hyung**  
**I’m coming over.**

 **Jinyoung**  
**Ok**  
**See u soon hyung**

Jinyoung rolls his eyes and goes to wait in the living room to let Jaebum in. Jaebum comes skidding in twenty minutes later with a grin on his face and Jinyoung's body practically sags with relief. 

“Jinyoung-ah!” Jaebum exclaims, reaching to hug Jinyoung. He’s more muscular now, and his hair is back to black but otherwise Jaebum is the same.

“Hyung.” He says, hugging Jaebum back tightly. He had friends in LA, but nobody like Jaebum.

“It feels like it’s been so long.” Jaebum complains.

“It’s been like six months.”

“That’s basically forever.” Jaebum grumbles. “You should’ve texted me straight away when you landed, instead of making me find out through your fucking Snow story.”

“You texted me like an hour after I landed.” Jinyoung says, rolling his eyes.

“I’m your best friend.” Jaebum says, pretending to be hurt.

“Yeah, yeah. I guess.” Jinyoung has to move to avoid Jaebum punching him in the arm.

“I’m not the one who left to go study abroad, asshole.” Jinyoung grins. “So, is it weird being home?” Jaebum asks, pouring himself a generous drink from Jinyoung’s parents’ bar. Jinyoung eyes him curiously. Jaebum normally isn’t a big drinker, let alone on a weeknight like this.

“A little.” Jinyoung admits. “I keep expecting people to talk to me in English.” Jaebum laughs.

“I bet. But there’s no place like Korea.”

“That’s true. I’m going to miss America a little bit though.”

“Pfft. You’ll stop missing it in like three days.

“I guess I’ll see.” Jinyoung says with a laugh.

You can’t get proper Korean food in America.”

“There’s some good food in LA at least.”

“Not as good as here.” Jaebum says with a sniff. Jinyoung snorts.

“Whatever you say hyung. I’m glad to see you’re still a Korean elitist.”

“Is it elitism if Korea is superior?” Jinyoung punches Jaebum lightly on the arm. “What did your parents say? They must be happy to have you home.” Jinyoung grits his teeth slightly at the mention of his parents. 

“I haven’t seen them yet.”

“Shit, really?”

“Yeah. My dad’s in Japan for work, and my mom is out at a gala or some shit like that.”

“Well now I’m here!” Jaebum says, clearly trying to be cheerful for Jinyoung. It doesn’t make him feel any better.

“Thanks hyung.” He says with a grateful smile.

“Who needs parents anyways?” Jaebum asks, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Jinyoung doesn’t press the conversation further. Jaebum and his parents have never been on the best of terms. “Just get an apartment and live alone like me.”

“One of these days I might. But I have the whole loft to myself.” He says with a shrug. “Plus I think my dad wants me to live at home for now.” Jaebum hums. “So, you want to watch a movie or something?”  
  
“We should go out!” Jaebum says suddenly. “To celebrate your return and everything.”

“Are you sure?” Jinyoung asks. Jaebum isn’t the type of person to go out. Normally Jinyoung is the one dragging him out.

“Yeah. There’s this place in Apgujeong that you would love.” Jinyoung thinks about it for a moment. He’s been awake for almost twenty-four hours, his parents aren’t home, and he just started a promising novel from the short-list for last year’s Man Booker Prize. He really shouldn’t go. Except Jaebum looks so hopeful that Jinyoung can’t bring himself to decline.

“Alright. Let’s go.” He says. Jaebum grins at him and downs his drink.

“You can’t go in your pyjamas though.”

“Oh fuck off.” Jinyoung says, rolling his eyes.

He changes into some tight jeans and a button-up shirt with sneakers, hoping that will work for wherever it is that they’re going. He knows that it’s a good look on him and even though he isn’t necessarily going out to pick somebody up, he supposes it never hurts to make a good impression. Besides, Jinyoung’s only ever met one of his boyfriends at a club and that relationship hardly turned out well.

It turns out that the place Jaebum knows in Apgujeong is this high end bar on the rooftop of some building, with a spectacular view of the city skyline. The lighting is cerulean blue and casts this weird haze over everybody. Coupled with his jetlag, Jinyoung feels slightly like he’s in a dream. A dream full of beautiful people, and thumping music that seems to be the same sound looped over and over.

He can feel people’s gaze as they make their way to the bar at the back. Between him and Jaebum, it seems like almost all eyes in the club are on them. Im Jaebum and Park Jinyoung, the young heirs to two of Korea’s biggest companies. Jinyoung hates the attention. He isn’t sure why Jaebum wanted to come here specifically, when the demographic is exactly the type of people that know who they are. When they were in college they would frequent dive bars, not because they couldn’t afford more expensive places, but just so they wouldn’t be bothered.

But they’re not in college any more, Jinyoung supposes.

Jaebum waves hello to a few people, before making a beeline to one of the bars.

“Jackson-ah!” Jaebum calls out to one of the bartenders who is busy slicing lemons. When the bartender turns around, Jinyoung sees that it’s a guy around his age with cropped blonde hair, who waves exuberantly when he sees Jaebum. Jinyoung almost wonders if he’ll hit anything with how hard he’s waving.

“Jaebum hyung!” The guy says happily, and immediately hands Jaebum a drink. Jinyoung supposes that this is why Jaebum wanted to come to this particular bar. They must know each other well. Jinyoung swallows the jealousy in his throat.

“Oh, Jinyoung-ah! What do you want to drink?” Jaebum asks. Jackson looks at him expectantly.

“Something with vodka.” Jinyoung says.

“Coming right up.” Jackson says with an easy smile. “Long day?” He asks, mixing some spirits together expertly, despite the fact that Jinyoung gave a completely vague order.

“Something like that.” Jinyoung replies.

“This is Jackson. He’s a friend of mine.” Jaebum says.

“Wang Jackson.” Jackson says and slides Jinyoung his drink across the bartop. “Your drink is on the house since you’re friends with Jaebum hyung.”

“He’s from Hong Kong.” Jaebum adds. Jinyoung takes a sip from his drink. It’s strong as hell, but it tastes good, and he feels a bit more centred after a few sips.

“Ah, I see. I’m Park Jinyoung.”

“Oh, so you’re the Jinyoung that hyung always talks about.” Jackson says, eyes lighting up in recognition.

“I do not.” Jaebum grumbles.

“You talk about me?” Jinyoung asks, amused. Jackson laughs. He has a loud laugh, and Jinyoung doesn’t miss the way that the corners of Jaebum’s lips turn up slightly when Jackson laughs.

“Actually I think he talks about you more than he talks about himself.” 

“Ha. Jinyoung wishes.”

“So you’re back in Korea for good then?” Jackson asks.

“That’s the plan.” 

“So I guess I’ll be seeing you around then.” Jackson says with a big smile. He seems to do that a lot, Jinyoung notices. “I’m happy we finally met.” Jinyoung nods. He texts Jaebum every day and he hasn’t heard anything about Jackson, but apparently Jackson has heard all about him.

“I met Jackson at the gym.” Jaebum explains. “And somehow he’s latched onto me.” Jackson scoffs. Jinyoung didn’t know Jaebum went to the gym.

“He’s the one who latched onto me.” Jackson says dramatically. “He’s like a parasite. A chic parasite.”

Jaebum and Jackson then proceed to bicker about everything from their last workout together to the weather. They ask Jinyoung a few questions but he can tell that he’s the odd one out. It's the Jackson and Jaebum show here. So he just drinks, Jackson somehow refilling his glass without Jinyoung even noticing.

He doesn’t know if it’s the jetlag, or the generous drinks that Jackson was pouring but the alcohol hits Jinyoung hard. Coupled with the weird fucking blue light, he feels almost like he’s swimming. He forces himself to stand up, despite his wobbly legs.

“I’m gonna go look around.” He says to Jaebum, the words heavy in his mouth.

“Alright. I’ll be here.” Jaebum says and holds up his drink. Behind him, Jackson appears to be setting some kind of cocktail on fire. Jinyoung isn’t sure if he wants to ask.

He moves away from the bar, wandering through the throngs of people.

“Do you want to dance?” A woman asks him from under heavy lids, head cocked flirtatiously. She’s clearly no stranger to asking men that question, and everything implicated in it. Jinyoung wonders if it’s hard to blink with those false eyelashes on. He shakes his head.

She looks disappointed for a moment but then she smiles, and brushes past him, presumably to find somebody else to go home with. He should be used to this, the looks that people give him because he’s Park Jinyoung. The way that women look at him like they want to eat him up. But somehow each time it's just as straining and awkward as the first time. He wonders sometimes what would happen if he told those women that he’s gay. He can imagine the shocked looks and the satisfaction he would feel. Except it would be suicide for the company's stocks and his father would probably kill him. So there's that.

Jinyoung keeps looking around. There’s a crowd gathered around someone and Jinyoung cranes his neck to get a look at who they’re looking at. He’s expecting two girls doing body shots or something. Someone steps away from the cluster and Jinyoung takes their place. He can just see movement and then he sees the guy dancing. He doesn’t even know how someone could dance to the weird music that the club is playing but somehow the guy makes it look effortless. He looks young, too young to be in a club like this, but he’s also in leather pants and a silky shirt that looks like liquid under the weird lights. Jinyoung feels the urge to run his hands down the guy’s chest.

The guy is definitely attractive in that sort of cute way, not Jinyoung’s usual type at all. But somehow, even despite knowing this Jinyoung can’t keep his eyes off the guy. His hips are rolling, moving in a way that Jinyoung didn’t think was possible. At one point the guy throws his head back, dancing on the person behind him, and the long line of his throat is revealed. Something catches in Jinyoung’s throat. He’s never seen someone look like that when they’re dancing. The guy was born to dance, Jinyoung is sure of it. He watches as the guy dances and it’s like everybody else is just orbiting him. He supposes that includes him too.

The guy swivels and somehow makes his eyes catch Jinyoung’s. Jinyoung swallows heavily but he doesn’t stop staring. Their eye contact grows heavy, thick. Jinyoung almost feels himself shiver with anticipation. The guy stops dancing and breaks their eye contact to step away from the group, throwing a look at Jinyoung over his shoulder. Jinyoung feels compelled to follow him and he doesn’t even understand why.

His feet carry him over to where the guy is standing, still swaying slightly with the beat, watching Jinyoung approach. Jinyoung can’t tell if one is pursuing the other, or if they both are. He doesn’t even feel real at this point, his limbs too heavy. But the cute guy in front of him is very real. Up close, Jinyoung can see that he’s taller than Jinyoung by a few inches. He’s even more attractive up close, his traitorous brain thinks.

“Hey.” The guy says with a small smirk. “I saw you watching me dance.”  
  
“You’re a really good dancer.” Jinyoung hears himself say hollowly. He must be drunker than he thought to let that thought slip out. He’s normally not forward or flirtatious at all.

“Thank you.” The guy says, and there’s a smile on his face that makes his eyes crinkle. Jinyoung suddenly feels the urge to reach out and smooth them out. He’s probably too drunk for this conversation. He should just walk away.

“I’m Park Jinyoung.” He says instead, and then winces. The guy probably knows who he is. Is he being presumptuous to introduce himself?

“Kim Yugyeom.” Yugyeom says and Jinyoung lets it roll around in his mind.

“Your name suits you.” He says, and blushes because that’s the dumbest thing ever to say. Yugyeom laughs. He looks stupidly attractive when he laughs, Jinyoung realizes. He wants to just stand here all night and watch Yugyeom laugh.

“Thank you.” Yugyeom says. 

“Are you here alone?” He really hadn’t meant to sound so forward.

“No. My friends are here too.”

“Oh ok.”

“What about you?”

“A friend of mine dragged me out tonight.”

“Dragged you out?” Yugyeom asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah. I hate clubs.” Yugyeom nods his head.

“You don’t exactly seem like the clubbing type. Are you a student?”

“No.”

“Oh, do you work around here then?”

“No.” Jinyoung doesn’t bother elaborating and he doesn’t ask Yugyeom what he does for a living. Yugyeom looks mildly annoyed.

“Mmm. Right, well I should get back to my friends.”

“Wait!” Jinyoung says before he can stop himself, and even goes as far as to grab Yugyeom’s wrist. “Can I buy you a drink?” He asks, feeling himself gulp slightly. Yugyeom looks down curiously at their connected hands, and then back up at Jinyoung’s face. For a second Jinyoung thinks that he’ll say no.

“Yeah. Alright.” Yugyeom says and lets Jinyoung pull him through the crowd to the other bar, the one opposite Jackson’s.

Jinyoung really isn’t sure what he’s doing. He doesn’t buy guys drinks, guys buy drinks for him. But here he is, watching as Yugyeom orders some kind of fancy cocktail that has ten ingredients. Jinyoung watches the way Yugyeom sees him pull out his credit card. He isn’t stupid, he knows how people gravitate towards him for his money. He was just hoping that maybe Yugyeom was different. He ignores his disappointment and shoots a slick smile towards Yugyeom who smiles at him from around the rim of his glass. The drink stains his lips sort of pink. Jinyoung wants to kiss him and see what it tastes like.

“Thanks for the drink.” Yugyeom says.

“If you’re really grateful, you could come over to mine for another drink.” Jinyoung says. Yugyeom’s eyes widen slightly.

“Oh, uh that’s nice of you to offer but I should get back to my friends soon.” He says, stuttering slightly over a few of his words and he looks kind of flustered.

“Are you sure? You wanted me to buy you a drink.” Jinyoung hears himself ask, and he knows that it’s far too forward but he can’t really bring himself to care. He wants to see what Yugyeom looks like when he’s completely undone. Yugyeom is cute when he’s flustered and Jinyoung wants to see how far that can go.

“Just one drink is fine with me, thank you. I’ll get out of your way.” Yugyeom says, moving to get up from the seat.

“You don’t have to get out of my way.” He says and he doesn’t even know what he’s doing at this point. He just doesn’t want Yugyeom to leave. “You should stay.” Yugyeom eyes him curiously.

“So you can hit on me more?”

“I thought that’s what you wanted when you let me buy you a drink.”

“I let you buy me a drink because I thought you were hot. It’s not that complicated.”

“Yeah right.” Jinyoung spits out before he can get the sense to stop himself. “It always is that complicated.” Yugyeom’s mouth twists unhappily.

“Look. I don’t know what kind of people you normally hang out with but not everybody is out there with some kind of ulterior motive.”

“That’s sweet that you’re so naïve.” Jinyoung says.

“I don’t think you know shit about me.” Yugyeom says with narrowed eyes. Jinyoung doesn’t know why his heart clenches when Yugyeom says this. “Goodbye Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says coldly and walks away, pushing through the crowd and disappearing from sight.

Jinyoung almost follows him to apologize but the room feels like it’s spinning around him and he needs some air.

He presses his way through the crowd to go outside. The club seems impossibly full of people. On the way out he spots the woman who asked him to dance, pressed up against someone. He’s glad to see the social-climbers are still alive and kicking in Seoul.

The night is cold -- the only people braving the snow are the people out smoking. Jinyoung briefly wonders if he could ask someone for a cigarette. He could use one, or ten. LA got him off smoking though; all those fucking juice bar and spin class types that banned smoking almost everywhere, and so Jinyoung being inherently lazy, he just quit instead.

It’s ten thirty in the morning in California. His body feels simultaneously awake and exhausted.

“Hey, have I seen you somewhere?” Asks one of the guys smoking.

“I don’t think so.” Jinyoung answers simply.

“Huh, you look a lot like this guy I’ve seen on the internet.”

“Weird.” Jinyoung says, rubbing his hands on his arms in an attempt to warm them up.

“Yeah.” The guy says, exhaling deeply. Jinyoung would kill for a cigarette.

He got to Korea less than ten hours ago and he’s already made a complete fucking ass of himself to a total stranger. Maybe it’s time to call it a night.

He somehow makes it back inside, and wanders back to Jaebum, who is still sitting at the bar, watching Jackson mix drinks. Jinyoung taps Jaebum on the shoulder.

“Hey hyung, I think I’m going to get out of here.” He says quietly, trying not to let the bile in his throat come up. Jaebum blinks at him.

“What? You just got here.”

“Yeah. I just don’t feel like sticking around.”

“We came out for you.” Jaebum says like Jinyoung is dumb.

“I don’t care. You can stay if you want, you’re the one who wanted to come out.” Jaebum stares at him for a moment, looking confused and slightly pissed off. He sighs finally.

“Come on, let’s just go. I’ll call a driver.”

“You’re leaving so soon?” Jackson asks, looking visibly disappointed.

“Yeah. Jinyoung isn’t feeling very well.” Jaebum says and Jackson’s expression immediately turns to one of concern.

“Oh no! Do you need medicine or anything? I think we have some in the first aid kit in the back.” Jackson says, already turning to leave. Jinyoung feels a pang of guilt at Jackson’s kindness, despite him not being deserving of it at all.

“I’ll be alright. I think I just need some rest. Jetlag, you know?”

“Of course. I hope you feel better in the morning.” Jackson says with a huge smile. “You’ll be back to see me right?” Jinyoung doesn’t respond. He can feel Jaebum staring at him, probably annoyed, but he can’t bring himself to care at this point.

“I’ll text you later Jackson-ah.” Jaebum says quickly and Jackson nods at him, the two of them sharing a look that Jinyoung can’t quite understand.

Jinyoung leaves first, pushing through the crowd again and deliberately not letting his eyes fall anywhere for too long, looking pointedly away from anyone tall or wearing a silky shirt. Jaebum catches up eventually, falling in step beside Jinyoung. People don’t seem to notice them as much now, Jinyoung realizes: either too drunk or preoccupied to care.

“You could’ve said goodbye to Jackson.” Jaebum says tensely when they’re in the hallway to leave and it’s quiet enough to speak without yelling. “He’s my friend.”

“Sorry.” Jinyoung says and he doesn’t even bother to sound sincere. Jaebum doesn’t say anything back, he just taps away at his phone, jaw clenched. Jinyoung knows that he’s being an asshole, honestly he doesn’t even know why he’s being so rude. But it seems like he can’t stop. And now he’s managed to successfully piss off his best friend.

There are two matching black Mercedes sedans pulling up to the curb when they make it outside. Jaebum wordlessly gets in one, and it peels away as soon as the door slams shut, leaving Jinyoung alone. He chews on his lip and climbs into the other car. He’ll need to apologize to Jaebum tomorrow for being such a dick. Or today. He doesn’t even know what day it is any more.

The drive to his house is silent, snow falling more heavily now, and giving the air a kind of sickly orange tinge from the combination of the snow and the city pollution. It makes Bukhan Mountain look magical and strange off in the distance, clouds hanging low enough that they cover the peak. Jinyoung rubs his eyes, the alcohol wearing off. It’s approaching three in the morning. Jinyoung can’t remember when he last slept. Was it yesterday or the day before?

The light outside the gate has been left on for Jinyoung, presumably by a maid. He supposes that his days of stumbling out of Ubers after nights out in West Hollywood are over. His parents probably don’t want him to be seen like that. The media would probably have a field day, he thinks to himself as he unlocks the gate and walks up the silent driveway. He’s supposed to be all wholesome and perfect. Jinyoung has never felt farther from something. He’s not perfect, certainly not in the early morning light.

He changes quickly, stripping off his alcohol and nicotine scented clothes, and putting on his pajamas for the second time that night. His body feels weighed down with exhaustion, both emotional and physical.

Except when he finally makes it into bed, he can’t sleep. The mattress is too soft, he got used to his bed in LA. The house is too quiet, compared to the regular traffic and people noise of his apartment.

His mind flits briefly to Yugyeom: how he was dancing, how his skin glowed under the blue lights of the bar. How he looked up at Jinyoung. And then Jinyoung had to go and fuck everything up. He groans and pulls the covers over his face. He’s not normally so socially inept. He genuinely wanted to get to know Yugyeom, but then he had to go and be all defensive and weird.

The central heating hums as it comes on. It must be almost five Jinyoung realizes, and he still doesn’t even know what day it is. He should be sleeping, but somehow it’s the hardest thing in the world.

At least he’ll never see Yugyeom again, he thinks to himself as he finally drifts to sleep. The chances of meeting another person again in a city as large as Seoul are incredibly small. Jinyoung can’t help but feel relieved (and maybe just a little disappointed, if he’s being honest with himself).

He falls asleep and dreams of black rivers and endless legs.

 


	2. replace us with the things that do the job better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who commented on the first chapter. I really wasn’t expecting that kind of response considering that Jingyeom is definitely a rare pair but needless to say I’m so happy that everyone is enjoying it so far! :) 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song ‘Huarache Lights’ by Hot Chip. I also want to include Yugyeom’s POV sometime, so let me know your thoughts. It would be the next chapter after this if that matters. It’s definitely Jinyoung’s story, but I like to indulge myself and Yugyeom’s POV would have maknae line madness so idk. Also I promise soon we're going to get some bantz instead of these dramatic conversations. 
> 
> Playlist for this chapter: 
> 
> Transitional Period - Dert  
> Who’s Theme - Nujabes  
> Pride - Kendrick Lamar

Jinyoung wakes up in the morning and he doesn’t know where he is for a solid minute. The last time he woke up was at the Casa Del Mar hotel in Santa Monica, but he isn’t even completely sure when that was. He blinks sleep away blearily. He’s back in Korea, at his parent’s house.

He takes stock of the room around him. His curtains are still drawn but judging from the sunlight peeking around the edges of the curtains it must be well into the middle of the day. There’s a sawing noise somewhere nearby, which only serves to make Jinyoung’s throbbing headache worse. His throat is oddly dry too. He suddenly remembers his night out: seeing Jaebum, meeting Jackson, being rude to Jackson, meeting Yugyeom, being rude to Yugyeom, being rude to Jaebum. Jinyoung senses a theme.

Fuck his life. He wants to go back to bed and sleep forever so he doesn’t have to deal with his own shit.

Instead he fumbles around under his pillows for his phone. It’s almost two in the afternoon and he has two texts from Jaebum, who clearly isn’t as hungover as him.

**Jaebum-hyung**

**Don’t worry about the ride home**

**Text me when you’re sober**

**Jinyoung**

**< 3 <3 **

**We need to hang out this week**

 

Jaebum texts him back immediately.

**Jaebum-hyung**

**Duh**

**How are you feeling btw?**

**Jinyoung**

**Like shit**

 

It’s true. His head hurts, he’s stuck in a state of unsure nausea, and he can still practically see the look on Yugyeom’s face when Jinyoung was an asshole. Jinyoung tries to distract himself by drinking the entire pitcher of water that has been left out for him. It doesn’t work. But it’s a relief that Jaebum doesn’t seem too mad, at least not mad enough to not text him back.

Jinyoung goes in search of food, even though his stomach isn’t entirely solid just yet. He’s really too old to be drinking while jetlagged. It must be penance for fucking up four people’s night. The house is busier in the daytime, people bustling around cleaning and running errands. There must be some kind of party or something happening but everyone seems to carefully avoid making eye contact with him. He supposes that he’s technically the one out of place in this house, not them.

Jinyoung finds his mother in the second living room, the one closer to the kitchen, for the family, not for entertaining.  She looks slightly tired, Jinyoung notices, but she looks beautiful as usual, almost radiant in the sunlight.

“Jinyoung-ah!” She exclaims, jumping up to immediately hug him. She still smells the same, like YSL Opium. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it home in time to see you yesterday. I got caught up in something! And then when I got home you were out!”

“Yeah, I was out. I’m sorry I missed you.” His mother’s mouth tightens slightly. Jinyoung is sure that she knows he’s lying. He probably still smells like alcohol from the night before. Maybe he should’ve showered first.

“With who?” She asks, too sweetly. She must be mad at him. But she was the one who wasn’t even home when he got home, so.

“Jaebum-hyung.” His mother hums noncommittally.

“How is he doing? I haven’t seen his mother around the club lately.”

“The same. He’s good. He didn’t mention his mom.” Jinyoung says smoothly.

“Oh, I hope she’s doing well.”

“I’m sure she is.” He says. Actually he isn’t really sure. Jaebum doesn’t really talk about either of his parents, except when things are really bad between all of them. And even if he did, the last person he would tell would be his mother who happens to have a proclivity for gossip.

“Ah, that’s so good. Come on, let’s get you some breakfast and you can tell me about your flight.”

This of course means one of the chefs making him patjuk even though it's the middle of the afternoon. Jinyoung tells his mother about his flight, about the weather in LA, about Jaebum’s hair colour. Everything except the fact that he’s home after two years and he doesn’t really know how he feels about it.

“So, aren’t you glad to be home?” His mother asks with a warm smile as Jinyoung finishes his second bowl.

“Of course. It’s so nice to be home.” Jinyoung says and he isn’t sure if that’s a lie or not.

“Your father is sorry that he’s away, but he’ll be home in a few days and then we can start discussing your role at the company. Something came up last minute and he had to fly to Japan.” It sounds like a press release, not something you would tell your son, Jinyoung thinks. His mother doesn’t seem bothered, so it must be nothing terribly important. She was busy the day before though, perhaps she doesn’t even know herself.

“Alright.”

“Your father has been so excited for you to finish school so you can work with him. Jaebum has been working for his dad since he was twenty.” His mother says, looking at him exactingly. Jinyoung doesn’t add that Jaebum hates working for his family’s company more than anything. He was essentially forced to start working, or get cut off financially. Jinyoung at least has his older sisters to take some of the responsibilities but Jaebum is an only child. Jinyoung knows that his parents were frustrated that he decided to get a master’s degree after his undergraduate degree, but they eventually agreed to pay for a business degree. It required even more convincing for them to let him go study in America. Jinyoung’s father only acquiesced because he thought it would look better for him to have a foreign degree. Something about making their company look more international. 

“Yes I know. But I’m going to start now.” He says, trying to hide any bitterness from his voice. He thinks he succeeds.

“It’s never too early. Someday you’ll be taking over from your father anyways so you should learn all you can.” She says like Jinyoung hasn’t heard this one million times in his life. He doesn’t even want to be reminded.

“I will.”

“You’re such a good son, you know that? Your father and I are so proud of you.” She says with a warm smile and Jinyoung’s heart clenches. He isn’t quite sure what he’s done to make his parents so proud.

“Thanks mom. I love you.” He says instead. His mother leans over and pats his hand.

“We’re throwing a dinner party to celebrate you being back later this week.”

“For me?”

“Of course! Jaebum is invited obviously and -” Jinyoung tunes out the rest of his mother’s monologue. He’s never loved dinner parties and the schmoozing that comes with them. Lord knows that his mother is probably going to invite a bunch of girls she wants Jinyoung to meet, let alone all her society friends, who love to pry. Plus all the prep school types from high school that have grown up to be hedge fund managers or lawyers. They were boring when Jinyoung was younger, and they're boring now. 

“Jinyoung-ah?” She asks, breaking Jinyoung from his thoughts and he realizes that he must have spaced out on her. “I’d love to stay and chat more but I have to go out now to run some errands, are you alright at home? You know how to call for a driver and everything?”

“Yes mom.” Jinyoung says, trying not to roll his eyes.

“I’m just making sure! I’m your mother, I’m supposed to nag. Soon we’ll get you a car of your own.”

“Really?”

“Of course, you can’t take the bus places. We have an image to maintain.” She says jokingly. Jinyoung smiles. “As long as you know.” She says with a smile and sweeps off to go do whatever it is that she does during the day while his father is at work.

Jinyoung loves his mother, he really does. She’s always been there for him, putting him through prep classes, and sports, and illnesses, but she’s never quite understood him. She always wondered why he wanted to read books. Jinyoung’s always supposed that it’s no fault of hers; she wants him to be successful and happy. Jinyoung’s version of happiness is just different than hers. She’s always wanted him to be the heir to Park Corporation, with a family of his own, pushing technology in Korea forward. She would be happy with that, Jinyoung knows this. But he wouldn’t. He’s always thought he would be happiest with a simple life: a simple job, a small apartment with his books, a few friends. But that isn’t in the cards for his life. He has to follow in his father’s footsteps and inherit the company, whether he wants to or not.

Jinyoung spends the rest of the day lazing about, trying to ignore his headache. He isn’t sure if it’s the hangover, the jet lag, or just him that makes him feel like he isn’t fully present. Jaebum doesn’t text him again so Jinyoung puts his phone in his desk drawer. None of his friends from LA have messaged him. He supposes that they knew when they met him that their friendship would have an end date. It’s one of the weird contradictions about being an international student: people are eager to make friends with you, but let you go easily, Jinyoung thinks. He was the only one of his friend group that wasn’t going on to work a corporate job for a company in LA or San Francisco. Jinyoung never explicitly told them about his family in Korea, but he suspects that some of them knew anyways. He’s never outwardly flaunted his wealth out of habit, but it probably seemed notable that he could afford an apartment in Bel-Air, a BMW, and to fly back and forth between Korea and LA a few times each year.

He supposes that friends come and go. Jinyoung’s never had tons of friends anyways. He’s always had his books, and a few friends, and then Jaebum.

Jaebum has been his very best friend since he was twelve and transferred to Jaebum’s school. Jaebum is probably the only person in the world who understands Jinyoung and doesn't ask him to change. He knows that he isn't the easiest to get along with. He's prone to pettiness, easy to anger, and likes spending time alone more than he likes being around other people. But Jaebum just accepts this. Jaebum calls him out on his bullshit, calms him down, and forces him to socialize. In return Jinyoung is always there for Jaebum when his family gets to be too much, helps him manage his anger, and talk to him about art and books and photography.

That’s the way it’s been for eleven years, through school, university entrance exams, Jaebum’s parents’ divorce, and then university.

Which is why last night was so weird. Jaebum rarely drinks, but he yet he was throwing back drinks. Jinyoung thinks about Jackson, the charming bartender and wonders if Jackson has anything to do with Jaebum’s drinking. Jaebum also never wants to go out to clubs, let alone high-end ones full of Seoul society. People can change obviously, but it’s only been six months since he last saw Jaebum and yet he seems harsher, almost astringent, like he was when he was younger. There’s always been a too serious side to Jaebum, brought out by himself, and tempered only by being around people who force him out of his head. Jinyoung feels guilty for a moment, because he’s been away from Jaebum for so long, because there’s only so much you can do for someone from across an ocean. But he’s home now, and he’s going to figure out what’s going on with Jaebum.

\--

It’s a few days later, when Jinyoung is walking to the grocery store in his neighbourhood when he hears someone shouting in the distance. It seems strange, but Jinyoung just keeps walking. But then the shouting gets closer and clearer.

“Jinyoung!” He hears clearly, and he freezes slightly at the sound of the familiar voice. “It is you!” Jinyoung turns around slowly and Mark is waving at him like a maniac. Fuck, Seoul is too small apparently. He contemplates turning around and walking away like he didn’t see Mark at all, except Mark is jogging towards him with a grin. Double fuck.

“Mark, hey!” He forces himself to say as Mark comes to a stop in front of him. Mark looks good, Jinyoung has to admit. His hair is dyed a red brown, and he looks like he’s lost some weight but it suits him all the same, making his cheekbones and jaw stand out even more. Jinyoung’s throat feels a bit dry just seeing Mark. Mark smiles at him like he knows his effect on Jinyoung. Because he does, he’s always had this sway on Jinyoung that Jinyoung’s never fully understood. They stare at each other for a moment, Mark’s eyes roaming over Jinyoung. Jinyoung feels especially self-conscious because Mark is dressed like he’s just come off a photoshoot -- all long trousered legs and upturned collars -- while Jinyoung himself is wearing jeans that have seen better days and a UCLA hoodie.

“It’s been a while.” Mark says. And then, almost abruptly he adds. “I missed you.”

“Two years.” Jinyoung says.

“Too long.” Mark says and Jinyoung doesn’t respond. “But you’re in Seoul for now?”

“Yeah.” This seems to please Mark and Jinyoung wonders why he didn’t lie.

“Good, that’s really good. So I’ll be seeing you around then.” Mark says and Jinyoung has to resist the urge to shiver. He knows exactly what Mark means by ‘seeing him around’.

“I’m not sure about that. We’ve been broken up for two years now.” He doesn’t necessarily know if ‘broken up’ is the correct term, because they were never fully together.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t hang out.” Mark says, biting his lip attractively. Jinyoung tries not to grit his teeth. Mark is nothing if not persistent.

“I’ll have to see.”

“What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“I have a dinner event with my parents.” Jinyoung lies.

“Oh.” Mark says, looking visibly disappointed. “What are you doing the night after that?” Jinyoung sighs.

“Mark.”

“We’ll have dinner together.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Coffee then.”

“I don’t drink coffee anymore.” Mark blinks at him, clearly surprised.

“Lunch.”

“I’m not interested.”

“Maybe now. But who knows what’ll happen in the future?” Jinyoung sighs.

“I have to go now, so…”

“I’m glad I caught you.” Mark says with a smile and Jinyoung doesn’t miss his possessive choice of words. “I’ll see you around, Jinyoung.” Jinyoung stands to watch Mark walk off, seeing women stop to look at him pass by. It's the Mark effect: he's so good-looking that it's distracting. 

Jinyoung can’t even really remember why he used to sleep with Mark. Mark is attractive, and runs in the same social circles as Jinyoung, but they really have nothing in common. They didn’t when they were sleeping together in his last year of undergraduate at Seoul National, and they definitely don’t now. Mark had made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in anything committed and serious and Jinyoung had been ready to take the next step. It was probably for the best that they split up then, it would’ve never worked even if Jinyoung hadn’t gone abroad. Mark just wanted friends with benefits, and Jinyoung was never fully sure if they were exclusive.

\--

His mother is out at dinner that night, but she’s left a note telling him that his uncle wants him to go into the office the next day. Jinyoung eats his noodles alone, ignoring the disapproving looks of the chefs, and feels a sense of dread come over him. It’s real now, he’s really going to take on his role as the heir of Park Corporation.

His uncle has always worked closely with his father. Jinyoung knows that he was disappointed not to be chosen as CEO, but Jinyoung he continued on working with his father, acting as a consultant of sorts. His uncle knows everything there is to know about the company, so the next day when Jinyoung puts on a suit and calls a car to take him downtown he tries to use that knowledge to calm himself down.

The company building is bustling, and Jinyoung doesn’t even get a second look as he makes his way up to the top floor where the executive offices are.

The secretaries bow to him, and he awkwardly bows back, before they show him into his uncle’s office. His uncle is standing at the windows when Jinyoung enters, looking out over the city like he owns it. Jinyoung wonders absently if that’s how he’ll appear when he’s older. He hopes not.

"Jinyoung-ah." His uncle says smoothly, turning away from the widow. “So good to have you home.” Jinyoung nods. “Anything to drink? Coffee? Tea?”

“No, I’m fine, thank you.”

“Sit down then, and we can get started.”

Jinyoung sits down awkwardly on one of the leather executive chairs. His uncle laughs. “No need to be so formal, you know me.”

“But I’ve never had to deal with you like a professional.” Jinyoung says honestly.

“Don’t worry about that. You’re here as a member of the Park family first and foremost.” Jinyoung isn’t totally sure how that works. He’s supposed to be working, not acting like a spoiled son at work.

“But I’m working though right?” He asks, confused.

“Of course! But there will be someone there to help you every step of the way.” His uncle adds, clearly trying to make him feel better. “We’re not throwing you into the deep end Jinyoung-ah, it’ll be a gradual process.”

“Alright.” Jinyoung says dumbly.

“This has been planned for a long time now Jinyoung, you have nothing to worry about.” Somehow this does nothing to calm Jinyoung’s anxious mind. 

\--

The next day he gets a text from Jaebum asking to meet for coffee over Jaebum’s lunch break. Jinyoung gets to the cafe early, ordering for both himself and Jaebum, and finding a table.

Jaebum sweeps into the café a few minutes after Jinyoung sits down. Jinyoung doesn’t think he’ll ever get over the sight of Jaebum in his suit for work. In his mind, Jaebum is forever the sullen thirteen year old with a penchant for baggy clothes and mouthing off. He sees how people respond to Jaebum though, either because they know who he is, or they’re just reacting to a handsome young man in a suit looking perpetually annoyed.

Jinyoung waves obnoxiously, and sees the way Jaebum rolls his eyes.

“Have you ordered yet?” Jaebum asks demandingly as he comes up to the table. Jinyoung sees the woman behind Jaebum eyeing them curiously.

“Hello to you too.” Jinyoung says pointedly.

“I’ve only got forty-five minutes before I have to go give a presentation on hotel expansion investment in China.” Jaebum says, still standing.

“Yes, I ordered. And I got you one of those blended things you like.” Jaebum pats him on the head with his cat-like smile.

“I’ve trained you so well.” He says, sitting down finally.

“Uh-huh.” Jinyoung says, but he’s relieved that Jaebum seems to be obviously not talking about Jinyoung’s rudeness the night they went out.

“Are you settled in yet?” Jaebum asks once they have their drinks.

“I guess so.” Jaebum hums in response.

“Have you started work yet?”

“No, I met with my uncle to go over a few things but I’m waiting for my dad to get back from Japan before I start actually going to the office.” Jinyoung says glumly.

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic.” Jaebum says with a laugh.

“I’m excited, I think.”

“You think? It won’t be that bad Jinyoung-ah, I promise.”

They chat for a bit about this and that for a while. For a second Jinyoung thinks about telling Jaebum that he saw Mark, but he isn’t sure how that conversation would go. Jaebum knows that Mark and Jinyoung used to be friends, he just didn’t know about the sleeping with each other thing. And Jinyoung isn’t totally sure how Jaebum would respond. He’s never really given any indication that he was anything other than straight to Jaebum, and Jaebum has always made it clear that he is straight.

 “My mom’s throwing a party by the way, so you’re invited.” Jinyoung blurts out, mostly so he won’t tell Jaebum about Mark. Jaebum winces.

“You know how much I love parties.”

“Yeah, but we can always escape when it gets lame and go do something else.”

“Jinyoung-ah.” Jaebum whines.

“Please? I promise I won’t leave you alone.”

“Fine.” Jaebum grumbles, even though Jinyoung knew he would say yes.

“I’ll buy you dinner.”

“You’ll do that anyways.” Jaebum says and checks his phone. “Shit, I have to go now, or I’ll be late. Text me about the party though!” Jaebum says and practically sprints out of the café.

Jinyoung spends the rest of the afternoon out, wandering through Gangnam, looking in any shops that catch his eye. Anything to avoid going home to his big empty house. This is why he steps into a shoe store on a whim, after seeing a pair of sandals in the window. It’s busy in the shoe store, so Jinyoung has to weave around people to find the shoes he saw on the display. They’re at the very back, which seems to be quieter, there’s just one other person. One other tall person with black hair that falls in his eyes.

Jinyoung blinks. Is he seeing things? Either he’s officially gone crazy or Yugyeom is standing in the shoe store, looking at a pair of blue Nikes. He shakes his head, and the sight of Yugyeom doesn’t go away so Yugyeom must actually be there.

Yugyeom looks good, Jinyoung can’t help but note. He isn't wearing clubwear, but rather tight blue jeans and a baggy yellow sweatshirt. He looks soft, Jinyoung realizes, and then wants to kick himself for thinking that.

He wonders if he can make it out the door without Yugyeom noticing him, except just as he takes a step away Yugyeom turns slightly and looks directly at him. Jinyoung can't look away, and Yugyeom is staring back. For a second Jinyoung wonders if Yugyeom recognizes him, but then Yugyeom’s eyes flash in recognition, and he grimaces slightly. There goes Jinyoung’s plans of escaping without notice. That’s fine, they can just ignore each other like normal adults.

“Yugyeom!” Someone shrieks and both Jinyoung and Yugyeom turn at the sound. “They have them!” Yugyeom rolls his eyes. Jinyoung wonders what kind of relationship he has with the person with the voice. He supposes he can’t really wonder that.

“Then get them and let’s go.” Yugyeom says and turns back to Jinyoung. Jinyoung realizes that was probably his chance to escape.

"Hello." Yugyeom says in a strained voice, coming closer to him. Jinyoung wants to run away. But Yugyeom's friend chooses that moment to walk up to the two of them, shoebox in hand, so Jinyoung is kind of stuck.

"Hey." He says back lamely. The two of them stare at each other for a moment. Jinyoung can’t help but stare at Yugyeom. Under the lights of the club he seemed untouchable, kind of too perfect to approach. In daylight he’s almost too approachable, hair slightly mussed, and wearing mismatching socks. Jinyoung can’t decide which version is more attractive.

"Do you know each other?" Yugyeom's friend asks, visibly confused by how the two of them are acting.

"Yes." Jinyoung says at the exact same time that Yugyeom says, "No." They look away from each other, Yugyeom looking at the floor and Jinyoung staring at the ceiling.

"Yikes." Yugyeom's friend says, wincing. "That was bad, even for you."

"Shut up." Yugyeom hisses.

"So you do know him then.”

"Just barely." Yugyeom says, staring right at Jinyoung like he’s daring him to say something. "We've met once."

"Shit. Is he the guy from the club?" Yugyeom's friend asks, eyes wide and then he's glaring at Jinyoung. Jinyoung coughs uncomfortably.

"That's him." Yugyeom says slowly.

"Wow, perfect timing. I've been meaning to kick your ass and here you are!" The guy might be skinny, but he's taller than Jinyoung and he looks like he wouldn't be afraid to fight dirty.

"Bam, don't bother. He isn't worth it." Yugyeom says dismissively and Jinyoung feels about two inches tall.

"Gyeom-ah. He almost made you cry. And he looks like a prick. He could use an ass kicking."

"He is a prick. Let's just go." Yugyeom says, and grabs his friend's hand. For just a second Jinyoung wants to call out to him and apologize. Is there really a point? Yugyeom’s first impression of him was correct: he is a prick. That doesn’t stop him from feeling even more like shit than before. He wonders if Yugyeom feels like he did when he ran into Mark and winces. He hopes not.

He doesn’t know why it stings so much that Yugyeom thinks he’s an asshole. It’s not like he’s ever really cared what other people think, beyond what his parents expect of him. He knows who he is, and he’s never factored other people’s opinions into how he acts. But Yugyeom’s opinion of him seems to matter to his pride for whatever reason.

\--

The next morning Jinyoung gets called into the office to see his father.

His father has had the same secretary since Jinyoung was a child, a friendly ahjumma who always has food for him. She smiles and waves when Jinyoung approaches.

“He’s just in a conference call now. He’ll be done soon.”  She says and offers him a biscuit, even though Jinyoung is twenty-three, not six. He takes it all the same.

After a few minutes the secretary nods her head towards his father’s office.

“You can go in now. You know the way.” Jinyoung laughs, and makes his way in.

"Dad?" He calls out, peering into the office.

"Jinyoung-ah! Come in! Come in, I haven’t seen you in so long!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Jinyoung says with a laugh. His father gets up from his desk to hug him. Jinyoung didn’t see initially because of the dim lighting but when he gets closer it's evident that something is wrong. 

His dad looks like shit. His face is pale and pinched, and the bags under his eyes are almost black. And he's lost weight, when he hugs Jinyoung, Jinyoung can feel each of his ribs.

"Dad? What's wrong?" He asks. His father’s expression looks strained. Or that could just be his face, Jinyoung can’t quite tell.

"Nothing Jinyoung-ah. I'm just a bit tired from all this traveling I've been doing.” Jinyoung has to resist the urge to snort at his father’s blatant lie. He’s seen his father tired from work before, and this is nothing like that.

"Have you been sleeping? You look like you haven't slept in ages."

“I’m sleeping just fine. I sleep too much actually.”

“And you’re eating?” His father laughs.

"Don't worry about me Jinyoung-ah. Your mother already nags me enough. I'll be fine. Just you being home makes me feel better." His dad offers him a weak smile. He looks like death warmed up. Somehow Jinyoung doubts that him being home makes his dad feel better. "Now, let's go over what you'll be doing to start out at the company. I'm thinking about putting you in the finance department to begin with. You'll be dealing with funding for new projects, and top level accounting, that sort of thing." Jinyoung nods. He tries to recall his managerial accounting course. Perhaps his skills are a little rusty.  "You won't be in charge just yet, but the head of the department has set the trajectory for you to get promoted within a year, and then you’d be just a level below head."

“No nepotism at all.” Jinyoung says drily, and his father laughs.

“That’s how it works Jinyoung-ah. The company is happy to have you.”

“I’m happy to be working here finally.” He says just to see the satisfied look on his father’s face.

“Good! Good! We’ll get things moving then.  Next week I'll bring you to meet some of the board members, and if you want you can shadow me for a day or something…” Jinyoung zones out as his father goes into the details. It’s not that he doesn’t care, but he doesn’t really care. He just has to know when he has to show up and where.

His father shoos him out after instructing Jinyoung on what he has to wear for the board meeting, and when he officially starts work in finance. He waves goodbye to his father’s secretary, and heads home for the night, feeling the sense of dread creep back.

Even though he technically has an MBA, he paid more attention to his marketing classes than his corporate finance classes. And now he’s been assigned a role just below that of head of the department? And then there’s the matter of how his father looked. Jinyoung can’t help but be concerned. His dad looks really ill, and it looks like it’s been going on for some time. And based on how his father changed the subject easily, it’s already been discussed. His mouth tightens. When he was abroad he spoke to his parents regularly, but somehow he hadn’t heard a word of his father not feeling well. He doesn’t know if he feels more betrayed or relieved.

\--

It’s just Jinyoung and his mother for dinner again the following night. His father is away at some official dinner or something, so Jinyoung wants to take the opportunity to ask his mother what’s going on.

“Did you have a good day today?”

“Mhmm.”

“Did you do anything fun?”

“I went to the bookstore and got a new book.”

“Oh good. You won't have much time to read once you start working." Jinyoung grits his teeth. His family has never shared Jinyoung’s love of books.

“I suppose so.” He says, and then they fall into a comfortable silence.

"What's wrong with dad?" He asks, poking idly at his plate. His mother looks up sharply.

"What are you talking about?”

“I saw dad today, and he looks sick. What’s going on?”

“There’s nothing going on.” She says with a strained kind of smile.

"You don't have to lie to me. I'm an adult. I saw how he looks."

"Nothing is wrong with your father." She says again, more aggressively this time. Jinyoung realizes that she looks scared.

"Mom.” He says.  She sighs and puts down her chopsticks. 

“Jinyoung-ah. Please don’t tell anyone that your father doesn’t look good. He doesn’t want anyone to know, and it would be bad for the reputation of the company.” She says, perfect mask falling back in place. Jinyoung knows immediately that he won’t say anything.

"I won't tell anyone anything.” Jinyoung says and he watches a smile spread across his mother’s face.

"Thank you. And you shouldn't say anything at the company either."

"I promise I won’t.”

“Good. He’ll feel better soon.” She says firmly, like she’s trying to make herself believe it.

They finish their meal in silence, Jinyoung avoiding eye contact carefully. He excuses himself and goes back to his room.

He tries to read, but it’s like he’s looking at hieroglyphics. He’s even more worried about his father now. Jinyoung sighs, puts on his jacket and decides to go for a walk. It’s quiet in his neighbourhood, too quiet, with just the occasional black car with tinted window passing him as he makes his way to the main street.

The wind is howling, and Jinyoung regrets wearing just a thin jacket, so he gets on the nearest bus and decides to see where it’ll take him, his mother’s words about taking the bus ignored. Soon he’s closer to downtown than he initially planned.

He gets off randomly, somewhere on the way to Gangnam. It’s busier here, people coming off work and prep classes for the night, or going shopping. Jinyoung thinks about finding a quiet bar somewhere and spending the evening with a bottle of wine, but then he spots the pastry shop. He can smell the butter from three shops down, and he makes the hasty decision to inside. Probably better than getting drunk alone.

Jinyoung orders some kind of chocolate pastry and finds a seat, far enough away from the door to avoid the wind. He probably won’t have the time to do something like this – sit and enjoy a pastry in the evening by himself once he starts working.

Someone else comes into the shop as Jinyoung finishes his food, the little bell above the door tinkling, and Jinyoung absently looks up from where he's flicking through SNS on his phone. He looks down, and then looks back up again. Yugyeom just came in the door to the shop, looking tired. Jinyoung is sure that he isn't imagining it. Yugyeom spots him immediately, probably because he's the only other customer in the shop, and freezes. Jinyoung looks at him curiously. Yugyeom doesn’t look warm enough, and Jinyoung feels the urge to wrap a scarf around his neck or something. He doesn’t even know where that kind of feeling comes from but he can see the flush on Yugyeom's neck and cheeks from the biting wind and he wants to remedy it. 

He should stop staring, but he doesn’t. Yugyeom squares his shoulders and walks towards Jinyoung’s table.

“Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says flatly. He doesn’t look impressed. Jinyoung wants to ask if Yugyeom is cold.

“Yugyeom.” Jinyoung says in response instead.

“Are you following me?” Yugyeom asks, voice hard.

“No! I’m not, honestly.”

“I said no to you, so now you’re stalking me?”

“I can guarantee I’m not stalking you. I don’t want to run into you just as much as you don’t want to run into me.” Yugyeom’s eyes narrow.

“Let’s not run into each other again, even if it’s a coincidence.” Jinyoung doesn’t exactly know how that would work, because it really has been coincidence that has forced them to see each other, first at the shoe store and now. He really hasn’t meant to run into Yugyeom, even if he hasn't necessarily minded either. 

“Fine. Yes.”

“I’m friends with a police officer just so you know.” Yugyeom says. Jinyoung wants to roll his eyes.

“Alright. Point made. We won’t see each other. Please don’t call the police.” He doesn’t mention that his family could easily overturn any kind of lawsuit. It probably wouldn’t go over very well with Yugyeom.

“Don’t do anything to make me.” Yugyeom says and even though he’s technically threatening Jinyoung, there’s no bite to his words. There’s almost a hint of humour, Jinyoung thinks, but he could be overthinking.

“I won’t.” Jinyoung says sincerely.

“Good.”

“Fine.”

“If that’s all, I’m going to get going.” Yugyeom says and then takes a step towards the door. Jinyoung panics.

“Wait!” He blurts out before he can stop himself. Yugyeom stops walking and turns back to face Jinyoung.

“What is it?”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for how I treated you. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair to you” He says, feeling his ears flush red.

“I don’t have to accept your apology.”

“I know. But I wanted to apologize anyways.”

“Thank you, I guess.” Yugyeom says, surprising Jinyoung slightly.

“So you accept my apology?” Yugyeom looks even more confused.

“Does it matter?”

“A little.” Jinyoung says and Yugyeom is silent for a moment. For the long moment Jinyoung thinks that Yugyeom won't accept it, that he'll just leave. Jinyoung hopes he doesn't though. 

“Fine. It’s not like I’ll see you again.” He says finally and Jinyoung feels a rush of relief. He tries not to smile but he smiles a little bit anyways. Yugyeom blinks at him. He must actually look insane, smiling like an idiot. 

“Alright. So I’ll just…” Jinyoung tapers off and gestures toward the door. Yugyeom doesn’t reply, he just types away rapidly at his phone as Jinyoung turns and leaves. Probably telling his friends about his unfortunate encounter, Jinyoung thinks with a snort. For a second he allows himself to turn around, and Yugyeom is watching him go, expression unreadable. Jinyoung swallows his feeling of relief and pushes open the door. It’s only after he leaves that he realizes that it was Yugyeom who said he was going to leave first, but Jinyoung ended up leaving instead. Maybe it makes his apology seem more genuine. But now he can probably never go back to that shop in case it’s one that Yugyeom frequents.

Even though it was incredibly uncomfortable, he feels better knowing that not only did he manage to apologize to Yugyeom, but Yugyeom accepted his apology. It feels a little like closure for their horrible first meeting. Proof that Jinyoung sucks, but he doesn’t suck enough to not even apologize.

Despite himself, Jinyoung can’t help but feel a bit disappointed that he probably won’t see Yugyeom again. Maybe in another universe they could be friends at least, even if in this one they’re just strangers. It’s strange though, how they’ve managed to meet three times in less than two weeks. Jinyoung’s mind whispers something like fate, but he pushes that thought away quickly. He reminds himself of his encounters with Mark, and that definitely was not fate. He and Yugyeom just happened to have coincidentally met three times in two weeks.

It's only on his way home that Jinyoung realizes that for the few minutes that he was with Yugyeom he didn't think once about his father, or his worries about work, or Jaebum. He just thought of Yugyeom. 

 

 


	3. you're the number one wet blanket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will only be like 4000 words, I thought... Never mind. But important stuff is happening so I hope you can forgive me. Chapter title comes from the song 'Wet Blanket' by Metric. The next chapter will be posted in a little bit. I have another work in progress that I need to update next, plus school/work/life is getting busy so I ask you to forgive me if there’s a longer break between updates. 
> 
> Playlist for this chapter:
> 
> Wet Blanket - Metric  
> 堕落 by 王菲  
> You Look Certain (I’m Not So Sure) - Mount Kimbie  
> Always a relief - The Radio Dept.

For all his worrying, Jinyoung’s first day at work is relatively anticlimactic. His boss, a no-nonsense accountant type, asks him if he knows how to use Excel, and nods approvingly when Jinyoung says that he does. Then he shows Jinyoung where the break room and printer are, and finally to his office.

His juniors in the department aren’t happy about him working there though, which is understandable. He can imagine how the situation looks to somebody who isn’t a chaebol. To him, this is an introductory job assigned to him since birth. In some companies, they wouldn’t even bother to conceal the nepotism, just handing an heir an executive position. But to regular people, Jinyoung is the spoiled brat who just walked into a senior position without having to work for it. He gets a polite greeting from everyone, but there’s resentment behind each bow, and no one leaps out of their seat to be friendly to him. Jinyoung supposes that it’ll be easier this way, that if everyone dislikes him now, they won’t be disappointed when he gets promoted in a year’s time.

There’s no great fanfare surrounding Jinyoung starting work at his family’s company. Other than his department, no one knows that he’s working there. Jinyoung wonders why his family was so keen to have him start work if they aren’t even going to make an announcement or anything.

But then his mother has her welcome-back party. She throws it for the Saturday after his first week of work, and even Jinyoung is impressed. His mother seems to have gone all out. There’s a string quartet, caterers, and probably half of Seoul’s elite wandering around his house. Jinyoung forgot how spectacular his house looks when it’s been prepared for a party. It doesn’t even look real. It looks impersonal, like a conference centre, not a house. He supposes that’s probably the point.

His mother forces him to make the rounds, introducing him as a manager in the financial department. So that’s where the announcement is. He greets all his old colleagues from school, lets them tell him about the stock market, and their law firms, and their beautiful wives. He says hello to all the simpering girls his mother introduces him to, careful not to do anything to give his mother or the girls any ideas about interest in any one person in particular. He chats to his mother’s friends, who seem keen on setting him up on dates with their daughters, which he has to politely turn down. It’s the same as every other party his mother has ever thrown: people trying to impress each other, plumes on full parade. Jinyoung doesn’t miss the way that his own mother keeps name-dropping his American alma mater.

Jinyoung knows that Mark’s family was on the guest list, so Mark must be around somewhere. Jinyoung isn’t completely sure how that interaction is going to go after their last weird meeting.

Meanwhile, Jaebum is lurking in the corner like usual, glaring at everyone who comes even remotely close to him, and typing away furiously on his phone.

“Remind me why I agreed to come to this?” Jaebum growls to him as Jinyoung manages to escape his mother’s (literal) grip for a moment.

“Because I’m your best friend?”

“You’re pushing it.” Jinyoung rolls his eyes. Jaebum never fails to be over dramatic about everything.

“Have you had some food at least?”

“That’s what I’m doing in the corner. I have an arrangement with a waiter so that he comes to me first with the food.”

“Jesus Christ.” Jinyoung says, trying not to sound impressed. Jaebum’s phone dings. A small smile crosses Jaebum’s face as he scrambles to pull out his phone. “Who’s that?”

“Jackson. He’s telling me about this heartbroken girl at the bar who’s a real mess.” Jinyoung watches a grin spread across Jaebum's face just talking about Jackson. 

“Mhmm.” Jinyoung says.

“Normally I’m there to keep him company on Saturdays but since I’m here tonight, I have to just hear about crying girl.” Jinyoung understands. Jaebum would rather be there with Jackson, than here with him.

“Right.” Jinyoung says.

“He knows I hate parties with people I don’t know, so he’s making me send him updates about what’s going on.”

“You didn’t have to come here. You could’ve said no.” Jinyoung says, maybe a bit more harshly than he intended. Jaebum raises an eyebrow.

“You asked me. So of course I came.”

Just then Jinyoung catches Mark’s eye from over the shoulder of the person that Mark is talking to. They stare at each other for a moment: Jinyoung looking past Jaebum, and Mark looking past whoever he’s talking to. Jaebum turns to see who Jinyoung is looking at and Jinyoung snaps his gaze back to Jaebum.

“I didn’t know Mark was here.” Jaebum says carefully, clearly watching to see what Jinyoung’s reaction will be.

“His family is usually invited to my mother's parties.”

“Are you going to talk to him?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Jinyoung says.

But it turns out that he isn’t the one making that decision, because Mark sidles up as soon as Jaebum has gone off looking for food.

“Hey.” Mark says smoothly, handing Jinyoung the second glass of wine he’s holding.

“Hey.” Jinyoung says, accepting the glass but not taking a drink from it.

He can see Jaebum appear in his line of vision, looking at them strangely. Jinyoung can imagine that it probably does look strange. For a few months Jinyoung and Mark were inseparable, and then suddenly they weren’t. Jaebum and Mark were on friendly terms, but it was always Mark and Jinyoung that clicked. At first as friends, and then soon enough as lovers.

“Are you enjoying the party?” Jinyoung asks awkwardly.

“I am now.” Mark replies. “I’m leaving soon though, my mom isn’t feeling well from all the wine. But I thought I’d come over and say hello.” Jinyoung hums. “So, hello.” Jinyoung just sighs in response. “Good night Jinyoung-ah.”

“Don’t call me that.” Jinyoung says tensely. “We’re not that close.” Mark smiles, like he takes this as a challenge.

“Alright. I’ll wait for you to ask me to call you that.”

“I won’t ask you that.”

“I waited for two years. I can wait a little longer.” Mark says and Jinyoung groans.

“Please don't." 

“Jinyoung-"  But Mark can't finish his sentence, because his mother is pulling him away, saying a polite hello and goodbye to Jinyoung. Jinyoung is so relieved that he doesn't even mind going back to find his own mother and schmoozing more. Anything is a better alternative to an awkward conversation with Mark.

\--

Before Jinyoung knows it, he’s been working for a week, then two, and then it’s been a month. His life is quiet: work, reading, hanging out with Jaebum, and spending time with his family. His work is relatively simple: attending meetings, reading reports, and typing things into a spreadsheet. Jinyoung gets all his work done early, getting to work early, working through lunch most days, and then leaving early. This makes his boss is happy with him, and relieves his co-workers because they don’t have to spend time with him than is necessary. So work is a little lonely, but he can always text Jaebum, or just listen to music while he works and it isn’t so bad.

His dad somehow manages to look sicker and sicker as the weeks pass, even with Jinyoung insisting that he go see a doctor. His mother seems worried too, but she doesn't say anything, at least in front of Jinyoung. And if he says anything about his dad, she just changes the subject. He doesn't understand what's so bad about wanting to know what's going on with his father. 

He can't tell Jaebum about his dad, and his mother doesn't want to talk about it. As the weeks pass Jinyoung feels the secret burn up his insides.  The only time his mother says anything is when she wraps an arm around him for a moment, holding him tightly. She smells different, and Jinyoung wonders if she used a different perfume.

 “We're going to be alright, aren't we?" She asks. Jinyoung nods, and she pulls away from their embrace. It doesn't strike Jinyoung until later that her question was slightly strange; why would they be anything but alright? 

 --

Before he knows it as well, Jinyoung to see Yugyeom again. He's on his lunch break, carefully avoiding all his co-workers. He shouldn't even be surprised by this point, he thinks to himself as someone slides into the elevator of the building where one of Jinyoung's favourite coffee shops is. After all Yugyeom practically bodily collides into him. Yugyeom looks at him, eyes wide, and then sighs. The elevator doors close. 

"I just want to be clear that I was here first. So technically you're following me." Jinyoung says in case Yugyeom gets any ideas about actually calling his police officer friend. 

"I must've done something seriously wrong in a past life to keep running into you like this." Yugyeom mutters, most likely to himself. “Why couldn’t I have saved the king or something?” Even though Yugyeom is technically insulting him, Jinyoung has to stop himself from laughing because Yugyeom sounds so morose.

“I can hear you. And trust me, I feel the same way." Jinyoung replies.

"You're the one who hit on me like a dick." Yugyeom throws back.

"You're the one who agreed to let me buy you a drink." Jinyoung says, narrowing his eyes.

"Uh wow, blaming the victim? Not really helping the dick reputation."

"I'm a victim too. Your friend threatened to beat me up!" Jinyoung exclaims defensively. Yugyeom snorts at this. The elevator opens at Jinyoung's floor and they both get off. Of course Yugyeom is going to the same coffee shop. 

"Bambam? He wouldn't hurt a fly." 

"He looked like he would hurt me." Jinyoung grumbles.

“He would not. Besides you would deserve it.” Jinyoung has to resist the urge to stick his tongue out.

“I could fight him.” Jinyoung says, petulant. Yugyeom actually rolls his eyes.

"Yeah because you could totally take somebody in a fight." Yugyeom says sarcastically.

"I could so!"

"Uh-huh."

"You couldn't either!" Jinyoung exclaims. "You're like a beanpole."

"Mmm, so I'm taller than you."

“Just barely.” Jinyoung says. He isn't sure how this happened, how their argument devolved from an actual argument to petty fighting like children. Yugyeom must bring out the worst in him. He really is never like this.

Yugyeom shrugs and Jinyoung takes this as an invitation to step closer to illustrate his point. Yugyeom just looks amused as Jinyoung comes up to just above his chin. Up close, it’s evident that Yugyeom isn’t just taller than Jinyoung, he’s also broader despite his skinniness. It isn’t fair, Jinyoung thinks to himself, for someone to be tall and handsome. Ugh.

“Fine. Whatever, you’re taller than me. Amazing.” Jinyoung says sarcastically but Yugyeom just smirks. Jinyoung wants to punch him. He looks up at Yugyeom to glare at him.

But just for a moment Jinyoung thinks that there’s something charged in the air between them, something beyond the tension of disliking one another. But it passes quickly when Yugyeom breaks their eye contact and Jinyoung takes a step back. It was probably nothing, probably just Jinyoung overthinking something. Of course there isn’t anything between the two of them beyond animosity. 

He watches Yugyeom go into the coffee shop ahead of him. Jinyoung frequents the shop fairly often, but he's never seen Yugyeom there before. He orders after Yugyeom and his silly brain manages to commit Yugyeom's order to memory. Yugyeom settles down at one of the tables, luckily not Jinyoung's usual table, but Jinyoung takes his coffee to go anyways. He could stay and be petty, he supposes, but Yugyeom pulls out some textbooks, and Jinyoung doesn't want to ruin his studying.

Jinyoung is distracted for the rest of the day at work. He wonders what Yugyeom studies, and how old he is, and how he managed to find that tucked away cafe on the fourth floor. More than anything, he wonders what kind of joke the universe is playing on him with this kind of fate. He isn't afraid to call it fate, because what else can it be?

\--

**Jaebum hyung**

**I'm having some people over to my place next week!**

**You should come, it'll be low key I promise**

**Jackson's coming and he said he'll make drinks!**

Jinyoung would rather not spend his night watching Jaebum moon over Jackson, but he's still in debt to Jaebum for coming to his mom's party. 

**Jinyoung**

**I'll be there**

**Just let me know what time.**

 

This is how he finds himself hovering inside the entryway to Jaebum's apartment, examining the scene in front of him. "Some people" apparently means more people than Jinyoung thought Jaebum even knew. There's sexy RnB playing loudly, and it looks like Jaebum's living room has turned into a dancefloor for the night. It isn't quite the low key night Jinyoung had in mind, but he's here anyways. 

“Jinyoung!” He hears someone yell and turns to find Jackson hurtling towards him. It’s his first time seeing Jackson outside the club, not dressed in his bartender clothes. Jackson seems to be swallowed whole in baggy clothes. Jackson throws an arm around Jinyoung, and Jinyoung tries not to tense his body too much at the touch. "You made it!"

"I did!" Jinyoung says, feigning enthusiasm. 

"Come on, let's get you something to drink!" So Jinyoung lets himself be dragged over to the kitchen, where Jackson seems to have set up an impromptu bar. Jackson makes him something sweet and strong, with actual fruit in it. Jackson seems right at home in Jaebum’s apartment. Jinyoung wonders if he’s been over many times before this. 

"Where's Jaebum?" He asks, struggling to speak loud enough over the thumping bass. 

"Last time I saw him he was-oh, here he is!" Jackson says and grins at Jaebum which has suddenly appeared. Jaebum puts an arm around both Jackson and Jinyoung. This close to him, Jinyoung can smell the vodka. 

"Jinyoung-ah!" Jaebum crows. 

"Hey hyung." Jinyoung says. "Looks like quite the party."

"Yeah. It was supposed to be low key but this happened instead." Jaebum says, slurring his words together. He must be drunker than Jinyoung initially thought. 

"Hey, let's slow down with the drinks hey hyung?" Jackson says, offering Jaebum a glass of water with a sheepish smile. Jaebum frowns at him but takes the water anyways. 

"You're probably right Jackson-ah." Jaebum says with such fondness that it hurts Jinyoung to witness. 

He excuses himself to go to the bathroom, escaping Jackson and Jaebum before they do anything gross. He'd never thought of Jaebum as anything other than heterosexual, but Jaebum seems to be quite taken with Jackson. Jinyoung doesn't totally understand why. Jackson seems overly extroverted, too loud, and hard partying, absolutely nothing like Jaebum. When they were younger Jaebum always hated people like Jackson, so Jinyoung isn't sure why he suddenly wants to spend so much time with him. 

Jinyoung hides in the guest bathroom for a while, scrolling through his SNS. He wishes he brought a book with him. He wonders if he's stayed for an acceptable amount of time yet, but then someone bangs on the bathroom door. Right, probably one of the million of other people here tonight, Jinyoung realizes. He leaves, ignoring the glare the girl who needed the bathroom sends him, and goes to hide in one of the other rooms. 

"Jinyoung?" Someone asks from the other side of the room and Jinyoung turns around slowly with a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

"Yugyeom?" It is Yugyeom, in tight jeans and a t-shirt, holding a glass of something horrifically red. Yugyeom looks completely confused and Jinyoung is sure that he looks the exact same way. He isn’t sure what kind of parallel universe he’s just ended up in, because there’s no way that this is actually Yugyeom standing in Jaebum’s apartment. 

"What are you doing here?" Yugyeom asks.

"It's my best friend's party. What are you doing here?"

"My roommate got invited."

"By Jaebum?" 

"Yeah. He and Jackson-hyung are hosting."

"Wait, who's your roommate?"

"Choi Youngjae?" The name doesn't sound familiar to Jinyoung. 

"I don't think I've ever met him."

"He's friends with Jaebum. And Jackson-hyung." Jinyoung is pretty sure that his brain short-circuits at this point. Somehow Yugyeom knows Jackson? Of course he does. Because somehow the universe has aligned him and Yugyeom in countless ways. So naturally Yugyeom knows Jackson. Why wouldn't he, Jinyoung thinks bitterly. 

"Wait, Jackson who works at the bar?" Jinyoung asks, wanting to confirm.

"Yeah, that's him. Do you know him too?" Yugyeom asks, looking confused again. 

"Sort of. Jaebum knows him better."

"I guess you could say that." Yugyeom says, and laughs to himself, like he knows something that Jinyoung doesn't. Jinyoung frowns.

“What are you talking about? They’re friends.”

“Yeah. Friends. Right.”

“Jaebum is my best friend. I think I would know.” Jinyoung suddenly feel defensive. It’s not like Yugyeom knows Jaebum better than he does. 

“Mhmm.” Yugyeom says. "That makes a lot of sense actually. You're both too serious."

"I'm not serious." 

"You're literally wearing dress pants and button-down to a house party." Yugyeom says, raising an eyebrow. 

"So?" Jinyoung asks, feeling mildly insulted. "There's nothing wrong with being serious." 

"I never said there was. Ah, I should get back to Bam. I'll see you around I guess." Yugyeom says and lifts his cup up as a farewell.

Jinyoung nods, and waits a moment before following him back out into the living room. He can see Yugyeom with his friend from the shoe-store across the room. Shoe-store friend is glaring at Yugyeom while Yugyeom seems mildly embarrassed. When Jinyoung accidentally makes eye contact with shoe-store friend, he points to Yugyeom and makes a slicing motion across his throat. Jinyoung looks away quickly and stares at the floor instead. 

After a few minutes, someone ambles over to stand beside him. 

“Excuse me, you’re the Park Jinyoung that Yugyeom knows right?” The guy asks and Jinyoung freezes. His night has somehow managed to get worse. 

“That’s me.” Jinyoung says, and waits for the guy to say something. He’s expecting a reaction like the shoe-store friend. But the guy just throws his head back and laughs.

“Choi Youngjae.” He says with a warm smile. This must be Yugyeom’s roommate, Jinyoung realizes, the one who knows Jaebum somehow. 

“Oh man. I cannot believe you’re here too. I don’t understand how you two keep running into each other.” Youngjae says, and then breaks into peals of laughter again. Jinyoung is confused. Shouldn’t Youngjae hate him? 

“Uh, yeah. I guess it’s kind of weird.” He says uncomfortably.

“It was pretty cool of you to apologize though. And ignore Bambam, he’s just doing his best friend duty.”

“Bambam?”

“Tall? Skinny? Attached at the hip to Yugyeom?”

“Ah.” So shoe-store friend is Bambam then. Jinyoung has never heard a name like that.

“But anyways. It’s nice to finally meet you. Jaebum-hyung talks about you all the time. And Yugyeom- uh, never mind.” Youngjae cuts himself off, looking guilty. Jinyoung wants to ask, but he knows that Youngjae won’t tell him. Yugyeom probably rants about how much he hates Jinyoung to his friends, like a normal human being would. 

“Yeah, nice to meet you too.” Jinyoung says, and he means it. Youngjae seems to be the more normal of Yugyeom’s friends.

“I guess I’ll be seeing you around then.” Youngjae says, and Jinyoung doesn’t quite know what to make of that. He nods awkwardly and Youngjae heads over to go talk to a girl with shockingly pink hair. 

The rest of the party is spent sending furtive looks toward Yugyeom, trying to avoid Bambam, and watching Youngjae and Jackson discover that they have the same sense of humor. Jinyoung doesn't know which of the two of them can laugh more loudly. 

Eventually the night winds to a close, people slowly trickling out, until suddenly it's just Jinyoung, Jaebum, and Jackson. Yugyeom, Bambam, and Youngjae had left earlier, with Yugyeom nodding weirdly to Jinyoung as a kind of goodbye. 

Jackson is snoring softly on the sofa. Jinyoung pretends that he doesn’t see the tender looks that Jaebum keeps sending in Jackson’s direction.

“So how do you know Youngjae?” Jinyoung asks once everyone is gone, and Jaebum looks more sober. 

“Youngjae? As in Choi Youngjae? How do you know him?” Jaebum asks, looking confused and Jinyoung rolls his eyes. 

“I asked you first.”

“I met him through my music classes.” Jaebum says quietly. Jinyoung didn’t know that Jaebum was taking music classes. It seems like there’s suddenly a lot that Jinyoung doesn’t know about Jaebum.

“Oh.” Jinyoung says, careful not to sound offended.

“Yeah. He’s been in my class for a few months now. He’s a good singer.” Jinyoung hums. “How do you know him?”

“I met him tonight. We have a mutual acquaintance I think.” Jinyoung fibs. He isn’t quite sure how to explain the Yugyeom situation to Jaebum, especially because he hasn’t even told Jaebum about what happened that night they went out.

“Oh, cool. I told him he could invite some of his friends. They seem nice. Bambam and Yong-guk?” Jinyoung wants to correct Jaebum on Yugyeom’s name but he holds his tongue. He nods instead.

“I think I’m going to head home now.” Jinyoung says, trying not to look at Jackson’s sleeping form on the sofa.

“Are you sure? You can stay over if you want. It’s pretty late. Plus Jackson is already staying over.” Jaebum says, eyebrows knit together.

“Yeah, I don’t want to impose.” Jaebum snorts.

“When do you ever care about imposing?”

“Fuck off.” Jinyoung says good-naturedly. “I’ll see you later this week?”

“Yeah. I’ll text you.” Jaebum says and walks Jinyoung to the door.

Jinyoung walks for a while before calling his driver, even though it's wickedly cold in the middle of the night. His fingers freeze as he thinks about how nicely Jackson seems to fit into Jaebum's life. Jinyoung doesn't really seem to fit in anywhere the way he used to, he realizes. He doesn't quite fit in with his friends from America, and he doesn't quite fit in with his friends in Seoul. He doesn't fit into his family the same way he used to. He doesn't fit in at work. He doesn't fit with Mark the way he used to, and he doesn't know where he fits with Yugyeom, if he even fits at all. 

It's a strange feeling, because Jinyoung has always felt like he's had a place, even if it was assigned to him and not chosen. It's a feeling that Jinyoung doesn't quite know what to do with, other than let it sit and fester. 

\--

**Jaebum hyung**

**Ughhh, I'm hungover**

**Let's get dinner this week**

**Coffee?**

**Check out this song, I think you'd like it (http://youtube.com/Ajg78jnw90)**

**Hello?**

Jinyoung doesn't mean to kind of ignore Jaebum, it just kind of happens. The party at Jaebum's was an uncomfortable night for him, and he just wants some time to himself to sort out what happened, and how he feels about everything. He spends more time at work, and with his parents, and avoids the places that Jaebum frequents. But then two texts go unanswered, and then five, and then Jinyoung realizes that he's kind of unintentionally ghosted Jaebum. 

 

**Jinyoung**

**Sorry, I've been really busy and didn't reply! We should hang out soon!**

**Jaebum hyung**

**What are you doing on Saturday night?**

**Jinyoung**

**Nothing I think.**

**Jaebum hyung**

**You should come hang out with Jackson and I!!!!**

**We can catch up :)**

Jinyoung wants to stab himself in the eye. It's the fucking passive aggressive smiley face that does him in. He has to agree because Jaebum's probably pissed off at him, and if he skips out, then Jaebum will be even more mad. 

\--

So Jinyoung is back at Jackson's club, with a slightly pissed off Jaebum. Jaebum had picked up Jinyoung earlier, and hadn't said much beyond asking what Jinyoung had been so busy with at work. It wasn't a good conversation. Jinyoung seems to be continuing his streak of being a fuck-up. 

As they make their way inside, Jinyoung finds himself half-wishing to see Yugyeom again, but also half-hoping that he doesn't.

There's no room at the bar for them to sit, so Jaebum finds them a booth overlooking the dance floor. 

“I’ll go get us drinks. You can wait here." Jaebum says, leaving Jinyoung alone at the booth. Jinyoung lets his head fall back onto the booth seat, surveying the crowd. He catches a few people's eyes, but they don't linger. It's strange he thinks, how he can feel so lonely surrounded by all these people. 

Jaebum seems to be staying at the bar, chatting happily away to Jackson. Jinyoung didn't come out to be ignored, so he leaves the booth and goes to dance. Admittedly he isn't the best dancer, but more people are dancing tonight, the club is playing better music.  He dances with a few people, watching the way the crowd undulates with the music. The blue lighting adds a kind of mystery to everything, making everyone look more fluid, and less human. 

Someone cuts through the crowd in front of him, forcing away the person Jinyoung was dancing with. Jinyoung looks up to find Yugyeom looking down at him, face expressionless. His half-wish came true. 

Wordlessly Yugyeom starts to dance in front of him, and Jinyoung sees jealousy in the people around him. He would be jealous too if someone as captivating as Yugyeom were dancing with someone else. 

Even though he's considerably more sober than he was the first time he saw Yugyeom here, he still can’t help but be transfixed by how Yugyeom looks dancing under the lights. He’s wearing a different outfit this time, and Jinyoung watches the way that the fabric moves as Yugyeom does. He’s wearing what looks like a choker, and Jinyoung hadn’t previously realized how attractive they are. Especially on Yugyeom’s neck. For a moment he wonders what it would feel like to tear it off with his teeth, to take Yugyeom apart. He's still so desperately attracted to Yugyeom, despite their bickering. 

"Fancy meeting you here." Yugyeom says finally, leaning close to Jinyoung so he can be heard over the music. 

"I promise this wasn't my idea. Jaebum made me come out."

"That seems to be a theme with you." Yugyeom says, and then suddenly adds, "I don't know why you agree even if you know that you're going to be miserable." 

"I'm not miserable." Jinyoung says. 

"Uh-huh." Yugyeom says. "I'm going for a smoke, you want to come with?" Jinyoung doesn't say anything but he follows Yugyeom outside anyways. 

It turns out that "a smoke" means Yugyeom standing outside holding a lit cigarette but not actually smoking any of it. 

"Are you going to smoke that?" Jinyoung says, and plucks the cigarette from Yugyeom's fingers, taking a long drag. He coughs, too much smoke entering his lungs. Yugyeom laughs at him, and takes the cigarette back, finally taking a drag himself. Jinyoung finds himself watching the way his lips close around the cigarette, where his own lips were just a few seconds before. Yugyeom has nice lips, Jinyoung lets himself think. 

"You don't look like the type to smoke." Yugyeom says, and drops the cigarette on the ground, neatly stepping on it with one of his boots. 

"Neither do you." Jinyoung retorts. Yugyeom tilts his head, indicating for the two of them to go back inside. 

"Are your friends here?" Yugyeom laughs. 

"Yeah, but Bambam is probably halfway in some girl's pants, so I'm kind of on my own."

"What about Youngjae?"

"He couldn't come out tonight. He has a big test on Monday." Jinyoung hums. 

"Jaebum invited me, but he's mostly here for Jackson, so I'm kind of on my own too." 

"Loser." Yugyeom says. 

"You're by yourself too!" 

"Yeah, but I don't look as sad as you." 

"I'm not sad. I'm the happiest person you've ever met."

"Uh-huh." Yugyeom says sarcastically.

Jinyoung hadn't realized but they're close to each other now, close enough that he can see the smudge of eye makeup under Yugyeom's right eye, and smell the sweat coming off him. He means to just get in Yugyeom's face and annoy him. He leans in close, watching the way Yugyeom looks kind of alarmed as he gets closer and closer. Jinyoung smirks in satisfaction as he steps up on his toes, and Yugyeom purses his lips together.

“You alright?” He asks, cocking his head.

“Never been better.” Yugyeom grits out.

Jinyoung goes to say something. Except he kind of presses his lips onto Yugyeom's instead. It's just for a second and their lips barely touch but it's a kiss all the same. Jinyoung pulls away quickly and steps back, eyes wide. Yugyeom makes a kind of squawking noise and covers his mouth with his hand.

"Shit. I didn't mean to do that." Jinyoung says quickly. He really didn't.

"Didn’t you?" Yugyeom asks, and he has the audacity to raise an eyebrow at Jinyoung.

“I didn’t!”

"I don't think you would kiss me if you didn't mean to." Jinyoung isn't sure if it is the alcohol making Yugyeom bold or what, but he kind of likes it.

"Fuck off." Jinyoung hisses.

"Have you wanted to kiss me since we met?"

"No." (Yes.)

"Hmm."

"I have not. It was just a slip."

"Freudian slip? Aw, it's okay Jinyoung-ie, everyone has them sometimes."

"No." Jinyoung grits out. "And don't call me Jinyoung-ie.”

"Why not?"

"Because you're like twelve!"

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-three.”

"You kissed me anyways old man." Jinyoung wants to throttle Yugyeom. Or possibly kiss him again. Or both.

"Ugh."

"Ha." Yugyeom says, laughing at Jinyoung.

"You're not actually twelve though right?"

"I'm nineteen." Yugyeom says. "Want me to prove that I’m old enough?" Suddenly there’s a cocky glint in his eye that Jinyoung doesn’t like the look of.

"What?" Jinyoung asks dumbly but Yugyeom takes a step towards him, closing the gap between the two of them again.

For a second Jinyoung wonders if Yugyeom is going to just say something. But now it's Yugyeom's turn to kiss Jinyoung, and this time it's more than just a brush of lips. Yugyeom's lips are soft but the way that he's kissing is not. His arms come up around Jinyoung and Jinyoung feels himself melt. He is slightly tipsy at this point, but he's also acutely aware of how much larger Yugyeom is. Yugyeom's chest feels even more broad when his arms are wrapped around Jinyoung. It's kind of nice to be held like this, if he's being honest with himself. It’s the simplest thing to be kissed. So he puts his arms around Yugyeom’s waist, pulling their bodies even closer together. Yugyeom feels surprisingly solid, despite how slender he looks. Yugyeom makes a surprised noise n his throat, like he can’t believe that Jinyoung is doing this. To be fair, Jinyoung can’t really believe that he’s doing this either.

Yugyeom pulls away first, lowering his arms to his sides, and Jinyoung follows. He doesn’t even know what to say. Should he apologize? Leave wordlessly?

But then Yugyeom goes and says smugly, “Wow. Now I know how to get you to shut the fuck up.”

“Oh leave me alone.” Jinyoung says and stomps off, choosing to ignore Yugyeom’s loud laughter behind him.

He weaves through the crowd, trying to ignore the lingering memory of Yugyeom kissing him. Yugyeom was not a bad kisser, Jinyoung reluctantly allows himself to realize. Even if he’s simultaneously the worst person ever. 

Mark appears in front of him suddenly, intercepting him just as he’s about to approach Jaebum and Jackson. He looks good, like usual, but Jinyoung doesn’t feel the usual swooping feeling in his stomach when he sees Mark. And he’s even had a few drinks, which is why it’s even more peculiar.

“Hey.” Mark says with a warm smile.

“Hey.” Jinyoung says back, decidedly more coolly.

“You should’ve told me that you would be out tonight. We could’ve had dinner first.”

“No we couldn’t have.” Jinyoung says. “Because we aren’t together Mark, you made that very clear.” Mark’s face tightens.

“Look, Jinyoung, about that-”

“I’m not interested.”

“Is there somebody else?” Jinyoung’s mind immediately goes to kissing Yugyeom, less than an hour ago.

“No.” He says. Because he and Yugyeom aren’t together. Yugyeom isn’t even his type, even if they did just kiss.

“Then why can’t you grow to become interested? You used to be.”

“Because I want something serious.” Jinyoung says simply.

“I do too.” Mark says suddenly, eyes a bit wide. “I fucked up. I shouldn’t have let you go like that.” Jinyoung exhales unevenly. Two years ago he would’ve loved to hear Mark say that. But now? He’s long past getting over Mark.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. I’m sure.” Mark says and Jinyoung doesn’t think he’s ever seen Mark look so serious. He sighs.

“It’s too late for us. Don’t you see that?” Mark doesn’t reply. “You’re drunk. You should go home.”

“I’m not drunk.” Mark insists but his cheeks are slightly too flushed, and his words are starting to curl together.

“Come on. I’ll walk you out.”

“You could come home with me.”

“I won’t walk you if you proposition me.” Jinyoung says, chastising. Mark practically pouts, but he doesn’t say anything else as Jinyoung walks him outside, and hails a cab. He sees the way that Mark looks at him now; unfiltered because of the alcohol. Mark certainly looks fond, but Jinyoung doesn’t quite know if Mark loves him, if he could ever love Jinyoung.

Jinyoung watches Mark’s cab pull away, and goes back inside the club. Once he’s inside, he can see Yugyeom talking to Jackson and Jaebum at the bar. Jackson says something that makes the two of them laugh, and Jinyoung feels the familiar squeeze of jealousy in his chest. Jaebum clearly has Jackson, and Yugyeom has all his friends, which now seems to include even Jaebum. And Jinyoung is by himself. Just for a second he thinks about taking up Mark’s offer, if only just to go to sleep next to somebody else. Instead, he goes to sit next to Jaebum, laughs when Jackson makes jokes, and jibes at Jaebum. Everything will be alright, if he just pretends it is.  

The next morning, Jinyoung is out at a coffee shop reading when his phone rings. A cursory glance shows that it’s his uncle’s office calling. Jinyoung frowns. His uncle doesn’t need to call him on a Sunday. For a second he contemplates not picking up, but then he thinks about how he’ll get yelled at, and answers the phone.

"Hello?"

"Park Jinyoung?" A tinny woman's voice asks.

"That's me."

"You need to come into the office as soon as possible."

"Yeah, of course. I'll be there right away." The other line hangs up. Jinyoung sighs at his phone.

When Jinyoung gets to the quiet office building, he finds his uncle waiting for him in the lobby, dressed down in just a shirt and slacks, not his usual suit. Wordlessly he directs Jinyoung up to his office.

“What’s going on?” Jinyoung asks once they’ve settled onto the sofa. His uncle takes a deep breath in. He seems uncharacteristically stressed.

"I'm sorry to have called you in on a weekend, but something important came up." His uncle says, sounding strained.

"Something important?"

"Yes. Your father is going to be away for a little while on a trip to Singapore. I only just found out today or I would have told you sooner."

"Singapore? What's he doing there?"

"He's having surgery." His uncle explains simply but Jinyoung is puzzled.

“Surgery? For what?”

“He has to have a tumor removed.”

“He has to what?” Jinyoung hears himself ask hollowly.

"It's been coming for a while now. He has a tumor on his pancreas." Jinyoung is speechless for a moment. His dad? Tumor? He saw his father four months prior, before his last semester and he had been completely fine. Maybe a little run down, but his father has been tired since he started as CEO. Had this come out of nowhere.

His uncle must sense his distress because he asks, "Did you not know? Your mother told me that she would tell you."

"No. My mom didn't say anything to me.” Jinyoung watches his uncle’s mouth tighten but he doesn’t say anything.

"You'll be taking over some of his responsibilities while he's away." Jinyoung gapes at his uncle for a second before he manages to collect himself. “He’s been waiting for you to come back from America so he can take time off for the surgery.” Jinyoung feels his breathing turn ragged. He feels like he isn’t getting enough air into his lungs.

“But I just started. I don’t even know how to do anything at my job! Let alone do what he does! I can’t-” He says, panicky but his uncle puts a hand on Jinyoung’s arm and smoothly interrupts him.

"Jinyoung-ah. Don't worry, I'll be there to oversee everything and help you. You have to be there mostly ceremonially. I’ll help you with everything.”

"Right."

"I promise that I’ll be there for you every single step of the way. If you need anything, you can come to me. Family sticks together.” Jinyoung swallows the ball of panic in his throat and forces himself to nod. His uncle claps a hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder, clearly trying to comfort him.

“Thank you.” Jinyoung says, trying to convey how grateful he is.

“Come here on Monday instead of your office. I’ll let the head of financial know what’s going on. You shouldn’t tell anyone what’s going on. We don’t want anything leaking. The official statement is that he’s on vacation.” His uncle says, clearly going into problem-solving mode. Jinyoung is relieved. He’s probably more of a hindrance right now than a help.

“Okay.” Jinyoung says because he doesn’t even know what else to say.

“I know this is overwhelming Jinyoung. It is for me too.” His uncle says and Jinyoung sees genuine distress on his face. It’s strange to see someone who is normally so formidable and composed look so affected. It’s his older brother though, Jinyoung supposes. Jinyoung thinks about his sisters, and as bratty as they are, he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to them.

“I’ll see you Monday.” Jinyoung says, standing up numbly and heading for the door. He doesn’t even bow goodbye to his uncle’s secretary. He manages to stumble to the bathroom outside his uncle’s office and collapses in one of the stalls to calm down. His heart is beating dangerdangerdanger in his chest, and he’s sweated through his shirt.

Jinyoung thinks about his father, waiting specifically for him to come back from America and he feels incredibly guilty. Here he’s been so resentful about starting work, while his father had been counting down until Jinyoung graduated so he could have surgery for his fucking tumor. Jinyoung has never felt like more of a failure. The wood detail on the door in front of him starts to blur together and before he knows it, there are tears welling up. Jinyoung wipes them away roughly and fans his face, trying to calm down. He’s an unfilial son. He’s a bad friend. He’s a shitty person in general. Jinyoung cries harder. He should feel self-conscious, after all anyone could walk into the bathroom and hear him crying, but Jinyoung can’t seem to stop himself. How the fuck is he supposed to take over his father’s responsibilities? What if his father isn’t okay? What’s going to happen? Why didn’t his mother say anything?

Jinyoung lets himself cry for ten minutes and then he has to pull himself together. When he looks in the mirror his ears are flushed a deep red, and one of his eyelids is fucked up from rubbing it while crying. He looks like a mess. So he smoothes out his clothes, crinkled from how he was sitting on the floor, splashes some water on his face, and fiddles with his eyelid until it looks slightly less uneven. He’s not alright, but it’ll have to do.

Jinyoung goes home in a daze. He doesn’t remember calling for a driver or the entire drive home. His mother isn’t home when he makes it back, and there isn’t even any maids or anything around. They must have the day off, he thinks to himself. So the house is entirely still and quiet.

He goes and pours himself a drink of whiskey and manages to get just one sip down before he has to sprint to the bathroom to finally throw up. Jinyoung throws up until he’s just retching up air. His back hurts from being hunched over the toilet but he manages to make it up to his room to collapse on his bed. Jinyoung doesn’t know how long he lies there for. He watches the afternoon sun crest into a sunset, and then it’s the night time. It simultaneously feels like it’s been one minute and one day since he left his uncle’s office. There’s a noise downstairs, maybe his mother coming in, but Jinyoung can’t muster up the energy to go greet her. She didn’t tell him about his father’s condition, and Jinyoung doesn’t know why. Did she think it would hurt him? Because it hurts more to find out that she’s been lying to him for months. This must’ve been going on for months, Jinyoung realizes, for his father to look as sick as he does. Then the reality of what that means hits him. A tumor means cancer. His mother didn’t tell him that his own father has cancer.

He slowly types “tumor on pancreas” into Naver on his phone, fingers shaking. But just as he goes to click on the first link, a notification banner from Kakao flashes across the top of his screen. Weird, Jinyoung hardly uses KKT. Jaebum is old-fashioned and would probably send letters if he could. And Jinyoung doesn’t really message anyone else regularly. He clicks on it anyways.

**The user yu_gyeom has added you as a friend. Would you like to add them back?**

Jinyoung clicks accept, almost without thinking. There’s only one Yugyeom he knows. A message pops up immediately.

**yu_gyeom**

**jinyoung?**

**pepi_jy_**

  **???**

  **yugyeom?**

**yu_gyeom**

**yeah its me**

**kim yugyeom**

**in case you know more than one yugyeom**

**but i’m the better one**  

**pepi_jy_**

  **I don’t**

  **But if I did, I’d like them more**

**yu_gyeom**

**i doubt it**  

**pepi_jy_**

  **Wait, how did you get my ID?**

**yu_gyeom**

**youngjae showed me a screenshot that jaebum-hyung sent him and it showed ur ID**

Jinyoung makes a mental note to punch Jaebum the next time he sees him.

 

**pepi_jy_**

  **So why are you messaging me?**

**yu_gyeom**

**because you added me back?**

Yugyeom has a point there. Jinyoung doesn’t respond. He gargles some water, having forgotten the taste of stomach acid in his mouth because of his conversation with Yugyeom. Five minutes later, he gets another message.

**yu_gyeom**

**i won’t message u if u don’t want me to**

Jinyoung thinks about how petty Yugyeom is, and how his friend Bambam probably still wants to kill him. He thinks about Youngjae telling him that he and Yugyeom must be fated somehow. He remembers how they met. They aren’t friends, but they aren’t strangers either. It would be easy to just say that he doesn’t want to message Yugyeom. Except that isn’t quite true.  Maybe he’s just lonely. Or weak. He messages Yugyeom back quickly before he can change his mind.

 

**pepi_jy_**

  **I don’t mind.**

 

**yu_gyeom**

**ur really weird**

**:)**


	4. kingdom of ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, this didn’t take longer than usual. Oops. The next chapter will be up in 2 weeks, because that seems to be what is working for my schedule. I don’t quite have a final chapter count yet, despite the fact that I have a rough outline. Will keep you posted. Chapter title comes from the book “Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals” by Kant (lol I hate political philosophy). 
> 
> Songs for this chapter: 
> 
> Dreaming Kills - Glen Check  
> FEEL. - Kendrick Lamar  
> Womb Night - Jefre Cantu-Ledesma  
> Stay Close - Basement Jaxx

Jinyoung’s conversation with Yugyeom has allowed him enough time to pull himself together. He gathers himself up and goes to see who is home. He finds his parents in their bedroom, notably without any help for once. His mother is packing a travel bag for his father, while his father sits on the sofa looking exhausted. In the shadows of the evening, his father looks ancient; cheekbones protruding too far, and wrinkles set in his skin like they’ve been there forever.

“Jinyoung.” His father says upon seeing Jinyoung hovering in the doorway, voice hardly any more than a croak. The ball of worry in Jinyoung’s stomach swells larger.

“When do you leave?” He asks.

“A driver is coming in half an hour. My flight is at ten.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“A couple of weeks. Three or four at most. They have to watch me afterwards to make sure everything is alright.”

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” Jinyoung asks, feeling his mouth set into a tight line, the ball of worry threatening to bubble up into words of rage. He tamps it down because his father didn’t ask to get sick, didn’t want any of this to happen. Jinyoung is being selfish.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner, but I didn’t want to worry you before I knew when everything was finalized. I didn’t know until earlier this week when I could take time off.” His father says.

“You really worried me anyways. And you shouldn’t be concerned about taking time off, you’re the CEO. You can take time off whenever you want.” Jinyoung chastises. His father smiles.

“Such a good son. Don’t you worry about me, I’m going to be just fine after this.”

“Is the surgery a difficult one?” In the end he couldn’t make himself click on any of the search results for pancreatic cancer or treatments.

“It shouldn’t be Jinyoung-ah. It’s an easy procedure, in and out. They’ll cut off the tumor, and then I’ll come home. The surgeon is one of the best in Asia.” He says with a smile.

“Why do you have to go all the way to Singapore though? We have surgeons here in Korea.” Jinyoung grumbles.

“It’s like a vacation.” His mother adds from the closet.

“Yes. A vacation.” His father says with a warm laugh. It does nothing to soothe Jinyoung’s worries.

A driver arrives shortly after this, and carefully loads the suitcase into the trunk, before helping Jinyoung’s father into the backseat. His mother leans into the car and presses a kiss onto his father’s cheek. Jinyoung just waves. He didn’t want to hug his father, afraid to hurt him in such a frail state.

“I’ll see you soon.” His father says and then the car leaves. Jinyoung’s mother pats him on the back.

“Don’t worry too much about your father. Just worry about work.” Jinyoung isn’t quite sure how he’s expected to do that.

“I’ll try.” He replies. He doesn’t mean it.

—

On Monday morning Jinyoung takes the elevator to the executive floor instead of the floor with the finance department. It feels entirely wrong to step into his father’s office, hang his coat up on the coat rack, and take a seat at his father’s desk. There’s a briefing on his desk of the day’s meetings and a list of the things that need to get done.

The work isn’t necessarily difficult, because his uncle tells him what to do, what to say, and how to present himself, stepping in to save Jinyoung whenever there’s a difficult task. And whatever his uncle doesn’t do, his father’s secretary does. Jinyoung isn’t himself, he’s a perfect puppet CEO who does exactly as he’s told. He smoothes his hair over, wears his nice suits, and smiles to more people than he’d previously thought he could. His days seem to stretch on forever, Jinyoung feeling out of place in every situation.

He’s thrown, if he’s honest with himself. He had never thought of this happening: twenty-four year old Jinyoung taking his father’s place. The tidy flow-chart of his life never factored this possibility into the equation. He wasn’t supposed to have any sort of leadership position until he was at least thirty. He knows logically that his situation temporary, that he’s just playing adult, that after this is all over his father will come back and Jinyoung can return to his job. His plan will continue just the way it was supposed to.

Knowing this doesn’t make him any less stressed though. His uncle has been tremendously helpful, and the pressure is on Jinyoung primarily just to show up to things. People treat him differently, as if waiting for him to make some mistake. Jinyoung watches the way the executives watch him like a shark circling a seal.

“They’re waiting for you to mess up so they can take your place.” His uncle says when Jinyoung asks him about it.

“Really? But it’s just temporary.”

“Doesn’t matter. Everyone’s vying for the top position for a moment. It makes them more likely to get the position if your father steps down.” The unspoken or if he dies hangs heavily between the two of them. Jinyoung clears his throat uncomfortably. He thinks about what his uncle just said, and what the implications are for him.

“Doesn’t that include me technically then too?”

“Hmm?”

“If my father steps down doesn’t that add me to the running for his position?” His uncle blinks at him, startled for just a moment, and then he collects himself.

“I suppose so.” His uncle says warmly, but his smile is forced. The thought suddenly occurs to Jinyoung that his uncle didn’t expect this, didn’t expect Jinyoung’s father to ask Jinyoung to take over while he was away. His uncle probably expected his father to ask him. To have your own brother, and your long-time business partner do something like that must hurt a man’s pride. Jinyoung busies himself with checking something on the computer. “I’ll leave you to your work.” His uncle says and bows before leaving quickly. Jinyoung chews his lip.

Just as he’s about to dive into another pile of reports (being a CEO seems to involve reading a tremendous amount of reports) when his phone buzzes with a message.

**yu_gyeom**

**i hate labs**

**pepi_jy_**

**I hate you.**

 

**yu_gyeom**

**ok, anyways**

**i have to go tutor now**

**i’ll text u later if i don’t die or choke my student**

 

**pepi_jy_**

**Ok.**

**Please don’t choke a middle-schooler.**

 

**yu_gyeom**

**don’t tell me what to do**

Another strange development is that Jinyoung and Yugyeom now seem to be texting one another. Jinyoung really had meant it when he said that he didn’t mind Yugyeom texting him, but he hadn’t expected Yugyeom to take him up on the offer.

Yugyeom doesn’t text him every day, but they text frequently enough for Jinyoung to grow expectant of the messages. Most of the time their exchanges are silly jibes at each other, but sometimes Yugyeom will share some of the stress that he’s facing, and Jinyoung will talk about work in a roundabout way. It turns out that Yugyeom is studying biochemistry at Seoul National University, and manages to work in a lab and tutor three kids in his spare time. When Jinyoung asks him about it, it turns out that he’s applying for medical school. Jinyoung tries not to be impressed. He hadn’t expected Yugyeom to be so driven. Not that it’s a negative attribute, but Jinyoung has just never been particularly driven himself, so to be around someone with such a clear vision of what they want is slightly intimidating. Jinyoung’s plan for the future has been determined since he was born, regardless of what he wants.

He doesn’t voice his thoughts to Yugyeom though, they aren’t that close. Sometimes their texts feel a bit like flirting, just for a moment. But then things snap back to normal. And then there’s the fact that neither of them have brought up the kiss. Jinyoung is starting to wonder if he just imagined it. So he really isn’t sure how to classify their relationship. They text, but it isn’t serious. It’s nice though, Jinyoung is allowed to have no expectations, no attachment. They can just be people that joke with each other about silly things, nothing more. It’s the only aspect of Jinyoung’s life that has no stress attached to it. It’s a strange turn of events, but not one that Jinyoung would change.

\--

He knows that he has to tell Jaebum before the company announces it, or else Jaebum will probably skin him. Jaebum takes the news relatively easily, not asking too many questions past the perfunctory ‘where is your dad?’ that Jinyoung has been answering easily with a lie to everyone who asks. He feels a bit guilty lying to Jaebum but he isn’t sure that he make the words ‘my dad has cancer’ come out of his mouth just yet.

The days pass, Jinyoung working long days, and going home essentially only to sleep and eat. An official announcement is made that Jinyoung is the interim CEO, but the company doesn’t hold a press conference. Jinyoung knows that people are curious, probably wanting to know how Jinyoung is running things. He isn’t actually running anything, just by proxy, but he supposes that he’s done a decent job so far. Not to mention that he’s closer to his uncle than ever. It’s strange, he’s never been particularly close to his uncle, but suddenly with spending every day together, they reach a kind of easy camaraderie. His uncle is markedly different from his father: where Jinyoung’s father is easy-going and warm, his uncle is stricter and more focused. It’s clear who the brains are in their partnership.

Conversely, Jinyoung seems to have a weakening relationship with his mother as the days go by, only because she strangely never seems to be home. Jinyoung leaves early in the morning for work, and when he comes home in the late afternoon or evening, she isn’t there. Jinyoung tries asking the maids and chefs where she is, but none of them seem to know. He supposes that it’s her way of coping with the stress, keeping busy. But he can’t help but feel a little lonely at home. One week of hardly seeing her turns into two. Jinyoung is confused too, and a little angry. His mother is supposed to be in this with him, talking things over, helping each other. He’s tried calling his father but no one answers. He’s emailed a few times too, but hasn’t heard anything back. His uncle says that his father is focused on recovery, so clearly he’s in contact with his uncle and probably his mother. But his mother isn’t around long enough for Jinyoung to ask: either on her way to bed, or out the door.

When Jinyoung does see her, she seems unusually absent-minded. He doesn’t want to be greedy and ask for attention, but he does want attention. He’s been away for two years, only to come back and have an ill father and an absent mother apparently. Jinyoun knows that he’s being unreasonable but he can’t help but resent his parents a little bit. They didn’t ask for any of this to happen to them, but neither did he.

\--

Jaebum seems to have realized better, and stops inviting him to the club where Jackson works. There seems to be a bit of a wall between them, from both of them. Jinyoung is hesitant to talk about his family, and work, and Yugyeom to an extent, while Jaebum seems to not mention Jackson or his friends around Jinyoung. So they dance around each other, talking about trivial things. In a way, it’s similar to when they first became friends – both too nervous to talk about anything serious, so they talked about the most boring things.

\--

Three weeks after Jinyoung’s father leaves, he gets a voicemail from his father when he’s at work. His father doesn’t sound good, and he explains that his recovery is going slower than he had anticipated, that he’ll be away for a bit longer. Jinyoung’s heart drops into his stomach. Is his dad going to die? He calls back but it goes to voicemail like all Jinyoung’s previous calls. His uncle doesn’t say anything when Jinyoung asks about his father, just tells him to talk to his mother and something inside Jinyoung snaps a little bit. He can’t talk to his uncle about anything, he can’t talk to Jaebum about anything, and now he can’t even talk to his own fucking mom.

That night, Jinyoung sits in the living room and waits until his mother gets home. He finishes his work, and then moves to just pacing around the living room.

She doesn’t get home until late, well past eleven. She looks tired, but also strangely happy.

“Where were you?” Jinyoung asks. His mother startles.

“Jinyoung-ah! You scared me.” She says, putting a hand over her chest.

“You’re out late these days.” She doesn’t reply, just looking at him kind of funny. Jinyoung continues, getting straight to the point. “Why didn’t you tell me about dad’s tumor?”

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Worry me? Mom, you have no idea how I felt when I found out!” He bursts out.

“Jinyoung. You have important responsibilities now.”

“So I can be responsible with the company but I’m not old enough to know what’s going on with my own family? I’m not a child anymore!”

“Jinyoung! Watch your tone!”

“Why should I? It seems like it’s the only way to actually get through to you. And speaking of, where are you these days? Dad’s away, I’m here, and you’ve fucked off to where?” His mother’s expression of shock has shifted into one of horror.

“I’m allowed to have my own life. And don’t you swear at me.” She says tensely, too defensive.

“You are but not when dad has cancer!” Jinyoung practically shouts. He hasn’t officially said that his father has cancer up until now and just saying the word feels kind of like he’s growing a tumor of stress inside of him.

“You’re not supposed to talk to your own mother this way.”

“Mom, you don’t even talk to me!”

His mother’s face tightens, she turns and storms out of the room. Jinyoung exhales. That conversation hadn’t quite gone how he’d intended, but at least he got his point across.

The atmosphere in house is even worse after his fight with his mother. Most nights she doesn’t even come home, not that Jinyoung wants to see her. She hadn’t apologizes or explained anything, and he doesn’t regret yelling at her. He’s always been the good son, the son who agreed with everything and did as he told, so he imagines that this is quite a shock to her.

\--

True to his mother’s word however, Jinyoung gets his own car. He’d leased a car in the US, but now that he’s back in Korea for good, it seems that his parents want something a bit more expensive for him. He comes home one day after work to find a new black RS7, windows tinted black, sitting in the driveway next to his mother’s Range Rover. It’s a car for a middle aged man, he thinks, not him. But now that he’s the interim CEO, he really isn’t allowed to take the bus.

Jinyoung doesn’t touch the car for the first few days, calling for a driver instead. After a week though, without thinking too hard he picks up the car keys and drives himself to work.

Traffic makes it almost impossible to drive anywhere fast during the day, but by the time Jinyoung gets off work each night at nine or ten the traffic has cleared up. So Jinyoung takes drives when he can. Seoul has roads that stretch on forever, over bridges, up hills, winding around endless blocks of apartments.

Feeling the car respond to the subtle press on the accelerator, watching the city lights whiz past him, makes Jinyoung feel a little more in control, and a little less unhinged. There’s a certain kind of freedom in driving. Plus it means that he doesn’t have to go home right away after work.

His days are even longer though, as he settles into doing more and more of the work, trying to take the strain off his uncle. He gets to work before everyone and leaves afterwards, sending out his secretary for food and coffee. Jinyoung doesn’t think he’s ever been more tired in his life. But maybe this is just the way the world works, he thinks, people working hard, and being nothing more than a sum of their actions.

\--

A month after his father has left, Jinyoung is at work late when he looks out the window at the Seoul skyline. There are more lit-up windows in the buildings around him than he would’ve expected. He can just make out a woman eating cup noodles at her desk a few floors down in the building across the street. There are janitors in a few of the windows, and people staring at their computers, and people packing up to leave. It’s a strange feeling, Jinyoung thinks, to stand by yourself and look down at all the ant-people living their ant-people lives. He’d considered himself one of these ant-people until recently. Now he’s not so sure. Pushed to the top of one of the biggest companies he isn’t just a mindless nameless person anymore. He’s always been Park Jinyoung, but now he’s Park Jinyoung, CEO of Park Corporation.

He’s struck by a sudden sense of loneliness. Jinyoung’s never really felt lonely like this before. He’s always had his family, and his friends, and an extended circle of people who wanted to be close to him because of his family name. Even if he wanted to be lonely he couldn’t possibly be.

Jaebum was lonely until they met, Jinyoung knows this. Jaebum’s never explicitly said as much, but it was clear from the way that Jaebum latched on, from the way that he was always free to hang out, eager to please Jinyoung. It wasn’t in the usual eager to please manner that people usually put on around him, Jaebum was almost desperate for Jinyoung to stay friends with him. What Jaebum didn’t know at the time was that Jinyoung was just as desperate for friendship. Jaebum was the best thing to ever happen to him. He was the first person that Jinyoung let in, and let him see his true unfiltered self.

As time went on, and Jaebum’s family life stabilized, he came into himself more and their friendship became stronger. That was years ago, but Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum still remembers feeling lonely. He feels a pang of sadness at the thought of a young Jaebum spending his lunch times alone, and sitting in his room by himself. Jaebum had seemed so much more mature than Jinyoung when they’d met, and Jinyoung wonders if that was the cause. It took months for Jaebum to crack a joke to Jinyoung, and even longer than that for him to poke fun at Jinyoung.

He unlocks his phone and navigates to his messages. Jaebum had just texted him earlier in the day to ask him out for coffee. It would be easy just to call Jaebum, he’s probably at home. But there’s something in Jinyoung that hesitates anyways, nervous to reveal this particular feeling to Jaebum. Jaebum is his best friend, but he might laugh if Jinyoung tells him that he’s lonely, or think that Jinyoung is ignoring him. Jinyoung chews on his lip.

Just past Jaebum in his texts is Yugyeom. Jinyoung’s finger hovers over the name for a second. He’s never called Yugyeom, and Yugyeom has never called him. Yugyeom would most definitely laugh at him if he said he was lonely. But still, Jinyoung feels the urge. Maybe it’s universe, maybe it’s a tired finger muscle, but Jinyoung taps call beside Yugyeom’s name.

The phone rings for a few long seconds before Yugyeom finally picks up.

“Hello?” Yugyeom says. He sounds different over the phone, his voice is slightly deeper. Jinyoung probably shouldn’t think that it’s attractive but he does.

“Hey! Uh, it’s Jinyoung.”

“Oh, Jinyoung, hey!” Over the phone Jinyoung can’t totally tell what Yugyeom is thinking, but he doesn’t think that Yugyeom sounds mad or anything.

“Hey.” Jinyoung repeats lamely and Yugyeom laughs.

“What’s up? You don’t normally call.”

“You’re not busy are you?”

“I wouldn’t have answered if I was.”

“Ah. I just felt like talking to you.” Jinyoung says and he’s grateful that they’re talking on the phone so Yugyeom can’t see him blush.

“Really? I thought I annoyed you.” Yugyeom teases.

“You do.”

“Wow Jinyoung-ie, really selling yourself here.”

“I thought I told you not to call me Jinyoung-ie.”

“You did. I’m just ignoring you.” Yugyeom says simply and Jinyoung lets out an exasperated sigh.

“I’m hanging up.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“What is this? A phone sex line?”

“Oh fuck off.” Jinyoung sighs.

“I’m at work.”

“Work? It’s ten at night!”

“Trust me. I know.”

“Do you get to leave soon at least?”

“Yeah. I just have to finish going over these reports and send them off.”

“Can’t you do that at home?” Yugyeom asks.

“I’m uh, trying to avoid going home.” Jinyoung confesses.

“Crazy roommate?”

“That’s one way of putting it I live with my mom.” Jinyoung says with a laugh. Yugyeom hums knowingly.

“I’m lucky to have Bambam and Youngjae. We all get along really well. I had to live with this guy in my second year who was this complete neat freak, he would like clean up all my stuff for me. It sucked.”

“I’m fighting with mine.”

“Family shit is tough.” Yugyeom says

“Do you ever get lonely?” Jinyoung finds himself asking. Yugyeom pauses for a moment, silent on the other end.

“Of course. I think everyone does sometimes.”

“What do you do when you get lonely?”

“Dunno. Sometimes I just accept it. It’s not a great feeling but if you never feel lonely then you never appreciate the people around you who make that feeling go away.”

“I guess.” Jinyoung says. He doesn’t really know who those people are for him right now.

“Jinyoung-ie?” Yugyeom asks.

“Hmm?”

“Are you lonely right now?”

“Not at this very second.”

“Okay.”

“You can call me sometimes, if you want. I’ll still annoy you but if I’m not busy I’ll pick up the phone.” Yugyeom adds, a tone of vulnerability in his voice.

“Who says I want to call you again?” Jinyoung says but his words mean “thank you”, and he’s sure that Yugyeom understands.

“Not me. I definitely didn’t. Why would you want to call me?” Yugyeom adds, and Jinyoung can practically hear the smile in his voice.

\--

Jaebum arranges some kind of dinner with Jinyoung, Jackson, Yugyeom, Youngjae, and Bambam. Jinyoung partially wants to say no, but he’s hanging onto his friendship with Jaebum with whatever strength he can, so he says yes. He would also be lying if he said that his decision wasn’t in part to do with the prospect of seeing Yugyeom in person again after not seeing each other for a few weeks. Jinyoung’s social life as a CEO is a bit lacking. He sees more of his executives than his friends.

The night of the dinner, Jinyoung is just about to head out the door when he hears the sound of an upset voice. He takes a step closer to his mother’s door, and it’s definitely her voice that sounds upset. She’s on the phone, arguing with someone it sounds like. Jinyoung presses himself closer to the door to try and hear what she’s saying. He can’t really make anything out clearly but she definitely sounds agitated. Just as Jinyoung takes a step to peer through the crack in the doorway, the door shuts. Jinyoung groans internally.

He meets up with Jaebum first, getting a cab to Myeongdong, where they’re meeting up with everyone. Jinyoung and Jaebum find Youngjae, Bambam, Yugyeom, and Jackson already all gathered together in a café, huddled around Bambam’s phone. Jackson leaps up to hug both Jaebum and Jinyoung. Jinyoung sighs but he lets Jackson hug him anyways. Jackson just seems to be the tactile type: he always has an arm around someone’s shoulders, or touching their back, or leaning up against them. Maybe that’s part of why Jaebum likes him so much, he’s sort of like a touchy cat.

“Jinyoung-ie!” Yugyeom crows, and Jinyoung scowls at him.

“Jinyoung.” Bambam says with narrowed eyes, but by now it seems to be out of habit, not any real malice.

“Jinyoung!” Youngjae adds, offering Jinyoung a large smile.

“Are we ready to go? Is everyone here?” Jaebum asks.

“I think so!” Jackson says, and everyone stands up in a gaggle of noise, just as someone else comes into the coffee shop.

The figure is unmistakable: long legs, and perfect hair. Jinyoung just wasn’t expecting to see him here.

“Mark?” He finds himself calling out. Mark turns around, looking confused at the sight of Jinyoung.

“Jinyoung?” Mark asks cautiously. Jinyoung can feel Yugyeom send him a curious look.

“Mark!” Jackson exclaims happily.

“Jackson?” Mark asks, looking even more shocked. Jinyoung swivels his head between the two of them.

“Hyung who’s this?” Bambam asks. Jinyoung wants to know the same. 

“Mark and I go way back.” Jackson says.

“Jackson, I didn’t know you knew Jinyoung.” Mark says carefully.

“I didn’t know you knew him! Whoa, how crazy is this?” Jackson exclaims, throwing an arm around Mark’s shoulder. “We’re going out for food, you should come with!”

Jinyoung really doesn’t want Mark to come out for dinner with all of them, it’s already bad enough that he has to deal with Bambam’s glares, and Jaebum and Jackson. But Jaebum is agreeing with Jackson too, so Mark tentatively nods, carefully avoiding Jinyoung’s eyes.

They wind up at a Chinese restaurant, something unpretentious, on Jackson’s recommendation. Jinyoung is cramped between Yugyeom and Jaebum in the booth, with Mark on Jaebum’s other side. Jackson and Mark away in Chinese: Jackson because he’s from Hong Kong, and Mark because his family is from Taiwan.

Mark has always been quiet, the whole time Jinyoung’s known him he’s been shy. But with Jackson around, he seems less withdrawn, more sure of himself. Jinyoung wonders if that’s a Jackson thing, if he pulls everyone out of their comfort zone. Jinyoung doesn’t know if he’s ever met someone more outgoing. It’s exhausting for Jinyoung the introvert, but it seems like Youngjae, Bambam, and Yugyeom all thrive off Jackson’s energy, which then feeds back to Jackson and then the four of them are yelling about who knows what. It's a different dynamic than Jinyoung is used to, but it isn't necessarily unwanted.

Jaebum seems to quietly thrive off Jackson as well, he smiles more when Jackson is around, makes more jokes. It seems like some of the weight is off his shoulders when he’s around Jackson. Jinyoung is jealous. He should be the one to make Jaebum smile like that, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.

He tries not to be too distracted, chatting to Yugyeom, making jibes at him much to Youngjae and Jackson’s delight. Bambam is still a bit reserved but as the night goes on, he doesn’t glare at Jinyoung quite as much, which Jinyoung takes to mean progress.

It’s kind of strange, the way that they all fit together. Mark opens up to people as the night goes on, even venturing as far as to speak to Jinyoung a few times. It isn’t quite as tense as he would’ve expected. Mark and Bambam in particular seem to connect, both of them speaking English a little bit. It’s a strange sight to see Mark and Bambam all huddled together giggling over something on Mark’s phone. Jackson looks pleased at the sight though, maybe that’s why he invited Mark along, Jinyoung thinks, and then he realizes that there must be something deeper to Jackson, something more perceptive and socially attuned.

They order round after round of food, dish after dish. Jinyoung isn’t sure if he’s ever eaten so much in his life.

“We should go for drinks.” Bambam says once the bill has been paid and Youngjae nods enthusiastically.

“I’m in.” Jackson says.

“Me too.” Mark says, shoving away Jackson’s pinches.

“I’ll come with.” Jaebum says, looking fondly at Jackson like always.

“You in Gyeom-ah?” Youngjae asks.

“Nah, I’m tired.” Yugyeom says, standing up and stretching. Jinyoung resolutely does not stare at the flash of soft looking skin that is revealed when his shirt tugs up.

“Me too.” Jinyoung adds. He isn’t, but he doesn’t want to spend any more time with Mark. Mark looks relieved when Jinyoung says this. So it isn’t just him feeling the tension.

“I think I’m gonna head home Bam, I’ll see you later.” Bambam nods. Yugyeom nods his head to the door to Jinyoung, who stands up too. Bambam eyes the two of them curiously, but Youngjae tugs him away before he can say anything.

They watch the rowdy five of them wander down the street. Jackson has an arm around Jaebum and Bambam, while Youngjae and Mark appear to be deep in conversation. It’s strange, Jinyoung really wouldn’t have expected Mark to have fit in easily to their ragtag group, but here they are. 

“Walk me home?” Yugyeom asks.

“Why should I?”

“Because I asked, asswipe.” Jinyoung sticks his tongue out and Yugyeom sticks his tongue out back. Jinyoung shoves his shoulder in a friendly way and Yugyeom giggles.

“Let me get my coat.” Jinyoung says.

“No funny business Park Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says, narrowing his eyes. Jinyoung puts his hands up in mock surrender.

When they get outside, Jinyoung immediately regrets his choice of outerwear. The wind nips at his neck, and he eyes Yugyeom’s cozy looking scarf and hat enviously.

They walk in silence initially, the two of them walking side by side. After ten blocks, Yugyeom stops, unwinds his scarf and wraps it roughly around Jinyoung’s neck.

“Now you can stop shivering and staring enviously at my scarf.”

“It clashes with my outfit.” Jinyoung says, pointing between his sleek and expensive leather jacket and the oversized yellow knit sweater.

“Oh boo hoo. I’ll take it back then.” Yugyeom says and reaches a hand up to take it back.

“I didn’t say you could.” Jinyoung says, hands coming up to hold the scarf in place. Yugyeom holds back a smile.

“So what do you even do for a living?” Yugyeom asks after they begin walking again.

“Hmm?” Jinyoung hadn’t been expecting that question.

“Sometimes you mention it but you never talk about specifically what you do.” Jinyoung blinks at him.

“Oh.”

“You’re not like a drug dealer or anything are you?” Jinyoung snorts.

“No.”

“Damn. Bambam lost the bet.”

“You bet on whether or not I’m a drug dealer?” Jinyoung asks, completely amused. He doesn’t know where that idea would come from.

“Um. Slightly.”

“Oh my god.”

“If you win money you have to share it with me.”

“Says who?”

“Says me. And I’m older.”

“Leave me alone. I’m not sharing any money with you.” They turn a corner. “But seriously, what do you do?” Jinyoung hadn’t considered this possibility, the possibility that Yugyeom doesn’t know who he is. It isn’t that Jinyoung is narcissistic, but people have known who he is since he was a baby.

“You didn’t recognize me when we met?”

“Uh, no? Should I have?”

“And you didn’t look me up online?”

“Why would I? If you were a drug dealer it wouldn’t say online that you’re a drug dealer.”

“I’m not a drug dealer. I work for my family company.” Yugyeom hums.

“So what do you do then?”

“Uh, well right now I’m in the finance department.”

“Wow, the company is big enough for different departments?” Jinyoung snorts.

“Yeah, you could say so.”

“What does the company do?”

“Have you ever heard of Park Corporation?”

“Yeah, everybody has.” Jinyoung nods. “Wait, shit. Park as in Park Jinyoung?”

“Park as in my great-grandfather but yes.” Jinyoung says.

“Oh my god. You’re a chaebol. No wonder you’re such an asshole!”

“Excuse you.”

“Oh my god. I can’t believe I’m friends with a legitimate chaebol! This is wild.” Jinyoung tries to will his cheeks not to flush at Yugyeom referring to him as a friend. “Holy shit, didn’t your dad step down a few weeks ago?”

“Temporarily.” Jinyoung says smoothly.

“And you’re the one in charge?” Yugyeom asks slowly. Jinyoung nods. “Fuck. That’s intense.”

“A little.”

“So all this time when you say you’re stressed about work, you’re stressed about running a giant corporation.”

“Well I actually don’t have that much-”

“So you’re like the youngest CEO of any chaebol huh?”

“I don’t know.”

“Jesus Christ Jinyoung. Have you been holding all this in and keeping it to yourself?”

“No.” Jinyoung lies easily. Yugyeom rolls his eyes.

“What about Jaebum? You’re close aren’t you?”

“He’s been a bit busy.” Yugyeom turns to face him and he's looking at Jinyoung like he can see straight through him. Jinyoung hates it.

“Do you think that you’re like superhuman or something?”

“What? No.”

“Then don’t keep everything to yourself.” Jinyoung shifts his eyes away from Yugyeom.

“I’ll try.” Jinyoung says and he doesn’t mean it.

“You’re so full of shit.” Yugyeom says with a laugh. “Alright, this is me.” He says, pointing to a medium sized apartment building across the street.

“Good night then.” Jinyoung says.

“What, no goodnight kiss?” Yugyeom asks suddenly. Jinyoung raises an eyebrow

“You said no funny business.”

“You’re the dumbest person I’ve ever met.” Yugyeom says, and leans down to kiss Jinyoung softly. His heart is beating weirdly and Jinyoung can’t tell if it’s from the kiss or the conversation. Their goodnight kiss is just that, something simple, both of them too cold to stand outside for too long.

\--

Jaebum asks him if he’s friends with Yugyeom over text the next day, and Jinyoung says yes.

\--

One evening later that week, Jinyoung is out on his customary post-work night drive when he gets a sudden longing to see Yugyeom. Perhaps its loneliness, perhaps its friendliness but Yugyeom is probably the only normal part of his life at the moment. Jinyoung thinks about going home to his quiet house, or the quiet office and winces. Neither sound particularly appealing. So he allows himself the indulgence.

**pepi_jy_**

**Are you at home?**

 

**yu_gyeom**

**yeah**

**why?**

 

**pepi_jy_**

**Do you want to come for a drive with me?**

**It’s fine if you’re busy**

 

**yu_gyeom**

**is that your expensive car outside my apartment**

**stalker**

 

**pepi_jy_**

**It’s not stalking if you were the one who showed me where you live.**

 

**yu_gyeom**

**i’ll be down in a second**

 

“Wow. Nice car.” Yugyeom says, when he gets in stroking the leather above the glove box. Jinyoung snorts. Yugyeom looks like he’s been studying, he’s wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, looking far softer than Jinyoung is comfortable with. Unapproachable Yugyeom is better, easier to not want.

“It’s silly, I know.”

“Not when you’re the one being driven around.” Yugyeom says, adjusting the seat for his mile-long legs. “Who sat in this seat last? A child?”

“Jaebum.”

“Same thing.” Yugyeom says.

“Don’t let him hear you say that.” Jinyoung says with a laugh.

“I won’t. Jaebum hyung is scary.”

“Just a bit.”

“Hey Jinyoung?” Yugyeom asks after a few moments.

“Hmm?”

“Is this a ‘I’m a sad lonely chaebol’ thing or a ‘you want to spend time with me’ thing?”

“This is a ‘I wanted to show you something’ thing.” Jinyoung replies.

“Alright. I’ll bite. But if you get all emotional, I’m leaving.”

“I won’t stop you.” Jinyoung says with a laugh. They’re driving over the river now, black water glinting in the dark.

“I needed a break from studying. I think Enzyme and Bio-organic Chemistry is going to kill me.”

“Sounds tough.

“It is. I haven’t had to work this hard since first year for a single class.” Yugyeom then launches into a story about how notoriously difficult the professor is. “Sorry, I’m blabbering on.”

“I don’t mind.” Jinyoung says. “Really.” Yugyeom doesn’t respond, but out of the corner of his eye, Jinyoung swears that he sees a small smile on Yugyeom’s face.

“Where are we?” Yugyeom asks as Jinyoung turns off the expressway to a smaller road that ends up climbing a hill.

“I’ll show you in a minute.”

He pulls over and parks the car on the side of the road, leaving the engine running so the car heating stays on.

The view is spectacular. The river isn’t visible, or even any mountains really, but it’s the lights. All the different colours of lights: the road arteries with blurs of headlights, the lit-up buildings, the signs. They create a scene expansive enough that it threatens to swallow Jinyoung up. In the distance Jinyoung can just make out the Park Corporation building, logo illuminated large enough to see even districts away.

There’s enough light pollution to cast a soft glow to Yugyeom’s face. He looks younger like this, Jinyoung realizes, while he’s trying not to stare at Yugyeom for too long.

“Doesn’t it make you feel lonelier up here? Looking at all the people?”

“A little.” Jinyoung answers honestly.

“Why do you seek out being lonely?” Jinyoung shrugs.

“You’re a weird one Jinyoung-ie.” Yugyeom says and shoves Jinyoung’s shoulder.

“You’re weirder.” Jinyoung says, flicking Yugyeom’s forehead. He doesn’t even bother to tell Yugyeom not to call him Jinyoung-ie because there isn’t a point. They sit there for another long while before Yugyeom speaks again.

“Thank you. For showing me this.” Yugyeom says, serious for a rare change. Jinyoung doesn’t reply but he knows that Yugyeom understands.

The drive back to Yugyeom’s apartment is quiet. Jinyoung supposes that their trip was probably perfect for a kiss or something but somehow it didn’t seem appropriate.

“Have a good night Jinyoung.”

“You too.” Jinyoung says and watches Yugyeom until he’s in the door. He thinks maybe something just changed between them, something more than just physical, but he isn’t quite sure.


	5. twice upon a time there was a boy who died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY COMEBACK! What’re your fave songs??? I think I love all of them lol.
> 
> Also, there’s a reason why I tagged this as angst... Because we’re getting messy. Chapter title comes from “Aquemini” by Outkast. 
> 
> Songs for this chapter: 
> 
> Star67 - Drake  
> Honestly - Blue Sky Black Death  
> Rest - Hooser

It’s a few days after Yugyeom and Jinyoung’s night drive when Jinyoung gets invited over to Jackson’s apartment to watch movies and get drunk. Apparently he gets free liquor from work, and so when Jinyoung arrives, he immediately gets a tropical looking drink thrust in his hand. 

Jackson lives in a shoebox sized apartment, but it’s surprisingly homey. It’s cluttered with photos, and there isn’t much furniture but it seems so _Jackson_ that Jinyoung finds it kind of charming, despite himself. Jackson, although annoying, is so genuinely himself. You either accept Jackson, or you don’t, Jinyoung has realized. It’s simultaneously exhausting and refreshing.

They end up crammed around the TV, watching action movies in Cantonese.

“It’s all I have!” Jackson says defensively, and then they all have to sit even closer to watch something on Jackson’s laptop because nobody understands what’s going on in the HK movies.

Jinyoung is squished beside Youngjae, and Jackson on Jackson’s tiny sofa.

Yugyeom laughs at something Jackson says, and Jinyoung feels his heart beat a little faster. He isn’t quite sure how this happened, how this thing with Yugyeom has turned into a crush. He hasn’t had a crush since Mark, and thinking back, that had been mostly because they were sleeping together. But Yugyeom is different from anyone he’s liked in the past. On a purely physical level, Yugyeom isn’t his type, except Jinyoung’s brain has somehow shifted and now Yugyeom is the most attractive person he’s ever seen. He’s kind, and observant, and doesn’t take Jinyoung’s shit, which only serves to increase Jinyoung’s attraction to him. It’s crept up on him, but then again maybe he thinks that he’s been terribly attracted to Yugyeom since the beginning, and this is just what was meant to happen. Jinyoung doesn’t want to say something like fate, but at the same time, he isn’t sure what to call it.

“What has you thinking so hard?” Jackson whispers into his ear. Jinyoung whips his head around, thoughts interrupted.

“Huh?”

“You’re pretty spaced out over there. What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing.” Jinyoung says quickly. Jackson shoves his shoulder into Jinyoung’s. He’s surprisingly muscular, not that you’d be able to tell under all the baggy clothes he likes to wear.

“You can tell me anything, you know that right?” Jackson says with a small smile, possibly the most subdued that Jinyoung has ever seen him. Jinyoung hums softly. He isn’t fully accepting Jackson’s offer, but he isn’t denying it either.

“Jinyoung just said he loves me!” Jackson whoops, and Jaebum, Mark, and Bambam turn away from talking to each other to laugh at the two of them. Yugyeom sticks his tongue out at Jinyoung.

“Jackson-ah, shh, you’re scaring him.” Youngjae says, teasing Jinyoung. Jinyoung feels a sudden flush of warmth come over him. Youngjae teases him just as much as everyone else, but there’s something slightly more harmless about his teasing.

“Stop making things up.” Jaebum says to Jackson.

“No. Jinyoung actually said he loves me.” Jackson insists and Jaebum looks amusedly at Jinyoung.

“I did.” Jinyoung says, completely deadpan, and he’s pretty sure that his eardrum bursts from the sound of Jackson’s screech. It’s worth it for the looks of gratitude on both Yugyeom and Jaebum’s faces.

Just as Jackson manages to start up some kind of drinking game, Jinyoung excuses himself to go to the bathroom. It’s mostly to take some deep breaths, but also to avoid drinking too much more. The hallway leading to the bathroom is full of photos, mostly of Jackson and what must be his family, but there are more than a few of Jaebum too -- both Jackson and Jaebum smiling together, and Jaebum by himself. The photos go back to when Jaebum had light brown hair, which was before Jinyoung left for LA. Jinyoung realizes that he doesn’t have any photos of his friends anywhere in his room. He doesn’t even have that many on his phone. He thinks of his bedroom at home, sparsely decorated, mostly with books and nothing that reminds him of family or friends. On the contrary, Jackson seems to show off other people more than himself. There are countless photos of his mother, of his friends littering his apartment. Jinyoung feels a hit of guilt. His own mother isn’t even hardly speaking to him.

“Jinyoung! Come help me win!” Yugyeom calls out, pouting slightly when Jinyoung reappears. His face is flushed from the alcohol, eyes shining too bright. Jinyoung is overwhelmed by the urge to kiss him.

“I'm coming, I’m coming, stop whining.” Jinyoung calls back, coming to stand beside Yugyeom, probably too close to be persuasively platonic but for a moment he doesn’t really care.

The rest of the night is spent getting progressively drunker. At some point Jinyoung finds himself draped over Bambam, while petting Youngjae’s hair. He can’t quite feel his legs and when he looks to see why, it’s because Yugyeom has curled up on them. Somewhere far away he can hear Jaebum and Mark talking, and Jackson has managed to fall asleep, snoring softly on the ground.

Jinyoung wakes up the next morning with a crick in his neck from where he was sleeping on Bambam’s bony chest, and a raging headache. He doesn’t remember when he exactly fell asleep, but it can’t have been that long ago. It’s still early, and it doesn’t look like anyone else has woken up, the beginning of the pale morning sun just starting to shine. He disentangles himself from Bambam, Youngjae, and Yugyeom — the four of them having fallen asleep in some kind of tangle apparently. Bambam groans when Jinyoung stands up, and adjusts so he’s wrapped around Youngjae.

Jackson and Jaebum are curled up beside each other, barely touching, except for Jaebum’s hand around Jackson’s wrist. Jinyoung looks away, and busies himself with tidying up: moving the dirty glasses to the kitchen, tucking everyone under Jackson’s many throw blankets, and then leaving quietly before anyone can notice that he’s gone.

\--

On the Wednesday after Jackson’s party Jinyoung’s uncle summons Jinyoung into his office. He finds his mother and uncle already sitting, clearly waiting for him. It’s the first time that Jinyoung has willingly been in the same room as his mother in weeks. He sits down awkwardly on the sofa, in the seat not across from his mom. His uncle looks slightly confused at their behaviour.

“Jinyoung-ah, I’m sorry to bother you at work, but we needed to talk about your father.” Jinyoung’s mind immediately goes to the worst scenario: his father is dead, or dying. 

“What about dad?” He asks, feeling like panicking. His uncle sighs.

“The surgery wasn’t successful.”

“What?”

“The surgery wasn’t successful. The follow-up biopsy came back positive and the tumor is still there. It’s spreading around his body.” His mother says weakly.

“Jesus Christ.” Jinyoung says. “What does that mean?” He has a faint idea of what that means but he doesn’t want to think too much about a tumor spreading, little tendrils of it reaching around his father’s body.

“It doesn’t look good Jinyoung-ah.” His uncle adds. “Your father is going to stay in Singapore for the time being for some more treatment, and he’ll be back in Seoul before you know it.” 

“But we’re flying out to visit him this weekend.” His mother says, squeezing his shoulder.

“Me too?”

“Of course.” His mother says smoothly. “Your father is excited to hear all about what you’ve been doing at work. He’s missed you.”

“I thought he was supposed to be back home as soon as possible? What does he have to do for treatment? He already had surgery, that’s serious. What if it-”

“His recovery is taking longer than expected.” His uncle says diplomatically, cutting Jinyoung off, but Jinyoung can tell that the situation is more complicated. He doesn’t press further though, and he feels like a child: helpless, and weak. He doesn’t even know what he can do, if he can do anything at all. Jinyoung feels even more panicky.

“We’ll take the plane together on Friday hmm?” Jinyoung’s mother asks and Jinyoung can only nod dumbly.

He watches his uncle leave first, and then his mother. Jinyoung’s brain is still stuck on the fact that his father needs more treatment, that the surgery wasn’t a success. There’s no way that that can be good news at all. Jinyoung isn’t sure if he even wants to go see his father. But then again, he can’t ignore the fact that this could be the last time he sees his father. It’s completely irrational, and Jinyoung doesn’t even know that for sure, but how can he not wonder?

\--

Jinyoung leaves work early to get to the airport for their flight. His mother and uncle are waiting for him at the gate, and his mother seems to be talking to him only for the sake of Jinyoung’s uncle, who’s eyeing them strangely.

Jinyoung spends the flight reading, and it feels like a luxury, despite the work he knows that he has waiting for him. His mind is a jumble of anxiety about his father, and work.

If anything Singapore is a nice break from the cold, the humid air wrapping around Jinyoung as soon as he gets off the plane.

They drive straight to the hospital, whizzing through Singapore city because there’s no traffic in the middle of the night.

The hospital is tucked out of the way, and Jinyoung can tell why his father chose to come here specifically. It’s private, and his father has a wing to himself.

“You go on in first.” Jinyoung’s uncle says. “We’ll join you in a few minutes.”

Jinyoung opens the door. The blinds are open, letting the moonlight in. The only sound is the beep of the heart rate monitor, and in the hospital bed is his father. He’s covered by blankets but there seems to be bandages around his stomach.

“Jinyoung-ah.” His father says, smile more of a grimace than anything.

“Dad!” Jinyoung says, trying to keep his volume down.

Jinyoung feels like a child, trying to contain his excitement at seeing his father but he can’t help himself. It’s been a month since he saw him, with almost no word.

“How are you feeling?” Jinyoung asks, visually taking stock of his father’s state. His face is even paler, but his complexion doesn’t seem to be as yellow. He’s lost weight too, but he seems a bit more rested.

“I’m alright.”

“Just alright?”

“I can’t quite tell you that I’m good, can I?”

“I suppose not.” Jinyoung says with a small laugh. He sits down beside the bed and holds his father’s hand, squeezing it to reassure himself that his father is still alive, and real. He tells his dad about work, and everything he’s had to do, and about his friends. He talks about how he’s getting along with his uncle, and what he’s learned.

“And your mother?” His father asks.

“She’s good. She’s holding up.” Jinyoung lies.

“Ah, I’m so glad.” His father says. “Where is she and your uncle? I want to talk to them too.”

“They’re in the hallway, I’ll go get them.” Jinyoung says, and stands up to go find them.

 Jinyoung’s father can only talk for a little while longer before he has to go to sleep, having stayed up late to wait for them. Jinyoung watches his mother curl up on the chair beside his father’s bed.

“Come on, let’s go find you a room.” His uncle says, and shows Jinyoung to an adjacent visiting room.

“Is he going to be alright?” Jinyoung finds himself asking, just as his uncle is about to leave the room. His uncle pauses for a moment, and chews on his lip.

“I’m not sure. I hope so.”

“Me too.” Jinyoung whispers.

“Good night Jinyoung-ah. I’ll see you tomorrow.” His uncle says, and then Jinyoung is alone.

 

**pepi_jy_**

**I hate family shit.**

**yu_gyeom**

**why are u up so late?**

**pepi_jy_**

**…**

**You are too.**

**yu_gyeom**

**u wanna talk about it?**

**or I can send u memes????**

**pepi_jy_**

**I’m alright.**

**Thank you though.**

**yu_gyeom**

**good night jinyoungie**

**pepi_jy_**

**Good night Yugyeom.**

 

\--

The rest of the weekend passes in a surreal blur of catching up with his father in the strange setting that is the hospital, and pretending to get along with his mother. Jinyoung can’t deny that his father looks a bit better, despite the complications, and the doctors seem optimistic about his treatment.

Jinyoung is sad to leave all the same, fussing over his father’s bed, and food while his mother and uncle wait outside.

“I’m getting the best care, and I’ll be home soon, I promise Jinyoung-ah.” His dad says softly as Jinyoung lingers in the doorway.

“Okay.” Jinyoung whispers. “I’ll see you soon?”

“I’ll see you soon.” His father echoes, and then Jinyoung has to leave.

The flight back to Seoul is quiet, but Jinyoung can’t focus on anything. He tries to read but it’s like the words are just swimming on the page, not forming anything tangible.

When he lands, he has a few missed texts from Yugyeom, unseen because he was on the plane.

 

**pepi_jy_**

**I just landed in Seoul.**

**I’m sorry I couldn’t message you back on the plane.**

**yu_gyeom**

**i didn’t know u left seoul lol**

**you could come over and make it up to me?**

**i’m home alone**

Jinyoung probably shouldn’t, he has work the next day, and a pile of papers to look over and emails to respond to. His suit is rumpled from the flight, and he could do with a shower. But all the same, Yugyeom is probably the only person who makes him feel semi-sane.

 

**pepi_jy_**

**I’ll be over soon.**

He doesn’t even bother with going home, he just directs his driver to Yugyeom’s apartment building.

“Hey.” Yugyeom says with a smile, when he opens the door for Jinyoung.

“Hey.” Jinyoung says back dumbly.

“You look nice.” Yugyeom says, pointing at Jinyoung’s suit. “I feel too casual.”

“You look good though. I mean, uh.” Jinyoung blurts out, and then winces at his awkwardness. Yugyeom has a small, pleased expression on his face though, so Jinyoung figures that maybe his awkwardness paid off.

Yugyeom’s apartment is bigger than Jinyoung would have imagined, and it’s in a nice part of town. But he does share with Youngjae and Bambam, so that’s probably how they can afford it.

The apartment doesn’t look like a student apartment at all -- the furniture all coordinates, and it looks much nicer than the typical student house. It’s also conspicuously tidy.

“Aw, did you clean for me?” Jinyoung asks.

“No.” Yugyeom says, but his face is flushing.

“Yugyeom-ie, were you trying to impress me?” Jinyoung teases.

“No. Why would I?” Jinyoung smiles anyways. He knows what Yugyeom means.

“Where’s Bambam and Youngjae anyways? I thought you were the three musketeers or something.”

“They’re stuck at school, they both work in the same lab and their supervisor is insane, he always makes them work crazy long hours.” Jinyoung hums.

“So they’ll be out for a while then?” Jinyoung asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t get any ideas.” Yugyeom mutters, stepping closer to Jinyoung.

“That’s what you said last time.” Jinyoung says, leaning up to kiss Yugyeom. It really is nice that Yugyeom is taller than him, Jinyoung thinks, as he wraps a hand around Yugyeom’s neck and steps closer so that they’re flush against each other. Yugyeom puts his hands on Jinyoung’s lower back, pulling him up slightly. Jinyoung wonders idly if Yugyeom could pick up him like this, hold him up while they’re kissing. Normally Jinyoung likes to be the one in control, but he thinks that he wouldn’t mind if Yugyeom picked him up, held his arms back, manhandled him a little bit. But Yugyeom’s hands stay frustratingly just above Jinyoung’s ass.

When he pulls away, Yugyeom is flushed and looking away from him. He looks cute like this, almost embarrassed, Jinyoung thinks. It’s such a contrast from how he looked when they first met, all unapproachable and untouchable.

“You’re so cute.” Jinyoung teases, leaning in beside Yugyeom’s face and Yugyeom shoves him away.

“You’re a menace.” Jinyoung laughs.

They wind up watching TV, something Jinyoung hasn’t had the luxury of doing in ages. They start out on opposite ends of the sofa, but over time they shift closer and closer, until Jinyoung’s thigh is pressed against Yugyeom’s.

Then Yugyeom puts a hand on Jinyoung’s thigh and Jinyoung rests his head on Yugyeom’s shoulder. But Yugyeom’s shoulder is a bit too high to comfortably lean on.

“That seems uncomfortable.” Yugyeom says, picking up on Jinyoung’s discomfort, and repositions them so that Jinyoung’s head is on his chest. This is the most physical contact they’ve had and even though there’s nothing sexual about it, it feels heavy, and meaningful.

Jinyoung should probably go home, get prepared for the week, and get some sleep. But Jinyoung is so tired and Yugyeom’s chest is so comfortable and he can’t bring himself to move at all. He imagines what it would be like to have this all the time, lazy Sunday afternoons, Yugyeom working and Jinyoung reading. Or tired Thursday nights. Or early Monday mornings. Jinyoung stops himself before he gets carried away.

“Are you sleeping?” Yugyeom asks him softly.

“Yes.” Jinyoung whispers back. “Don’t bother me.”

Yugyeom doesn’t reply, he just starts rubbing Jinyoung’s shoulder softly. Jinyoung doesn’t think that anyone has patted his shoulder like that in years. He burrows his head into Yugyeom’s chest further, throwing an arm around Yugyeom’s waist. Yugyeom sighs softly, and cards his fingers through Jinyoung’s hair.

“Hey Yugyeom?” Jinyoung whispers again.

“Mhmm?”

“I need to wash my hair.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” Yugyeom says softly. “But I have to wash my hands after this, you stink.” Jinyoung punches Yugyeom’s stomach without moving his head.

“Leave me alone.”

“You’re the biggest baby I’ve ever met. I don’t know why people think you’re intimidating.”

“People think I’m intimidating?”

“One or two.” Yugyeom mumbles.

They spend the rest of the evening like that, hardly speaking, just watching whatever comes on TV. Jinyoung’s mind is blissfully blank.

Eventually though, it comes to an end with the front door slamming.

“I should hope that there was nothing going on here before we came in.” Bambam says, hands on his hips in front of them, not even bothering to say hello.

"Hello.” Youngjae says sheepishly, coming up behind him. “Sorry for interrupting you.”

“You didn’t.” Jinyoung says at the same time as Yugyeom says. “You did.” Bambam looks mildly grossed out.

“Ugh.” Bambam says. “Youngjae, let’s leave. They're going to be gross.”

“No, it’s okay. You can stay. I should probably go, it’s getting late.” Yugyeom makes a disapproving noise from beside him.

“That’s right. No sleepovers.” Bambam says and Yugyeom throws a pillow at him.

“Not this time at least.” Jinyoung whispers to Yugyeom and he’s rewarded with an adorable blush.

\--

Jinyoung’s life is so different now, between work, which has gotten easier now that he actually knows how to do things, and his social life. When he isn’t at work, he’s most likely hanging out with everyone, partially as a way to avoid going home, and partially because he’s getting used to it.

He’s never had this many friends, maybe acquaintances, but definitely not a cohesive friend group like the one that he has now. Everyone is different, and it should be overwhelming but it isn’t. Yugyeom is something between a friend and a crush for Jinyoung, something new and sort of scary, but nice at the same time.  Jackson is annoying but observant, and he’s growing on Jinyoung, as much as it pains Jinyoung to admit it. Youngjae is quiet, but crazy in his own way, and he seems to understand when Jinyoung needs a break from the craziness that is Jackson, Bambam, and Yugyeom. Bambam is loud but he’s also loyal, and smart, and funny. The only person that Jinyoung isn’t totally sure about is Mark. Now that they’re in the same friend group, it becomes apparent that they didn’t know each other very well at all. Mark is much more quiet and reserved than Jinyoung might have thought. It seems strange that he gets along so well with Jackson and Bambam, the two loudest of their group, but the three of them quickly become inseparable. They all grow to be inseparable in their own ways really. Jinyoung still doesn’t think that he’s used to having a group of friends, but there they are anyways. There’s a group chat, and weekly events, and suddenly Jinyoung thinks of how fun it would be to take everyone to the new cafe that just opened by his office, and there’s Saturday nights like the one at Jackson’s apartment. He can’t quite trust everyone with all his secrets just yet, but as the days pass, it feels like someday he could, and that has to be enough, Jinyoung tells himself.

\--

A week after his evening at Yugyeom’s apartment, Jinyoung comes in from work at the same time as his mother. It’s late, too late for both of them to be getting home. Jinyoung doesn’t speak first, waiting for his mother to greet him. He knows he’s being petty, but at this point he can’t help himself.

“Jinyoung-ah.” His mother says in acknowledgment, taking off her shoes for slippers. Jinyoung sighs.

“Mom.”

“How’s work?” She asks with a smile. Jinyoung shakes his head.

“Unbelievable. Dad is sick, and in Singapore alone, and you ask me about work?”

“I’m just trying to keep a sense of normalcy.”

“Normal would be talking to me.” Jinyoung says bitterly, trying to make his mother feel guilty.

“I don’t want to distract you too much.” She says and Jinyoung scowls at her, suddenly overwhelmed.

“Yeah, that’s a great strategy mom. Very good.”

“Jinyoung!”

“You have no clue what I’m going through! You don’t even care.”

“Of course I care.”

“Then show me you do.” Jinyoung spits out.

“Jinyoung-ah!”

“Whatever. I’m leaving. I’d say not to wait up for me but it’s not like you would do that anyways.” Jinyoung says, grabbing his car keys and slamming the front door behind him like some kind of angsty teenager. His mother doesn’t call after him.

He drives over to Jaebum’s apartment as if on auto-pilot.

“Jinyoung?” Jaebum asks. “What’s up?”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure I’ll buzz you up. Mark, Jackson, and Youngjae are over so you made it just in time.”

It’s just Mark, Youngjae, and Jackson over at Jaebum’s apartment this time -- Yugyeom and Bambam having begged off to study for an exam the next day. It’s quieter without them around, Youngjae and Jackson seeming to adapt to Mark, Jaebum, and Jinyoung’s more relaxed natures. Jinyoung tries to relax but he’s still too wound up, too intense.

They spread out in Jaebum’s living room: Youngjae doing some homework, Mark playing on his phone, Jaebum reading, and Jackson and Jinyoung watching TV. He can feel his anxiety thrumming through his body, pulling tight at his insides until it feels like he can hardly stand it. He feels like he's watching his life from the outside, some kind of strange observer. 

“So chic. So sexy.” Jackson says, patting Jaebum’s hair from where he's sat on the sofa. Jaebum pushes Jackson’s hand away but he’s laughing as he does it, so Jackson reaches to do the same with Jinyoung’s hair. Jinyoung swats his hand away.

“Jinyoung-ie, you always ignore me.” Jackson says, pouting.

“Because you’re annoying as hell.” Jinyoung snaps, watching as Jackson visibly recoils.

“Jinyoung.” Jaebum says carefully.

“I’m going to get some air.” Jinyoung says, standing up, and ignoring the rush of blood that makes him dizzy. He heads out to the balcony, with a spectacular view of downtown Seoul. Jinyoung takes some deep breaths, trying to calm his heartbeat.

Jinyoung knows that he just fucked up, that Jackson didn’t deserve his rudeness. Jinyoung is reminded of the night that he met Jackson for the first time. So much has changed, and Jinyoung suddenly feels a little dizzy at the thought.

“Hey.” Someone says, softly. “Mind if I join you?” Jinyoung turns to see Mark hovering in the doorway.

“Be my guest.” Jinyoung says, moving over so there’s room for Mark to stand at the railing too.

They’re both shivering in the cold, so Jinyoung allows himself to take a tiny step closer to Mark.

“Sorry about Jackson. Sometimes he gets carried away. He doesn’t mean any harm, I promise.” Mark says.

“I know. I snapped and I shouldn’t have. I have to apologize.” Jinyoung says.

“Probably.” Mark says, and pulls out a cigarette.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Jinyoung says.

“I don’t. But you used to.” Jinyoung takes the cigarette from Mark’s fingers and lets it drop off the balcony.

“Hey, I paid for that.” Mark says, tone only half-hearted.

“I don’t smoke anymore.” Jinyoung says, and only then does he realize how close Mark is standing to him. He goes to take a step back, but his legs don’t let him. Up close, he can count Mark’s eyelashes, see the shadow of his cheekbones in the night light. Mark really is beautiful, Jinyoung thinks.

Mark leans in, impossibly close, and Jinyoung lets him. He shouldn’t, but he does. And then Mark’s lips are on his, exactly like it was two years ago. Mark’s tongue is on Jinyoung’s lips, and Jinyoung really really shouldn’t open his mouth but he does anyways. Mark lets out a soft sigh and Jinyoung presses in closer. It feels almost robotic, the way they just automatically react to one another. The kiss only lasts for a few seconds before Mark pulls away.

“Shit.” Mark says, breathing heavily. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Me neither.” Jinyoung says, but then Mark is leaning in again and Jinyoung just allows it to happen. Mark feels familiar, his hands already know just the right places to touch: the curve of his spine, the back of his neck, his biceps. It feels like forever since he’s been touched like this, and it feels like his body is under control. It would be easy to sleep with Mark, comfortable and familiar. Jinyoung isn’t going to go that far though, and it would be using Mark. Not that he isn’t using Mark right now, using the fact that he knows that Mark will kiss him back. A feeling of guilt rises inside Jinyoung: guilt at using Mark, and guilt on Yugyeom’s behalf. Jinyoung could sleep with Mark though, both of them want it-

“What the fuck is going on here?” Jinyoung hears. He and Mark spring apart, only to see a furious looking Jaebum and a shocked looking Youngjae standing at the door to the balcony. Jinyoung’s mouth drops open and he realizes what he’s just done, and who has just seen him do it. “Jinyoung? Care to explain?” Then Jaebum turns to Mark, looking even angrier. “And you! Is this why you and Jinyoung aren’t friends anymore, because you’re hooking up?”

“What about Yugyeom?” Youngjae asks weakly.

“Youngjae-” Jinyoung says, but Youngjae just shakes his head and turns around before Jinyoung can say anything else.

“Get out.” Jaebum says to Mark. “I need to have a word with Jinyoung.” Jaebum grabs Jinyoung’s hand and pulls him inside. Mark, Jackson, and Youngjae have all somehow disappeared. Jaebum lets go of Jinyoung’s hand, and throws himself onto the sofa, glaring at Jinyoung. Jinyoung gulps.

“What the fuck was that Jinyoung-ie? Mark? How long has this been going on?”

“It hasn’t! Not for two years-” Jinyoung immediately realizes his mistake when he sees Jaebum’s jaw extend.

“Two years? You haven’t told me that you’re dating Mark for years?”

“We’re not dating!”

“Then what are you doing with him? And what was Youngjae saying about Yugyeom?”

“It’s not what you think!”

“Not what I think! Then tell me what I should be thinking when I walk in on my friend making out with another friend, and I didn’t even know that either of them were gay, let alone dating each other!” Jaebum is yelling now, clearly any attempt at restraining his anger has gone. “I guess we’re not as close as I thought.” That hurts, it does. Jinyoung knows that Jaebum is right but it hurts him anyways.

“So you replaced me?” He asks angrily. Jaebum’s expression shifts into one of confusion. Jinyoung’s anger swells.

“What?”

“I get it Jaebum. Whatever. No big deal.” Jinyoung says, and turns to leave.

But Jaebum stands up and grabs his shoulder roughly, shoving Jinyoung up against the wall. This close, Jinyoung can see the anger in Jaebum’s body, anger that he hasn’t seen in years.

“What the fuck are you talking about Jinyoung-ie?” Jaebum asks. Jinyoung is amazed at Jaebum’s bravery, to admit that he doesn’t even realize that he replaced Jinyoung with Jackson, that they don’t share things any more.

“You replaced me.”

“What are you talking about? I haven’t replaced you with anybody!”

“Then who is Jackson?” Jinyoung spits out. Jaebum looks even more confused.

“My friend!”

“Someone told me you were really close.” Yugyeom’s words are coming back to him, about Jaebum and Jackson being closer than friends and Jinyoung can't let that thought go. 

“Who?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes it matters!” Jaebum says. “Jackson is a good friend of mine, that’s clear to everybody. It’s not some secret.”

“And what am I?”

“My best friend! Jesus, are you really jealous of Jackson?” Jinyoung doesn’t say anything. “You lived in America for two years! I saw you three times during that whole time! Am I not allowed to make other friends?”

“Of course you can make friends. But you can’t replace me!” Jinyoung says, too loudly. He knows he’s being childish and possessive, but Jaebum was his first, and he clearly doesn’t feel the same way about Jaebum.

“I could never replace you.” Jaebum says.

“Then why didn’t you tell me about singing? And going to the gym? Fuck, about Jackson in general! I thought we told each other everything.” Jaebum’s jaw clenches and extends out. Jinyoung’s hit a sore spot, clearly.

“What about you? Were you ever going to tell me about whatever you have going on with Mark? Or Yugyeom? Actually, were you ever going to tell me that you liked guys?” Jaebum spits out in response, ignoring Jinyoung’s comment.

“Excuse me?” Jinyoung sputters out. He isn’t even sure how Jaebum found out.

“Maybe take a look at yourself before you tell me that we tell each other everything. You were away for two years Jinyoung, did you expect me to just stay the same?" 

“No! Of course not!”

“It seems like it though. I don’t get it, you should be happy for me! I’m pursuing music, I’m making friends, you’re finally home and I’m happier than I’ve ever been!” Jaebum says, voice cracking with emotion.

“You could’ve told me though! That’s the point I’m trying to make!” Jaebum shakes his head slowly, looking disbelieving.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Jaebum says, tone shifting from one of anger to one of disappointment. Jinyoung isn’t sure which one hurts him more.

“Don’t get what?” Jinyoung asks, confused about where the conversation is heading. He really isn’t sure what Jaebum is talking about.

“Things are just easier for you, they always have been. I guess it’s hard for you to relate to other people.”

“What? That’s not true at all!”

“Yes it is! The whole time I’ve known you, you’ve had everything handed to you. Perfect Jinyoung in his perfect family. And you don’t deserve it! You treat everybody around you like shit!”

“Jaebum!”

“What? Ashamed of the truth?” Jaebum snarls and Jinyoung’s jaw actually drops. “You treat me like shit, you treat Jackson like shit, and you treat Yugyeom like shit. Or is it Mark? It’s probably fucking pathological for you.”

“Is that what you’ve thought the whole time we’ve been friends?” Jaebum doesn’t respond, which Jinyoung takes as an affirmation. “Go fuck yourself. I mean it. You think my life is so perfect? It’s not. But I guess when a family is as fucked up as yours, it makes anything look better.” Jinyoung knows it’s a low blow, probably the lowest he’s ever stooped to, but it comes out of his mouth anyways, caustic and malicious. He means to hurt.

“Get the fuck out of here before I beat the shit out of you.” Jaebum says, voice too quiet.

“I’m leaving. Like I want to be here anyways.” Jinyoung manages to spit out before turning around and leaving. Jaebum follows behind him. For a moment Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum is going to stop him from leaving, force them to talk it out more.

“Good!” Jaebum says angrily and slams the door shut behind Jinyoung. Jinyoung leans against the wall beside Jaebum’s door for a moment, breathing heavily. He can feel the blood pumping around his body, and he doesn’t quite feel real. He isn’t sure if he’s imagining it but he thinks he can hear Jaebum breathing heavily on the other side of the door too. Jinyoung lets his head fall back into the wall with a thud.

\--

The next week is miserable for Jinyoung, deservedly so. The group chat falls completely quiet, which leads Jinyoung to the conclusion that they all are talking in another one without him. Jaebum doesn’t respond to his texts, and neither does Yugyeom.

Jinyoung knows that Youngjae told Yugyeom what he saw because Youngjae is incredibly loyal, but he can’t help the feeling of disappointment. He just needs to explain to Yugyeom what happened, that he and Mark are nothing, that he likes Yugyeom. Then Yugyeom would understand, he has to, Jinyoung thinks. 

\--

**pepi_jy_**

**Can we talk?**

\--

**pepi_jy_**

**Hey.**

\--

**pepi_jy_**

**Yugyeom?**

\--

**pepi_jy_**

**Okay, never mind.**

 

\--

 Jinyoung is at work the next week when he gets called into his uncle’s office again.

“Is something wrong with my dad?” He asks, remembering what happened when he was called into his uncle’s office the week before.

“No no, he’s fine.” His uncle says with a reassuring smile. “This is about business.”

“Oh.” Jinyoung says, unsure if he can relax or not just yet.

“You’ve been working here for a month now, so I thought it would be a good time to start bringing you to a few meetings with people outside the company.”

“What? But I don’t know how to do anything!”

“You do. You’ve been doing a great job so far.”

“No! I can’t meet people, I’m too young! They won’t take me seriously!”

“They will if I’m with you. Don’t worry Jinyoung-ah, have some confidence in yourself.” But confidence in himself is probably the last thing that Jinyoung has at that moment. “We have an impromptu meeting with Mr. Lim tomorrow, he wanted to meet you.” Jinyoung’s heart sinks into his stomach. Mr. Lim is Jaebum’s father.

“We’ve met before.” Jinyoung says, trying to keep his tone light. It isn’t exactly his place to reveal Jaebum’s fucked up family dynamics to his uncle.

“Oh good! So the meeting will be fine then!” His uncle exclaims, looking pleased. “Our companies have been at odds for the last few years, it would be good to have some cooperation and communication.” Jinyoung nods.

\--

This puts Jinyoung in a bit of a dilemma. There’s no way he can’t tell Jaebum that he’s meeting with his father. But then again Jaebum hasn’t spoken to him in the week since their fight. Jinyoung texts Jaebum anyways.

**Park Jinyoung**

**I’ll be at your building tomorrow for a meeting with your dad**

**Jaebum hyung**

**Why are you telling me this?**

**Park Jinyoung**

**I just thought maybe we could get coffee or something**

**Talk a bit**

Jaebum doesn’t respond for a few more hours. Jinyoung props his phone up beside his computer, eyes flicking over at every notification, until Jaebum finally messages him back.

**Jaebum hyung**

**I don’t want to talk to you right now**

Message received, Jinyoung thinks to himself, as his heart sinks into his stomach. Of course Jaebum doesn’t want to see him. He has every right to be mad. Jinyoung’s feelings are tender regardless. Jaebum is his best friend, and Jinyoung managed to potentially fuck their friendship up. His only blessing is that Jaebum didn’t say that he didn’t ever want to talk to him again, just that he didn’t want to talk right now.

It’s been conspicuously quiet without Yugyeom’s texts too. Jinyoung knows that he’ll run into Yugyeom eventually, their fate seems to be continuing to tie them together. But for now he has to let Yugyeom be mad at him, god knows he deserves it. He can’t believe that he kissed Mark. It wasn’t worth it just for a moment of intimacy. He knows that he and Yugyeom weren’t official, and he isn’t even fully sure if Yugyeom even really likes him back, but at the very least he’s fucked up any chance of them being together. And for what? Mark, who suddenly likes him after two years? Jinyoung feels the urge to laugh and also bang his head against a wall. The person that he likes hates him, and the person he used to like, now likes him. His best friend hates him, his dad is sick, his mother is ignoring him, and he’s supposed to somehow manage a huge company. Jinyoung is so fucked.

\--

He’s nervous for his meeting with Jaebum’s dad. He hasn’t met him in a work setting, and coupled with the fact that this is his first official meeting with someone outside the company as acting CEO, Jinyoung is doubly anxious. He makes sure that his suit is suitably impressive, and he does his hair so he looks older than he really is, and chews on ginger candies to calm the nausea.

His uncle tells him not to worry, but that doesn’t help him relax. Jinyoung’s body practically vibrates for the whole car ride to Jaebum’s dad’s company. Jaebum’s company too, really, but Jaebum isn’t seeing him. Jinyoung wonders idly if he’ll run into Jaebum all the same. Jaebum could possibly punch him, and Jinyoung would deserve it.

But he doesn’t see Jaebum, and instead he goes up to Mr. Lim’s office unnoticed.

“CEO Lim.” Jinyoung’s uncle says, greeting him with a polite bow when they’re shown in.

“Mr. Park.” Mr. Lim says. “And who is this?”

“Park Jinyoung. I’m the acting CEO right now.” Jinyoung says, bowing too. Mr. Lim doesn’t bother to bow back. Jinyoung grits his teeth together.

“Ah, Jaebum-ah’s friend. How strange to see you here for work.” Mr. Lim says, condescension practically dripping off his tongue as he says Jaebum’s name. Jinyoung wants to make him swallow the word, and never say Jaebum’s name ever again.

“That’s me.”

“It’s good to see you. It’s been a while. I see you’re doing well.” Mr. Lim says with a cold smile. Jinyoung and Mr. Lim both know exactly how long it’s been. They haven’t seen each other since the day before Jaebum’s nineteenth birthday when Jinyoung helped Jaebum pack everything up and move out of his parents' house.

“I’m trying.” Jinyoung says.

“Jinyoung has been a great help at the company so far.” His uncle adds.

“I’m glad to hear it. Jaebum has always been a disappointment.” Mr. Lim says and Jinyoung practically sees red. How dare he say that about Jaebum?

“Excuse me?” Jinyoung hears himself say. Mr. Lim narrows his eyes at Jinyoung.

“Oh don’t give me that.”

“Don’t you ever say that about him.” Jinyoung hisses before he can stop himself.

“Jinyoung!” His uncle says, looking concerned. Mr. Lim looks both shocked and offended.

“Park Jinyoung.” Mr. Lim says. “I don’t believe that you just used that tone to me.”

“I mean it. I don’t ever want to hear you say something like that about Jaebum ever again.” Jinyoung says, standing up to leave. “I think we’re done here, and until you come to apologize to me and to Jaebum, we won’t be in touch.”

He storms out of the room, hearing his uncle hastily bid goodbye, and then follow quickly behind him.

They’re silent on the way down to his uncle’s waiting car. Jinyoung can practically feel the anger coming off his uncle. He supposes that it wasn’t his wisest moment, offending the head of another large company in defense of his best friend, who isn’t even currently speaking to him. But still, Jinyoung can’t find it within himself to feel guilty.

“What the hell was that back there?” His uncle asks finally, voice incredibly cold.

“That was nothing.” Jinyoung says, still looking out the window.

“That didn’t seem like nothing.” His uncle says, voice almost cracking with tension. “You can’t just pull shit like that Jinyoung-ah, you’re representing the company now. And to Mr. Lim- I don’t even know what we’re going to do.”

“I had to. I felt-”

“You didn’t feel anything. Feelings and business don’t ever mix, do you understand? There is too much at stake to be concerned with feelings, you have to be objective, and think about not just now, but the future, what the future could bring.” Jinyoung opens his mouth to answer but his uncle interrupts him before he can say anything. “You better understand because you just lost us a very important connection. I’m going to have to go see him tomorrow and see if he’ll concede to work with us.”

“I’m not sorry.” Jinyoung says. “Jaebum is my best friend and his dad is fucking asshole. You don’t even know what he used to do to him when Jaebum was younger.” He spits out, feeling the anger rise up at the memory of Jaebum coming over with bruises on his face and chest, a terrified looking Jaebum when he got a bad mark on a test. Something seems to soften on his uncle’s face, almost imperceptibly. “I don’t give a shit how powerful or important he is, my best friend always comes first.”

“Jinyoung-ah.” His uncle chides. “You should know better.”

“I’m not sorry that I said what I said. But I’m sorry I fucked this up for us.” He admits.

“I’ll go talk to him tomorrow. We’ll see what we can do.” His uncle says. “I’m still mad, but leave me to deal with this. We both need to cool off.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll drop you at the office? I have to run an errand.” His uncle says, eyes softening a little bit more. Jinyoung nods. He knows that while he’s not forgiven right now, he will be.

“You’re still young, I keep forgetting that you just started working. That you just finished school.” His uncle lets out a deep sigh. “What are we doing to do? It looks like it’s me and you now.”

“We’ll be alright.” Jinyoung says, because it’s the only thing he can. His uncle squeezes his knee.

“Thank you.”

Jinyoung peeks out the corner of his eye at his uncle, head leaning against the headrest, eyebrows furrowed. He looks older like this, more stressed. Jinyoung knows that his uncle didn’t ask for any of this to happen, ask to have to babysit his nephew. Just like Jinyoung didn’t want to be put in this position so young, neither did anyone else at the company, especially his uncle. And now he has to clean up after Jinyoung’s messes.

When the car pulls up outside the building, Jinyoung gets out of the car, and bows goodbye, deeper than is necessary, to show his respect. He squares his shoulders, and goes inside. He’s going to do better. He’s going to be better. 

\--

**pepi_jy_**

**I’m sorry.**

 


	6. feels like my life is ready to blow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. You know how life is. Also I’m not so sure about this chapter, but it has important stuff all the same. Anyways, I hope you enjoy regardless. I still don’t have an exact final chapter count, but I’m aiming to have that figured out by the time I post next. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from Mind Mischief by Tame Impala. 
> 
> As always, muchmuchmuch love to all of you for reading. I hope all is well, and if it isn’t, I hope it will be soon. <3 <3 <3
> 
> Song for this chapter:  
> Mind Mischief (the Field Remix) – Tame Impala

Jinyoung’s plan to be better starts slowly, because he doesn’t even have his best friend on his side. As much as it hurts to not have Yugyeom talking to him, it hurts even more not to have Jaebum there to talk to. Actually Jinyoung has no one to talk to about anything other than work. He can hardly talk to his uncle about the boy he likes and semi-cheated on, because he can’t really tell his family that he’s gay. And his mother has never been fond of Jaebum because of the rumors about his family, so even if Jinyoung was talking to her, he can’t tell her about Jaebum.

Jaebum has always been there for him, through everything, which makes his absence felt even more. Jinyoung would take their strange, strained waltz over this wall between them any day. 

Something had to give though, they couldn’t not talk forever. At least everything was out in the open between the two of them. 

But he knows that he went too far, that he shouldn’t have brought Jaebum’s family into it. It’s always been Jaebum’s biggest weakness and the thing that Jinyoung has always wanted to help Jaebum escape from.

He’d known from the beginning, even though Jaebum didn’t talk about it, that Jaebum’s family went beyond the usual patriarchy bullshit. Jaebum’s father saw Jaebum as an investment, not a person, and was always bitterly disappointed when Jaebum didn’t live up his expectations of perfect grades and perfect grooming. It wasn’t that Jinyoung’s parents didn’t have similar expectations, but that they didn’t hit him when he got a bad mark. Jinyoung still remembers the first time Jaebum’s shirt rode up and Jinyoung spotted a blooming purple and red bruise on Jaebum’s stomach, stark against Jaebum’s pale skin. Jaebum had flushed and pulled his shirt down but there was no point, Jinyoung had already seen it, and he’d heard the way Jaebum’s father spoke to him.

Things got better on that front after his parents’ divorce, with Jaebum going to live with his mother most of the time, and only spending weekends with his father. Jaebum’s parents split up when Jaebum was fourteen, and it was messy and acrimonious. Jaebum was technically not his mother’s son, but Jaebum’s father had made it clear that he was going to have nothing to do with Jaebum’s birth mother. Jaebum’s mom loves him like her own though, in some ways more than Jinyoung’s mother loves him, Jinyoung sometimes thinks. It was hard on her too, the divorce, and the rumors that she cheated, that she married Jaebum’s father for money. Jinyoung remembers the tired look on Jaebum’s face when their classmates would whisper about Jaebum’s family.

He had to start working eventually, just barely finishing university, and working part-time in the human resources department of the family company to appease his father.

Things are better now, easier that Jaebum is bigger and not living in the same house as his father but in many ways Jaebum is still the same scared twelve-year old that Jinyoung first met.

So Jinyoung bringing up Jaebum’s family was the lowest of low blows. It was said to hurt Jaebum and Jinyoung wants nothing more than to go back in time and not even think about saying anything. He’s never been anything but supportive to Jaebum about his family, because that’s what a best friend does. They don’t say shit like what he said to Jaebum, and Jinyoung knows this. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right, and Jinyoung needs to apologize.

But first he needs to get Jaebum to talk to him, and that seems to be a bit of a problem.

It isn’t just Jaebum that he owes an apology to. He knows that he fucked up with Jackson too. Jaebum was right, Jinyoung does have a tendency to treat people like shit and he needs to stop. It isn’t just Jackson – he’s treated his mom like shit, he’s treated Yugyeom like shit, and even Mark.

He didn’t even notice until it was gone how nice it was to have a group of friends. He was too busy feeling self-conscious or annoyed by them to appreciate them fully. He wonders how Youngjae and Bambam’s lab work is going, if their supervisor is still giving them a hard time. He wants to know if Jackson’s grandmother is doing okay, if her health is acting up still. He thinks about Mark, and what he thinks of the whole kissing each other thing. Just thinking about it makes Jinyoung wince. He shouldn’t have kissed Mark -- he really shouldn’t have kissed Mark.

But in a weird way he doesn’t regret it because now he knows that he doesn’t like Mark like that, that he doesn’t want to date Mark.

The first time they’d slept together Jinyoung had been almost dizzy with love. He’d never had someone make him feel like that, despite the fact that they hardly knew each other. Now he knows Mark to be kind, and loyal, and quiet, but knowing that doesn’t make Jinyoung want to fall in love with him again. Especially after kissing him it makes him realize the extent that he doesn’t want to date Mark, because he knows that Mark deserves someone who can be loyal and kind back. And that person isn’t Jinyoung. 

Maybe it was better to have been in love with Mark when he didn’t know him, because now he can know how much he likes Yugyeom, for reasons other than the fact that they slept together. Even though Jinyoung wants to, but he doesn’t like Yugyeom because he wants to sleep with him; he wants to sleep with him because he likes him. 

The messages he sends to Jaebum go unread. Yugyeom at least reads Jinyoung’s texts, and just doesn’t respond. So at least he hasn’t blocked Jinyoung yet.

He really isn’t sure how he can fix the Yugyeom situation. He messages Youngjae, asking if he can come over, with no response, but he doesn’t even want to attempt messaging Bambam. He isn’t sure how he could explain it to his family if he had a hitman sent after him.

—

The only real good thing that has developed since his trip to Singapore, is that now if his father feels well enough, he speaks on the phone to Jinyoung sometimes. It’s only every few days, and sometimes the conversation has to be cut short because his dad is suddenly tired or has to do some treatment or something.

“Your mother says that the two of you are fighting.” His father says one evening as Jinyoung is sitting and looking out the window in the office at the dark city.

“I don’t know if I would go that far.” He fibs. “We’re just worried about you.” His father sighs.

“I don’t know if you’re lying or not. But I hope that you don’t fight too much. Your mother is already stressed about you enough.” Jinyoung doesn’t add that really, she should be concerned with him -- the one in the hospital.

“We’re just in a rough patch right now, but it’ll be okay.”

“I know it will.”

“How’s the treatment? Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine. I’ve been resting. The doctor thinks I’ll be well enough soon to be able to go for a walk.”

“That’s great! I’ll come visit you and we can go for a walk hmm?”

“That sounds good. Hey Jinyoung?

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too Dad.” Jinyoung says, and then the phone gets taken away and Jinyoung can hear some rustling on the other line, probably one of the nurses coming in, before someone hangs up.

He still worries about his dad, but being able to speak to him has been helpful, both for him personally, and because he doesn’t have to fight with his mom just to hear about how his dad is doing.

The office is quiet, with just Jinyoung there going over paperwork, and finishing his emails. He wonders what would happen if he just left. Maybe went back to LA, maybe went somewhere else. He wonders who would miss him if he left.

\--

Ultimately it isn’t any kind of planning on Jinyoung’s part that finally puts him back in Yugyeom’s orbit. It’s entirely chance, just like their initial meetings.

Jinyoung is stopping for a coffee before going back to the office, and without thinking he stops at his favourite cafe for something to help him stay awake. He has a secretary who could do it, but Jinyoung feels strange about that -- bossing around someone older than him for a coffee, so he does it himself when he has the time. 

Yugyeom is sitting in the cafe, books spread out around him, clearly deep in thought. He’s just sitting there working, but Jinyoung doesn’t think that he’s ever seen someone so attractive. Jinyoung’s heart thumps uncomfortably just looking at him. He’s missed Yugyeom so much.

Jinyoung could leave without being noticed, or he could handle it like the mature adult that he’s trying to be. He approaches Yugyeom, enjoying being able to even see Yugyeom.

He looks a bit tired, there are dark circles beneath his eyes, and he’s dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie. Jinyoung wonders if he’s been sleeping enough. He needs sleep for his exams, and his labs, and his tutoring. He looks a bit thinner too. Jinyoung’s mouth presses together. Yugyeom needs to take better care of himself.

Yugyeom looks up and sees him, eyes lighting up in recognition, but then he forces his eyes back onto his computer screen, avoiding Jinyoung. It actually isn’t unlike their second and third meetings, with Yugyeom avoiding him. But this time it’s worse, because Jinyoung had something with Yugyeom, even if he still isn’t fully sure what that thing was.

He watches Yugyeom’s eyes flicker over his body, and then up to his face. Jinyoung would feel satisfied if he didn’t feel so sad.

“Hey.” He says, voice cracking.

“Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says, not even fully greeting Jinyoung, still typing away.

“Can I talk to you?”

“What do you want?” Yugyeom asks coolly. “I’m busy. I have exams.”

“I won’t keep you long.” Jinyoung says, putting his hands up as if in semi-surrender. “School is important.” Yugyeom doesn’t even respond, so Jinyoung figures that it’s safe to sit down at the chair opposite Yugyeom’s. Yugyeom’s eyes stay on his screen, and he continues to type.

“So, what do you need to talk about?” Yugyeom asks, typing rapidly.

“I wanted to talk to you about the night at Jaebum’s apartment. I think maybe Youngjae-”

“If you’re going to tell me that Youngjae saw wrong, you can save it. Jaebum saw too.” Jinyoung wasn’t going to say that, but he didn’t know that Jaebum talked to Yugyeom about it. He didn’t think they were that close. It was mostly Youngjae and Bambam that were close to Jaebum.

“Jaebum told you what happened?” Yugyeom glares at him like he’s offended by Jinyoung’s question.

“Yeah. So you can’t lie to me.”

“I wouldn’t. I would never lie to you.”

“I don’t know. You didn’t tell me that you aren’t single.”

“I am single!”

“So who’s Mark then?”

“Someone I used to sleep with.”

“So your ex.”

“We were never together.”

“I’m not stupid Jinyoung. I know how he looks at you.” Jinyoung realizes instantly how bad this must look: Mark pining after him, and then the two of them caught kissing.

“I promise you that Mark and I aren’t together. Mark likes me but I don’t like him back. You have to believe me.” Yugyeom suddenly looks up at Jinyoung like he wants to punch him. He starts packing up his belongings hastily -- throwing papers into a binder and ripping his laptop cable from the plug-in. “What- what are you doing?”

“I can’t do this Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says through gritted teeth. Jinyoung blinks at him.

“Can’t do what?”

“Can’t be used by you like some toy!”

“I don’t think of you as a toy.”

“You have a funny way of showing it then.”

“Yugyeom, I promise that I don’t think of you as a toy!”

“Find somebody else to play with Jinyoung. I’m not interested.” Yugyeom says, and brushes roughly past him to leave.

“Wait!” Jinyoung bursts out, standing up to follow him.

“Leave me alone.” Yugyeom calls back, red in the face.

“I want to explain.”

“Explain what? That you’re an emotionally stunted asshole? I already know that.” Yugyeom says, sounding distressed. Jinyoung immediately stops. He’s hurt Yugyeom again, without meaning to. How can he expect Yugyeom to stay if he doesn’t want to?

“I like you!” Jinyoung says, too loudly, judging from the concerned reactions of the people around them. Yugyeom winces, walks back to Jinyoung and grabs his arm hard, yanking Jinyoung out of the cafe with him.

“You did not just tell me that.” Yugyeom says once they’re outside, eyes darker than Jinyoung has ever seen on him. He looks genuinely mad at Jinyoung’s confession, which wasn’t quite the reaction he was going for.

“I like you.” Jinyoung repeats, partially to be annoying, and partially to emphasize his point.

“You have a fucked up way of showing it then, because you were making out with your ex, who I’m friends with, who I didn’t even know you had dated by the way, right in front of my friends!”

“I’m sorry.” Jinyoung says pleadingly.

“You’re not sorry, or you wouldn’t have done it!” Yugyeom bursts out, flailing his arms a little bit. It shouldn’t be stupidly endearing but it is. Jinyoung holds back his own arms from reaching out and touching Yugyeom even though he wants to.

“I guarantee it really isn’t like that.”

“Whatever Jinyoung. We’re not even together. I don’t know why I’ve been so stupid about you. Do whatever you want.” Yugyeom says, seemingly mostly to himself, shaking his head. Jinyoung gapes at him.

“Yugyeom, wait! I need to explain!”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Yugyeom spits out. “I’m serious. Leave me alone.”

“Yugyeom-ah!” Jinyoung calls as a last resort. Yugyeom jerks at the informal name, and his face contorts into something strained.

“Don’t call me that.” He says miserably. “Please.” His tone is entirely different than before, any malice or bite in his voice is gone. Jinyoung feels his jaw drop. He lets Yugyeom walk away, not able to even watch.

He just went and made it worse than he thought.

\--

Before Jinyoung knows it, it’s fully winter, and the city is getting an unusual amount of snow. The temperature is bitterly cold too, and grey every day. To match Jinyoung’s mood he supposes.

Work gets busier, with the chatter of the acquisition of a smaller microchip company, and Jinyoung having to go over everything, even if he isn’t completely sure what he should be looking at, among pages and pages of talk about assets and market power. Jinyoung doesn’t even fully know what the microchips are even used for.

He’s at home one weeknight, flipping through reports and trying to not think about the new book waiting for him on his bedside table when the doorbell rings.

Jinyoung isn’t expecting anyone, and not just anyone can get through, so he goes to the front door to investigate.

It’s Mark, standing awkwardly at his front door, snowflakes frozen in his hair. Jinyoung had forgotten that he was still on the list of people to be allowed through the gate, from two years ago.

“Hey.” Mark says quietly. “I can go if you don’t want me here, but I figured you might want some company.”

Jinyoung pauses for a moment. He doesn’t really want Mark to be here, but his desire to just not be alone is greater. He hasn’t spent time with anyone doing anything that wasn’t work related in weeks.

“Yeah. You can come in.” He says, and opens the door for Mark. He takes Mark’s coat, and offers him a pair of slippers.

“Thanks.” Mark mutters. He looks younger, more approachable in his socks and slippers.

“Are, uh, your parents around?”

“No. My mom’s never home anyways and my dad’s out of the country.” Jinyoung says and then his eyes widen in shock at his own revelation of that fact. “Shit.”

“I won’t tell anyone.” Mark says quickly, clearly sensing Jinyoung’s distress.

“Thanks. I just meant-”

“It doesn’t matter.” Mark adds, interrupting Jinyoung with a blush on his face.

Jinyoung shows Mark to the living room, and he realizes that this is the first time that Mark has been in his house since they slept together. They sit down awkwardly, both of them on the sofa with two feet between them. The two of them sit in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

“Do you want anything to drink? A snack?” Jinyoung asks, just for something to say.

“I’m fine.” Mark says, and then adds. “Not to be weird, but I think we fucked on this couch.”

“My parents redecorated, so I don’t think so.” Jinyoung says awkwardly, and then Mark bursts out laughing. Jinyoung doesn’t even think he’s ever seen Mark laugh this loudly and brightly – his head cast back and the sound of laughter reverberating around the room. “What?”

“Jinyoung, you’re too much.” Mark says, wiping tears away from his eyes and then goes back to laughing. Jinyoung is even more confused.

“What’s so funny?”

“You are.”

“I didn’t mean to-” Jinyoung says, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but Mark interrupts him with a smile.

“It’s a good thing. I think people sometimes think you’re a robot or something.”

“I am not a robot.” Jinyoung says, feeling a flush come over his ears. Perhaps he is a little serious sometimes.

“Whatever you say.” Mark says with a final laugh. His phone dings and he takes it out of his pocket, only to frown at whatever the notification is.

“What is it?” Jinyoung asks before he can stop himself.

“It’s Bam. He wants me to come over but…”

“You can go.” Jinyoung says quickly. “I’m fine.” Mark looks at him for a moment, and Jinyoung swears that he can see right through him.

“I really don’t think that you are fine though. Because everyone has been ignoring you, so you’ve been alone for the last two weeks.”

“I-”

“It’s okay to admit that you aren’t fine. That you’re lonely.” Mark says so softly that Jinyoung isn’t even sure that he heard him properly. Mark shifts closer and pats Jinyoung’s shoulder. “I’ll tell him we’ll can hang out another night.”

“But-”

“No buts. I see him all the time. I haven’t seen you in ages. Since-”

“Yes. I know when we last saw each other.” Jinyoung says, grimacing.

“What a night.” Mark says, totally deadpan.

“I fucked up that night.” Jinyoung says with a bitter laugh.

“I know.” Mark says. “I did too.”

Jinyoung leans his head on Mark’s shoulder, possibly the first time that he’s initiated contact with Mark outside of sex. It doesn’t feel charged, doesn’t feel like anything romantic though, it’s just two people touching each other.

“So you and Yugyeom huh?” Mark says finally. Jinyoung snorts.

“I don’t think he wants anything to do with me now.”

“But you like him?”

“Yeah.” Jinyoung says nervously. He isn’t sure how Mark is going to take it.

“He’s nice.” Mark says simply. “He’s good for you.”

“Am I good for him though?” Jinyoung asks bitterly.

“I think you are. Have you seen the way he looks at you?”

“What?

“Wow, you’re actually the dumbest. He looks at you like you hung the moon.”

“No he doesn’t.”

“You don’t have to believe me. But you’d also be blind not to recognize what’s right in front of you.”

“I’m not sorry I kissed you.”

“Mark-”

“But I’m sorry about what happened after. I didn’t want to hurt you or Yugyeom.”

“We can’t be together.”

“I know that. I like you, but I know that.” Jinyoung can’t help himself, he laughs. “What?”

“It’s just I would’ve killed two years ago for you to like me. I was halfway in love with you.”

“Shit, really?”

“God, yeah.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Would it have made a difference?” Jinyoung asks. Mark is silent for a long while, for so long that Jinyoung isn’t sure if he’s going to answer.

“I don’t think so.” Mark answers finally.

“Wow. What a sad pair we are.” Mark says with a laugh. “Wanna go get a drink?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

They don’t go to Jackson’s bar, they don’t even go to a real bar in general, instead winding up at a pojangmacha, shivering slightly in the winter cold, but warmed up by tteokbokki and soju.

Jinyoung initially wondered if maybe Mark would misconstrue this as a date or something but the atmosphere between the two of them is casual, no tension or awkwardness at all. 

They order one bottle, and then two. Jinyoung ends up telling Mark about everything that has happened since he’s come home, including with Yugyeom.

Once he starts, he can’t seem to make himself shut up. But Mark is a surprisingly good listener, not really saying much, and letting Jinyoung say what he needs to say.

“Wow, that’s fucked up.” Mark says, finally.

“What is?”

“Your whole situation. Your dad is sick, your mom is absent, you’re fighting with your best friend, you’re on a break with your boyfriend, and on top of everything you’re in charge of a Fortune 500 company under the age of twenty-five, after graduating school like two seconds ago.”

“I know.” Jinyoung says sadly.

“You’ll pull through though.” Mark says, pouring Jinyoung another glass. “Jackson asked me about you. He thought we were still seeing each other.” Jinyoung nods.

“Wait, so how did you even meet Jackson in the first place?” Mark groans.

“Oh my god. Don’t remind me. He just kind of sticks around.” Mark then jumps into how Jackson talked to him when he heard Mark speaking English, and then the two of them became fast friends.

“He’s a good person though.” Jinyoung says. “He grows on you.” Mark smiles at him, a small soft smile.

“He does. He’s always there for you, and sometimes that’s what you need.”

“He hates me too though.” Jinyoung says. “I deserve it.” Mark hums thoughtfully. “Is his grandmother okay?”

“Hmm?”

“He mentioned something…”

“Oh, yeah she’s all fine now.” Mark pauses for a second. “Were you worrying about him?”

“No.” Jinyoung answers too quickly.

“Mhmm.” There’s a pause again. Jinyoung pours them each one last glass before Mark speaks again, almost hesitantly. “Hey Jinyoung?”

“Hmm?”

“Friends for real?”

“Yeah, friends.” Jinyoung answers.

The smile that Mark sends Jinyoung in response is almost blinding.

\--

Just knowing that he has one person on his side feels good. He knows that Mark doesn’t tell everyone when they hang out, but that’s okay because he has somebody to text, or see occasionally.

He probably should expect it honestly though, when he shows up to a restaurant one day to find Mark and Jackson already sitting at a table, Jackson fiddling with the menu and Mark looking anxiously at the door.

“Jackson?” Jinyoung asks when he gets close enough to talk to them.

“Jinyoung!” Jackson exclaims, jumping up to pull Jinyoung in beside him for a kind of enthusiastic side hug. Jinyoung is confused but he lets Jackson manhandle him into a hug anyways. “Long time no see!”

“Yeah, it’s been a little while.” Jinyoung says, still confused about why Jackson is here. Mark seems appeased when he sees Jackson and Jinyoung attached to each other.

“Too long.” Jackson says, nodding.

“I didn’t think you wanted to see me.” Jinyoung blurts out. “After I was rude to you that night at Jaebum’s.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m mad at you too, but Mark asked me very harshly-Ouch!- nicely if I could come hang out.” Jinyoung eyes Mark curiously, who is studiously staring at the floor.

“Did he?”

“I just thought it would be more fun and less awkward if it wasn’t just the two of us.” Mark says quietly and Jinyoung feels a sudden rush of affection for him.

“Which is why I’m here!” Jackson says loudly.

“Thank you.” Jinyoung mouths to Mark, who just quirks a smile at him.  

Dinner isn’t awkward at all, like Jinyoung would expect anything different from Jackson and Mark. They eat too much, and then end up going bowling, something Jinyoung hadn’t done in forever.

Jinyoung comes home after bowling, stomach sore from laughing and full from all the food Mark and Jackson ordered.

Except his mother is pacing in the front hallway when Jinyoung gets in, white as a sheet, and looking absolutely devastated.

“Jinyoung-ah.” She says gravely and Jinyoung knows that something is deeply wrong.

“Mom? What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s your father. He’s-” His mother stops, choking on her own words.

“He’s what?” Jinyoung asks with a sinking feeling in his stomach, mind immediately going to the worst case possible.

“He’s in a coma.” She says quietly, and then collapses into the closest chair.

“Mom!” Jinyoung reaches out and grabs her. Her eyes are hazy and unfocused, but she’s still conscious. He shifts her around so she can be more comfortable.

She grasps his hand weakly.

“Turn the news on.” She says, and Jinyoung scrambles for a remote control.

The news channel is already on, and the reporter seems to be talking about Park Corporation, and then the screen behind the reporter changes to show Jinyoung’s father in an unmistakable hospital gown, walking supported by a nurse, with an IV pole behind him. The photo seems to be in high quality, and the angle shows the bandages over his father’s stomach. He looks unmistakably ill.

It’s all over the news, reports of his father being hospitalized and Jinyoung taking over temporarily. Jinyoung sees the graph of the company stock prices flashing across the screen, the line going crashing down on today’s date because of the New York and London markets trading. Presumably with everyone selling their shares in the company. He’s fucked. The company is fucked. His dad is fucked. His mom is fucked. Everyone is fucked.

“Shit.” He says finally, unable to tear his eyes from the screen.

“The doctor thinks it was the news getting this out that stressed his body too much.” His mother says quietly. “I’m flying out right now.”

His phone rings and Jinyoung answers numbly.

“Jinyoung?” His uncle asks over the line.

“Huh?”

“Did you hear?”

“About dad?”

“And the company.”

“Yeah.” Jinyoung says. “Is there anything I can do?” His uncle is silent on the other line for so long that Jinyoung wonders if he’s hung up. “Hello?”

“I’m sorry Jinyoung.” His uncle finally says quietly.

“Why?”

“I know we weren’t planning on this, but it has to be done.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We need to do some damage control, so you’ll be voted in officially tomorrow as the CEO. It’ll show stability, and decisiveness on our part.” Jinyoung’s mind goes blank.

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“Officially CEO?”

“Yes.”

“But-”

“Jinyoung-ah. I know it’s scary, but-“

“What about my dad?” Jinyoung asks, interrupting his uncle, because it’s the only thing he can think of. His father is supposed to be the one doing what Jinyoung is doing. His father is supposed to be the one taking charge of the company. Fuck, anyone would be better than Jinyoung. He’s too young, he doesn’t know how to do anything hardly. He has a fucking MBA, that’s it. He’s qualified for basic T-chart accounting, and making Powerpoint presentations. “What about you? What about-”

“He can’t exactly say no right now Jinyoung-ah.” His uncle says firmly. “I wish he could. I really wish he could. But this is the best action to take right now. We need to show stability, and you’re already acting CEO so it makes no sense for anybody else to take the role.”

“But-”

“I know. I know. You’re too young. You are too young for this.” His uncle says, barking out a laugh. “But you’ll only get older.” Jinyoung really isn’t sure how that logic works. He looks at his mother, who’s listening keenly to his conversation, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Jinyoung-ah.” She says, tears finally falling. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why?”

“You didn’t ask for this.” She whispers. Jinyoung’s arm drops to his side, and he can faintly hear his uncle’s tinny voice still.

She’s not home ever, and Jinyoung is still mad as hell at her, but she’s still his mother. His mother who has worried about him, and done everything she could have for him. His lip wobbles a bit. She looks so tired, and so old, and something clicks in Jinyoung’s mind.

“Hello?” His uncle asks from somewhere below Jinyoung’s waist, but Jinyoung’s mind is elsewhere.

He’s always resented the fact that he had to take over the company, that that was the literal reason why he was born. Not to choose his own path, not to make his own decisions, but to follow the course set out for him before he was even alive. He’s always wanted something else, something beyond the corporate life, and as a good, filial son doing as his parents wanted.

But his parents have loved him, and raised him so that he could take over, and they could retire and not have to worry. Now there might be a wrench in their initial plan, with his dad not being conscious and all, but Jinyoung knows that he still has to take care of his parents. Jinyoung thinks of Jaebum not even speaking to his father, and he thinks of his friends in LA talking about their families, and Jinyoung not knowing what to say, or how to explain his family. He’s not ashamed of them, but he’d be lying if he said that he’s never wondered what it would be like to be born in a more normal family, where his father is a plumber and his mother is a teacher, or something like that. Would he have more freedom then? 

“Jinyoung?”

Except Jinyoung wasn’t born to another family, he was born to this one. He can’t change that, or run away forever and ignore it. He can’t just leave his messes for other people to clean up, like a small child.

He can figure things out. He can learn how to do things. He can adapt. He can make this better, so his parents don’t have to worry about him, or the company. He can make it so that his mother comes home, and she doesn’t have to worry about him. He can make it so that his father won’t have to worry when he wakes up about stock prices or stability.

“Jinyoung? Are you still there? What’s going on?” Time ticks on. Jinyoung knows what he needs to do. He lifts his phone back up to his ear, hand shaking slightly.

“I...I’ll do it.” Jinyoung says, blinking back tears.  “I’m at home, but I’m coming to the office right now. Mom’s going to Singapore.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I’m coming. We need to prepare a media statement, and a speech, and everything. I have to be there.” Jinyoung says, force coming into his voice with each word. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Wait for me, please.”

 


	7. and what you lost, and what you had, and what you lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: This isn’t gonna be an angsty chapter  
> Also me: Ok nvm
> 
> I felt bad that I uploaded the last chapter late so I worked hard to get this up sooner as a treat. I promise that it will get less angsty! I promise. It’s just happening slowly. PS this is gonna be like 12-13 chapters tentatively...
> 
> Chapter title comes from 'Dreams' by Fleetwood Mac.
> 
> Songs for this chapter: 
> 
> Cigarettes Out the Window - TV Girl  
> So Good at Being in Trouble - Unknown Mortal Orchestra

After hastily changing, and making himself somewhat suitable for the ensuing media shitshow, Jinyoung heads to the office.

There are already a few reporters hovering outside the building when Jinyoung arrives, and he has to ignore their shouted questions and microphones shoved in his face on his way in. He imagines that it will only get worse in the morning when everyone else comes in for work.

His uncle is waiting in his office for him, looking sleepy. Jinyoung knows the feeling. He doesn’t think they’ll be getting any sleep tonight.

“Jinyoung-ah.” His uncle says in greeting and then scrunches his brow. “Wait, I suppose I should call you Jinyoung-ssi since soon you’ll be my boss.”

“Please do not call me that. Except when you have to. I’ll die of shame.” Jinyoung says pleadingly and his uncle laughs.

“Fine fine. If you want. Only in public then.”

“Fine.” Jinyoung concedes. “I can’t call you my junior. I can’t.” His uncle quirks another smile.

“You might have to. You’re my boss. You’re everyone’s boss.” Jinyoung just sighs. “So the plan is for you to be voted in first thing in the morning and then give a speech to the media. We want it out right as the markets open. There might be a bit of movement initially but our analysts think everything should stabilize by the end of the day.”

“Okay. No crazy events?”

“Not for now at least.”

They order up some coffees, and get to work drafting a media statement. After a little while Jinyoung’s uncle pauses to speak.

“I wasn’t expecting you to come in so fast. I know you don’t want this, so I was a little surprised.” His uncle’s tone is verging on acerbic, but he seems to be trying to be genuine. Jinyoung takes a moment to formulate a response.

“If I’m going to do it, I’m going to do a good job.” Jinyoung says finally. “I’ll do whatever it takes.” His uncle nods.

“I hope you know that I’ll be here for you whenever you need it. I don’t want to hinder you.”

“I know. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“Anything else?”

“Oh, yeah. Can we get more security for the front? I don’t want everyone else to get harassed on their way in.” His uncle blinks at him.

“Everyone else?”

“All the regular employees. I don’t want their work to be disrupted.” Jinyoung explains and his uncle nods.

“I’ll see what I can do. You practice the speech a few times and I’ll be back to see how you’re doing in an hour?” Jinyoung nods, finally able to have a moment to himself.

He settles down in the chair with a tired huff, letting it spin around. In the next three hours he’s going to be officially voted in as CEO, have to make a statement to the media, and not pass out from exhaustion.

His phone buzzes with a text from his mom telling him that she landed, and that she’s going straight to the hospital. Jinyoung wonders if there’ll be photos taken of her. Luckily, no news has come out of his father’s state, but there are reporters camped outside the hospital apparently.

For a moment he wonders what would happen if the news did get out that his father is in a coma. Jinyoung imagines that his life can’t possibly get any more fucked up than it already is. It feels like an eternity since he got back to Seoul. An eternity away from spending days working on presentations or cramming for exams. A lifetime away from being a student with no responsibilities. He’d known that he was going to have things to do when he got back but he would have never imagined that it would be to this extent.

Jinyoung sighs and reads over his speech again.

\--

At eight, Jinyoung shuffles into the boardroom to find everyone seated already.

“We called an emergency meeting.” His uncle explains. “It’s mostly for show, as everyone has already agreed to vote you in.”

“When did you do all this?” Jinyoung asks, somewhat incredulous.

“When you get older Jinyoung-ah, you don’t sleep much.” His uncle says with a smile.

There’s a flurry of conversation and then finally, the important decision.

“All those in favour of voting Park Jinyoung-ssi in as chief executive officer of Park Corporation?” Jinyoung hears someone ask from the back of the room.

He watches as every single placard in the boardroom goes up. He knew it was going to happen but it’s exhilarating and nerve-wracking anyways.

“Alright. We now have a new CEO. Welcome Park Jinyoung-ssi.” His uncle says with a smile, and when no one is looking, he winks at Jinyoung. Jinyoung smiles back, his whole body buzzing. He can’t decide if it’s with nervousness or excitement.

He’s whisked away immediately to the media room downstairs, thrown into a chair for some BB cream and hairspray, and then he’s practically shoved onstage, lights bright in his eyes so he can hardly see. The chatter fades away with each step he takes toward the podium.

Jinyoung gulps.

“As many of you know, my father ill right now and is seeking treatment in Singapore. This is mostly preventative and he will return as soon as he can. Until then I ask that he not be bothered so that he can recover in peace. This morning I was unanimously voted in as chief executive officer and will be taking over the leadership of Park Corporation. I will work hard and do everything that I can to learn and be the best leader of Park Corporation I can be. Thank you.” He says and bows deeply to the audience, almost ninety degrees to show his respect.

Jinyoung can hear an explosion of yelling from the crowd, but he’s being yanked offstage and away to his office before he can fully register what is going on.

The news is on the TV in his office and it’s strange to see his own face mirrored back. He looks surprisingly put-together and capable from the outside. If only people could see his nervousness, he thinks and shuts the TV off.

His phone buzzes again with another text from his mom. Apparently the doctors think that his father will wake up, that he was just shocked and his body just shut down. It isn’t uncommon according to them, and that it’s just a matter of time until he wakes up. Jinyoung could cry he’s so relieved. Amidst all the business he’d assumed the worst -- that his father would never wake up, that he would stay asleep forever.

The rest of the day after the press conference passes in a blur. There seems to be a million things to sign, and Jinyoung doesn’t have a single moment to himself until he’s shepherded by his uncle to his car.

He’s exhausted, his mind is racing, and his body feels like every cell is vibrating. He’s so awake and so tired. Jinyoung just drives, and doesn’t even hesitate to think about where he’s going. He hasn’t really felt present in himself, in his own life all day long.

Jinyoung pauses to realize that he’s arrived at Yugyeom’s apartment without even being fully aware. Jinyoung turns the engine off. He pauses for a moment. He really shouldn’t be here. Yugyeom has no reason to even let Jinyoung near him, let alone into his apartment.

He knows that he shouldn’t go in, that he shouldn’t push the button on the elevator for Yugyeom’s floor, and knock on the door but this is what he does anyways.

Jinyoung paces outside Yugyeom’s apartment for a little while, before he finally just gives in and knocks. It takes a few heart-pounding moments before Yugyeom finally answers. Jinyoung realizes that he didn’t quite think through what he would do if Youngjae or Bambam opened the door. Probably die.

The apartment is mostly dark behind him when Yugyeom opens the door, and Jinyoung realizes that he didn’t even know what time it was. Yugyeom is wearing plaid pajama pants, and no shirt, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Jinyoung wants nothing more than to hug him. But he can’t. He’s not allowed to even want that really. He’s the one that fucked up.

“Jinyoung?” Yugyeom asks incredulously, blinking like he can’t quite believe his eyes. Jinyoung knows immediately that he shouldn’t have come. Even though it’s been days since he last saw Yugyeom it feels like forever. Jinyoung is suddenly hit with a rush of emotions, happy and sad.

“I know you said that you didn’t want to see me, but...” Jinyoung says raggedly. “I’ll leave if you don’t want me here.” Yugyeom looks at him for a long moment, and then opens the door wider to let Jinyoung in. Jinyoung could collapse he’s so relieved.

His apartment is messier than the last time Jinyoung visited: there are books and notebooks strewn around, and just a single lamp on. Yugyeom is clearly in the middle of studying.

“I’ll go, you’re studying and I-” Jinyoung says quickly.

“Jinyoung. Sit down. You look like a truck hit you.” Yugyeom says, interrupting Jinyoung and steering him onto the sofa, shuffling some papers over.

Yugyeom lets Jinyoung sit on the couch, head between his legs, hyperventilating for a few moments, and then there is a hand softly rubbing the back of his neck. It’s an unbelievably intimate gesture, and Jinyoung doesn’t ever want to leave this moment.

“I’m the official CEO now. ” Jinyoung manages to choke out finally.

“I know. We saw you on the news.” Yugyeom says, like he doesn’t want to.

“You watched?”

“Yeah.” Yugyeom says quietly. “We all did.”

“I didn’t think you would.”

“Me neither.” Yugyeom says, and then adds. “What are you going to do?”

“I have no idea actually. But I’m working on it. I’ll figure something out.”

“You will. I know you will.”

“You think?”

“I know you will.” Yugyeom repeats and Jinyoung feels himself tear up.

Before he can even realize what’s happening, Yugyeom wraps himself around Jinyoung, arms around Jinyoung’s torso and head pressed against Jinyoung’s back.

“Shh, everything is going to be okay.” Yugyeom says, babbling quietly to Jinyoung and rubbing his hands on Jinyoung. Jinyoung doesn’t even realize that he’s crying softly. 

A door in the background opens and closes, and Jinyoung can faintly hear whispering voices. Probably Bambam and Youngjae, who probably want him dead.

“Your roommates-”

“Don’t mind them.”

“We’re leaving. Feel better Jinyoung-ie.” Youngjae whispers from somewhere nearby and then the front door closes.

“Is he-”

“Don’t worry about them.”

“I can’t help myself. How can I not worry about what they think?” Yugyeom doesn’t answer.

“Do you want tea or anything?”

“No, I should probably get going soon. I should go home and get some sleep.”

“You can spend the night here if you want.” Yugyeom says awkwardly. Jinyoung feels the immediate urge to agree, to spend the night, but then he thinks about the morning, and how he still hasn’t apologized to Yugyeom, and how Youngjae and Bambam hate him. It wouldn’t be right, and he doesn’t want Yugyeom to assume that he’s taking advantage of his emotional state.

“I- I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Jinyoung says and his heart sinks with the disappointed look that comes across Yugyeom’s face.

“Okay. If you’re don’t want to.” Yugyeom says quietly.

“I want to!” Jinyoung blurts out. “Uh, I mean not in a weird way. But I do want to. I just don’t want you to think that I’m taking advantage of you before I’ve apologized.”

“Um.”

“Was that weird?” Jinyoung asks.

“A little.” Yugyeom answers. “But I know what you mean.”

Yugyeom walks Jinyoung to the door, hesitating slightly when they reach it, before finally extending his arms awkwardly.

Jinyoung doesn’t hold himself back, he wraps himself around Yugyeom, stepping on his tip-toes to burrow his face in Yugyeom’s warm neck.

“Yugyeom. I like you so much.” Jinyoung whispers into Yugyeom’s skin, so quiet that he’s not even sure Yugyeom can hear it.

“I know you do.” Yugyeom whispers back, more of a sigh than anything. “And I don’t know what I’m going to do about it.” Jinyoung doesn’t say anything, afraid to make the situation worse, to scare away Yugyeom. They just stay wrapped around each other for a tender moment, before Yugyeom pulls away first. Jinyoung pushes down the pang of rejection that he shouldn’t even be allowed to feel, he reminds himself.  

“I’ll see you around?” Yugyeom asks, and Jinyoung doesn’t miss the note of hope -- just the tiniest inflection -- in his voice. He holds back his smile.

“Yes. Yeah. Whenever you want. If you want. I’m fine with whatever.” Jinyoung says. “I mean it. I’m going to apologize to you and I want to do it right.”

They stare at each other for what could be five minutes, or forty. Jinyoung feels like he’s going to jump out of his skin. He wants to touch Yugyeom, wants to spend the night with Yugyeom. But he has to prove to Yugyeom that he’s better, and that he’s going to be better.

“Goodnight Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says finally, taking one last look at Jinyoung, and closes the door.

Jinyoung takes a deep breath, and goes back to his car.

When he gets home he’s still too worked up to sleep, despite having been awake for hours and hours. He changes and goes to wash his face.

When he looks in the mirror, he sees that he looks like shit. His stubble is out, having not shaved in a few days, his hair gel is coming out, and his hair is falling over his forehead. He can’t believe Yugyeom even let him into his apartment in this state.

Jinyoung thinks about texting Yugyeom, but he doesn’t even have to because Yugyeom texted him first without him noticing.

**yu_gyeom**

**i hope u got home ok. i’ll see u soon.**

Jinyoung isn’t completely sure if he’s allowed to respond but he does anyways.

**pepi_jy_**

**I got home fine. Thanks for letting me come over.**

**:)**

Yugyeom doesn’t respond, but he reads it. Jinyoung just hopes that Yugyeom understands what he means.

\-- 

The next morning his phone rings just as Jinyoung is opening up his emails for the morning. It’s his secretary which is strange because normally she just comes in without letting him know. He picks up the phone.

“Hello? Sooyoung?”

“Mr. Park?” She asks, sounding somewhat frazzled.

“Yeah? Of course it’s me.”

“You have a very insistent visitor.” She says and Jinyoung can hear muffled talking in the background.

“Who is it?” He asks, confused.

“He’s not giving his name but security let him through. He just says he’s a friend of yours.”

“Let him in.” Jinyoung says and his secretary hums in affirmation. He isn’t quite sure who it could be that’s causing such a fuss.

The door to his office bursts open just then and Jaebum comes literally skidding in, face completely white.

“Jinyoung.” He says, more of a wheeze than anything.

“What are you doing here?” Jinyoung asks, standing to greet him but then Jaebum is running over and wrapping him up in a tight hug.

“You absolute asshole.” Jaebum breathes out, squeezing Jinyoung as tightly as he can. “Fuck you, seriously.” Jinyoung possibly cannot breathe under Jaebum’s unrelenting hug but he can’t help but feel a sense of relief.

“What?”

“You didn’t tell me that your dad was sick? And in Singapore? Until he was in a coma and you got voted in as CEO of your fucking company? Oh my god.”

“I couldn’t tell you.” Jinyoung says. “I’m sorry.”

“God, you absolute shithead.” Jaebum says but he sounds oddly relieved. “I’m coming over later. I’m staying with you.”

“What? You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do.” Jaebum says forcefully. “What time are you going home?”

“I don’t know.” Jaebum raises an eyebrow. “I’ll be home after eight probably.”

“Cool. I’ll see you then.” Jaebum says vaguely threateningly.

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay.” Jinyoung agrees.

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” Jinyoung asks as Jaebum actually fusses with his suit, smoothing over the shoulders.

“I took the morning off.” Jaebum says. “Family stuff.”

“Oh.”

“I got a voicemail from my dad telling me that my useless best friend stood up for me in front of him.” Jinyoung doesn’t say anything. “I told him to fuck off, but I don’t think he was lying, was he?”

“He wasn’t.” Jinyoung says slowly.

“Oh my god Jinyoung-ah.”

“I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t let him talk about you like that.”

“You don’t have to stand up for me though.”

“Yes I do.” Jinyoung says firmly. “Family stuff.” Jaebum is still for a moment and then grins so widely at Jinyoung that he can’t help but smile back.

“I was wrong.” Jaebum says, serious suddenly. “Things don’t always come easily to you. I was stupid for saying that.”

“I know. I was wrong too. I was more wrong. I fucked things up hyung.”

“We both did, and we were both too stubborn to just deal with it right away.”

“I’m so sorry Jaebum-ah.” Jinyoung says earnestly, trying not to cry.

“I’m sorry too.”

“How can I make things right?”

“You don’t have to. You just have to apologize.”

“I’m sorry Jaebum. Please forgive me.” Jinyoung says. “I’ll get on my knees if I have to.”

“God you moron. Please don’t. I forgave you on the way here.”

“Fuck off.” Jinyoung says with relief and Jaebum just grins like the shithead that he is.

“You’re looking skinny. When was the last time you had meat?”

“I’m fine Mom.”

“Don’t sass me. I’m the hyung here. And someone isn’t taking care of themselves…” Jaebum says. Jinyoung wonders how he manages to sound so threatening while caring about someone.

\--

Jinyoung comes home from work at quarter to eight. He isn’t quite sure what to expect from Jaebum saying that he'll come over. Jinyoung changes out of his work clothes into sweatpants and putters around the kitchen until the doorbell rings. Jinyoung wanders over and opens it, finding more than just Jaebum on his doorstep.

Mark comes in first, with a chattering Jackson and Jaebum on his heels, and then unbelievably, a nervous looking Youngjae, an angry looking Bambam, and a cautious looking Yugyeom. Jinyoung shoots a look at Jaebum who shrugs.

“They wanted to come.” He mouths.

“Why?” Jinyoung mouths back.

“Stop using telepathy to communicate and join us.” Jackson says loudly, causing everyone to look at Jinyoung and Jaebum.

“We weren’t using telepathy.” Jinyoung says exasperatedly.

“That’s what you think.” Youngjae says. “Your freaky eye talking is close enough.”

Jaebum elbows Jinyoung, who just grins back.

Youngjae and Mark seem to have taken over Jinyoung’s kitchen, unpacking endless bags of groceries and drinks. When he looks in the living room, Yugyeom and Bambam are unrolling sleeping rolls and blankets.

“What’s going on?” Jinyoung asks, completely confused.

“We’re sleeping over.” Bambam announces.

“I didn’t invite you.”

“We invited ourselves.” Jackson says, which Jinyoung thinks might be the most Jackson thing he’s ever said. “You need _support_.” Everyone else nods vigorously at this comment, which makes Jinyoung think that they must have pre-planned what to say to get him to agree to let them stay over.

“Ah.” Jinyoung says, playing along.

“Don’t worry about them.” Jaebum mouths.

“What did we say about telepathy?” Bambam asks and then throws a pillow at Jaebum.

Dinner is slightly strained because Yugyeom seems to be ignoring Jinyoung, and Bambam is pretending to do his best to not yell at Jinyoung. But otherwise it seems to be okay. Mark and Jackson are chatty as always, Jaebum seems to be watching Jinyoung like a hawk, and Youngjae keeps shooting him apologetic looks. Jinyoung gets the sense that things are going to be okay. He still needs to apologize to Yugyeom, and probably persuade Bambam to let him talk to Yugyeom again, but just the fact that everyone is here, in his house, solely because they wanted to be fills him with happiness.

Mark and Youngjae have made dish after dish of food and the group is gathered around the table watching videos on YouTube. Jinyoung is pleasantly full and pleasantly happy – laughing at all the videos that Bambam and Jackson seem to have to show everyone. He wishes that he could talk to Yugyeom but every time he goes to even look at Yugyeom, Yugyeom obviously looks away and talks to someone else. Jinyoung pushes down his feelings of rejection, even though he understands that Yugyeom has the right to ignore him. He just thought that after he went over to Yugyeom’s apartment things would be different.

They end up all sleeping in the living room despite Jinyoung’s insistence that his house has enough bedrooms for everyone. He doesn’t even remember the last time he slept on a bed roll, let alone slept in the same room as six other people.

  
It’s two in the morning before he knows it. Everyone else is asleep but Jinyoung’s head is still working away. He wonders if his dad is okay, if his mom is taking care of herself while she’s away. He checks his work phone, reading through some of the seemingly endless emails. Jinyoung rolls out of his sleeping mat and creeps to the kitchen, careful not to wake anyone.

He pours himself a glass of water and contemplates breaking into his dad’s liquor cabinet when someone else appears in the kitchen.

“You’re still up?” A voice asks. Jinyoung’s head snaps up to find Yugyeom leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. He’s changed for sleep now, but Jinyoung is almost disappointed to see that he has a shirt on tonight.

“Yeah. I couldn’t sleep.” Jinyoung says, eyes going back to focus on his glass of water so he doesn’t have to make eye contact with Yugyeom. He doesn’t want to make Yugyeom any more uncomfortable than he already clearly is.

“Jackson’s snoring is a little…” Yugyeom says and Jinyoung pauses awkwardly for a moment before he catches on that Yugyeom is joking with him.

“Ah. Yeah.” He says, somewhat strained.

“Something else keeping you up then?” Yugyeom asks, going to pour himself a glass of water.

“I’m just stressed.” Jinyoung admits, albeit vaguely.

“About anything in particular?”

“Work. My dad. You.” Jinyoung says and Yugyeom’s hand shakes a little bit, the water sloshing in the glass.

“Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says, tone unreadable.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You can’t just say things like that.” Yugyeom says. “It makes it hard for me to hate you.” Jinyoung’s heart thumps loudly in his chest.

“Then don’t hate me.” He says, daring to look right into Yugyeom’s eyes, not missing the way that Yugyeom gulps. Clearly he isn’t the only one affected by their conversation, and that makes him feel good, feel like he isn’t. “I’m so sorry Yugyeom. I can’t tell you why I kissed Mark, but I know that it had nothing to do with you. I like you and I’m so sorry that I fucked us up.” Yugyeom doesn’t say anything for a while. Jinyoung isn’t sure if he’s going to respond at all.

“Jinyoung I-” Yugyeom says, before he’s cut off.

“Do you have any water in here Jinyoung-ah?” Jaebum asks, coming into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. “Oh.” He says, stopping to look at Jinyoung and Yugyeom who are now studiously avoiding looking at each other.

“Yeah, there’s a pitcher in the fridge.” Jinyoung says. Yugyeom takes this as his chance to leave, brushing quickly past Jaebum. Jinyoung’s heart clenches. He wants to call after Yugyeom but Jaebum is here, and looking at him warningly. Jinyoung backs down.

“What was going on there?” Jaebum asks, pouring himself some water.

“I was trying to apologize but I don’t think it worked.” Jinyoung admits.

“It might take a little while Jinyoung-ah.” Jaebum says, looking at Jinyoung with sad eyes. “He was pretty torn up.”

“He told me you talked to him.”

“I did. He’s a good guy Jinyoung.”

“Too good for me.”

“I don’t know. He wouldn’t be fucked up over you if he didn’t like you. He wouldn’t have wasted his time if he didn’t like you.”

“Do you think?” Jaebum hums.

“I don’t know what goes on his head honestly. But I know that he likes you.”

“Mark said the same thing.” Jaebum's face darkens.

“What’s going on with you and him?”

“Nothing!” Jinyoung says insistedly. "We're just friends I promise." 

“Why did you kiss him then?”

“Because I was lonely. Because I felt out of control. I don’t even know.” Jaebum’s mouth twists.

“Is this because of work? Because of your dad?”

“Kind of.” Jinyoung admits. “I feel out of control most of the time.” Jaebum's face darkens more. 

“Shit. I’m sorry I haven’t been around for you.”

“To be fair, I haven’t exactly been the most honest with you either." The conversation comes to a lull before Jinyoung bursts out.  "Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.” Jaebum says, looking concerned.

“My dad’s in a coma right now.” Jaebum’s jaw drops.

“What?”

“You can’t tell anyone.”

“I won't. Oh my god. That’s why you seem a little distracted. Is that why you were voted in?”

“Yeah. The doctors think he has a good chance of waking up but they don’t know for sure when.”

“Fuck. Jinyoung. Oh my god.” Jaebum says and suddenly Jinyoung finds himself wrapped up in another tight hug. “Oh my fucking god.”

"Jaebum. It's okay." Jinyoung squeaks out. 

“Are you going to go visit him?”

“I don’t know. I want to but I’m tied up here. My mom is with him though.” He says with a sigh. 

“Mark said you’ve been fighting with your mom.” Jaebum says and Jinyoung raises an eyebrow. 

“Wow, apparently we tell everyone everything now.” Jinyoung says sarcastically.

“We’ve all been worried about you. So we had to. Because someone doesn’t tell us things.”

“Sorry.” Jinyoung grumbles.

“But your mom?”

“She’s just out of the house a lot. We’ve been fighting because of that. I don’t even know. I don’t want to fight but she just doesn’t seem to take my feelings into account. It’s like I’m still a child in her eyes, but also an adult.”

“That’s bullshit. Of course you should be mad if she’s out all the time. Your dad is sick.”

“I know. But she just doesn’t seem to get it.”

“Sometimes you have to fight with someone if they don’t seem to get it. You should talk to her though.”

“I will.” Jinyoung rubs his eyes, suddenly exhausted. “I should go see my dad too.”

“You should go to bed.” Jaebum says, steering Jinyoung back into the living room. “You look dead on your feet.”

“Jaebum-ah?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.” Jaebum’s face softens and he smiles at Jinyoung, a soft fond smile.

“You’d do the same for me. You did the same for me when my family was fucked up. You’re my best friend.”

\--

Work continues on, with Jinyoung continuing to learn the ropes. His days are long, between the piles of work and his twice daily calls from his mom to tell him that his dad hasn’t woken up yet.

Jinyoung is at work the week after everyone comes over when his cellphone buzzes. Jinyoung picks up immediately without even looking, thinking that it’ll be news about his dad.

“Hello?” Jinyoung answers in Korean.

“Hey! Uh, it’s Chanyeol from school.” He hears in English. It feels strange to hear someone introduce himself as a schoolmate when Jinyoung is sitting in the CEO’s office. His office, he supposes. He should probably get used to that idea sometime.

“I know who it is.” Jinyoung says with a laugh.

“Just making sure.” Chanyeol says laughing back. 

“What time is it there?” Jinyoung asks. It must be shit o’clock in LA.

“I’m in Tokyo right now actually. So we’re in the same time zone.”

“Ah. I see. Work?" 

“Work.” Chanyeol says with a sigh. He’d gotten a job with one of the big American investment banks notorious for working their analysts like dogs. “You know how it is.”

“I do.” Jinyoung says.

“About that… I had a request from one of the traders to see what’s going on with Park Corporation, one of the supposedly safe investments in Korea, so you can imagine my surprise when I Googled it and the first thing I saw was your face.”

‘Oh.” Jinyoung manages to say eloquently.

“Yeah. Crazy hey? I watched your speech to the media from earlier this week. You look totally different. You look good though!”

“Thanks.”

“Everyone’s talking about it from school.” Jinyoung hadn’t heard any of this. He guesses that they have a new group chat or something. Probably rude to add him to the group that they're talking about him in. “Crazy." 

“Yeah, I guess so?”

“So now I can say I know a CEO.” Chanyeol says with a laugh. Jinyoung feels a slight sinking feeling in his stomach. “Jesus Christ man. I can understand why you never talked about work or family.” This is the exact reason why he never spoke about family. Because now he has people vying for his attention because of a stupid title assigned to his name.

“It’s uh, complicated.”

“No kidding. Are you holding up okay?"

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I know we haven’t talked since December but I just thought I would touch base you know?”

“If you need anything, just let me know! Anything at all!” Chanyeol says, too cheerfully.

“For sure.” Jinyoung says, feigning genuineness. He doesn’t offer that same promise in return. “Hey, I have to run now but we’ll talk soon okay?” 

“Yeah! Of course! Talk soon!” Chanyeol manages to get out before Jinyoung hangs up. He lets out a big sigh.

He looks at the stack of papers he needs to read, and the mass of emails he needs to respond to, and his meeting schedule.

**Jinyoung**

**Are you busy rn?**

**Jaebum-hyung**

**No.**

**Why?**

**Jinyoung**

**Meet for coffee?**

**It’s on me.**

\--

Jinyoung gets to their usual café first, ordering for both Jaebum and himself, and waits for Jaebum. The café is bustling on a weekday: people in suits looking tired, students working, and couples on dates. Jinyoung wonders somewhat absently if he can ever do that with Yugyeom – take him out on a coffee shop date in the middle of the day. His heart aches for a second.

“Hey.” Jaebum says brightly, interrupting Jinyoung’s sad thoughts.

“Hey.” Jinyoung says with a forced smile. “I got you the usual.” He hands Jaebum his Americano with extra soy milk and cinnamon. He doesn’t miss the bags under Jaebum’s eyes.

“Thanks. I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

“What’s up?”

“My mom’s been asking me about marriage and shit, if I’m dating anyone. That kind of bullshit.”

“Fuck. She doesn’t have any arrangement ideas does she?”

“Not that I’m aware of. She just wants me to go on dates with some ‘nice young ladies’.” Jaebum says, looking incredibly unimpressed.

“And I take it that you don’t?” Jinyoung’s mind flashes to Jaebum and Jackson sleeping, with Jaebum’s hand holding Jackson’s. He isn’t sure what’s going on there, but now he trusts Jaebum to tell him when he feels ready.

“Not at all.” Jaebum says with a groan. “I’m too young to get married.”

“Make up a secret girlfriend or something.” Jinyoung suggests.

“She’ll hire a private investigator to find out who the girl is.” Jaebum says and Jinyoung realizes that’s probably true.

“I can pretend to date you.” Jinyoung offers and Jaebum just about spits out his coffee.

“Uh, I have standards. But thanks for the offer.”

“What standards?” Jinyoung sputters out. Jaebum laughs and laughs, throwing his head back and laughing harder than Jinyoung has seen him laugh in ages. He looks younger when he laughs, and Jinyoung can’t help but laugh back.

They sit in silence for a moment then, sipping their drinks. It’s unusually sunny out today, and Jinyoung realizes that he doesn’t even remember the last time he sat in the sunshine.

“I missed this.” Jaebum says quietly. Jinyoung knows that it isn’t easy for him to talk about his feelings so openly. “Even when we were kind of fighting, it was better than not talking at all.”

“I know what you mean.” Jinyoung says. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

“I know. But I want to.”


	8. makes my cypher complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a bit less angsty, but we are definitely moving into the messy relationship tag… Strap in ( ˘ ³˘)❤ Chapter title comes from "The World Is Yours" by Nas. 
> 
> As always, much love from me to you <3, hoping everything is well.
> 
> Songs for this chapter: 
> 
> List of People (to Try and Forget About) - Tame Impala  
> Stardust - Ben Webster

Jinyoung flies out to Singapore to see his dad the next Friday afternoon after a meeting. Even though he is the boss and he should be at work, the good thing is that he can delegate his tasks to other people and not get in trouble.

He flies alone this time, and despite his suit and status, he feels distinctly childlike, checking anxiously for his passport and carry-on bag. The flight passes painfully slowly, Jinyoung too anxious to do much other than tap his fingers on his thigh and watch the flight tracker on the screen.

There’s a car waiting for him at the hospital and he doesn’t even have any checked luggage, so he can just head straight to the hospital. The drive is quick, and Jinyoung wonders if he’ll ever see more of Singapore than what he sees on the expressway from the airport to the hospital.

There are still a few paparazzi hovering outside the gates to the hospital but none of them take any notice of Jinyoung’s car, and he manages to get inside without being noticed by anyone. Later he’ll hardly recall walking to his father’s room, afraid of what he’ll see.

His mom is dozing off in a chair beside the bed when he gets in, and he is careful to move around so as not to wake her. 

It’s not as dramatic as he might have thought, to see his father in a coma. He’s hooked up to countless machines, and they make enough noise to fill up the room, but otherwise it’s silent.

His dad, the figure he’s always seen as so magnanimous, looks so small on the hospital bed. It’s only when Jinyoung places his hand gently on his father’s chest to make sure that his heart is beating that he confirms that his father isn’t actually dead.

It’s strange though to see his father in the hospital when he isn’t even awake. The last time Jinyoung saw his father he hadn’t been well, but he was at least conscious. It’s not a normal feeling churning in Jinyoung’s stomach when he looks at his father. He never wants to see it again. He’s too young for his father to look like that in front of him.

“Oh, Jinyoung, you should’ve woken me when you got in.” His mother says from behind him.

“No, it’s okay. You looked like you needed the rest.” He assures her quickly.

“Don’t worry about me.” She chides, although she does look she needs the sleep. “I ordered some delivery food if you want? It should be here by now.” She asks, gesturing to the doorway. Jinyoung realizes that it’s well past ten and he hasn’t eaten since lunchtime.

“Yes please.” Jinyoung answers.

There’s a veritable spread – spicy noodles, noodles with vegetables, two kinds of dumplings, and soup. Jinyoung didn’t even realize how hungry he was.

“How was your day today?” His mother asks once they’ve started eating

“Good. Busy, but good.” Jinyoung says around a mouthful of noodles.

“I’m glad to hear it. How’s your uncle?”

“He’s fine too.”

“Good, good.” She says. The conversation tapers out, the two of them focused awkwardly on eating.

“Hey Mom?” Jinyoung blurts out.

“Yes?” She asks, turning to look at him.

“I just- Never mind.” Jinyoung says, stopping his own question. He isn’t sure if he really wants to know.

“What?”

“I just want to know why you haven’t really been around since Dad got sick.”

“Ah.” She says and chews her bite of food slowly.

“You don’t need to tell me I guess. If it’s easier for me to not know.” He adds quickly.

They sit in silence for a little while, just the quiet sounds of the hospital around them.

“I’ve been going to counselling.” Jinyoung’s mother says finally, practically spitting it out as if the words don’t want to come out. Jinyoung turns to look at her, unsure if she just admitted what he thinks she admitted. 

“Counselling?” Jinyoung asks, confused. “Marriage counselling?”

“No. Just regular counselling.”

“Is something wrong?” Jinyoung asks, even though something is clearly wrong, because his dad is lying in the other room in a coma.

There’s silence for another moment.

“Since your dad has gotten sick, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and it hasn’t been easy for me. When I start to feel out of control I just…”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I sometimes get so angry that I don’t even know what to do.” She says quietly. “I want to hurt something, or someone. Or myself.”

“Mom.” Jinyoung says, torn between worry and shock.

“I’m okay. I just didn’t know how to share that. How am I supposed to tell you that as your mother? I’m supposed to be the one who is holding together.” She says, looking tiny and bitter. Jinyoung instinctively puts a hand on her arm. “I felt so guilty that I couldn’t so I just had to be alone.”

“How long has this been going on? You were feeling like this alone?”

“Since your father got diagnosed, about six months ago.”

“And you didn’t-”

“I couldn’t say anything to you. You have to understand that. I couldn’t be selfish and put the attention on me while your dad was sick.” Jinyoung can understand that feeling. He hadn’t known that his mom was experiencing the exact same feeling while he was. Because neither of them said anything. They just fought with each other or ignored each other. “I know that you’re mad at me. That’s okay. I would be mad too. My counsellor has been teaching me about managing my anger. It’s been helpful. It’s still hard, but I’ve been doing better.” She offers him a small smile and Jinyoung wraps her up in a tight hug.

“I’m still mad, I won’t lie. But I’m very glad that you told me.”

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell you.”

“Does Dad know?”

“He was the one to recommend it to me.” Jinyoung nods.

“Thanks for telling me Mom.” She smiles at him, noticeably less tightly than before, and Jinyoung thinks that things could end up being alright between them again.

The rest of the weekend passes quickly. Jinyoung and his mom don’t talk much past that first night, but the atmosphere between the two of them is nothing like the previous months. Jinyoung isn’t fully comfortable yet, but he isn’t uncomfortable either.

They’re eating lunch together again, the day of Jinyoung’s return to Korea when his mother speaks up again, more boldly than she’s spoken to him in a while.

“Jinyoung-ah?”

“Yeah?”

“It isn’t that I don’t want you at home, but do you want me to help you look for an apartment?”

“An apartment?”

“I think maybe we’ve been in too close quarters. And that it would be better for both of us if we had some space.” She pauses for a moment. Jinyoung exhales deeply.

“I think that would be a good idea too.”

“I can help you look? Or you can send me some you want? It’s no hurry, you can stay at home as long as you want but I think it’s a good idea.”

“Me too.” Jinyoung says. “Thanks Mom.”

Then Jinyoung’s dad wakes up an hour before Jinyoung has to leave for flight back to Korea.

It isn’t anything like the movies. It isn’t anything dramatic or crazy -- Jinyoung’s dad just opens his eyes groggily, harrumphs, and then closes his eyes again.

And Jinyoung missed it because he was out getting a coffee in the hospital cafe, he only knows this because his mom was there and tells him after he gets back and his dad is asleep again. The doctors tell them that he’ll probably wake up for good in the next few days, and the sense of relief that Jinyoung feels is unlike anything he’s ever felt. Even though they’d told him before that his father’s prognosis was pretty good, he knew that there was always the risk that his dad could just not wake up.

Jinyoung regretfully leaves his dad after watching him for a few hours for any further sign of waking up.

He’s on the plane as everyone is boarding, and his finger is hovering over Yugyeom’s contact before he decides to just call anyways. Everyone else will find out eventually he figures, and talking to Yugyeom always makes him feel better, even if Yugyeom isn’t necessarily speaking to him at the moment.

“Hello?” Yugyeom says after a few rings, voice scratchy with sleep. Jinyoung feels some of his stress come off just hearing Yugyeom’s voice.

“Hey, it’s me.” Jinyoung says.

“I know who it is.” Yugyeom says. “I don’t want to be rude but it’s really late, can I ask why you’re calling?” He asks shortly and Jinyoung bites his lip.

“I just- my dad just woke up and I wanted to let you know before I took off.”

“What? Holy shit Jinyoung! That’s amazing! You must be so happy!”

“Yeah, I am.” Jinyoung says. He doesn’t add that he would be happier if he was seeing Yugyeom in person. “Anyways, I’ll let you go. It’s late.”

“I shouldn’t have-”

“Good night Yugyeom. Sleep well.” Jinyoung says and hangs up the phone.

“Who was that?” His mother asks from the seat beside him. She decided last minute to come back to Seoul and get the house arranged and ready for Jinyoung’s dad. Jinyoung also gets the feeling that she wants to spend some more time with him, awkward as it may be.

“A friend.” Jinyoung says, probably too quickly. She nods, but doesn’t say anything else. It’s probably obvious that he wasn’t talking to just a friend, he doesn’t think it’s normal to call your friends right away to tell them that your dad woke up from a coma, but he isn’t going to tell his parents about Yugyeom any time soon. What is he supposed to say? That Yugyeom is his crush who doesn’t like him back? That’ll go over really well with them, Jinyoung thinks. They probably expect him to get married in the next few years now that he’s CEO, and needs a pretty but bland wife to stand beside him in photos. And that just isn’t going to happen. Not when Yugyeom is in the picture.

\--

He falls into a rhythm after his dad wakes up. Weeks are for working, weekends are for spending time with friends, and before Jinyoung knows it, a month has passed. The end of winter turns into the start of spring. Things are easier for Jinyoung knowing that he has his friends on his side. Bambam is still hesitant around him, and Yugyeom is still a bit weird, but they all hang out regardless, and it’s nice.

Also, Jinyoung moves out of his parents’ house. An apartment opens up at a fancy, high-security building close to his office and after getting his mom’s approval, Jinyoung buys it. It’s not as if he doesn’t have the money for it, and his mom was right, they have been in close quarters. Living with his parents as an adult is completely different than living with them as a teenager and Jinyoung hopes that some distance will help their relationships.

It’s nice to be out of Pyeongchang too, with everyone knowing everyone’s gossip, and more tinted Mercedes than people, if Jinyoung is being honest with himself. There’s more freedom living downtown, despite living in a tower full of people.

His furniture arrives from LA and even though it doesn’t quite fit in the different space, it feels more like a home than he’s felt in a while because it’s expressly his. His books slowly fill up the built-ins, his fridge fills with food that he makes for himself, and there’s enough room for everyone to come over and hang out. It isn’t quite the home that he’d been thinking of when he imagined himself all grown up, but with his friends all gathered around his dining room table eating and chattering, Jinyoung feels like it’s what he’s been waiting for.

It’s just an apartment because he lives alone, but it has two bedrooms, and an office for. It’s far enough away from his parents’ house that he has privacy but still close enough that he can come over and visit easily. His father is all set up with his own hospital bed and nurses at home, still weak from his surgery and recovery. He still has chemotherapy to undergo, but it can be taken at home. Jinyoung hates seeing his father when he’s undergoing chemo, but he tries to be home as often as possible for his dad anyways, trying to do what he can.

His mother is home more, but she’s clearly stressed out by the chemotherapy process, so Jinyoung takes over some of the household duties – telling the help how to deal with his dad, and getting things organized when his mom looks frazzled. She doesn’t explicitly say so but Jinyoung knows that she’s grateful. He’s trying, she’s trying, and Jinyoung is reminded that they’ll be okay.

The relationship still left up in the air is his relationship with Yugyeom. Apart from a few text messages occasionally, they don’t talk outside of hanging out in a group. Jinyoung is just happy that Yugyeom even sees him at all, is grateful for even the smallest scraps of attention: a fleeting glance across the table, a graze of an elbow. It’s pathetic and Jinyoung knows it but he isn’t really allowed to expect anything more from Yugyeom and he’s afraid that if he pushes that Yugyeom will just pull away from him completely. So their relationship stays strictly platonic, and more than a little strained.

Jinyoung knows his feelings for Yugyeom are stronger now, that even if he doesn’t love Yugyeom he likes him a lot. He just wants Yugyeom to be happy, and if that means leaving him alone then Jinyoung will do that.

\--

Jinyoung is sitting with his father as he takes his chemotherapy pills. His father doesn’t say it but he always likes to have someone with him other than the nurses or a servant.

Jinyoung watches as his father gags, and then quickly hands him a glass of water. Sometimes the pills make him throw up, and then sometimes they don’t, but he has another pill to take to stop him from throwing up the medication.

“You could still live here.” His father grumbles. “The house is big enough. Then you could take care of me all the time.” This is a recurring conversation between the two of them.

“I know. But it’s nice to have my own space. And I can still take care of you.” Jinyoung says fondly.

“Someday you’ll have your own house. Your own family, I suppose.”

“That’s still a while away.”

“Not so far away. You never know.”

“I think I know.” Jinyoung says, willing his eye not to twitch.

“Your mother and I want grandchildren-”

“Dad!” Jinyoung says, feeling his ears and cheeks flush with embarrassment. He’s nowhere close to kids.

“Fine, fine. You can focus on work then. Build up your career.”

“Dad, I’m already CEO. I don’t really know where I can go from here.”

“But are you happy?” Jinyoung blinks at his father.

“Happy? What do you mean? Like with work?” His father chuckles.

“No. Happy with yourself. With your life. Outside of work.”

“Yeah. Are you happy?”

“I think I will be.”

“Hmm?”

“I think I will be happy one day.” Jinyoung says, looking out the window, and trying not to let anything show on his face. “Even if I’m not right now.

“Jinyoung-ah.”

“I’m fine. I’m just a bit lonely sometimes. You know how work is.”

“If you’re lonely you should move home then.” His father says firmly and Jinyoung just laughs.

\--

Jinyoung is at home one Tuesday evening, having just walked in the door himself when there’s a knock on the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and his packages get delivered to the office so he ignores the knock initially. But the knocks keep coming, growing more insistent, so Jinyoung goes to investigate.

Peering through the peephole, he can see Yugyeom on the other side of the door, hands shoved in his pockets, looking resolutely at Jinyoung’s door. Jinyoung opens the door. He hasn’t spent time alone with Yugyeom in a month, maybe more, since they had their weird late night kitchen conversation. He wants to follow the pace that Yugyeom sets, and not push his luck. So he’s honestly pretty surprised that Yugyeom is here of his own volition.

“Yugyeom? I wasn’t expecting you!” Jinyoung says, trying not to sound too happy.

“Am I interrupting you?” Yugyeom asks, subtly looking around Jinyoung’s head to look inside the apartment.

“No, no. I just got home! Please come in.”

“Wow, new place hey?” Yugyeom says, looking around even though he’s been over the Jinyoung’s apartment countless times already.

“Yeah.”

“Fair.” Yugyeom says with a laugh. “Imagine if you had to take someone home to your parents’ house.” His tone is light but his eyes are sharp, like he’s watching Jinyoung’s response carefully.

“Mmm, I can’t imagine because it’s never happened.” Jinyoung says and watches Yugyeom’s face relax somewhat. “I have my eyes on someone.”

“Do you?” Yugyeom asks, jaw shifting a little bit. He’s clearly looking for a certain answer.

“Yeah. Tall, skinny, stupidly cute? Maybe you know them?” Jinyoung says, teasing and Yugyeom flushes a deep red.

“You’re so slimy.” Yugyeom says with a laugh. “No. I don’t know them.”

“That’s a shame. I think you’d get along.” Jinyoung says with a grin and Yugyeom rolls his eyes at him.

“Whatever.”

“Do you want to come in? I’m just about to make dinner.”

“Sure.” Yugyeom says, almost shyly.

“Where’s Youngjae and Bambam?”

“They went out and I was by myself so I just thought…”

“No! I mean, I’m glad you’re here.” Jinyoung says quickly. “I’d love to have dinner with you.”

 "Okay." Yugyeom says, and follows Jinyoung into the living room. 

"You can watch TV or put on music if you want." Yugyeom hums. 

"There's a new drama on KBS tonight. Maybe I'll watch." Jinyoung vaguely recalls Mark telling him about that. 

 “Yeah, that’s what Mark was telling me. Let me know if it's any good." 

“Mark?” Yugyeom asks sharply.

“Yeah, when we hung out last wee-“

“Oh did you? Wow, Mark is just such a great guy to hang out with. Why don’t you invite him over?” Yugyeom interrupts, tone biting. It doesn’t sound good on him. Cruelty doesn’t suit Yugyeom, Jinyoung realizes.

“Why would I invite Mark over? I’m spending time with you.” Jinyoung asks.

“Wow, Jinyoung. Smooth.” Yugyeom says, glaring at Jinyoung. “Are you going to kiss me and then run back to Mark?”

“No. Definitely not!”

“How can I trust you?” Yugyeom asks, sounding almost broken now.

“You just- please trust me. I have nothing going on with Mark other than friendship.”

“I just don’t know.” Yugyeom says, turns on his heel and practically bolts for the front door.

“Yugyeom, wait, come back!”

“Can you just leave me alone?” Yugyeom yells from the front door. Jinyoung all but runs over to try and stop him.

“I would, but I don’t know what I’ve done!” Jinyoung says and throws himself in front of the door.

“You’re driving me crazy is what you’ve done!” Yugyeom yells, eyes manic and wide.

“Crazy? What have I been doing?”

“You’ve just been- ugh! You’re ridiculous!”

“I’m ridiculous? You’re ridiculous. I don’t even know what to say to make it better! That I’m sorry? I don’t even know what to be sorry for!”

Yugyeom doesn’t respond. He just kisses Jinyoung. It’s only a light peck but Jinyoung freezes anyways. Yugyeom holds his lips on Jinyoung’s, while Jinyoung’s brain short-circuits.

Jinyoung pushes him away. Yugyeom flushes a deep red and he looks somewhat hurt by Jinyoung’s rejection.

“What are you doing?” Jinyoung practically shouts, eyes wide and heart hammering.

“What do you think I was doing?” Yugyeom asks sarcastically, eyes narrowed. Jinyoung would be lying if he said that angry Yugyeom wasn’t scarily attractive.

“Yeah but you were literally just fighting with me!”

“I- I-” Yugyeom doesn’t finish his sentence, he just leans in and kisses Jinyoung again, harder this time, shoving him up against the door. Jinyoung doesn’t freeze this time, his body seems to react without him thinking. His hands come up to Yugyeom’s neck, tugging him down so he’s closer to Jinyoung. Yugyeom seems to take this as permission to let his hands wander too. He rucks up Jinyoung’s dress shirt roughly, and then uses one hand on the base of Jinyoung’s spine to pull Jinyoung flush to him. Jinyoung gasps at the sudden show of dominance and Yugyeom uses this as an opportunity to kiss Jinyoung with tongue. Jinyoung feels a bit dizzy: he has Yugyeom kissing him like they’ve been separated for years, and one of Yugyeom’s hands is running up his spine while the other one is holding his ass so that he’s forced close to Yugyeom.

In the back of his mind Jinyoung knows that this is a bad idea, that he shouldn’t be doing this with Yugyeom while he’s so worked up. But Jinyoung is also enjoying kissing Yugyeom way too much.

The hand that was on Jinyoung’s ass is now moving forward around his waist to cup his crotch. Jinyoung bucks his hips forward without even thinking and Yugyeom takes this as encouragement. Jinyoung is aware that he’s half hard and Yugyeom is too. It seems like they both want this, but it’s still a bad idea.

“Stop it!” Jinyoung says weakly, hands coming down from Yugyeom’s neck to push his chest away. Yugyeom’s hands stay on Jinyoung though.

“Don’t you want this?” Yugyeom whispers, pressing kisses along Jinyoung’s neck, hand still grazing Jinyoung’s dick. And god, Jinyoung does. He wants it so badly, but if sleeping with Yugyeom meant that their relationship got even more screwed up, then he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

“No.” Jinyoung says, more firmly. “Stop it.” Yugyeom lifts his head up to look up at Jinyoung from under heavily lidded eyes and Jinyoung almost goes back on his word, but he knows that he needs to do this. “I’m not going to sleep with you like this.”

“Would you sleep with Mark?” Yugyeom asks bitterly, pulling away from Jinyoung so fast it’s like he’s been burned.

“No! Why would you even ask that?”

“Because you don’t want to sleep with me! Are you even attracted to me?”

“Of course I am! I just don’t want to sleep with you when you’re all angry like this!” Yugyeom harrumphs. 

“Yeah right.”

“Fucking you isn’t going to make anything better.” Jinyoung says and Yugyeom’s face twists into something ugly.

“If that’s what you think.” Yugyeom says in a low voice. “I won’t disagree.” Jinyoung gets the feeling that somehow he just fucked everything up even more without meaning to.

“Tell me right now that it would make us magically stop fighting.” Jinyoung says firmly. “I like you Yugyeom. I like you a lot and I don’t want to fuck this up because I don’t want to just sleep with you and never talk to you ever again.”

“But-”

“No. You just have to trust me that I want you, but I don’t want you like this. I want you to trust me, to like me again first.”

Yugyeom is silent, eyes roaming over Jinyoung’s face.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Jinyoung parrots. “Do you want something to eat before you go?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Yugyeom says and walks over to take a seat at one of the stools at Jinyoung’s island.

Jinyoung busies himself with making dinner -- something quick because he’s hungry and it’s late. He can practically feel Yugyeom’s eyes on him as he cooks, but he keeps his eyes to himself.

“Here you go.” He says and slides a plate over to Yugyeom.

“I didn’t know you could cook.” Yugyeom says, eyeing the food suspiciously. He takes a small experimental bite. Jinyoung snorts at him and starts eating his own food.

“I can cook just fine. But normally Youngjae and Jaebum like to cook for everyone. How do you think I fed myself when I was in LA?”

“You don’t really talk that much about LA.” Yugyeom says, taking larger bites now.

“I was just there for school. It wasn’t really anything special.”

“It’s still cool to live in America though. I wish I could study abroad, except I can’t speak English.” Yugyeom says glumly.

“You never know. What about medical school?”

“As if I’ll get in an American medical school.” Yugyeom says with a snort. “I’m only applying for schools in Korea.”

“When will you do that?”

“Soon I think.” Yugyeom says. “I wrote the test and I got a good score. So now I just have to apply.” He sounds nervous.

“You’ll do well.”

“You have to say that. You’re my… friend.” Yugyeom says slowly, like the word sounds strange in his mouth.

“Maybe so. But I think you’ll do well anyways.” Jinyoung says and watches another flush come across Yugyeom’s face.

They finish their meal in silence but it isn’t uncomfortable.

“Do you want a ride home?” Jinyoung asks when Yugyeom is putting his shoes on.

“Maybe not this time.” Yugyeom says, and it doesn’t sound like a forever no. “I’ll see you later Jinyoung-ah.” He says, and adds a smile at the end. Jinyoung thinks that his heart might fall out of his chest.

\--

A few days later, Jinyoung is trapped in his office, having BB cream and eyebrow pencil put on him once again. He’s being forced to do an interview with one of the business magazine, spew out some bullshit about synergy or corporate responsibility. It’s good PR, the young and handsome CEO talking about the future of the company, and pushing South Korea forward in the global economy. It’ll be the usual sort of interview and they even sent him the questions ahead of time so he could memorise his board of director approved answers.

The camera crew is setting up in his office, rearranging the furniture to look better when the interviewer approaches him. She’s model-thin, with a perfect smile brought out by too-bright lipstick, and introduces herself and her qualifications. She bats her eyelashes at Jinyoung before the interview, complimenting his suit and tie combination, and asking him five times if he needs anything to drink. Jinyoung almost feels a headache come on with all the simpering.

The interview itself goes smoothly, until the interviewer breaks from the script at the end.  

“Just one more question if you don’t mind.” She asks once the usual questions are out of the way.

“Of course not.” Jinyoung says smoothly. He figures that he can probably handle whatever other question she has about the company, or corporate life.

“So, you aren’t married -- correct?” Jinyoung blinks once, he hadn’t been expecting that question but he forces himself back into his media face.

“Yes.” Jinyoung says, forcing a smile. He already knows where this question is leading.

“Wow. You must be looking for a wife then?” She asks, tilting her head to the side to reveal the line of her neck. Jinyoung isn’t sure why but he’s suddenly reminded of the first time he met Yugyeom in the club, how the line of his neck looked under the blue lighting and how Jinyoung was immediately transfixed.

“Not just yet.” Jinyoung says after a beat. “One of these days.” He says with a laugh.

“You’re a very hot ticket item though. A young handsome businessman like you must have so many offers.”

“Uh.” Jinyoung says, floundering and unsure what to say.

The cameraman signals that he’s stopped recording, and Jinyoung practically sags with relief.

After the interview she finds Jinyoung again and he feels a sense of dread come over him.

“Perhaps this is a bit forward, but could I have your KKT? We could chat some more.” She says smoothly, flashing her perfect teeth at him.

“That is a little forward. I don’t think so.” Jinyoung says in a strained voice. The interviewer tosses her hair over her shoulder.

“We could go for coffee then?”

“I’m busy.” Jinyoung says and stands up to leave. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“Let me know.” She says and walks off, hips swaying. Jinyoung’s eye practically twitches. He knows that he will not be letting her know anything. He knows that he probably is a “hot ticket item” but he’s a real person, not some object to be bought or won. He supposes that doesn’t necessarily matter to some people, and that he needs to be wary of people using him. His mind flashes to Yugyeom being all excited that he knew a chaebol, but how Yugyeom never asks him to pay for anything or asks him to introduce him to anyone. How all his friends are like that, happy to just spend time with Jinyoung even if just bumming around someone’s apartment. He feels a feeling of happiness bubble up in his chest, even if just for a moment.

\--

The next day Jinyoung is waiting in the lobby for Jaebum early, having sort of ditched a meeting to see Jaebum for lunch. He’s debating about whether or not to tell Jaebum about being hit on by the interviewer when he hears the sound of footsteps.

“Hey.” Someone says and Jinyoung looks up from his phone to find Jackson hovering in front him.

“Jackson?” Jinyoung asks, confused.

“Jinyoung!”

“Uh, not that I’m not happy to see you but I was expecting Jaebum.” Jinyoung says slowly and watches a grin come across Jackson’s face.

“Something came up for him at work I think. But I figured I’d come instead. Does that work for you?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Jinyoung says. He’s a bit nervous because he hasn’t spent much time alone with Jackson, only ever in a group setting.

“Do you want to go get ice cream with me?” Jackson asks brightly.

“Ice cream?”

“I know it’s cold out but I’m craving ice cream. Come on, I can’t break my diet alone.” Jackson whines, pouting slightly. And who is Jinyoung to refuse that?

They wind up at some kitschy ice cream place decorated in pastel colours, and they’re the only ones there because it’s the middle of the work day. Jackson orders vanilla, which isn’t something that Jinyoung would have expected. He would’ve taken Jackson to be a bubblegum, or banana ice cream type. Jinyoung orders matcha ice cream, which Jackson takes extreme offense to.

“Green tea is healthy. Ice cream is supposed to be unhealthy.” Jackson say, eyeing Jinyoung’s ice cream judgmentally.

“I don’t think there’s anything healthy about ice cream.” Jinyoung says.

“There is when it’s green tea!” Jinyoung just laughs.

“Uh, do you want to-”

“Walk with me?” Jackson asks, even though it’s just barely March and still cold out. And they’re eating ice cream.

“Sure.”

They wander down a street towards a park. It’s empty too, because it’s cold out, but the air feels clean and refreshing. It’s at the point where the snow is a mostly icy mass, instead of real snow and maybe it’s just Jinyoung’s imagination, but it feels a little like spring is coming.

Jackson grabs on and holds Jinyoung’s elbow like they’re on a date. Jinyoung considers shaking him off, but then decides not to. Besides, Jackson is warm. It’s a bit awkward, just the two of them walking along. For once Jackson isn’t talking Jinyoung’s ear off, but rather just walking along in silence. If anything Jinyoung doesn’t know what to do with this side of Jackson.

“I don’t think I ever told you that I was sorry for that night at Jaebum’s apartment when I-”

“It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean it.” Jackson says, interrupting Jinyoung smoothly.

“I’m sorry anyways. I didn’t mean it but I shouldn’t have said it in the first place.”

“It’s okay. You were under a lot of stress, and you felt like you couldn’t talk to anyone so you just felt like you needed to lash out.”

“That doesn’t make it okay though.” Jinyoung grumbles.

“No. But it makes you understandable. I thought you were just an asshole but I was wrong. So call both of us wrong about each other.”

“Sure.” Jinyoung says. “I can’t seem to get rid of you, so it’s easier this way.” Jackson just tightens his grip on Jinyoung’s arm to prove his point.

“You love me. I know it.”

“Maybe a little.” Jinyoung admits and Jackson grins at him.

“I love you too Jinyoung-ie.”

They keep walking. It’s just warm enough out for them to walk without their face getting chapped by the wind, the spring sun showing it’s face for the first time.

“So, is anything new with you? Anything exciting?” Jackson asks.

“I don’t know. Not much I suppose. I’m just busy.”

“Any relationship drama?” Jackson asks, waggling his eyebrows. Jinyoung mentally gears up for the ensuing conversation. He knows what Jackson is angling for.

“No.”

“Are you sure about that?” Jackson asks and Jinyoung decides to go for the bait.

“Maybe a bit.”

“I’ll have you know that I’m a relationship expert.” Jackson says, puffing out his chest.

“You’re nosy is what you are.” Jinyoung says and Jackson elbows him. “So let’s suppose that I like someone.”

“Mhmm? Do you?” Jinyoung knows that Jackson is humoring him. Of course he knows that Jinyoung is talking about Yugyeom.

“And this person is kind of ignoring me. Which is fine by the way, because I deserve it. But then they kiss me while we’re arguing. But then they stay for dinner with me.”

“They kissed you?” Jackson asks, eyebrows shooting up in incredulity. “Or you kissed them?”

“No, it was definitely them kissing me.” Jinyoung clarifies.

“What the fuck? I mean, um wow, I don’t know what to think about that.” Jackson says, trying not to laugh. Jinyoung punches him in the arm. “So they kissed you? While you were fighting?”

“Yes. I don’t know what that means.”

“It means that they don’t know what they want.”

“But-”

“Sometimes people take time to know what they want from another person, especially if that person has hurt them.” Jackson says and Jinyoung wonders when he got so wise.

“So I just have to wait?”

“Yeah. That’s all you can do. Show them that you care, and you want to be with them. And hope they choose to be with you too.” Jinyoung sighs.

“So this person? You really care about them?” Jackson asks softly.

“Yeah. I really do.” Jinyoung answers miserably.

“Do you love them?” Jackson asks after a brief pause. He seems almost hesitant to ask, something that Jinyoung didn’t think Jackson was capable of. But maybe he was wrong about Jackson the whole time.

“Er, I don’t know.” Jackson nods his head seemingly in approval.

“I think that if you really care about them, then you’ll make the right decision. If they care about you back, then they’ll choose to be with you. Easy.”

“I don’t think it’s that easy.” Jinyoung grumbles.

“It has to be. That’s all you can do. What will be will be and all that.”

“Thanks philosophy expert.”

“I’m a man of many talents.” Jackson sniffs.

They continue walking in companionable silence until Jinyoung feels compelled to speak again.

“Hey Jackson?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. For today. I mean it.”

“You’re welcome Jinyoung-ie.” Jackson says and throws his arm around Jinyoung. “We should do this again.”

“Walk around eating ice cream in the snow?”

“Hang out.” Jackson says, looking unimpressed at Jinyoung’s answer.

“Fine.” Jinyoung says haughtily and Jackson honest to god giggles at him.

“Jinyoung and Jackson!” Jackson sings in a falsetto. “Together forever.” Jinyoung can’t find it within himself to disagree with Jackson. Perhaps he’d misread Jackson wrong, because this Jackson, although still undoubtedly Jackson, is quieter and more subdued, more understanding of Jinyoung. Jackson must be some kind of true social chameleon, Jinyoung thinks. And he’s grateful for Jackson, he realizes. Jackson has been there for him even when Jinyoung didn’t realize he needed him.

“Jinyoung-ie and Jackson-ie.” Jinyoung says in response, almost a sing-song. When Jackson sends him a blinding smile, Jinyoung can’t help but send one back.


	9. t.a.m.e.d.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might notice that I increased the chapter count. I miscalculated initially but I think this is the final chapter count. I hope you don’t mind a longer update… You might mind this update… I’m not sorry -- I love a mess. And there are some of you who said you were hoping for more angst so I’m not alone. Also, I have a Twitter! A few of you already found me so if you’re interested, follow me on Twitter at twiceluckyy! I’ve had it for a while but I keep forgetting to mention it. You can scream about Jingyeom, GOT7 in general, fics, music - actually literally anything because I have no life. 
> 
> Chapter title from ‘T.A.M.E.D.' by Mount Kimbie (think about me every dayyyy). 
> 
> Songs for this chapter:
> 
> Redemption - Drake (lmfao don’t judge)  
> House of Cards - Radiohead  
> Are you leaving - Sassy 009
> 
> Also! If you're a student like I am, I hope you aren't dying from exams and if you are then just know that I'm dying too. If you aren't a student I hope you aren't dying from holiday craziness. If you don't celebrate any holidays, then I hope all is well! :) Much love from me.

Jinyoung ends up seeing Jaebum the following weekend when everyone else is too busy to hang out. Bambam, Youngjae, and Yugyeom are caught up in final papers and exams, Jackson has to work a special event, and Mark is in the Philippines with his parents. So it’s just Jaebum and Jinyoung, kind of like the old days.

“It’s been ages since we saw each other.” Jaebum grumbles when he opens the door for Jinyoung.

“We were supposed to have lunch last week.” Jinyoung reminds him.

“Yeah but then you bailed on me.”

“No? You bailed on me and Jackson came instead.”

“Jackson?” Jaebum asks, looking puzzled. Jinyoung raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah. He said you were busy so he came to meet me.” Jaebum groans.

“Ugh. Jackson-ah…” Jaebum says and pulls his phone out of his pocket to text something rapidly.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah. We did you guys do?”

“We got ice cream and walked around a park.”

“Wow. That sounds nice.” Jaebum says. “Better than lunch?”

“No. Just different.” Jinyoung says.

“You want a tea?”

“Yeah, I’d love one. Thanks.”

“No problem. You look a little tired.” Jinyoung groans.

“I don’t remember the last time I slept more than six hours per night.” He’s even started using concealer to try and hide the fact that the bags under his eyes seem to grow with every passing night.

“Oh you big baby. Poor Mr. CEO.” Jaebum teases on his way to the kitchen. Jinyoung’s mind immediately thinks of Yugyeom calling him a baby. He wonders if that’ll ever happen again, with the way that their relationship is going.

While the sounds of Jaebum’s fancy espresso machine and the kettle start, Jinyoung’s eyes start to wander around Jaebum’s living room.

Jaebum has always been interested in photography, but it looks like he’s become more obsessed, if the cameras and stacks of photos lying around are any indicator. Jinyoung idly flips through the pile on the table closest to him. There are some pictures of the cherry blossoms, perfectly centred against the clear blue of the Seoul sky in spring, some blurry shots of Nora, but mostly there are photos of Jackson. Jackson looking off in the distance, Jackson laughing so hard his eyes are closed, Jackson staring right into the camera with a fond look in his eye. Jinyoung puts the photos down abruptly, feeling like he’s just seen something he wasn’t supposed to.

He knows that Jaebum and Jackson are close -- that much is obvious to anyone. But seeing these photos puts all Jaebum’s fond smiles, the sight of them falling asleep touching, the way Jackson seems to light up around Jaebum in a different context. Jinyoung remembers the photos hanging in Jackson’s hallway, of Jaebum and Jackson with their arms slung around each other, grinning for the camera.

Jaebum has always dated girls as far as Jinyoung has known. Girls with long hair and full lips. Nothing like Jackson. Jinyoung wonders if it’s a gay thing or just a Jackson thing for Jaebum. Jaebum has never mentioned thinking any boy is good looking, or stared at anyone out of the ordinary so Jinyoung has never had any cause to think Jaebum was anything but straight. But Jinyoung supposes that the way Jaebum’s family is, Jaebum has probably never been allowed to be anything but straight. If there was ever a father who stood for traditional Korean values, it would be Jaebum’s father. Jinyoung’s parents are traditional to an extent, but nowhere near Jaebum’s. So maybe Jaebum has never allowed himself to think of anything but heterosexual.

But there’s no way that Jaebum thinks of Jackson in a solely platonic way. Jinyoung doesn’t treat his friends the way that Jaebum treats Jackson.

Jinyoung forces himself out of his thoughts when he hears Jaebum coming back.

“Is this good?” Jaebum asks, handing Jinyoung a cup of green tea.

“Yeah, it’s perfect. Thanks.” He swallows. “I was just looking at your photos.”

“Oh. Yeah. I’ve been really into it lately.” Jaebum says.

“You take lots of photos of Jackson.” Jaebum is silent for a moment. Jinyoung can practically see his brain working away.

“What are you trying to say here?” Jaebum asks, sounding somewhat strained.

 "I’m just trying to say that you take lots of photos of him. He must be important to you.” Jinyoung says slowly, attempting to pacify Jaebum.

“He is.”

“It’s okay for him to be important to you.” Jinyoung says carefully. “Whatever that means for you." 

“I don’t know what that means for me.” Jaebum whispers. “I don’t want to say what it means for me.”

“That’s fine.” Jinyoung says. “That’s okay. You don’t need to. It’s just me.” 

“Yeah.” Jaebum echoes. “It’s just you. But I can’t even tell you.” 

“That’s the point though. You don’t need to tell me everything. You just have to trust that I’m here for you.”

“Weren’t you yelling at me to tell you stuff?” Jaebum asks, somewhat amused.

“Yeah. But this is different. This is me telling you that I trust you to tell me things when you want to. And letting you know that you can talk to me whenever you need to.”

“Okay.” Jaebum says, looking relieved. “Thanks Jinyoung-ie.” He squeezes Jinyoung’s arm. “It’s the same for me obviously.”

They sit and have their drinks quietly.

“It’s so quiet without everyone here.” Jaebum says with a laugh. “I guess I’ve gotten used to the noise.”

“Too quiet. We’re less boring when they’re around.” Jinyoung agrees. They are less boring when everyone else is around, with even Jaebum and Jinyoung getting caught up in the shenanigans.

“Look at us getting old.” Jaebum says. “Old and boring.”

“The kids keep us young.” Jinyoung jokes.

“Does Yugyeom know you said that?” Jaebum asks, teasing.

“I don’t even know.” Jinyoung says with a sigh, stretching his arms above his head, hearing the satisfying pop of his shoulders cracking. “I hope so. I hope he knows how much I care about him.”

“Not to be obvious, but have you told him?”

“I-” Jinyoung interrupts himself. “I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”

“But maybe you need to. To show him that you care. You know, taking the lead and all.” Jinyoung is quiet for a second.

“I’ll think about it.”

“You should. I know you, and I can tell that he’s important to you.”

\--

Once Jaebum plants the seed in Jinyoung’s mind, he can’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about what he should do with Yugyeom to let him know how much he cares.

He thinks about Jaebum with his stack of photos of Jackson, and the quiet way that they gravitate towards each other. Jinyoung and Yugyeom aren’t like that. They bicker, and tease. Jinyoung isn’t even ashamed to say that he misses Yugyeom teasing him mercilessly. It makes him feel normal. Yugyeom doesn’t treat him with blind worship like other people. Jinyoung doesn’t deserve to be treated like a king when he’s far from it, let alone by Yugyeom.

In the span of a few months, Yugyeom has transformed from a stranger into someone that matters so much to Jinyoung that it scares him sometimes. He feels dizzy with how much Yugyeom matters to him, and equally how much he wants to matter to Yugyeom in return. The fact that Yugyeom is still so wary around him, so clearly upset makes Jinyoung’s heart hurt.

He knows that he needs to hash out with Yugyeom what happened with Mark, and hope that Yugyeom will understand. Jinyoung knows know that he only kissed Mark because he felt out of control, and Mark happened to be available to make him feel in control. Not that an explanation makes it any better but Jinyoung hopes that Yugyeom will at least prefer an explanation over nothing at all.

So Jinyoung makes a plan: he’s going to invite Yugyeom over for dinner later that week, just the two of them, and he’s going to explain everything and ask Yugyeom out. Easy. 

It isn’t certain that Yugyeom is going to forgive him but Jinyoung can’t help but feel a bit of hope anyways.

\--

 **pepi_jy_**

**I’m making dinner tonight, if you want to come over.**

**I want to talk.**

**yu_gyeom**

**i want to talk too**

**see u then**

\--

Even though Yugyeom confirmed that he was coming over, Jinyoung is still nervous ahead of time. He has everything all ready for them, the table is set, he made a dumb playlist, and everything.

When the doorbell rings, Jinyoung practically runs over to open it for Yugyeom.  Yugyeom looks good like always, wearing a soft blue sweater and jeans. He looks like amazing in blue, Jinyoung thinks, trying not to stare too openly.

They make small talk as Jinyoung puts dinner on the table. He can’t help but notice that Yugyeom is fidgeting somewhat, and he hopes that he isn’t making Yugyeom nervous or putting him on the spot. So he gets to the point.

“I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you. It’s been a hard few months for me but you’ve been there for me the whole time, even when I didn’t deserve it.”

Yugyeom is chewing on his bottom lip nervously, and he isn’t looking at Jinyoung. Jinyoung panics – this wasn’t part of his plan.

“Yugyeom, what’s wrong?” He asks.

“Nothing.” Yugyeom answers petulantly.  

“Something is clearly wrong.” Jinyoung says, reaching a hand across the table to touch Yugyeom’s shoulder but Yugyeom shakes it off.

“What is it to you? Why do you even care?” Yugyeom says bitterly, looking pointedly away from Jinyoung.

“Of course I care.” Jinyoung says. Why would Yugyeom even think that?

“Then show me that you care about me!”

“I’m trying!”

“Try harder!” Yugyeom bursts out. “I can’t help but feel like you use me when you’re feeling stressed. But what about me? What happens when I’m stressed? You’re busy with work?”

Jinyoung gapes at him.

“I didn’t-“

“I know you didn’t know. Otherwise I don’t think you would’ve done it. But it feels really shitty to feel like you only want me when you don’t feel good, or you’re feeling stressed.” Yugyeom pauses, breathing heavily. “And it really fucked me up when you kissed Mark, I want you to know that.”

“I know. I’m so so so sorry.”

“I know that we aren’t together but you know that wasn’t fair to me.”

“I know.” Jinyoung whispers.

“Can you tell me about you and him?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I need to know.” Yugyeom says almost pleadingly.

“Okay.” Jinyoung says simply. So he does. He tells Yugyeom about how he met Mark through a friend of a friend, how they hooked up for the first time in the backroom of a high-end club. How from there they only saw each other to fuck, but somewhere along the way Jinyoung become somewhat enamored. And then how Mark broke it off when Jinyoung wanted more out of their relationship.

“You love him?” Yugyeom asks softly, almost as if he doesn’t want to.

“I thought I did. But now I’m not so sure. We really didn’t have anything in common. And we didn’t do anything besides sleep together. It was hardly the grounds for a relationship, not that I knew.”

“Do you still love him?”

“No.” Jinyoung answers, and a look of relief seems to pass over Yugyeom’s face. “When I kissed him that night it was because I felt out of control. That doesn’t excuse what I did, but I hope you can sort of understand. Mark was familiar, and everything else was falling apart.”

“Jinyoung-”

“And I know how it looked. I know how Mark looked at me. How he still looks at me sometimes when he thinks I’m not looking. But I’m only interested in him as a friend. It didn’t work out with him for a reason.”

“What was that reason?”

“I like to think it was because the universe knew I was going to meet you.” Jinyoung says, offering Yugyeom a small smile. “I’m not interested in him in any way other than as a friend. He’s a good guy, and he’s been a good friend to me but that’s all. I promise you.”

“I believe you.” Yugyeom says, and then adds, “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you that time I came over and asked if you’d sleep with Mark.”

“It was a fair question.”

“I should’ve trusted you. But I was still angry and hurt.”

“That’s okay. I wasn’t being fair to you or Mark. Or myself. Or our friends for having to pick sides.”

“You’re right."

“Do you think that I can make it right between us again?” Jinyoung asks.  Yugyeom doesn’t say anything for a moment, just stares right at Jinyoung as if he’s trying to see if Jinyoung is serious, if Jinyoung really means it.

“Yeah. I think so.” Yugyeom answers finally, a bit stiffly.

“Thank you.” Jinyoung says, unable to tear his gaze off of Yugyeom. “I’m going to make it right. I’m going to prove to you how much I care.”

  
“Okay.” Yugyeom whispers.

They finish their dinner and tidy up in silence.

“I’m tired Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says, and he looks tired. It’s late, later than Jinyoung thought.

“Of course. Um, you can stay if you want? It’s late. ” Jinyoung asks more than he says, trying not to sound too hopeful. Yugyeom looks at him and sighs.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to of course. I just thought-“

“Okay.” Yugyeom says, interrupting Jinyoung. “You probably have a big bed anyways.” Jinyoung nods.

He shows Yugyeom to his room, and to the bathroom, handing him a pair of slightly too large pajamas to change into. Jinyoung changes quickly himself, and tidies up his bedside table.

The sight of Yugyeom emerging from the bathroom in Jinyoung’s pajamas, only to climb into Jinyoung’s bed is almost too much for Jinyoung to handle.

They lie together in silence for a little while. Jinyoung can tell that Yugyeom is still awake, because his breathing hasn’t slowed.

“Thank you for telling me. Please tell me whenever you’re stressed or anything. I’ll always answer the phone for you, or be there if you need me. I promise.” Jinyoung whispers so Yugyeom knows.

Yugyeom lies still for another moment before he unexpectedly moves closer so that they’re lying closer together, close enough to touch if they wanted to.

“Good night Yugyeom-ah.” Jinyoung says and reaches out so that he can hook his pinky over Yugyeom’s thumb. Yugyeom hums in response, and Jinyoung’s chest hurts with fondness.

He doesn’t remember falling asleep, too exhausted from worrying earlier, and their conversation, but he sleeps well, not waking up once through the night.

  
\--

Jinyoung wakes up slowly. He hadn’t bothered to close his blinds the night before, and the sunlight is streaming in fully. He groans and something shifts beside him. Jinyoung’s eyes snap to the bed beside him where Yugyeom is still sleeping, head burrowed into the pillow. Jinyoung settles his head back into the pillow and allows himself to watch Yugyeom sleep. He looks young like this, beautiful.

The two of them aren’t touching, but they’re close enough that Jinyoung can feel Yugyeom’s body heat, and that’s enough for him.

Yugyeom is shirtless, and Jinyoung has never seen his whole chest and back. He’s struck by an urge to run his hands over the skin and see if it's as soft as it looks. He wonders what it would look like covered in marks and indentations from his nails, and forces his brain to push those thoughts aside. It’s not that he’s never thought about what it would be like to have sex with Yugyeom, but he’s never thought about that while Yugyeom was in bed beside him.

He wants to wake up next to Yugyeom every day. He thinks that if he had that, then he could handle everything else in the world. Suddenly Jinyoung is struck by the realization that he’s in love.

He allows himself to lie in bed for a little while longer before he decides to get up and surprise Yugyeom with breakfast, and then ask Yugyeom on a date.

Yugyeom makes his way into the kitchen as Jinyoung has most of breakfast prepared – just the stew needs to finish boiling off, and then Jinyoung can add the eggs in. Yugyeom is already dressed, and his hair is still mussed from sleeping. Jinyoung’s heart swells.

“Good morning!” Jinyoung says cheerfully. “Do you want breakfast?”

“Jinyoung-ah.” Yugyeom says while Jinyoung stirs at the stove.

“Hmm?”

“I think we should be just friends.”

“Hmm?” Jinyoung says again, unsure if he just heard correctly over the sound of the stove. 

“I want us to just be friends.” Yugyeom says again, meeting Jinyoung’s eyes directly. “Is that okay?” Something ugly claws its way up Jinyoung’s esophagus, threatening to come out of his throat. He forcibly swallows and manages to speak.

“We- what happened? Are you- are you sure?”

“Last night was a mistake.” Yugyeom says. “Not that we fought and talked. But that I slept here. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Yugyeom-ah.”

“I just think it’s best if we just be friends. Don’t you think? We can leave all this behind us and start over.” Yugyeom says blankly, almost as if he’s reading off a script.

“I-”

“I want it.” Yugyeom says forcefully.

“If it’s what you want, then we’ll do it.” Jinyoung says, barely managing to turn the stove off, and grip the edge of the counter tightly.

“Thanks Jinyoung-ah. I knew you’d be understanding.” Yugyeom says with a blinding smile.

Jinyoung doesn’t even remember the rest of breakfast. He doesn’t know if he said anything, or just stared off into space until Yugyeom left.

Jinyoung collapses in his bed. It still smells like Yugyeom. Jinyoung knows that he should strip the sheets and wash them, remove any sign of Yugyeom being here, but he’s weak. So he spends the day curled up in bed, trying not to cry. In a way he can’t believe it. He’d been optimistic about the way things were going after they’d argued. He’d really thought that they had laid out exactly how they felt. And then they fell asleep together. But Yugyeom apparently thought that was a mistake.

Jinyoung realizes that Yugyeom probably came over in the first place to tell him that they should just be friends. He was such a fool – blinded by his own love to not even see that Yugyeom wasn’t interested.

An ugly feeling settles in Jinyoung’s body, making his stomach churn and his heart race.

It doesn’t go away.

\--

The immediate days after Yugyeom tells him that he wants to be just friends are empty. Jinyoung goes to work, works until late – throwing himself into his work more than ever, and going on drives after work to keep his mind busy. He hasn’t had to do that in ages, having been too busy and tired to do much other than work and sleep.

But suddenly any quiet time, any empty room reminds him of the hole in his heart, the ugly feeling in his body. He relives Yugyeom telling him that he wants to be just friends over and over and over, until he isn’t sure if it really happened.

He’s afraid to tell anyone, scared that once he says it out loud that it’ll be real. That he and Yugyeom are over before they even really began.

\-- 

The first time he sees Yugyeom after they decided to just be friends is one of the weirdest encounters that he’s ever had with Yugyeom, even despite their strange initial meetings. Jinyoung didn’t even want to come to see everyone and have breakfast together, but he needs to pretend that everything is alright.

Jinyoung doesn’t know what he was expecting but it most definitely was not for Yugyeom to be chatty and joke-y with him, like they’re totally fine and Jinyoung isn’t numb inside. Yugyeom acts exactly like he did before Jinyoung kissed Mark, and if Jinyoung wasn’t so gutted he would feel relieved. Everyone else seems confused too, probably because Jinyoung doesn’t know what to do so he just kind of flounders.  Youngjae laughs uncomfortably when Yugyeom insults Jinyoung and Jinyoung just blinks. Bambam actually grimaces when Yugyeom punches Jinyoung in the arm playfully and Jinyoung pulls away uncomfortably. Mark and Jaebum seem like they would rather be anywhere than the diner where they’re eating American style breakfast on Jaebum’s request. Even Jackson, seemingly adaptable to any situation doesn’t appear to know what to do. It’s possibly their worst group hangout ever, and Jinyoung can’t help but feel a bit guilty because it’s him that can’t get it together. Yugyeom is totally fine.

Jaebum catches on first, cornering Jinyoung after everyone else has left.

“What’s going on between you and Yugyeom-ah?” Jaebum asks, looking concerned. “You look awful.”

“He told me that he just wants to be friends.”

“What?”

“He doesn’t like me. He wants to be just friends.”

“Bullshit.” Jaebum says, looking angry suddenly.

“I wish it was.” Jinyoung says sadly and Jaebum’s expression softens instantly.

“Jinyoung-ie.” Jaebum sighs. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I hoped it wasn’t real.” Jinyoung admits. Jaebum hugs Jinyoung tightly.

“Do you want me to beat him up?” Jaebum asks, probably joking. 

“No. I just want him to be happy.” Jaebum just tightens his arms around Jinyoung.

\-- 

Things continue in a similar way each time they hang out in a group. Jinyoung gets a bit better at pretending in front of Yugyeom – forcing laughs at his jokes, and making jabs back, but never too harsh. He practically plasters a smile on his face whenever he’s around Yugyeom.

Yugyeom seems relieved that Jinyoung is acting like things are fine, even if Jinyoung is a horrible actor. Everyone else seems to be trying to pretend that things are fine too, except for Bambam.

Strangely, if anything, Bambam seems to get even weirder around Jinyoung -- around other people he’s back to being friendly with Jinyoung but when it’s the two of them, or no one else is watching, Bambam looks somewhere between angry and disappointed with Jinyoung. He almost wants to say something, but he isn’t even sure where to start. He isn’t sure if he can have a conversation like that with Bambam.

\--

Work is at least blissfully busy, with new projects and discussions happening almost weekly, which makes Jinyoung's life easier. He distracts himself with work, and he feels more confident about his abilities. 

Jinyoung is just finishing up work for the night, and on the way out he decides to stop by his uncle’s office to see how the project he’s working on is going.

“They’re interested in selling, and we have the money.”

“You have your hands full with the kid, let me handle it.” Jinyoung halts at the door. His uncle is talking to someone, probably another executive based on the tone and age of the voice. He mentally goes through the list of everyone that he knows to try and see if it matches up.

“It’s fine. He can handle himself.”

“He’s still young.”

“Too young.” His uncle says with a heavy sigh. “Did I tell you about what happened with Lim?”

“Yeah. He blew up at him.”

“I smoothed it over but they’re still wary to deal with us. It’ll probably be years before we have another opportunity like that.” His uncle sounds uncharacteristically mad. Jinyoung doesn’t even think that he’s ever seen his uncle mad before.

“He’s young. He’s going to make mistakes.”

“He wouldn’t have to if his dad gave the company to me.”

“Hoseok…”

“I know. I know. How stupid of me to be jealous of a child.” His uncle says, sounding bitter.

“You didn’t want this to happen to his dad just as much as the kid.”

“I know. I just can’t help but wonder what it would be like if I was in charge.”

“Hoseok-ah.” The other person says, not unkindly. “It’s normal. Things will get easier. You’re just adjusting. He’s just adjusting.” Jinyoung hears a sigh.

“He’s a chaebol brat.” His uncle says and Jinyoung’s breath hitches. “He’s my nephew but that doesn’t mean that I can’t see him for what he is. It’s a miracle he’s done what he’s done so far.”

“You ought to give him more credit.”

Then there’s the sudden sound of footsteps and Jinyoung launches himself into the coat closet to avoid being seen. He peers out, only to see that it’s his uncle’s secretary bringing in tea for the two of them. He could technically wait and see his uncle once the other person leaves, and see what they have to say in the rest of the conversation but Jinyoung isn’t sure he wants to hear what else his uncle is going to say. So he just leaves, and drives to a convenience store nearby.

He buys a pack of Camel Blues for the first time in two years. It’s like riding a bicycle, Jinyoung thinks as he takes his first drag, and the nicotine hits his system. He doesn’t even cough. It’s practically fate, Jinyoung thinks bitterly. His only kind of fate.

He smokes one cigarette, watching the smoke disappear into the night sky, puts it out neatly with his dress shoe, and drives to his apartment.

\--

A long week later Mark invites him, Jackson, and Jaebum over for a movie night. Jinyoung doesn’t say no because he knows that Yugyeom won’t be there, and even though he’s gotten better at hiding, it’s still easier if he just doesn’t see Yugyeom at all. And being around people helps keep his heartbreak at bay somewhat, even if just temporarily.

The movie is something cheesy, with lots of explosions, and Jinyoung finds his mind wandering, so he excuses himself for a cigarette, and also to escape the sad looks of his friends.

"Hey.” Mark says, joining Jinyoung outside on the balcony.

“Hey.” Jinyoung echoes back.

“You don’t smoke.” Mark says judgmentally, looking pointedly at the cigarette in Jinyoung’s hand. It’s kind of the opposite scenario to what happened when Jinyoung kissed Mark, and Jinyoung thinks about what has changed in that short amount of time.

“I do now.” Jinyoung says, inhaling deeply.

“Jesus Christ.” Mark says sadly. “You’re a mess. You weren’t even this much of a mess after we kissed and Yugyeom was pissed at you.”

“How do you even know what happened?”

“I don’t. But something must have because Yugyeom is fine and you aren’t.”

“I’m fine.” Jinyoung insists.

“Are you crying?” Mark asks.

“No.” Jinyoung lies. Mark wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s torso and hooks his chin over Jinyoung’s shoulder. Jinyoung can’t hide the way he’s shaking when Mark is close like this.

“It’s going to be okay.”

“Is it?” Jinyoung asks.

“Of course it is. Even if it takes time it’s going to be okay.”

“Thank you Mark.” Jinyoung whispers. “Thank you so much.”

“Any time Jinyoung-ah. Just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to be happy.”

Jinyoung stands out there with Mark for another cigarette, the two of them sharing the silence.

“But seriously, you should stop smoking.” Mark says, and elbows Jinyoung in the side before going back in to join the others.

\--

Jinyoung begins begging off weekend plans with his friends to spend more time with his parents. His dad is recovering slowly, and he challenges Jinyoung to games of chess, and walks around the house. Jinyoung is happy to oblige, if only to avoid Yugyeom. 

One Saturday, his mother comes into the kitchen just as Jinyoung is putting the health foods he’s bought for his father in the fridge.

“Mom!” He says, greeting her with a small bow.

“Jinyoung-ah.” She says, patting his arm. “What did I tell you about bringing food over? You’re making me look bad.”

“You know I never mind.” He says.

“Yes but I mind.” She chides and Jinyoung laughs.

“How are you doing?” He asks.

“Good. The same. It’s nice of you to visit.” She says, the way she always does when he comes over. At first Jinyoung thought that she was being passive aggressive, but really she genuinely means it, means that it's nice of him to visit. She's been trying harder with Jinyoung, and Jinyoung has been trying hard in return. 

“I always visit on weekends.” Jinyoung says with a laugh. “I have to take care of you and dad.”

“It’s still nice though. I didn’t expect you to. Not that it isn’t appreciated of course.”

“I wasn’t expecting to either. But I think moving out was a good idea, no matter what dad says.”

“He’ll harp on about it forever. Even if you had your own family he’d want them to live here.” His mother says with a laugh. She means it as a joke except… _His own family_. Jinyoung thinks about him someday with children, and a husband by his side, in a house with big windows. His traitorous brain thinks of Yugyeom by his side, holding a child up, and Jinyoung genuinely wants to cry.

“Jinyoung-ah?” His mother says, waving a hand in front of her eyes. “Where are you?”

“Sorry. Just thinking.”

“You seem sad lately.” His mother says quietly. “Is there anything I can do?” _Can you mend my broken heart?_ Jinyoung wants to ask.

“Just a little stressed at work.” Jinyoung says. It isn’t exactly a lie. He is a little stressed about work, but he’s mostly just heartbroken.

“If it gets to be too much you can always pull back and give some responsibilities to someone else." 

“I’ll be fine Mom. It’s just a stressful time but it’ll pass.” He says, with what he hopes is a persuasive smile. 

Jinyoung hopes that it’ll pass. He really needs it to pass.

\--

In a moment of weakness one evening Jinyoung drives out to the hill where he took Yugyeom. There’s another car there, probably a couple out for a romantic date. Jinyoung isn’t lonely like he was when he had that conversation, but he misses Yugyeom terribly anyways. He wonders what Yugyeom is doing, if he’s tutoring, or studying, or relaxing. He hopes that whatever he’s doing that at least he’s happier than Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung parks, and gets out so he can stare at the lights outside. Even though it’s spring, the night air still bites at his fingers as he lights a cigarette.

He can see the lights of the Park Corporation building, and it’s strange to think that it’s his company now, that at the top of that tower is his office. In some ways he still feels like he has no idea what he’s doing, but in other ways he feels like he has things together. Which is why hearing his uncle talk about him as if he is some kind of disappointment hurts so much. He’d always thought that his uncle was standing behind him, and believing in Jinyoung. So to hear his uncle call him a chaebol brat hurts him, because Jinyoung had truly thought that he’d been doing alright. Admittedly the meeting with Jaebum’s dad hadn’t gone over as Jinyoung might have planned but he'd apologized and he'd thought that his uncle understood. 

He lights another cigarette. He knows that he needs to have an honest conversation with his uncle but his last honest conversation hadn't exactly gone over as he'd planned. 

Two people get out of the car parked ahead of him, laughing happily to each other, totally wrapped up. Jinyoung misses Yugyeom. 

\--

He’s tired of being alone, of spending his evenings by himself -- either at work or out for a drive. Home reminds him too much of Yugyeom, of the evening they spent together and then when Yugyeom broke up with him.

So one night after work Jinyoung finds his way to Jackson’s bar without even really meaning to. He isn’t even sure if Jackson works on Wednesdays, but he’s weaving through the crowd towards the counter where Jackson usually works anyways. Jinyoung is relieved to see him busy mixing away, putting on a show for the crowd around him, impressed noises coming from the patrons as Jackson does tricks with his shaker bottles and pours in intricate ways. Jinyoung can see Jackson winking at some of the girls as he pours. He wonders if Jaebum knows about this, or if even Jackson has done this for Jaebum before.

Jinyoung attracts Jackson’s attention quickly, probably because he’s still dressed in his work clothes.

“Jinyoung-ah! It’s been so long!” Jackson yells. “I didn’t know you were coming! Did you text me?”

“No, sorry. It was a spontaneous decision.” Jackson nods.

“Is Jaebum-hyung here?”

“No, sorry.”

“Pfft. It’s fine. God knows that I see enough of him anyways.” Jackson says, teasing. “He can’t get enough of me.”

“No. He can’t.” Jinyoung says seriously, and Jackson eyes him curiously.

“So, what brings you here tonight? Do you want something to drink?”

“Just some soda please. I drove.”

“Coming right up!” Jackson says cheerfully. Jinyoung has never appreciated Jackson’s never-ending ability to be happy in front of other people more than he does right as that moment. Jackson slides cans of orange soda, coke, and some fancy Japanese soda in front of Jinyoung. “Take your pick! It’s on the house!”

“Thanks Jackson.” Jinyoung says gratefully. He pauses for a moment and then decides to go for it. “I’ve been having a rough time lately. I promise I’m not ignoring you or anything, I’ve just been-“

“Avoiding Yugyeom.” Jackson finishes with a laugh. “I get it. Mark told me what happened.”

“Do you all gossip about me?” Jinyoung asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Um.” Jackson’s eyes go wide.

“It’s fine. I don’t mind, it’s easier if you all know anyways.”

“Are you alright?” Jackson asks, rubbing Jinyoung’s arm in a comforting way. Jinyoung leans into the touch.

“No. Not really.” He answers honestly. “But it’s what Yugyeom wants, and what he thinks is best so I have to respect that.”

“Oh no.” Jackson says, looking at something behind Jinyoung. Jinyoung turns around to see what Jackson was looking at, only to see Yugyeom dancing with two guys, arms thrown around one of them, and grinding on the second. If Jinyoung thought his heart was shattered before, that was nothing like it is now. Seeing Yugyeom look that beautiful under the lighting, in the same place where they met for the very first time. The memory of meeting Yugyeom is simultaneously hazy and clear -- the only clear thing Jinyoung remembers is seeing the crowd gathered around Yugyeom while he danced, the way Yugyeom caught everyone’s attention.

Yugyeom is even wearing a similar outfit, the silk of his top shimmering under the blue lighting. There are hands roaming on Yugyeom’s chest, hands that don’t belong to Jinyoung. Jinyoung watches as one of them gets dangerously close to Yugyeom’s crotch.

He doesn’t even realize that he’s balled his hands into fists until Jackson is beside him suddenly, and grabbing Jinyoung’s hands. Jinyoung was never going to punch anyone, probably. He and Yugyeom are just friends. But that doesn’t stop his heart from beating faster, him feeling the urge to rip Yugyeom away from them. He’s never thought of himself as being particularly possessive but at this moment, Jinyoung wants nothing more than to stake his claim.

He supposes though that even when they first met Jinyoung was just one in the crowd admiring Yugyeom. Jinyoung had thought that their connection was a bit electric, a bit magnetic, the way they were pulled together again and again, but maybe that was just him thinking that. Maybe it was just the way he perceived things because he wanted them to be together.

The worst part is that Yugyeom doesn’t even see Jinyoung, doesn’t even know he’s here. So he’s not trying to get Jinyoung’s attention, or make him jealous, he just really has moved on. And Jinyoung really is left behind.

Jackson is saying something beside him but Jinyoung can’t hear. It’s like he’s underwater, trapped, body slow to respond. He can only stare at Yugyeom, watch the slow grin that comes across his face as his body moves with the beat of the song, his hips moving sinfully.

One of the guys has a grin on his face, and the other one looks oddly serious, focused only on Yugyeom. Jinyoung knows the feeling, both of them.

“Come on. Let’s get you out of here.” Jackson says forcefully, and he’s shoving at Jinyoung to move. Jinyoung doesn’t protest, just lets Jackson manhandle him into a backroom. “Fuck fuck fuck. Shit. Fuck. I don’t know what that was all about.” Jackson mutters, seemingly mostly to himself.

“It’s fine.” Jinyoung says, accepting the glass of water that Jackson hands him. His hands are shaking.

“It’s not fine at all. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with him! Doing that here, in front of me- in front of you!” Jackson is ranting but Jinyoung isn’t fully present in the conversation.

“He didn’t do it for either of us.” Jinyoung says numbly. “He did it for himself. He doesn’t like me.  He doesn’t even know that I’m here.”

“I’m so sorry Jinyoung-ah.” Jackson murmurs.

“It’s not your fault.” Jinyoung says numbly. “It’s my fault.”

“Do you want me to call you a cab? Or I can say I’m sick and take you home?”

“That’s fine. I’ll call for a car. Thanks Jackson-ah.” Jinyoung says and leans his head on Jackson’s shoulder.

“Good. You’re in no state to be driving like this.”

“I- I love him.” Jinyoung spits out, trying to hold his emotions together.

“I know you do.” Jackson says. “And I don’t know why he doesn’t realize that.”

Jinyoung doesn’t even remember calling for a car and going home, but somehow he winds up back in his dark apartment. It seems like whenever he closes his eyes he’s back in the bar, watching Yugyeom dance with those guys. The image is practically burned into his brain and every time he thinks about it causes the same visceral reaction it did for the first time. Jinyoung feels so fucking stupid, letting his feelings get the better of him like this. But he can’t help that he’s in love with Yugyeom, despite the fact that they’re only friends.

Jinyoung stumbles to the kitchen, desperately hoping that Jaebum or Jackson left some liquor behind because he needs to get fucked up, and fast.

There’s only some kind of American whiskey, which Jaebum is partial to but Jinyoung only tolerates at best. Tonight though, he doesn’t even care. He pours himself a large glass and collapses on the sofa.

Sometime a few hours later Jinyoung finds himself on the bathroom floor, trying not to throw up and reading through his and Yugyeom’s past messages. He hadn’t even known how good he had it when they would message back and forth, and tease each other. The last message he has from Yugyeom is from when Yugyeom texted him saying that he hoped Jinyoung got home alright. That was it. That was the last time they texted before Jinyoung invited him over to dinner.

When he thinks about that night that Yugyeom comforted him, Jinyoung actually throws up. He retches and retches until there’s nothing left to come out, but his memories are still swirling around his head. Jinyoung wonders absently if Yugyeom went home with one of those guys from the club, or both of them. The feeling of anxiety that washes over him is so heavy that he wants to throw up again just to ease the sensation in his chest.

\--

The next afternoon Jinyoung is lying on the sofa nursing his hangover when the doorbell rings. The noise makes his head ring. He really isn’t expecting anybody, except maybe Jaebum, so he goes over to let him in.

Except it isn’t Jaebum there.

“Bambam?” Jinyoung hears himself ask. Of everyone he knows, he was least expecting Bambam to be here, looking oddly determined. He’d just opened the door without looking, because he’d never thought that Bambam would be the one to come see him.

“Hey. Is it alright if I come in?”

“Yeah, yeah of course.” Jinyoung answers, opening the door for Bambam.

He realizes his mistake as soon as Bambam walks in -- his apartment is a mess, uncharacteristic for Jinyoung, but since he makes sure that his friends don’t come over, he hasn’t cleaned. There are takeout cartons stacked on the counter, the blinds are still closed, and there are an unhealthy amount of Asahi cans in the recycling. Jinyoung hastily tries to shove some things away but the damage has already been done.

Jinyoung himself is unshaven, he looks visibly hungover, and his t-shirt has a dubious stain on it. Bambam is carefully looking at his feet, as if trying not to let Jinyoung know that he knows what a mess Jinyoung’s life currently is.

“Do you want anything to eat?” Jinyoung says, more to break the silence than anything.

“I ate before I came. Thank you though.”

“No problem.” Jinyoung says, and fiddles with a loose thread in the hem of his shirt. “Is there anything you came here for?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing. Jackson said you were a mess. Mark said you started smoking again. And Jaebum looks like a worried dad even more than usual whenever anyone asks about you.” Jinyoung internally curses Jackson, Mark, and Jaebum.

“He wasn’t lying though.” Jinyoung says, gesturing around them to his cluttered apartment.

“Yugyeom really has you fucked up, hey?” Bambam asks softly. He sounds surprisingly tender, which isn’t something that Jinyoung would have expected from Bambam towards him.

“Yeah.” Jinyoung says, not even able to muster a bitter laugh. “Yeah I really am fucked up about him.” Bambam chews on his bottom lip. Jinyoung is expecting him to start laughing, or say something insulting.,

“I’m sorry.” Bambam offers, which wasn’t an option that Jinyoung even entertained.

“Why?” Jinyoung asks, not malicious so much as he’s genuinely curious. Bambam pauses for a second.

“I know that I’m Yugyeom’s best friend. But he fucked up with you and it’s not fair.”

“Bam-”

“No. It’s not fair. I know that I wasn’t happy with you for kissing Mark, but it seems like you’ve genuinely been trying hard to convince Yugyeom that he’s the one for you, and he’s just ignoring that and fucking around.”

“He’s not.”

“Jackson told me that Gyeom-ah was dancing at the club right in front of you last night. That’s literally the definition of fucking around.” Jinyoung sighs. “I hate to see him like this just as much as you.”

“He’s having fun. He’s young.”  

“You’re only a few years older than him.” Bambam reminds him. “And you’re good for him. Better than some sleazy guys in a club.”

“Do you think so?” Jinyoung asks. “I know you haven’t been my biggest fan lately.”

“That’s true. But I’ve changed my mind a bit. You’re not that bad. No offense but people who manipulate and use other people don’t hide in their gross apartments for weeks.” Bambam says.

“It’s not that pathetic.” Jinyoung weakly protests.

“What I mean though is that if you really were out to hurt him, you wouldn’t end up being this hurt. So I know you’re being genuine. I see how you look at him when we’re all together. You look like you’re falling apart.”

“I’m not.”

“Hyung, please.” Bambam says and then recoils at what he’s just said.

“That’s the first time you’ve called me hyung.” Jinyoung says, not displeased. Just surprised.

“It slipped out!” Bambam says, looking just as surprised as Jinyoung.

“I’ve grown on you.” Jinyoung says with a small smile.

“You- ugh. Whatever hyung. Back to my point, which is that you’re a mess, and Yugyeom is just ignoring it and pretending that everything is fine between you. Which Youngjae and I have flayed him alive for, by the way.”

“You did that for me?” Jinyoung asks quietly. 

“Duh. You’re our friend now.” Bambam admits, seemingly reluctant, but offering Jinyoung a smile of his own.

“You’re my friend too.” Jinyoung says, giving Bambam a smile back. Bambam takes a deep breath.

“Which is why I’m here. I’m offering my help to you.”

“Help?” Jinyoung asks, confused.

“Duh. To get you and Yugyeom back together.”


	10. loverboy, don't play it cool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is up a little late. I got caught up in the end of finals, and the beginning of the holidays, but here it is! Chapter title from the song ‘Loverboy’ by Lomboy.
> 
> Btw, if you missed it, I have a twitter! So follow me on there for updates and stuff @twiceluckyy!

The first stage of the plan to win over Yugyeom is a gift, according to Bambam.

“Because everyone loves gifts.” Bambam explains.

“But what am I even giving him a gift for?”

“You’re wooing him!” Bambam says like Jinyoung is dumb.

“What?”

“You have tons of money, it doesn’t really matter.”

“Nice to know that I’m usable for my bank account.” Jinyoung complains only for Bambam to roll his eyes.

“Of course not. If anything, you hardly ever show off your money. But the point is that you have it, and you’re willing to spend it on Yugyeom.”

“Maybe you mistook this whole thing. I’m not his sugar daddy.” Jinyoung says, somewhat offended.

“No! You’re just showing him that you can provide for him. That kind of thing. That you’re in it for the long haul.”

“Oh.”

“Look - I know that moron told you that he wants to be just friends. But you clearly don’t want to be just friends. So you have to win him over and show him that you’re a great boyfriend.”

“Uh.”

“This is where the wooing comes in.”

“But if he doesn’t like me, then why would I woo him?” Jinyoung asks, because clearly Bambam fails to see a critical flaw in his plan.

“He does like you.” Bambam says simply, and Jinyoung’s brain sort of short-circuits.

“It doesn’t really seem like it. He-”

“Oh my god. Pull yourself together. He likes you, he’s just been fucking stupid about this whole thing.”

“Really? What did he say about me?” Bambam rolls his eyes dramatically. 

“He might be a moron, but he’s my best friend so I can’t tell you. But just know that he likes you.”

“But I’m your hyung.” Jinyoung wheedles. Bambam stays resolute though.

“I’m already kind of betraying him by helping you. Even if it is for Gyeom-ah’s best interest.”

“At first I wondered if you were dating him because you two are so close.” Jinyoung admits. “You’re a good friend.”

“A best friend.” Bambam corrects. “But no. Even I was gay, I know too much about Yugyeom to ever date him.”

“Like what?”

“You only wish you could know.” Bambam says, a teasing note in his voice. Jinyoung pouts.

“Okay. So what do I even do with the gift?” Jinyoung asks, getting back to the plan. Bambam lights up in excitement.

“Don’t even worry about it. I have it all planned out. I’m a romance expert. So you swoop in while he’s studying, give him the gift, and tell him you’ll see him on Friday.”

“What’s happening on Friday? Also aren’t you single?” Jinyoung asks.

“We’re all going for dinner. And I may be single, but I’m just spreading the love equally.” Bambam explains, narrowing his eyes at Jinyoung, who just tries not to laugh.

“Wait, we?”

“Yeah, Jaebum’s hosting. It’s too early for you to have a one on one dinner. We have to work up to that.”

“And you have to wear the suit while you do it. You look way more handsome.”

“Uh, thank you?” Jinyoung says, unsure if that was really a compliment.

“Don’t mention it.” Bambam says aloofly.

“Did you plan all this in advance?” Jinyoung asks, trying to hide the fact that he’s impressed.

“Duh. You’ve been wallowing like a lump. So someone had to do something.”

“A lump?”

“Do you have a better descriptor for what you’ve been doing?”

“Shut up.”

\--

Jinyoung puts it off for a few days, but the more he thinks about what his uncle said about him, the angrier he gets. He knows that he has made a few mistakes, but he’s been working hard. Mostly, Jinyoung feels so stupid to have just assumed that his uncle was on his side.

He calls the office of Jaebum’s father personally and asks to make an appointment. He’s even fully prepared to use a fake name just to get an appointment, but once he says that he’s Park Jinyoung, the secretary sets him up with an appointment for the following week. Jinyoung isn’t sure if that’s a good or terrible sign.

So he decides to just face his uncle head-on, before he goes to see Jaebum’s dad and grovels.

“Is my uncle in?” Jinyoung asks his uncle’s secretary one morning once he gets into work. 

“Who is it?” His uncle asks, peeking out the door to his office. His face brightens instantly when he sees that it’s Jinyoung. “Oh, Jinyoung-ah! Come in.” He says warmly, clapping a hand on Jinyoung’s back, and guiding him into the office. Jinyoung doesn’t know what hurts more -- his uncle calling him a brat, or calling him a brat but acting otherwise to his face. His uncle makes a big deal about pouring them some tea, handing a cup to Jinyoung and asking him if he needs any help or advice about anything. Jinyoung just lets him.

“So what are you doing here?” His uncle asks finally. Jinyoung takes a deep breath.

“I just thought I’d come in to say hello. I heard what you said about me.” Jinyoung forces himself to say.

“Hmm?” His uncle asks, clearly confused.

“That I’m a brat.” His uncle’s face goes through the expressions of surprise, anger, and then resignation.

“How did you-”

“I was on my way to ask you a question. Maybe next time you should be careful someone else doesn’t hear. Might be bad for stability and all that.” Jinyoung says with a stony face. He impresses himself with how impassive he’s appearing.

“I-”

“I made an appointment with Mr. Im by the way. I’m going to apologize to him myself.”

“Jinyoung, you don’t want to make it worse. Don’t do that.”

“I can make my own decisions. Maybe that makes me spoiled. But I don’t care. Because I’m CEO.” Jinyoung says, voice ice cold. He squares back his shoulders and stares right at his uncle. “I’ll see you later and let you know how everything goes.” He bows politely and formally, and leaves.

His heart is hammering in his chest as he makes his way out, and he can’t tell if he’s relieved or offended that his uncle didn’t even make an attempt to apologize or justify his insult towards Jinyoung.

\--

Bambam has Jinyoung meet him at one of the flashy department stores in Myeongdong on his lunch break the next day.

“Don’t you have like class or something?” Jinyoung asks Bambam when he arrives, looking glamorous.

“In like two hours. We’ll be done by then.”

“What are we even doing here?”

“We’re here to look for a gift.”

“Isn’t this place a little expensive?” Jinyoung asks, being intimately familiar with most of the department stores in town due to his mother’s expensive taste.

“It’s the price of love hyung.” Bambam chastises. Jinyoung is still getting over Bambam calling him hyung.

They wander around the department store, looking at all kinds of things. Jinyoung’s suggestions of cologne, shoes, and a new bedspread all get shot down by Bambam, but Jinyoung doesn’t miss the way that Bambam’s eyes stay fixed on a pair of pointy boots. They finally settle on a new grey wool coat for Yugyeom -- casual enough that he can still wear it to university, but a bit more dressy and grown up.

“He’ll love it.” Bambam exclaims as they’re going to the cash register to pay. “I know his taste.”

“If you think so.”

“He’ll like anything from you honestly.” Bambam says. “Plus, this is like a great sugar daddy gift.”

“I’m not a sugar daddy.” Jinyoung emphasizes and Bambam laughs at him.

“Go get the boots.” Jinyoung says once they’re just about to reach the checkout counter.

“What?”

“The boots you were eyeing up.”

“I can’t afford them.” Bambam says like Jinyoung is dumb.

“I’m paying.” Jinyoung says in the same tone.

“Oh.” Bambam says and all but trots off to the shoe department, coming back a few minutes later to Jinyoung with a shoebox in hand.

“Are you sure I can get these? They’re a little expensive.”

“I’m your hyung.” Jinyoung says and puts the box on the counter beside the coat. The warm smile that Bambam sends him in response is well worth it.

“Thank you for your purchase, Mr. Park?” The sales associate says, reading off his credit card, and then her eyes widen in recognition. “You should’ve called ahead for an appointment, we could’ve closed the store and arranged for-”

“It’s no worries.” Jinyoung assures her quickly. “I wouldn’t want to impose or anything.”

“You’re not imposing!” She says quickly, which attracts the attention of some of the other salesgirls, and then Jinyoung has to fend off practically a whole horde of them. It’s uncomfortable, because he has Bambam beside him who is used to seeing him in the role of friend, just someone to joke around with, not as Park Jinyoung -- heir and CEO of Park Corporation.

“So that’s what it’s like to be you huh?” Bambam muses once they’ve managed to pay and get away from all the fawning.

“Yeah. Sorry you had to see that.” Jinyoung apologizes.

“No. It’s fine. I guess I always forget that you’re like, rich and famous, even if I always think of you as the dork who likes Yugyeom.”

“That’s because that’s who I am.” Jinyoung says slowly. “I’m not just a chaebol- I mean I am technically, but that’s not really who I am.”

“I get what you mean. It must be weird.”

“It is.”

“Is that why you ran away to America for two years?” Jinyoung turns to face Bambam, and raises an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, that was over the line-“

“No, it’s fine.” Jinyoung assures him. “That’s exactly why I went to school abroad. Because nobody knew who I was.”

“Was university like that here?” Jinyoung nods.

“High school was worse. If I didn’t have Jaebum with me, I don’t know if I would’ve made it through. Before high school I was nobody. But then my dad got promoted when I was fifteen, and I became Park Jinyoung, and everything that came with being him.”

“You talk about it like that’s someone else.”

“Isn’t it?” Jinyoung asks. “Sorry, that’s rhetorical. I didn’t mean to get all annoying. I have nothing to complain about.”

“I don’t know about that. I know what happened with your dad. And Yugyeom told me that you were fighting with your mom. And then there was the whole Jaebum thing. And the Yugyeom thing. And the fact that you had to take over a company.” Bambam says, with a laugh and a shake of his head. “I don’t know how you did it.”

“It feels like I didn’t do it though.” Jinyoung confesses. “One second I feel like I’m getting things together, but the next it all comes apart.” Bambam wrinkles his nose.

“You should give yourself some more credit hyung.”

“Do you know what my uncle said about me? He called me a spoiled brat.” Jinyoung says bitterly, and he realizes that Bambam is the first person he’s told about this.

“Your uncle? The one you work with?”

“Yeah.” Jinyoung sighs. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

“Because it’s fucked up!” Bambam bursts out. “What the fuck? Do you need me to beat him up for you?” Jinyoung laughs.

“Nah, I think I’m okay. But thank you anyways.”

“You say the word and I’ll be there.” Bambam proclaims.

“You know, at first I was worried about your protectiveness, but it’s nice to have on my side.” Jinyoung says, quirking a smile at Bambam.

“I’m glad that I’m friends with you.” Bambam adds. “You’re not what I would’ve expected, but I’m glad that we’re friends all the same.”

“Me too.” Jinyoung says, because it’s true. Bambam is loyal, and funny, and charming.

“You know, if this whole thing with Gyeom doesn’t work out… I’m straight but we could have some kind of sugar daddy-”

“Jesus Christ no.” Jinyoung says, trying not to laugh.

“What? I’m not unopposed.”

“I’m opposed. Very.” Jinyoung says and Bambam laughs harder than Jinyoung has seen him in a while. And then Jinyoung can’t hold back his laughter, and the two of them are standing in the front entrance of an expensive department store laughing like lunatics.

“I should get to class.” Bambam says once they’ve managed to stop laughing.

“And I should probably get back to work.” Jinyoung replies. “But thanks for today. I’ll have to remember to take you shopping next time I need something.”

“Obviously.” Bambam says. “Who else would you take?”

\--

Jinyoung passes his mother on the way into the house. He has his Wednesday afternoon appointment with his father to play chess, which primarily serves as an opportunity for his father to ask him about work.

“Are you headed out?” Jinyoung asks her.

“Yeah. I’m playing tennis with an old friend.”

“Oh, sounds fun!”

“What about you? Shopping?”

“Yeah.”

“Buying a gift for someone?” His mother asks, looking at the wrapped box in Jinyoung’s hand.

“Oh. Yeah.” He says, and wills that his ears don’t turn red.

“Someone special?” She asks too casually, and Jinyoung knows that he’s been caught. Of course she knows it’s for someone special.

“Yes.” He says, because there’s no point in lying.

Jinyoung can tell that she wants to know more, wants to press farther. But they’re still on tender ground, unsure of what they can ask of each other. And Jinyoung isn’t sure yet if he wants to tell her about Yugyeom. He’ll tell her someday hopefully, maybe introduce them. He wants that. He wants to meet Yugyeom’s parents too, as being officially together. He knows that he has to be quiet and careful now that he’s even more in the public eye, but most people will just assume that Yugyeom is a friend, nothing more.

“I hope they like their gift.” She says finally and Jinyoung smiles.

“Have a good tennis game.”

He heads up to his father’s sitting room, to see his father sitting in front of the window. The trees are budding now, spring has fully arrived, and there’s a too-green cast in the room from sun setting through the trees in the backyard.

He takes a moment to observe his dad. His father is still too skinny, and the colour of his skin isn’t great from the chemotherapy. But he still has his sense of humour, and he can always muster a smile for Jinyoung. The chemotherapy is showing a tentatively good prognosis too, and the doctors are hopeful. Jinyoung is hopeful too.

“Hey Dad.” Jinyoung greets finally.

“Jinyoung-ah!” His dad says, while trying to stand up and struggling. Jinyoung rushes over and helps him settle back into his chair. His father’s wrist is still too brittle under Jinyoung’s touch.

“No need to do that.” Jinyoung says with a smile. “I’ll come to you.”

“I’m not that weak.” His father grumbles, even though he is. He just doesn’t acknowledge it. The thought occurs to Jinyoung that maybe he’s the same: weak and not acknowledging it.

His father sets up the chessboard, and Jinyoung fetches them some tea – the same way they do every Wednesday.

“Your uncle said you’ve been doing well at work.” His father says after a few turns. “And I said that of course you are, because you’re my son.”

“Did he?” Jinyoung asks. “Interesting.” He tries not to sound too stiff.

His father wins the game.

\--

Jinyoung’s appointment with Mr. Im comes faster than Jinyoung wanted. He’s nervous as his driver drops him off in front of the Im building, and he feels like everyone is watching him as he gets cleared through security to go up to the top floor.

Like the first visit, Jaebum doesn’t know that he’s here -- mostly because Jinyoung knows that he would discourage Jinyoung from coming in the first place. But this is a visit to make things better, not worse.

“Mr. Im will see you now.” The secretary says when Jinyoung makes it up, and ushers him in. Jinyoung has the distinct feeling of a piece of meat walking straight into the lion’s den.

When he goes into the office, he finds Jaebum’s father standing, hands behind his back, and waiting for him, looking imperious. Jinyoung forces himself to step closer. Jaebum’s father doesn’t gesture for him to sit down, or anything.

“Park Jinyoung.” Mr. Im says, “I was surprised to see you come all this way after we had such a bad discussion last time.”

“I came to apologize.”

“Bah!” Mr. Im says and Jinyoung bows, watching Mr. Im’s expression turn into one of shock and confusion.

As much as it pains him to, Jinyoung bows all the way to the floor in front of Mr. Im, and goes into a full kowtow. He hates every second of it, but there’s no way that Jaebum’s dad can’t forgive him if he does this. He remembers his father struggling to stand up, and Jinyoung bows deeper.

“Jinyoung-ssi! Get up.” Jaebum’s dad says, sounding extremely uncomfortable, but Jinyoung keeps bowing.

“I’m sorry for what I said to you. I ask you for forgiveness.” He almost chants.

“That’s why you’re bowing? Get up!” Mr. Im says, sounding almost frantic. “What if someone sees?”

“I don’t care what they think. I’m saying sorry and asking for forgiveness.”

“Fine!” Mr. Im snaps and Jinyoung comes up to a sitting position.

“Thank you Mr. Im.” Jinyoung says gravely, still sitting.

“You have bravery to come here and do that.” Mr. Im says, almost sneering.

“I wanted to.” Jinyoung answers. “I hope that you don’t think poorly of my company because of my actions.”

“Did your uncle put you up to this?”

“No. He told me not to come.” Jaebum’s father cocks his head to the side. “I wanted to do it anyways.”

“So you’re not brave. You’re just stupid.”

“Maybe so.” Jinyoung says slowly. “But you forgave me.”

“Does Jaebum know that you’re here then?”

“No. This is my business, but since you mentioned him, he’s happy.” Jaebum’s father doesn’t say anything. “He’s really happy.” _And I hope that makes you miserable_ , goes unspoken.

“I’m glad.” Jaebum’s father says, clearly trying to keep his voice under control because Jinyoung is being so stoic.

“Have a nice day then. I saw that your quarterly earnings are higher than projected.”

There’s a vein in Jaebum’s dad’s neck that is sticking out slightly, and that’s the only indication that he’s responding to Jinyoung at all. Jinyoung bows again, and leaves on shaky legs.

\--

Just a few days after he sees Mr. Im, he’s due to begin the plan to win over Yugyeom.

So after work one day, he puts cologne on, and changes his dress shirt, and drives over to Yugyeom’s apartment with the coat. Bambam has confirmed that Yugyeom is home, because he’s in the middle of studying for final exams.

Bambam lets him in, and ushers him towards Yugyeom’s room, after giving his outfit a thumbs up.

Jinyoung knocks softly on the door, and then enters Yugyeom’s room when Yugyeom makes an acquiescing noise.

Yugyeom is clearly busy studying. There are papers strewn about everywhere, and bags under his eyes.

“Jinyoung?” Yugyeom asks.  

“Yeah, it’s me.” Jinyoung says, trying to sound smooth and unbothered.

“What are you doing here?”

“I know you’re busy with your work so it’ll be quick. I’m just here to drop this off.” Jinyoung says and reveals the box that he had hidden behind his back. The department store counter had wrapped it nicely so it looks like a proper fancy gift. Yugyeom’s eyes fall right on the box.

“For me?” Yugyeom asks quietly.

“Yeah. Just a little something.” Jinyoung says, and flashes a smile for extra effect.

“But why?”

“Just because.” Jinyoung says with a smile. “Can’t I give the person I like a gift?”

“Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says, almost as a warning.

“I saw you at Jackson’s bar the other week.” Yugyeom physically jerks away at Jinyoung's words.

“So you saw-”

“You deserve better than that.” Yugyeom is silent. “You know I could treat you better than they ever could. So this is me telling you that I can treat you better.”

“Jinyoung-”

“Just think about it. Think about me. I’ll be thinking about you.” Jinyoung says and leaves the box on Yugyeom’s desk. “I’ll see you Friday.”

“What’s happening on Friday?” Yugyeom asks.

“We have dinner plans.”

“I-”

“You don’t have anything that night. Everyone else is coming.” They stare at each other for a moment, Jinyoung trying his best not to crawl over Yugyeom’s desk and kiss him senseless.

“Okay.” Yugyeom says finally. “I’ll see you then.”

“Good luck on your exam tomorrow.”

“Thanks.”

Jinyoung takes his leave then, letting out a big exhale as soon as he clicks Yugyeom’s door shut.

From beside him, Bambam gives him a thumbs up. He’d been pressed up against the wall eavesdropping on the whole conversation.

“Wow hyung, honestly that was the coolest I’ve ever seen you.” Bambam whispers excitedly.

“Thanks. Wait-”

“Don’t hit me!” Bambam shrieks, leaping away from Jinyoung’s incoming hand.

“Was it really fine?” Jinyoung asks, once they’ve gotten far enough away from Yugyeom’s door that he can’t hear anything.

“It was perfect.” Banbam exclaims.

“I hope he likes his gift.” Jinyoung says thoughtfully.

“I think he will. I know he’ll understand your intentions. Also, I helped you pick it out.”

“Good.”

“What are you doing now?” Bambam asks.

“I’m probably going to head home and get some work done, why?” Bambam tuts judgmentally.

“We should go for dinner!” Jinyoung sighs heavily. “What? That’s what a hyung does.” Bambam insists.

“Fine.” Jinyoung concedes. Bambam grins and immediately pulls his phone out and rapidly types something.

“Youngjae’s coming too!” Bambam crows and Jinyoung regrets ever agreeing to Bambam’s plan in the first place.

\--

“So he accepted it?” Youngjae asks while he flips the pork belly over on the grill. Jinyoung somehow managed to be swindled into buying barbeque for Bambam and Youngjae.

“Yeah. Hyung was all cool like ‘Can’t I buy a gift for the person I like?’” Bambam parrots in a deep voice, puffing his chest out in what Jinyoung can only assume is an imitation of what he looks like.

“Whoa.” Youngjae says, looking impressed. “Jinyoung-hyung, I didn’t know you could be so cool.”

“I don’t know why this is so surprising.” Jinyoung grumbles.

“You’re just, you know. A little nerdy.” Bambam answers and Jinyoung glares at him.

“Nothing wrong with that.” Youngjae adds quickly.

“But he’s trying to show Yugyeom his cool and sexy side. You know, the dominant, take-control side.”

“Does Jinyoung even have a side like- Ouch!” There’s a thumping noise from under the table, presumably where Bambam kicked Youngjae.

“Of course he does.” Bambam says quickly and Youngjae nods with a too-big smile.

“I’m very cool.” Jinyoung protests. 

The coolest.” Youngjae says.

“So how did you even meet Yugyeom?” Jinyoung asks, ordering another round of food. Bambam and Youngjae seem to have endless stomachs.

“Oh! He didn’t tell you?” Youngjae says, practically lighting up.

“No. Just that you’re roommates, and you’re all the same major?” Jinyoung says.

“Not quite. We are all roommates, but Gyeom-ah and Bam are biochemistry majors, and I’m a biology major.”

"We met in the worst class ever." Bambam says dramatically.

"First year physics." Youngjae elaborates. "We were all in the same lab section." 

"Ah. I see." 

"I almost died in that class." Bambam says, taking a big bite of food.

"Me too." Youngjae adds with a laugh. 

“So you're a biology major -- do you want to go to medical school too?”

“My parents want me to.” Youngjae confesses. “So I’m preparing, but I’m not totally sure.”

“He’s an amazing singer.” Bambam says quickly and Youngjae flushes.

“I’m nothing special.” Youngjae mutters.

“You met Jaebum through singing lessons though. And he said that you have a good voice.” Jinyoung remembers suddenly, from the first time he met Youngjae at Jaebum’s apartment. How Jaebum met him through singing lessons, but at the time Jinyoung had been more focused on the fact that Jaebum hadn’t even told him about singing lessons.

“Jaebum-hyung is too flattering.” Youngjae says, blushing even redder.

“So you want to pursue music then?” Jinyoung presses, curious. For all the time that he’s spent with Youngjae, he’s never heard anything about his love of music.

“I don’t know what I would do. It’s not like I could ever be a singer-”

“Stop that! You’re a great singer!” Bambam says, almost harshly, like they’ve had this conversation before.

“But medicine is a safe career. And it would make my parents happy.” Youngjae snipes back.

“What about you Bam?” Jinyoung asks suddenly, eager to break the tension that has settled over the table. “What do you want to do in the future?”

“Ugh. Don’t even remind me.” Bambam says, but he doesn’t seem bothered really.

“Why?” Jinyoung asks with a laugh.

“He’s on the research track.” Youngjae answers. “Our supervisor loves him, and wants him to pursue a master’s degree.”

“What? Really? That’s awesome!” Jinyoung wouldn’t have thought that Bambam was some kind of biochemistry whiz. But he realizes, that he’s never really gotten to know Bambam that well until now. Bambam has always just been Yugyeom’s best friend, someone to avoid angering, rather than get to know well.

“It’s no big deal.” Bambam says, but the blush on his face indicates that it actually is a big deal.

After a little bit, Bambam excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and Jinyoung is left with just Youngjae. They sit in silence for a few minutes, just picking at the remnants of food.

“It’s hard to manage your parents’ expectations and your own dreams. You’re probably better off talking to Jaebum about it. I’ve always just done what my parents wanted.” Jinyoung says after a few minutes of silence.

“What’s your dream hyung?” Youngjae asks quietly. Jinyoung pauses to think about that for a moment. He has a career that many people would kill for, his dad is recovering and his mom is alright, and he has friends that care about him. Maybe his uncle is mad at him, and maybe Yugyeom doesn’t love him back, but he really can’t see a reason why he can’t be happy in the future.

But he thinks about Jaebum and his parents, and being unwilling to admit that he likes Jackson. And Yugyeom working hard to get into medical school. And Mark being sad that Jinyoung doesn’t like him back. And Youngjae wanting to pursue music.

“For everyone around me to be happy.” He says finally.  

“Wow. How nice of you.” Youngjae says, rolling his eyes. “What’s your real dream though?”

“Shut up.” Jinyoung says with a laugh.

Bambam comes back and steals the last piece of meat from Jinyoung’s chopsticks but Jinyoung can’t make himself even pretend to be offended.

\--

The day of the dinner plan comes sooner than Jinyoung expected. He’s a little bit nervous, if he’s being honest with himself. Bambam said that they would start small, and he’d just drive Yugyeom over to Jaebum’s place so they could have time alone, because they mostly hang out as a group. Bambam’s logic is that Yugyeom’s feelings are there, they’re just buried deep. Jinyoung just prays that’s true.

So he finds himself outside Yugyeom’s apartment, pacing for a few minutes before he musters up the courage to knock.

“Hey, what are you- Jinyoung?” Yugyeom says, upon opening the door to find Jinyoung there, and not whoever it was that he was expecting.

“Hey. Are you ready to go?” Jinyoung asks, noticing that Yugyeom is wearing the coat that Jinyoung bought for him. It looks good on him: emphasizing his broad shoulders, and falling just above his knees to make him look taller. Bambam’s choice was the right one evidently. “You look nice.” Yugyeom looks away from Jinyoung at the compliment, but he blushes.

“What are you even doing here?” He mumbles.

“I came to pick you up.”

“I can go with Bambam and Youngjae.”

“Bambam and Youngjae are already over at Jaebum’s apartment.” Jinyoung says and Yugyeom’s face tightens cutely.

“I’ll make my own way.” Yugyeom insists.

“Please let me drive you.” Jinyoung pushes. “It would be silly for you to be late when I have a car and I’m willing to drive you.” He can practically see Yugyeom’s inner conflict play out.

“Fine. Whatever. Let’s just go.” Yugyeom agrees.

Jinyoung opens the car door for Yugyeom, and closes it once Yugyeom gets inside. He thinks about reaching a hand out to Yugyeom’s thigh once they start driving but reconsiders. He’s moving slow. He’s wooing Yugyeom, and he’ll do it for as long as he needs to.

“How did your exam go?”

“Okay, I think. It was that class I told you about-“

“The enzyme one right?”

“Yeah.” Yugyeom says, and when Jinyoung looks out the corner of his eye as he turns the corner, Yugyeom is trying to hide a smile.

\--

“Jinyoung-ah! Yugyeom-ah!” Mark calls from the kitchen when they arrive to Jaebum’s apartment. “You made it.”

“We did!” Jinyoung says, and ushers Yugyeom forward, hand on the small of his back. He doesn’t miss the way that Yugyeom leans into the touch slightly. Maybe there is some merit to Bambam’s plan after all.

Dinner is uneventful, which is to say that it results in all of them squabbling over everything, and eating too much. He can practically feel Yugyeom’s eyes on him, but every time he looks over, Yugyeom is looking away.

Except after Jinyoung comes out of the bathroom, he finds Yugyeom in the hallway, leaning against the wall, and staring right at him.

“Hey.” Jinyoung says lamely.

“Are you done in the bathroom?” Yugyeom asks, looking under his lashes, and then he actually licks his lips. Jinyoung’s mouth goes dry.

“Yeah. Go ahead.” He answers quickly.

“I will.” Yugyeom then brushes past him so that their shoulders knock together. It isn’t hard to enough to hurt, but it’s hard enough that Jinyoung feels it and knows that it wasn’t an accident. He realizes also that he’s weirdly aroused. They had been close enough that Jinyoung could’ve kissed him.

Jinyoung shakes his head and forces himself to go back and join the others.

“Thanks for having us over Jaebum-hyung.” Youngjae says with a grateful smile once they’ve finished eating, and have settled in the living room to watch TV.

“Ah, it’s no worries.” Jaebum answers. Jinyoung knows that he loves having everyone over, that it’s nothing like his quiet house when he was growing up.

Before Jinyoung knows it, the night is over, and everyone is getting ready to head home. Bambam and Youngjae are complaining about the long wait for the bus at this time of night, just like they’d planned ahead of time.

“I can give you all a ride home.” Jinyoung says smoothly. “I don’t mind.”

“That’d be great! Thanks hyung!” Bambam answers quickly before Yugyeom can protest.

“Thanks Jinyoung!” Youngjae says gratefully.

They say their goodbyes, and make their way down to the parkade where Jinyoung is parked.

Mark leaves at the same time, and Jinyoung doesn’t miss that Jackson is the only one who stays behind with Jaebum, but he doesn’t say anything. He wonders if anything has happened between them or this is just how they are.

Yugyeom ends up in the passenger seat of his car, with Bambam and Youngjae in the backseat. Jinyoung can practically feel their stares the whole car ride, watching carefully to see if Yugyeom and Jinyoung will do anything. Except Yugyeom just stares out the window the whole time, and Jinyoung focuses on driving. It’s tense, bordering on uncomfortable silence, but Jinyoung is just happy to have Yugyeom back in his car, to be able to drive Yugyeom home.

When they arrive at the apartment building, Youngjae and Bambam head upstairs right away, but Yugyeom lingers in the car, much to Jinyoung’s surprise. But he can’t say that he’s unhappy about it.

“Thanks for giving us all a ride.” Yugyeom says, staring past Jinyoung out the window. Jinyoung wishes that he was looking right at him, but he can’t be greedy.  

“It’s no worries. I have the space.” Jinyoung says because he does.

“We all appreciate it.” There’s a lull in the conversation, with both Yugyeom and Jinyoung looking at each other. It’s dark in the car, but there’s just enough light from the streetlights for Jinyoung to see the outline of Yugyeom’s face and he’s struck by how attractive Yugyeom is. He could stay here and look at Yugyeom forever, he thinks.

“You should head up. It’s late.” Jinyoung says softly. “You’re in the middle of exams.”

“I want to kiss you goodnight.” Yugyeom blurts out suddenly. “I don’t want to feel like this but I do. So what should I do?” Jinyoung feels like he has a bit of whiplash: Yugyeom does like him, but he doesn’t want to. Jinyoung figures that he can work with that though. He has time.

“I’m not going to kiss you goodnight yet.” Jinyoung says as an answer. “Not until you want it. I’ll wait.”

“We’re just friends.” Yugyeom says in a small voice, but he’s still looking at Jinyoung, which Jinyoung takes to be a good sign.

“I don’t want to be.” Jinyoung says firmly, says what he’s wanted to say since Yugyeom first confessed that he wanted to be just friends.

“Jinyoung.” Yugyeom says, but it isn’t as a warning, or a plea -- he’s saying Jinyoung’s name fondly. Jinyoung is filled with a sudden rush of love. He can do this. He can make Yugyeom want to kiss him again.

“So I’m going to wait until you want to be more than friends with me.” Jinyoung says again. Yugyeom opens his mouth, and then closes it.

“Why are you doing this?” Yugyeom asks softly. Jinyoung offers a small smile.

“I can treat you well. And I think you know that. But I want you to like me back. I want you to want me back fully. So I’ll wait.”

“But you saw me with those guys?”

“So what? They don’t get to drive you home, and buy you gifts. And you don’t want to kiss them good night.” Jinyoung says, even though his blood is boiling slightly just at the mention of Yugyeom with those guys. But it’s true. Even if they get to dance with him, Jinyoung already has more of what matters.

“Hyung.” Yugyeom says softly. “You’re not exactly making me not want to kiss you here.” He genuinely looks like he’s struggling internally. Jinyoung bites his lip. He’d love to kiss Yugyeom goodnight, to touch Yugyeom again. But he knows what he needs to do.

“That’s alright. But you really should head up now or Bam will get mad.”

“Yeah.” Yugyeom says, looking a bit dazed. He gets out, and leans back into the car.

“Good night Jinyoung.”

“Goodnight. And good luck on your exams!” Jinyoung says with a smile.

Yugyeom nods and all but runs into his apartment building. Jinyoung gets the distinct feeling that things have shifted between them again, from being on strange, disjointed ground to something new.

Even when they were first getting to know each other, Jinyoung didn’t classify their relationship as anything, he didn’t tell Yugyeom how he felt. He’s thankful that Yugyeom seems to understand him, and see through his shit, but Jinyoung realizes that he doesn’t want Yugyeom to even have to do that. He wants them to communicate with each other about what they want, and their car conversation is a step towards that.

Maybe there is a bit of fate, but there’s also Jinyoung himself working to bring them together.

Jinyoung starts the engine up again and his phone buzzes. For a second Jinyoung’s heart hopes that it’s Yugyeom, but it’s just Bambam texting him in quick succession.

**bambam1a**

**how did it go????**

**what happened???**

**youngjae and i watched at the window but we couldn’t even see much**

**and yugyeom just went into his room without saying anything**

**pepi_jy_**

**He told me that he felt like he wanted to kiss me goodnight, but he didn’t want to.**

**But I told him that I was going to wait until he was fully ready to do anything.**

 

**bambam1a**

**!!!!!!**

**omfg!!!!**

**hyung!!!!!!**

**!!!!!**

**i’m a genius**

**we can move to the next stage faster than i thought**


	11. waited here for you, everlong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a build-up chapter, but an important build-up all the same. I feel a bit meh about it, but I hope you enjoy! And no spoilers but I know that you’re all going to like the next chapter, so look forward to it! Chapter title comes from the song ‘Everlong’ by the Foo Fighters. 
> 
> I’m wishing you all a very happy new year! Much love from me to you. I hope that 2018 brings you closer to where you want to be. 
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Oh Baby - LCD Soundsystem  
> Aytche - Joseph Shabason  
> New Person, Same Old Mistakes - Tame Impala

It’s quiet, the kind of quiet that stems from being alone at night, somewhere that isn’t home. Jinyoung yawns, and thinks longingly of a strong cup of tea and the book sitting at home, waiting for him to go and finish.

His secretary has gone home for the night after much cajoling on Jinyoung’s part, and it’s just Jinyoung working on the plans for the negotiations with an Australian company to obtain their brake caliper business. It’s the latest Park Corporation project, and also the first project that Jinyoung is spearheading himself. It’s been a few months now that he’s been CEO, and he finally feels as if he has his feet beneath him, like he has his bearings. Jinyoung knows that people want him to fail, want to watch him fall from grace. But that just makes him want to work harder, want to prove everyone wrong.

There’s a knock on his door at almost ten, when Jinyoung is finishing up for the night. He just has to read over a draft of a letter, and finalize a few other emails and things.

“Come in.” Jinyoung calls out, looking up to see who it is.

“Jinyoung-ah.” His uncle greets tensely.

“Hello.” Jinyoung responds, mood already dampened.

“We’re hosting our annual charity gala next month. I wasn’t sure if you’d heard.” Jinyoung mentally sifts through his recent emails and memos.

“I haven’t.”

“Ah.”

“Mhmm.” Jinyoung replies tensely.

“I expect you to be there to represent the company and the family.” His uncle says imperiously and Jinyoung grits his teeth.

“Why? Does it even matter if I go? I’m just a brat after all. Isn’t that what everyone thinks?”

“Jinyoung-ah-” His uncle warns, eyes flashing dark.

“I’ll be there, don’t worry.” Jinyoung snaps. “Just tell me the time and the place and I’ll be there, playing the part of the perfect chaebol heir.” The vein in his uncle’s neck throbs and Jinyoung feels a pang of satisfaction.

“You’ll be on your best behaviour.” His uncle all but hisses, and Jinyoung smiles in his best imitation of how he used to see Jaebum smile at his dad.

“Of course. I can’t have everyone thinking I’m spoiled, can I?”

“Jinyoung.”

“Next time just pass the message to my secretary when you need me to do something.” His uncle’s face tightens. “It’ll be easier for both of us.”

His uncle sweeps out the door without even saying goodbye, and Jinyoung releases a heavy sigh, lowering his head until it hits his desk.

He isn’t even sure if it would be better if he just sucked up to his uncle. There seems to be no easy way to win in their relationship, if Jinyoung can even win at all. He feels a bit guilty not telling his dad about the rift between him and his uncle, but Jinyoung isn’t even convinced that telling his dad would change anything. His uncle is his father’s oldest partner, his own brother.

And Jinyoung has always thought of his uncle as someone he could trust too. He can still remember hiding behind his uncle’s legs as a child, peering out at the world from behind the protection of his uncle.

But everything is different now, and things aren’t so simple like they were when he was a boy. He can make his own decisions, and do things for himself separate of everyone else. He has to.

\--

The next day, Jinyoung gets a text from Jaebum, inviting him out for coffee. The invitation is somewhat menacing, which Jinyoung takes to mean that Jaebum knows that he went and visited Jaebum’s father again.

And sure enough, he finds Jaebum already settled in the coffee shop, two drinks in front of him eyes directly on the door for when Jinyoung comes in.

“You talked to my dad again.” Jaebum states stiffly, shifting one mug across the table towards Jinyoung once he’s sat down. “My dad was pissed, but apparently you bowed to him and made him accept your apology.”

“I did.” Jinyoung says. 

“Jinyoung-ah.” Jaebum chides.

“We didn’t talk about you. It was business only, I promise.” Jinyoung lies slightly. If Jaebum’s dad didn’t say anything, then neither will Jinyoung.

“Good.” Jaebum says, with a relieved looking smile. “I just don’t want to have to deal with him any more than I already do.”

“I know hyung.” Jinyoung says. “How did you even know I went to see your dad?”

“No thanks to you…” Jaebum says, faux-glowering at him a little. “I think the whole company knew as soon as you stepped foot in the building.”

“Alright, alright. I guess I wasn’t subtle about it.” Jinyoung concedes with a small laugh.

“Sometimes I forget that you’re in charge. I suppose I still think of you like how you were when we first met.”

“I’m way more handsome now.” Jinyoung says, shaking his hair and Jaebum quirks a smile.

“You’re still Jinyoung, but you’re better now. More confident I guess.”

“Really? I don’t think of myself like that.” Jinyoung says honestly. “I still feel like I bumble around.”

“Would sixteen year old Jinyoung go apologize to my dad?” Jaebum asks, totally serious.

“No.” Jinyoung admits. “Sixteen year old Jinyoung would punch your dad.” Jaebum snorts.

“Me too.” Jaebum says.

“I guess we’re getting older.” Jinyoung teases. “More mature, more sophisticated.”

“But it’s still the two of us.”

“Yeah. It’ll always be the two of us, no matter what.” Jinyoung says. “Like you even have to say that.”

\--

Back at work, Jinyoung finds a travel plan sitting on his desk. He has to personally fly to Australia to oversee the negotiation process, and see the manufacturing plant and everything. Jinyoung himself. As in, he makes the calls, he has to shape the negotiations to benefit the company the best. Jinyoung, who has never had to do anything beyond group projects at university.

He has to actively stop himself from banging his head on his desk.

\--

“Anything new at work?” His mother asks, as Jinyoung is getting ready to leave his parents’ house for the evening. He’d come over to spend time with his father, but his father was too tired to do much, so he wound up chatting with his mother instead.

Jinyoung tells her about Australia, about patents for calipers, and the integration into the current company manufacturing structure.

“I have to say, as exciting as this is for you, it really is boring.” His mother says with a twinkle in her eye and Jinyoung laughs.

“And then we have the charity gala coming up.” Jinyoung says. “I totally forgot that was something I would have to do.” He wasn’t allowed to go as a teenager, because it was for adults only. He only remembered his parents getting all dressed up. And now that has to be him.

“You’re going?” She asks, sounding somewhat surprised.

“I have to.” Jinyoung says glumly. “I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll go.”

“I know it’s unfortunate, but this is just one of those things that you have to do. A hoop you have to jump through. Your dad never liked them either.” Jinyoung sighs.

“You can bring someone with you of course.” His mother adds. “It doesn’t have to be a date, it could be a friend. That would make it more fun.

Jinyoung just sighs heavily in response. He doesn’t even know who he’d take. There’s no chance Jaebum will go, Mark is probably already going with his own family, he isn’t sure if he’s close enough to Youngjae and Bambam to ask them to go, Jackson would probably win over everyone and make Jinyoung look bad, and Jinyoung is _not_ asking Yugyeom to come with him.

“Yeah. Alright.” Jinyoung answers without really thinking. It isn’t the end of the world if he doesn’t take anyone with him.

“I’ll be there, and your father too -- if he’s feeling well enough.”

“Is he not feeling well? The doctors said-”

“I know. But you see him all the time. He can’t do it all.” She says firmly. “He might not get fully better after this, the same way you knew him.”

“But he is getting better.”

His mother’s mouth is set in a harsh, ugly line, like she doesn’t want to be having this conversation.

“The five year survival rate isn’t good Jinyoung. And you know that. So he might be okay now, but that doesn’t mean anything is guaranteed.” She all but spits out. Jinyoung recoils slightly.

“But that means that nothing is guaranteed.” He says, and pulls her in for a hug. She stays stiff, holding her tension in, but she lets Jinyoung hold her. “We’ll deal with that later alright? You and me.”

“But-”

“But if nothing is guaranteed, then we just need to spend time with Dad, right?” Jinyoung says. She sighs, slumping against him slightly.

“You’re too good Jinyoung-ah.”

“I’m just trying to make the best of things.”

“I should try harder at that.” His mother whispers, and suddenly she feels tiny in Jinyoung’s arms. 

He doesn't know how to respond. 

\--

Like most Saturday evenings, Jinyoung finds himself crowded in one of his friends’ apartments that weekend -- this time, Yugyeom, Youngjae, and Bambam’s place.

They’re all there, except Yugyeom, who had to finish up tutoring, and before he arrives, Bambam insists on taking stock of the plan.

“The plan is proceeding nicely. Very nicely.” Bambam says, nodding. “I’ve outdone myself.”

“You’re so humble.” Youngjae says, rolling his eyes. “They’re not even dating yet.”

“You can’t expect these things to happen overnight.” Mark adds. “Plus Jinyoung is really busy with work and Yugyeom has his life too. They don’t just exist for each other.”

“And now Jinyoung is the face of his company or whatever.” Jaebum teases. “Making a speech at his company gala and everything.”

“Fancy.” Youngjae oohs, looking impressed.

“It’s not a big deal.” Jinyoung says.

“Gala?” Bambam asks, and Jinyoung explains the event. “Wait, so you can take a date?” Bambam asks.

“Huh?”

“Can you take a date to the gala thing?” Bambam asks, eyes lighting up.

“Yeah.” Jinyoung answers, not totally sure where this is going.

“Why don’t you invite Yugyeom?” Bambam asks excitedly. Jinyoung barely resists the urge to snort.

“Like he’d agree. That’s moving too fast.”

“But he already said that he wanted to kiss you. That’s a good sign.”

“Too much information.” Youngjae groans.

“But then he said that he wants to, but he doesn’t want to feel like that. There’s a big difference there.” Bambam rolls his eyes.

“Why don’t you just invite him? It doesn’t matter if he says no or not.” Youngjae says, ever the reasonable one.

“Yeah! That makes the most sense.” Jackson pipes in.  Jinyoung doesn’t even know how all his friends somehow got involved in Bambam’s plan for Jinyoung and Yugyeom to get together.

“But if he says no that doesn’t bode well.” Jinyoung protests.

“I don’t think he’ll say no.” Bambam says thoughtfully.

Jinyoung slips away for a second to himself, partially out of tiredness, and partially out of desire to mull over the suggestion to invite Yugyeom to the gala.

“I wanted some air too. Jackson and Youngjae are hitting each other.” Mark says with a soft laugh, and hands Jinyoung a mug of tea. Jinyoung gratefully accepts it, and they settle looking out at the city, like has become their routine.

“Do you think the plan is going to work? Do you think Yugyeom will go out with me?” Jinyoung asks after

“I think it’ll work. Things might have been a bit rocky but he still looks at you like you hung the fucking sun, just more subtly.” Jinyoung sighs.

“I just want him to want me back.”

“I know Jinyoung-ie.” Mark says and leans his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder. They stand there for a little while, watching the sun set. The sky is streaky orange and pink and Jinyoung feels the heavy weight of nostalgia.  

“I’m in love with him.” Jinyoung confesses.

“I know.” Mark says with a little laugh. Jinyoung frowns.

“How?”

“You aren’t exactly any better than Yugyeom-ah. You look at him like he can give you everything. I don’t have to hear you say that you love him to know that you do.” Mark says softly.

“I’m really happy that we’re friends now.” Jinyoung says.

“Me too.” Mark replies. “I wasn’t sure if it would be hard, because I had feelings for you, and I was acting like such a douche at first. And it wasn’t easy sometimes.”

“Hyung.”

“But I could see that I never had any chance with you. Not with Yugyeom in the picture. Even that very first time we all hung out I could see the way the two of you were with each other.” Jinyoung snorts.

“Really? But we weren’t even anything then.”

“I don’t know about that.” Mark says in response. “Wow, your shoulder sucks to lean on. You’re too bony.” He grumbles.

“I know right?” Bambam says, coming out of nowhere to lean his head on Jinyoung’s other shoulder. “I had to escape before I got hit." 

Jinyoung wraps his arms around both of them.

\--

Once Yugyeom makes it home from tutoring, somehow Bambam orchestrates it so that it’s just Jinyoung and Yugyeom in the kitchen.

“Do you want something to drink?” Jinyoung asks.

“Uh, this is my kitchen?” Yugyeom answers with a smile. “But I’ll drink whatever you’re drinking.”

Jinyoung pours them both another stupidly sweet vodka drink, recipe courtesy of Jackson.

“So tutoring was good?” Jinyoung asks. Yugyeom groans.

“No. But a job is a job.” Jinyoung hums in agreement.

“I wanted to ask you something.” He says slowly. Yugyeom nods. “So I have to go to this gala thing because I’m like the CEO or whatever. I’m giving a speech.”

“Wow! That’s exciting hyung.” Yugyeom says, looking impressed. Jinyoung continues.

“I can bring someone with me.”

“Yeah, that’s normal. Bringing a date.” Yugyeom says, and takes another sip of his drink.

“So, I was wondering if you wanted to go.” Yugyeom stills suddenly.

“You want me to come with you?”

“Yes. I do. I wouldn’t want anyone else to come with me.” Yugyeom is silent for a moment.

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course. It’s a month from now so you have time. I’ll send you an invitation so you have all the information.”

“Alright.” Yugyeom says, his eyes finally meeting Jinyoung’s. He looks nervous, and the last thing that Jinyoung wants is for Yugyeom to feel uncomfortable about spending time with him.

“Don’t feel obligated or anything. I just invited you because I think it could be fun.” He adds.

\--

The next day at work Jinyoung forwards the email invite to Yugyeom. The dress code is formal, and he can’t help but imagine Yugyeom in a suit. He’s only ever seen Yugyeom in clubwear, and his student clothes. He wonders if Yugyeom is bothered by their age gap, by the fact that Yugyeom is still in university and Jinyoung is working.

**pepi_jy_**

**Is it weird that you’re friends with me?**

**yu_gyeom**

**whhh**

**what do u mean?**

**pepi_jy_**

**Like that I’m older than you.**

**And I’m out of school.**

**yu_gyeom**

**altho u are very weird, u being older isn’t that weird**

**asking me is kinda weird tho**

**pepi_ jy_**

**I was just curious.**

**yu_gyeom**

**shouldn’t u be working or something?**

**pepi_jy_**

**Mind your business.**

Yugyeom’s next message is a photo of him sticking his tongue out at the camera. Jinyoung saves it to his phone.

\--

The next time they see each other is the following weekend, because the university students want to celebrate the end of the year, and their good grades. Jinyoung even feels himself getting excited by the prospect of summer too, even though it doesn’t mean anything for him any longer -- he still has work.

Everyone is together already, except Jaebum and Jackson, who are coming together, as per the group chat.

They’re sitting in the park close to Youngjae, Yugyeom, and Bambam’s apartment, waiting for them, and while they wait Jinyoung lets himself look at Yugyeom. He’s wearing a T-shirt because the weather is finally allowing it, and the skin on his arms is distractingly winter-pale. Jinyoung tries hard not to stare. It doesn’t quite work. He wants to reach out and touch Yugyeom, to hug him.

Someone elbows Jinyoung hard in the back, interrupting his thoughts. He whirls around to see who it was, only to see Mark standing beside him, watching Jaebum and Jackson approach them. Jinyoung turns back and then Mark elbows him again, not quite as hard this time.

“What?” He hisses.

“Look.” Mark insists, nudging his head towards Jaebum and Jackson.

“Yes. It’s Jaebum and Jackson.” Jinyoung says.

“No. Look at their hands.” Jinyoung’s eyes flick down to their hands, which are intertwined. As they come closer to everyone, Jackson drops Jaebum’s hand only to put his arm around Jaebum’s waist, and tug Jaebum closer. Jaebum looks at Jinyoung, anxiety in his eyes. His shoulders are tense, as if he’s expecting someone to say something negative. Jinyoung smiles at him broadly. When he peeks beside him Mark is doing the same.

“What are we eating? I feel like Chinese.” Bambam says loudly. “And I’m not paying.”

“I could do Chinese food.” Mark says. Jackson perks up.

“You never pay.” Jaebum says to Bambam with a laugh.

“I know a place!” Jackson insists, and an equilibrium is restored.

They end up in another hole in the wall Chinese place just outside downtown, where Jackson knows the owner.

They sit crammed together, talking over one another, and eating far too much. Yugyeom and Bambam show everyone the choreography they taught themselves, while Youngjae almost cries of laughter. Mark and Jackson ends up chattering away half the time to the owner and the cooks, and they wind up with free food, and an offer for all of them to come back any time.

So Jinyoung takes a moment to corner Jaebum.

“Hyung.”

“Don’t say anything.” Jaebum says with a blush. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s kind of a big deal.” Jinyoung answers, laughing.

“We’re taking it slow. No labels.” Jaebum confessed, eyes flicking over to Jackson, who is leaning over the counter to talk to a chef in Mandarin.

“I just want you to be happy.” Jinyoung replies. “And it’s clear that you’re happy with him.”

“Yeah. Yeah I am.” Jaebum answers, still looking at Jackson with the softest of smiles.

\--

“What are we doing next week?” Youngjae asks as they’re on their way out, ready to go their own ways for the night.

“I want to go bowling!” Jackson says, excitement coming over his face.

“We could go bowling.” Jaebum replies, looking contemplative.

“I’m great at bowling.” Bambam declares.

“Not you’re not.” Youngjae replies with a snort. “Remember that time in second year you-”

“Let’s not go there.” Yugyeom says with a wince, which just makes Jinyoung want to know even more.

“I’m going to Sydney next week.” Jinyoung says. “So I can’t make it.”

“How long will you be away hyung?” Bambam asks.

“Just a week, maybe a few days more if we get stuck in negotiations.”

“So you can’t go bowling?” Jackson asks, looking sad. Jinyoung rolls his eyes.

“We’ll go bowling another time together.”

“And ice cream?” Jackson asks, brightening up instantly.

“And ice cream.” Jinyoung promises.

\--

Jinyoung leaves for Sydney the next Monday. He forced Jaebum to water the plants in his apartment and threatened his mother until she promised to give him daily updates about his father’s health.

He meets with the company, tours the factory, spends hours in meetings with the bank, and his lawyers, and the company. There’s breakfast meetings, and morning meetings, and lunch meetings, and afternoon meetings, and dinner meetings, and drink meetings, and after-dinner meetings. Jinyoung doesn’t think that he’s ever schmoozed so much in his life. But somehow, it’s working. He watches as the discussions give way to contracts in good terms.

\--

He’s on a rare break, eating his lunch alone and taking a moment to mull over how the negotiations are going, when his phone rings. Jinyoung picks up hastily, without even checking who’s calling.

“Hello, Park Jinyoung speaking.” He answers in English, business-like.

“Jinyoung?” Jinyoung can hardly believe it, so he takes his phone away from his ear to confirm on his caller ID that it is in fact Yugyeom calling him. “Jinyoung?” He hears and snaps his phone back up to his ear, mentally switching back to Korean.

“Sorry Yugyeom. I just dropped my phone for a second.” He thinks he can hear a soft laugh on the other line.

“You’re not busy right now, are you?”

“No, no! We’re on a break between meetings right now.”

“Oh, good.”

“Yeah, I have an hour.” Jinyoung replies, somewhat uncomfortable. He hasn’t spoken with Yugyeom on the phone in a long time.

“I just- I hadn’t talked to you in a while and thought I’d call.”

“Miss me that much?” Jinyoung says quickly, half-teasing and half-curious.

“I applied to medical school.” Yugyeom blurts out in response. and Jinyoung is silent for a second while he processes this, and then replies.

“What? That’s awesome! That’s so exciting!”

“I’m nervous.”

“That’s normal I imagine.”

“I really want to get in.” Yugyeom says quietly. “I’ve wanted this for so long and now it’s here and I want it so badly.”

“All you can do now is wait and see. All the work is done.”

“I know. I just can’t help but feel butterflies only thinking about it.”

“That’s how you know that it’s special to you. That’s normal.” Jinyoung says comfortingly. “I wish I was there to see you, and congratulate you in person.”

“I wish you were here too.” Yugyeom says. “You’re the first person I told. I just sent my applications right before I called you.” Jinyoung feels a flush of warmth come over him knowing that he’s the first person that Yugyeom told.

“I’m glad you told me.” Jinyoung says. “Where did you apply?"

So Yugyeom tells him all about the schools he applied to, mainly in the city, and a few within a few hours. He tells him about all the courses he would take, and the essays he wrote. Jinyoung is just happy to hear Yugyeom talking so passionately.

“Oh my god, the time! You should’ve told me to shut up!” Yugyeom exclaims after forty-five minutes.

“It’s not a problem at all.” Jinyoung assures him.

“But you’re busy!”

“There’s always time for what’s important.” Yugyeom pauses for a moment before he speaks again.

“I’ll text you.” Yugyeom says. “I won’t call you again. I know you’re busy.”

“You don’t have to worry, I can always find time.”

“But-”

“I promise that it’s always fine.” Jinyoung says firmly. “Do you remember what you told me after I called you that first time?”

“That you can call me sometimes, if you want?”

“It’s the same for me.” Jinyoung says softly.

“I didn’t know you remembered that. That was ages ago.” Yugyeom says with another soft laugh.

“Of course I remember.” Jinyoung replies. Like he could forget how Yugyeom wormed his way into Jinyoung’s life, into Jinyoung’s heart.

“Bye Jinyoung-ah. I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah, really soon.” Jinyoung promises. He can’t see Yugyeom, but he can practically hear him smile over the phone.

If he’s a few minutes late to his next meeting because he lost track of time speaking to Yugyeom, then no one has to know.

\--

The rest of the trip passes quickly. Jinyoung finds himself getting messages from Yugyeom more and more often. At first they’re formal, asking what each other is doing, but after a few days Yugyeom is teasing him, and Jinyoung is teasing back, sending each other silly selcas and memes. It’s like how it used to be between them, Jinyoung realizes, and it’s because Yugyeom wanted them to be like that.

Best of all, by the end of the week, they’ve clinched the deal, and Jinyoung can successfully report back to his uncle. He knows that he can be responsible and do a good job, and if it takes him years to prove it, then he’ll take the time and prove it.

He sends his uncle all the information over email, and calls his dad to tell him about everything.

“That’s great Jinyoung-ah!” His dad exclaims. “You’ve been working so hard! You should be proud!”

“Thanks Dad!” Jinyoung says.

“No need to thank me. It’s all your work. I knew I made the right choice to assign you to be CEO if anything happened.”

“What if I wasn’t a good fit? What if I made mistakes though?” Jinyoung finds himself asking. He’s surprised to hear his dad laugh at the question.

“I didn’t think that far ahead. I just had a feeling.”

“You had a feeling?” Jinyoung asks incredulously. Surely his father put more thought into it than that.

“Sometimes things don’t have to be that complicated. I went with my gut, and it worked out. Sometimes it doesn’t work out, and then you respond to the challenges.” He explains.

“But what if it doesn’t work out?”

“Then you do something different. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, plenty of bad decisions. It isn’t a big deal, as long as you keep moving forward, and try to make the right changes. I’m sure that you’ll make mistakes too, we all do.”

“I don’t know if I feel very comforted.” Jinyoung admits.

“It isn’t about comforting. I’m just telling you frankly how you do things. But I think that you already know what you need to do.”

And if Jinyoung is being honest with himself, he knows that too.

\--

When he gets home Jinyoung is just planning on going back to his apartment, ordering takeout, and passing out until he has to go to work the next day. But when he comes out of the arrivals exit at ICN, he gets an unexpected surprise.

“Hyung!” Jinyoung hears yelled, and suddenly he can see Youngjae waving excitedly at him. Jinyoung waves back. Mark is slouching beside him looking bored, and behind them with his hands shoved in his pockets is Yugyeom. Jinyoung has to conceal his smile. Of course he’s excited to see all of them, but the fact that Yugyeom is here means something special.

“What’s this? What are you all doing here?” Jinyoung asks once he’s in earshot of them.

“We thought we’d come pick you up.” Mark explains. “Just a little early.” He says and glares at Youngjae.

“I misread the arrival time.” Youngjae says with a blush. “We got here three hours ago and Mark didn’t want to drive back.” Jinyoung laughs.

“Thank you anyways. It’s nice to not have to take a cab or call a car.”

“Your cab is us.” Youngjae says, throwing his arms open. “Well, Mark-hyung.”

“Yeah.” Mark says, rolling his eyes. “Because no one else has a car.”

“You could’ve taken my car.” Jinyoung says, rolling his eyes.

“My car is nicer.” Mark says, eyes crinkled in amusement.

It turns out that Mark drives a burgundy Panamera with flashy gold rims. Jinyoung all but rolls his eyes.

“Subtle.”

“Better than your old man car.” Mark teases while Youngjae wrestles Jinyoung’s suitcase into the trunk.

Jinyoung ends up in the backseat with Yugyeom, while Youngjae and Mark chatter away in the front.

Because he flew through the night, it’s the morning in Korea, and it’s a Sunday, with the city coming awake a bit later than usual. There are vegetable sellers setting out their wares for the day, and couples in spring clothes walking hand in hand down the streets. He can’t help but look over at Yugyeom in the spring sunshine too, how handsome he looks just sitting there and watching the world pass by. Yugyeom catches him staring, and Jinyoung shrugs, but keeps sneaking looks at him anyways.

They’re halfway to Jinyoung’s apartment when Yugyeom places one hand on the seat beside him. He’s still looking out the window, and it isn’t clear whether he put his hand down by accident or on purpose.

Jinyoung peeks at Mark and Youngjae who are fighting over the music in the front.

He can’t help himself, he takes his hand from his lap and puts it so that it’s beside Yugyeom’s. It’s close enough that Yugyeom knows it isn’t by accident, and far enough away that Mark and Youngjae wouldn’t think anything of it. Or Jinyoung hopes at least.

He leaves it up to Yugyeom then, to make the next move, if he’s even going to make a move at all. He’s expecting Yugyeom to leave his hand there, or even move his hand away. What he isn’t expecting is for Yugyeom to place his hand on top of Jinyoung’s and squeeze his hand. But this is what happens anyways, and Jinyoung is pretty sure that his heart skips three beats. He doesn’t react, doesn’t turn his head, but if he peeks out the corner of his eye, he can see Yugyeom looking at him. Just as Yugyeom goes to pull his hand away, Jinyoung flips his hand over and wraps their fingers tightly together so Yugyeom can’t pull away.

He turns and flashes a cheeky smile at Yugyeom who looks so pleased to be holding hands with Jinyoung that Jinyoung feels himself fall a little further in love.

They spend the rest of the car ride home holding hands.

\--

Jinyoung is expecting to just be dropped off, but instead Mark asks where he should park, and somehow Jinyoung finds himself in his apartment with Mark, Yugyeom, and Youngjae all around him in the kitchen.

“Is it fun to get to go on trips for work?” Youngjae asks, taking a carton of ice cream from Jinyoung’s freezer.

“Sort of? I sat in a hotel room or meeting room for the whole time.”

“You didn’t even get to see anything cool?” Yugyeom asks quietly, the first time he’s spoken since they arrived.

“Not really. The only part of the city I got to see was on the drive from the airport to the hotel, and on the way to meetings. And I got to tour a factory.” Jinyoung says with a laugh.

“But still. You were in Australia!” Youngjae insists. “All I did was work in the lab and then go bowling with everyone.”

“And Jackson cheated at bowling and won!” Mark pipes up.

“And Jackson cheated!” Youngjae repeats.

“How did he cheat at bowling?” Jinyoung asks, amused.

“Jaebum harassed the teenage girl working there until she raised the child rails for Jackson only.” Yugyeom explains.

“He cheated.” Mark insists.

“Did he?” Jinyoung asks, trying not to laugh.

“They’re so gross.” Mark says, shuddering slightly. “I don’t know if I should be relieved or disappointed that they’re together.”

“A bit of both.” Youngjae muses. “Now maybe Jaebum hyung can stop singing sad love songs at singing classes.”

“He was doing that?” Jinyoung asks, and stores that information in his brain for blackmail.

“Uh.” Youngjae stutters, turning red. “I mean-”

“You’re the best.” Jinyoung exclaims, throwing an arm around Youngjae. “My only friend.”

“Excuse me?” Mark asks. “What about me? We have a bond!” He says dramatically, feigning tears. Yugyeom and Youngjae collapse into giggles, and even Jinyoung finds himself laughing. He wonders when this happened, that they’re all comfortable around each other to do this.

They hover around Jinyoung’s kitchen for another hour until Mark looks down at his phone and grimaces.

“Ah, shit! I gotta go! I forgot about a lunch meeting I have with my mom!” He says. “I have to go, sorry Jinyoung-ah.”

“That’s okay. It was already more than enough for you to pick me up from the airport. Thank you.” Jinyoung says.

“I should head out too.” Youngjae adds. “I have a few things I meant to do today. Sorry hyung.”

“No worries!” Jinyoung responds with a smile. He’s just looking forward to getting some sleep after the last busy few days. “I’ll have to have everyone over for dinner this weekend to catch up.”

“Boys night.” Mark says, nodding. “I’m in.” His phone buzzes again. “Okay I really have to go though. Youngjae-ah, do you want a ride to the subway station?”

“That’d be great, thanks hyung.” Youngjae answers gratefully.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

“Gyeom-ah? Are you coming?” Mark asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah! I’ll be out in a second. You can head down before me.” Yugyeom says with a convincing smile.

“Okay. Be quick or I’ll just leave.” Mark replies, looking somewhat amused. He and Youngjae head off slowly, clearly listening while Yugyeom and Jinyoung stay in the kitchen, waiting for them to leave. If Jinyoung isn’t mistaken, they both look disappointed that Yugyeom hasn’t done anything.

“So…” Jinyoung says, only slightly uncomfortable.

“Your trip was good?” Yugyeom asks.

“Yeah. Yeah, it was. The negotiations went well.”

“Good! I’m glad! Uh, I wanted to talk you to you in person once you got back from your trip.” Jinyoung nods. “Um, it’s about the gala thing.” Yugyeom says, looking nervous suddenly.

“Yeah?” Jinyoung feels his heart sink. Of course Yugyeom is going to turn him down. He should’ve known. But at least he tried.

“I’ll go with you.” Yugyeom says quickly.

“What? You will?” Jinyoung hears himself ask, somewhat incredulous that Yugyeom is agreeing.

“Yeah. Yeah. I want to.” Yugyeom says quietly, but firmly.

“Okay. Let’s go.” Jinyoung says, smiling at Yugyeom, who just smiles back.

“I wouldn’t want to miss out on a chance to see you in a tuxedo.” Yugyeom replies with an even wider smile. “But I should really go now, or Mark will actually leave without me.”

“Yeah, go on. Now I can finally get some peace and quiet without everyone bothering me.” Jinyoung gripes.

“Alright old man.” Yugyeom teases as he slips his shoes on, and Jinyoung barely resists the urge to shove him over.

Yugyeom waves and heads down the hall to the elevator.

Just before he gets in the elevator, he turns back to look at Jinyoung. Jinyoung tilts his head in confusion.

“By the way, I missed you!” Yugyeom calls out loudly with a grin.

As he closes the door to his apartment, Jinyoung can’t fight the grin that comes over his face.  

Yugyeom missed him. Yugyeom missed him. Yugyeom missed him.

\--

**pepi_jy_**

**I missed you too.**

**(Message saved as draft. Click send when finished.) We should go on a trip together sometime.**

**(Message saved as draft. Click send when finished.) I want to see the world with you.**

\--

**Park Hoseok**

**Good job in Australia.**


	12. in love, not limbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that gif of Oprah shaking her arms at the audience because she gave them all like a trip to Hawaii? That’s how I feel posting this chapter. Fun fact! There’s a gif of Jinyoung slipping his hand down Yugyeom’s dress shirt and Yugyeom like smirks at him and that’s what inspired this fic to become a fully-fledged fic instead of a oneshot of them in the club (https://pa1.narvii.com/6360/70b1846150082959e22a55df0be6cf7972fdf4cb_hq.gif) 
> 
> Chapter title from the song of the same name by Of Oceans. 
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Dreams - The Cranberries

Despite his happiness, it takes Jinyoung a little while to figure out how to tell everyone. He knows that they all want to know, but a part of him wants to keep it as a bit of a secret. Something between just him and Yugyeom.

But still. Bambam has put so much energy into thinking about them, and everyone is slowly growing attached too. He knows that he needs to.

One group hang-out passes, and then another, and then it’s less than a week until the gala and he hasn’t told anyone. 

So when they’re all hanging out at Jackson’s apartment, and Yugyeom goes to take a phone call from one of the parents of the kids he’s still tutoring, Jinyoung takes the opportunity to tell everyone about the plan. 

“Yugyeom is coming with me to the gala.” He announces while they’re all gathered in the kitchen to start eating.

“He said yes?” Youngjae asks, eyes bugging out of his head. Bambam whoops, throwing his hands up in the air. 

“I told you so.” Mark says with a soft smile, nudging Jinyoung gently. 

“Mark hyung, you’re next.” Bambam says, latching onto Mark. “I’m destined to be a matchmaker. Fuck graduate school.” 

“Yeah right.” Mark scoffs. “Those morons were already in love with each other. Your job was easy.” 

Jinyoung has to duck to avoid the slap fight that ensues between Mark and Bambam. 

“So he really said yes huh?” Jaebum asks, swatting away a stray arm.

“I don’t know why everyone is making such a big deal about it. It’s not like I proposed.” Jinyoung grumbles. 

“It is a big deal. You two have been dancing around each other for way too long.” 

“Oh? Really? Yugyeom and I? Us?” Jinyoung asks, eyes looking purposely to Jackson and then back to Jaebum. 

“That’s different.”

“Is it?” 

“Completely different.” Jaebum insists. 

“What is?” Jackson asks, sidling up to rest his chin on Jaebum’s shoulder. 

“Nothing.” Jinyoung and Jaebum say at the same time. 

“You two are terrifying. Truly.” Jackson says, frowning. 

“Why is everyone yelling?” Yugyeom asks, frowning as he comes in the kitchen.

“No reason.” Youngjae answers quickly. 

“Just talking shit about you.” Bambam says, and Mark slaps him again. Yugyeom rolls his eyes, and comes up beside Jinyoung. 

“Are you guys actually?” 

“No more than usual.” Jinyoung teases and Jaebum fakes gagging at them. 

“Jinyoung your heart eyes are showing.” Jackson says. 

“They are not.” Jinyoung insists, but he’s sure that his heart eyes are out in full force. He can’t stop himself when he’s around Yugyeom. 

“That’s how he always looks.” Yugyeom says, sounding confused, and everyone bursts into laughter. 

“Ah Yugyeom-ah.” Mark says, pulling him into his chest. “Bless you.”

\--

Despite pretending that he’s unbothered, there’s no other way to put it -- Jinyoung is excited for the gala with Yugyeom. It isn’t a date, but he can’t help but think that it isn’t  _ not not  _ a date either. Jinyoung asked him to go, and Yugyeom agreed. 

Obviously he can’t announce to everyone that Yugyeom is attending as his date, but it really isn’t that uncommon for people to bring friends, and most people won’t bat an eye. He’s still young, there isn’t the pressure yet to settle down. 

Jinyoung even buys a new tuxedo for the gala. He already has several, but there’s something about the idea of going with  _ Yugyeom _ , that has him wanting to go all out. 

\--

His father is finishing something up, and then they’re going to go for a walk in the neighbourhood. Jinyoung can see his father’s struggle -- his desire to do the things he used to be able to, and the reality that he can’t do everything. It’s hard for his mom too, he can see it in her face, the way she holds her shoulders when his father falters. It’s hard for Jinyoung, but not quite in the same way. 

“Do you want the second run-through of this tea?” His mother asks him, while they wait for Jinyoung's dad.

“Yes, please.” Jinyoung says. 

She slides a mug of tea over the table to Jinyoung. 

“So, I hear you’re taking someone to the gala.” She angles. Jinyoung sighs.

“How do you know that?”

“I was picking something up at a department store and when I gave the family name account, you had a new tuxedo ready to pick up.” She says like this is some kind of conclusive evidence. 

“I got a new tuxedo for the gala. It doesn’t mean anything.” Jinyoung grumbles.

“Oh, so do you have someone to impress?” His mother teases. 

“No. My date doesn’t need to be impressed.” Jinyoung says with a laugh and her eyebrows shoot straight up. 

“So you are taking someone?” She says, looking like a pleased cat.

“Yeah. A friend of mine.” Jinyoung says and his mother hums. 

“Ah.” She says blankly. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It just means I was wondering if you’d finally introduce us to whoever it is that you’re seeing.” Jinyoung almost spits out his tea. 

“There is no- I’m not seeing anyone!” 

“I guess I misread the situation then.” She says. 

“Mom!” 

“Your father and I wanted to book you a car to take you there, is that alright?” She says, changing the topic expertly. Jinyoung knows that it’ll do no good to even try and defend himself. She’ll just twist the conversation until she gets the truth. 

“That’s fine, I suppose.” 

“And you can take your friend.” She says with a smile. “Show off for them.” 

“Who’s Jinyoung showing off for?” His dad asks, coming to join them in the kitchen.

“Nobody.” Jinyoung says, shooting his mother a look. 

“A friend of his.” His mother says, blatantly ignoring his look. The emphasis on the word ‘friend’ is heavy, and Jinyoung wants to bang his head against a wall. Now his father is going to get all excited about Jinyoung getting married and having children again. 

“Ah. A friend.” His father says with a wink to Jinyoung. “Once your mother was a friend.” 

Jinyoung wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. 

“It’s really not like that.” He squawks out. 

“We believe you.” His dad says with a smile. “Maybe thousands wouldn’t, but we do.”

\--

“Jinyoung-ssi?” His secretary asks, knocking on the open door to his office. 

“Oh? Yes, come in.” 

“I have a message from your uncle.” 

“Okay.” Jinyoung and his uncle have reached a tentative detente. It isn’t perfect, and Jinyoung isn’t sure how they can move past their conflict. But at the same time they have to continue to work together, and keep up the illusion of a good relationship. It’s easy enough — they’re friendly whenever they’re together with others, and ignore each other every other time. And the system of going through each other’s secretaries, or emails seems to be working. Jinyoung thinks that his uncle might be softening slightly after his successful acquisition. But even so.    
  


“He wants you to give a speech at the gala, and talk about the direction you’re taking the company in, including the Australian acquisition.” 

“Me?” 

“Yes.”

"But-"

"Your uncle seems to have the utmost confidence in you." His secretary says, and offers him a reassuring smile. 

\--

Work, and worrying about giving a speech in front of everyone keeps Jinyoung’s mind busy for the next week, and his sense of anticipation just grows and grows. Not only does he have to impress Yugyeom, he has to impress the guests. 

\--

The day of the gala arrives in a blink, Jinyoung thinks, and his whole body thrums in anticipation. 

Yugyeom texts him in the morning to let him know that he’ll come over to Jinyoung’s apartment, and then they’ll go from there. Jinyoung spends most of the day pacing, and going over his speech in his head. 

He’s just finished getting ready himself, when the doorbell rings. Jinyoung all but runs over to answer it. 

He really isn’t ready for what he finds on the other side. 

Yugyeom looks devastating in a tuxedo, Jinyoung is pretty sure that he’s going to have to pick his jaw up off the ground. He’d imagined that Yugyeom would look cute, but in reality he looks sexy as hell in a tuxedo. The long lines of his legs are accentuated by the stripe on the side, and his broad chest is only emphasized by the suit jacket. If Jinyoung thought he looked good in clubwear, or comfy clothes, this is definitely his best look.

“Come in!” Jinyoung says. 

“Hi.” Yugyeom says, looking sheepish. It’s like he knows the effect he has on Jinyoung, Jinyoung thinks. 

“Are you all ready?” Jinyoung asks, more breath than words coming out of his mouth. 

“Just about. Tie my tie for me?” Yugyeom asks sheepishly, holding up his bowtie. 

“Of course.” Jinyoung says after a beat too long. He knows that Yugyeom caught him staring, from the way he smirks somewhat. 

Yugyeom steps closer, and Jinyoung’s hands come up to Yugyeom’s neck. They’re so close he can practically count Yugyeom’s eyelashes. They haven’t been this close in what feels like forever, and Jinyoung is so overwhelmed by a desire to kiss him that he has to force himself to take a step back to finish tying Yugyeom’s bowtie. 

“You look nice.” Jinyoung says, trying not to let his eyes rake over Yugyeom’s body. 

“Thanks. I borrowed a suit from Bam. I don’t own one.” Somehow Jinyoung isn’t surprised that Bambam owns a tuxedo. 

“You could’ve asked me.” Jinyoung says with a smile. “I could’ve arranged something.” 

“You already asked me to go. I didn’t want to be a burden.” 

“You’re not a burden.” Jinyoung insists. 

“You look nice too.” Yugyeom says in response. “You almost look better than me in a suit.” 

Jinyoung just rolls his eyes. 

The car arrives soon afterwards. Yugyeom gawks at the driver opening the door for them and the plush interior. It seems that Jinyoung’s parents may have gone slightly overboard. 

“Is it always like this? Being you?” Yugyeom asks once they’re settled, and they each have a glass of champagne. 

“No. Normally I drive myself places, but my mom wanted to celebrate it being my first gala, so she hired a limo.” 

“Wow.” Yugyeom says. “And I thought my mom spoiled me by cooking for me.” 

Jinyoung shoves him, but Yugyeom grabs onto him so that he’s forced to stay close to him. Jinyoung goes to move away, but Yugyeom holds onto him so they’re sitting with their sides flush, despite all the space in the limo. 

“You don’t need to sit so far away.” Yugyeom says stubbornly and Jinyoung lets his smile show at Yugyeom’s sudden show of touchiness. They stay like that for the rest of the car ride, 

“Ready to be thrown to the sharks?” Jinyoung asks just before they get out.

“Of course.” Yugyeom says, managing to quirk a smile even though he definitely looks slightly more nervous at this point. “There’s free food.” 

The gala is held at one of the swishy hotels downtown, and there’s chandeliers, and champagne everywhere. The people are refined, and attractive. Jinyoung thinks he sees more diamonds than people. Yugyeom is looking around in awe, and Jinyoung hopes that he didn't make the wrong choice to take him. Jinyoung feels like he's in a fishbowl, with everyone staring at him. So when he sees Mark hovering just inside the doors, he pulls him and Yugyeom towards Mark as a way of easing into the socializing experience. It's tiring for Jinyoung, so he can only imagine how bad it'll be for Yugyeom.

“Hey.” 

“You made it!” 

“I was kind of dragged.” Mark admits. “My mom wants me to find a nice young lady.” He rolls his eyes at that, and they all laugh.

"You were not dragged." Mark's mom says, coming to join them.  “Jinyoung!” She says with a smile. “Good to see you! Wow! Look how grown up you suddenly look! So handsome!” 

“Thank you.” Jinyoung says. 

“All of you boys! Look at you!” 

“Mom.” Mark says, looking uncharacteristically embarrassed. 

“What?” 

“You’re embarrassing my friends.” 

“No she’s not.” Yugyeom says, and Mark’s mom bursts into laughter. Mark pinches Yugyeom, who leaps into Jinyoung. Jinyoung’s arms come up quickly, and then down. He has to be subtle about them in front of all these people. 

“I need to find a nice girl for all of you!” She exclaims. “Such nice boys.” 

“That’s very kind of you.” Yugyeom says with a smile, and Jinyoung has to fight to stop himself from laughing. 

“Mom. You can’t just matchmake everyone you meet.” Mark says, shooting her warning looks. Jinyoung’s phone buzzes with the reminder that he needs to go make his speech. He excuses himself hastily, and makes his way to the stage. 

He talks about leading the company towards more success, and increasing profits, happiness, and focus on the environment -- like his uncle prompted him in an email. It feels weird to Jinyoung to talk about making the company into something that Korea can be proud of, like he’s an athlete or something, but the crowd receives his speech well. 

He’s practically shaking by the time gets offstage, and meets Yugyeom again. 

“Wow. Who were you up there? You were so serious.” Yugyeom teases, and Jinyoung feels everything that was off-kilter right itself just at the sound of Yugyeom’s voice. 

“Was I okay though?”

“You were great.” Yugyeom says, and they smile at each other for a moment. “Maybe this isn’t the right time but-”

“Jinyoung-ah!” Jinyoung hears someone say, and turns to see his uncle standing beside them. 

He bows deeply to his uncle, and his uncle bows slightly back. His uncle's’ eyes are on Yugyeom though. 

“Ah, this is Kim Yugyeom, a friend of mine.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” His uncle says to Yugyeom and Yugyeom greets him back, looking nervous.

“I’m pleased to meet you.” Yugyeom says, smiling pleasantly. Jinyoung is kind of amazed, he hadn’t even known that Yugyeom could speak so formally. 

“You must be a friend of Jinyoung’s?”

“Yes.” 

“Ah. Have we met before?” His uncle asks, tone imperious as always. Jinyoung wants to yell at him even more than he usually does. 

“No. I don’t believe so.” Yugyeom answers kindly. Undeservedly kindly, Jinyoung thinks. Jinyoung can practically see his uncle mentally dismiss Yugyeom as someone not important. 

“We should be off now. People to talk to, and all that.” Jinyoung says, and all but drags Yugyeom away. 

“Please ignore him.” Jinyoung says once they’re out of earshot. 

“He’s just a bit-”

“Of an asshole? I know.” 

When they make their way back out to the main room, he can see everyone looking at Yugyeom -- some with curiosity and others with judgment, like he’s an outsider. 

“Why am I getting stared at? Is there something on my face?” Yugyeom whispers. 

“Because you’re here with me and they’ve never seen you before. They’re curious about you.” Jinyoung answers. 

“I’m so not from your world.” Yugyeom mutters.

“So what? You’re in my world now.” Jinyoung says, steering them towards. 

“You were supposed to say you’re my world.” Yugyeom replies with a wry smile. 

“You sap.”

“Mmm. Only for you.” Yugyeom teases, leaning into Jinyoung’s space, and poking his stomach. 

“Besides. You’re tall and handsome, of course they’re going to look at you.” Jinyoung adds. 

“I’m not.” Yugyeom says. 

\--

“Jinyoung! Jinyoung Park!” He hears yelled. 

“Someone’s calling you hyung.” Yugyeom says, looking back to see who it is. Jinyoung turns around to see Chanyeol waving enthusiastically at him. Jinyoung sighs, but waves back. 

“Jinyoung! Hey! I’ve been meaning to say hello.” Chanyeol says. “Great speech!” 

“Thank you.” Jinyoung says gratefully. “What are you doing here?” Jinyoung brings himself to ask. 

“My company got invited, and I told my boss that I went to school with you, so I got to go!” Chanyeol says excitedly, and Jinyoung forces a smile on his face. 

“Oh. Wow! It’s a small world.” Jinyoung says. 

Yugyeom comes back to stand beside him. 

“Oh, this is Kim Yugyeom.” Jinyoung says. “He’s a friend of mine here.” Then, to Yugyeom. “This is Park Chanyeol. We went to university together in LA.” 

“Hello. It is nice to meet you.” Yugyeom says in slow English but Chanyeol beams at him anyways.  

“It’s nice to meet you too. Any friend of Jinyoung’s is a friend of mine!” Chanyeol exclaims excitedly, and Yugyeom smiles and nods, the extent of his English abilities has been reached. He moves so that he’s standing slightly behind Jinyoung, somewhat hiding. Jinyoung finds it stupidly endearing.

“Hey look, I know this is a bit forward, but can I give you my card?” 

“I already have your phone number though.” Jinyoung says, confused. 

“No, I mean my work card. I think that Park Corporation and-” Jinyoung just tunes out at this point, because Chanyeol was sent here to proposition him for some kind of financial deal. He can’t help but feel a wave of embarrassment come over him -- embarrassment for Chanyeol, and for himself for even thinking that Chanyeol could be here for genuine positive reasons.

“I don’t think so. If you’re still interested, I can give you the number of our lawyers who handle this kind of thing.” 

“Ah, but we’re friends! You can-” 

“Tonight isn’t really for business Chanyeol, I’m sorry. We can talk about this another time?” Jinyoung asks, trying to use his mother’s skill of shifting the conversation. 

“Yeah. Just give me a call!” Chanyeol says, and thrusts his card into Jinyoung’s hand. “I’ll take you out to dinner, and we can make something work hmm?” Jinyoung doesn’t even know how to respond. “I think we could work out something good.”

“I’ll have to consult with my lawyers.” Jinyoung repeats, a placating smile on his face. 

Luckily though, Chanyeol is pulled away by someone from his company, and Jinyoung has an escape. 

“What did he want?” Yugyeom asks once Chanyeol has left, like he can sense Jinyoung’s distress.

“He wanted to strike some kind of deal.” Jinyoung says bitterly. 

“But I thought he said he was a friend of yours.” 

“He is. But I guess he sees me as an opportunity for moving up in the world.”

“That’s shitty.” Yugyeom says. Jinyoung tucks the business card into a potted plant.

“I know. We spent two years in the same friend group. And the only person who’s even contacted me since I got back to Korea was Chanyeol, who’s looking for something.” Yugyeom sighs heavily, and gives him a sympathetic look. Jinyoung wants to change the topic. “Have I ever told you about how I was in university?” 

“Not really.” Yugyeom says, looking intrigued. 

“I was a bit of a slacker.” Yugyeom laughs. 

“Really? I always think of you as a hardworking business type guy.” 

“No.” Jinyoung reveals. “I think I spent more time with my head in novels than I did studying.” 

“What? Really?” 

“Really.” Jinyoung says with a laugh. “I wish I had your work ethic.” 

“I don’t work that hard.” 

“Yeah, you do. And it shows. You get great grades. You’re smart and hardworking. You can do whatever you put your mind to.” 

“You can too.” Yugyeom says, and his face the colour of a tomato. 

“Jinyoung-ah!” He hears called, and turns to see his parents smiling at them. Jinyoung is already growing tired of talking to people, and the night isn't even over. His mother is beautiful, as always, looking radiant in a deep red evening gown, and his father looks good too, if a bit weak. 

“Mom, Dad.” Jinyoung says, bowing first, and then going to hug both of them. 

“You look so handsome.” His mom gushes. 

“And who’s fault is that? Yours! If you weren’t so beautiful, I wouldn’t be this distracting.” Jinyoung teases and his mom gently pushes him away. 

“Were you nervous for your speech?” His father asks with a smile. “You didn’t look like it.” 

“Only a little.” Jinyoung lies, and ignores the knowing look Yugyeom gives him. “Oh. Mom, Dad, this is a friend of mine.”

“This is?” His father asks. 

“Kim Yugyeom.” Jinyoung says and Yugyeom bows politely to his parents. 

“This is the one you called after your dad woke up.” His mom says, with narrowed eyes while his father looks confused. 

“Yes.” Yugyeom answers for Jinyoung.

“Nice to meet you.” Jinyoung’s mom says with a smile and elbows Jinyoung’s dad so that he does the same. 

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Yugyeom says, a warm smile on his face. Jinyoung’s mother makes small talk, asking Yugyeom about what he does, what he’s studying, that kind of thing. Jinyoung allows himself to observe. 

“I’m so glad Jinyoung has such a nice friend. And so tall and handsome.” 

“Why don’t you take him in as a son then?” Jinyoung asks sarcastically.

“I don’t think I’ll have to work too hard.” Jinyoung’s father answers smoothly. “We’re going to make the rounds.” Jinyoung is definitely ready to die, even just watching the way they whisper to each other as they go find someone else to talk to.

“What did your dad mean?” Yugyeom asks. Jinyoung just sighs. 

“Ignore him. My parents think they’re funny.” 

“Okay.” Yugyeom says with a laugh. “You look like your parents.”

“Shocking, because we’re related.” Jinyoung responds blankly and watches Yugyeom struggle to avoid hitting Jinyoung in front of everyone. 

“No I mean- you look like your mom, but then you have some of the mannerisms of your dad.” 

“Do you look more like your mom or your dad?” 

“Me?” 

“No, the other Yugyeom.” 

“Shut up.” Yugyeom says, and pauses to think for a moment. “I don’t know… I guess my dad?”  

Jinyoung can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever meet Yugyeom’s parents someday, if Yugyeom will meet his parents in a more official way. He hopes so. He’s had the suspicion for a while that he wants to do everything with Yugyeom. He thinks about the picture in his head of Yugyeom with babies, and Yugyeom in a house with him. Attending Yugyeom’s undergraduate graduation, and then his medical school graduation. Going on trips together. Lazy mornings in bed, and late nights. 

Jinyoung wants it all.

“Hyung? Are you alright?” Yugyeom asks, looking concerned.

“Yeah. I think I just need some air. Come with?” 

“Yeah, of course.”

Yugyeom lets Jinyoung lead them outside to a balcony with only a few other people. The night is warm, a sign that summer is coming soon. The moon is visible, a half-crescent lighting up the sky. 

Jinyoung lights up a cigarette, and he can see Yugyeom watching him closely. 

“I thought you didn’t smoke.” 

“I do now.” Jinyoung replies, exhaling. 

“You shouldn’t. It’s terrible for you.” 

“I know.” Jinyoung says. He does know. 

Yugyeom is silent for a minute. 

“If I asked you to stop, would you? For me?” 

“I’d think about it.” Jinyoung confesses and takes an extra big inhale, savouring it. They both know that Jinyoung would do whatever Yugyeom asked him to. “But that would mean you couldn't smoke either.” 

“Deal.” Yugyeom says, stealing the cigarette away and taking a drag, before putting it out on the railing of the balcony. “Do you remember when we first met?” 

“Mhm.” Jinyoung vaguely can. He can definitely remember meeting Yugyeom, even if he can’t remember much else of the strange night.

“Even though you were drunk and an asshole, I still felt a bit sad that I wouldn’t see you again. How silly is that?” Yugyeom says pensively.

“Me too.” Jinyoung blurts out. “I wanted to see you again. Even if just to apologize.” 

“If you’d told me then that I’d be here now with you I probably would’ve laughed. I would’ve never believed you.”

“I’m glad that you’re here with me though.” Jinyoung says softly, letting all the love that he feels come out. Yugyeom blushes a bit, and looks down, tucking his chin into his chest a bit. “You’re so cute.” 

“Hyung.” 

“What?” 

“You’re embarrassing me.” 

“Good. I’ll embarrass you every day if it means that you blush like that.” Jinyoung says. 

“I hate you.” Yugyeom says with a smile, and then he’s peering over Jinyoung’s shoulder at something. 

“What? What are you looking at?”

“Who’s that with Mark?” Yugyeom asks, so Jinyoung turns to look too.

“Hmm?” Jinyoung asks, and Yugyeom points out Mark inside talking to someone tall and incredibly good-looking. 

“That guy.” Yugyeom says, and Jinyoung can’t help but notice the smile on Mark’s face, the way he’s angling his body toward the guy. 

“I don’t know who he is.” Jinyoung says, looking at the guy closely. “But Mark looks happy.” 

“He’d do well to like someone new.” Yugyeom says, nodding. “I need to tell Bambam. He loves matchmaking.” 

“Good god.” 

“What? He does. And Mark-hyung deserves someone who will like him back.” 

“He does.” Jinyoung says, but his eyes are trained on Yugyeom. 

They end up leaving soon after that. Yugyeom starts to visibly droop, and Jinyoung himself feels like he never wants to speak to another person for three days, so he makes the executive decision to call the car to pick them up.  

\--

When the car comes, Jinyoung immediately sits beside Yugyeom, body buzzing from the wine and the proximity to Yugyeom. In return, Yugyeom puts his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders, holding them together. 

Yugyeom is silent on the ride back to his apartment, staring out the window. It isn’t uncomfortable silence though, just content. 

“Walk me in?” Yugyeom asks, just before they’re about to arrive. 

“Of course.” Jinyoung answers smoothly, and tells the driver to go home. He can catch a cab or something home. He isn’t exactly sure if Yugyeom wants him to come in, or just literally to walk him to his apartment. 

Yugyeom seems nervous on the way up to this apartment, and Jinyoung isn’t fully sure why. 

“Tonight was fun. I had fun.” Yugyeom says, once they’ve reached the door to Yugyeom’s apartment. 

“Good. I’m glad.” Jinyoung says, putting his hands in his pocket because he doesn’t know what else to do with them. 

“It was nice to meet your parents. I know it wasn’t like, official, but it was nice anyways.” 

“I think they might know who you are anyways.” Jinyoung admits. “I didn’t say anything but…” 

“You aren’t very subtle.” Yugyeom finishes with a smile. “I know.”

“But I don’t want to move any faster than you’re comfortable with, and make you feel pressured in any way or-” 

“It’s fine Jinyoung-ie. I decided to be in this with you, so I am.” 

“Okay. We can work with that.” 

They’re both silent for a moment, just staring at each other. 

“Hey Jinyoung?”

“Hmm?” 

“I’m going to kiss you goodbye now.” Yugyeom whispers. 

“Okay.” Jinyoung whispers back. 

And Yugyeom leans in and kisses him, curling his fingers around Jinyoung’s lapel to pull him in closer. It’s soft, and gentle, and Jinyoung is so full of love that he can’t even believe it. Yugyeom pulls away to rest his forehead on Jinyoung’s and smiles. 

“Can we do that again?” Jinyoung asks and Yugyeom huffs out a laugh. 

“Yeah.” Yugyeom answers and kisses Jinyoung again, harder this time. Jinyoung smiles into the kiss. 

“I’ve been waiting for this.” Jinyoung admits. 

“Me too. You’re very hard not to kiss.” Yugyeom says, and Jinyoung takes the opportunity to kiss him again, and slip his tongue into Yugyeom’s mouth, letting out a sigh of happiness. Yugyeom’s hands trail down to grip Jinyoung’s waist, and Jinyoung lets himself lean into Yugyeom. Yugyeom tastes like champagne, and even though the kiss is insistent, it’s nothing like their last angry kiss. This kiss is one promising more to come, a kiss that holds a guarantee of their future. There’s no ulterior motive, there’s just the enjoyment of kissing each other right at that moment. 

“I would ask you to come in…” Yugyeom whispers. 

“We’ll save it for another time.” Jinyoung says, and Yugyeom smiles at him. “I think it would be a good idea to take things slow.” 

“Yeah.” Yugyeom says, but he leans down to kiss Jinyoung deeply again. 

“I’ll see you around.” Yugyeom says, biting his reddened lip. 

“You too.” Jinyoung says dumbly, too overwhelmed to even think straight or say anything that makes sense.

“Good night.” Yugyeom says softly. His eyes are unbelievably fond, and Jinyoung is sure that his are the same. This is it.    
  


\--

Jinyoung gets a text from Yugyeom in the middle of the following week, four days after the gala. Not that he’d been counting. Or that he jumped to check his phone in the middle of a board meeting.

\--

**yu_gyeom**

**movie night at mine?**

**i’ll even let u cook for me**

**pepi_jy_**

**How generous of you. Letting me cook for you.**

**(emoji sent)**

**yu_gyeom**

**DID U JUST SEND AN EMOJI**

**WHO R U**

**pepi_jy_**

**Anyways.**

**Does this weekend work for you?**

\--

It sounds like the closest thing they’ve had to a date to Jinyoung. He’s nervous, if he’s being honest. He’d been excited to take Yugyeom to the gala, but that was nothing official -- that wasn’t the two of them hanging out one on one for the first time in a while. 

So on Sunday night he drives over to Yugyeom’s apartment, stopping for a bottle of soju on the way. He doesn’t even know if he wants to drink, but he feels like it adds a little confidence. Is it a date? Does this mean Yugyeom is accepting him? Jinyoung just isn’t sure. He wants to be sure. He wants Yugyeom to accept him and for this to be a date so so  _ so  _ badly.

Youngjae and Bambam are conspicuously out of the house, and Yugyeom blushes about when Jinyoung asks about it, which leads him to believe that it was planned. So it definitely is the closest thing they’ve had to a date. 

Jinyoung makes them dinner, and pours them each a drink, and then they settle down in front of the TV for a movie. Jinyoung feels such a sense of contentment that it feels like every part of his body is dripping with it. 

It starts off slowly, with Jinyoung allowing himself to press up against Yugyeom. Then Yugyeom pulls him closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. So Jinyoung ends up all but sitting in Yugyeom’s lap, enjoying the feeling of Yugyeom’s arms around him. 

Time always seems to go by too fast when he’s with Yugyeom, but it’s midnight before Jinyoung even knows it.

“I should get going. It’s late.” Jinyoung says, stretching and trying to force his eyes wider open. He still needs to drive home but Yugyeom’s chest really is incredibly comfortable.

“Do you want to stay over?” Yugyeom asks shyly, and this his eyes go wide. “Wait, not like that-” 

“I know what you mean.” Jinyoung says smoothly. “We’re taking things slow. I have work tomorrow so I’ll have to leave early, but if you want me to?”

“Yes. Yeah.” Yugyeom answers. 

Yugyeom finds him a pair of pajamas, and a towel, and lets him use his shower. 

Jinyoung showers quickly, using Yugyeom’s body wash and shampoo. It feels incredibly domestic, and Jinyoung would be lying to himself if he said that he doesn’t love it. 

Yugyeom’s pajamas are too long for him and Jinyoung has to roll the hems of the pants so they don’t drag on the ground. But they smell like Yugyeom’s laundry detergent, and Jinyoung feels a little flush of warmth that he’s wearing Yugyeom’s clothes. 

“Aw Jinyoung-ie, look how cute you are.” Yugyeom practically coos when Jinyoung comes out of the bathroom. He’s already in bed, and he looks unbelievably soft. Jinyoung also can’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction that Yugyeom is comfortable enough around him to be shirtless for bed.

“I’m not cute.” Jinyoung grumbles, and tries not to stare (too much). 

“Wrong.” Yugyeom sing-songs. 

“How is it fair that you’re younger than me and taller than me?” Jinyoung complains. 

“Um, how is it fair that you literally own a company?” Yugyeom snipes back. 

“You know what?” 

“What?” Yugyeom asks, eyebrows raised. 

“You’re the cute one.” Jinyoung says, victorious as Yugyeom blushes.

“You smell like me.” Yugyeom says when Jinyoung climbs into bed next to him.

“Isn’t that a bit weird to be attracted to someone who smells like yourself? Like an extension of yourself?” Jinyoung says to be a shit.

“You’re insane.” Yugyeom says fondly. “You’re so lucky I like you.” And then wraps himself fully around Jinyoung like some kind of tentacled creature. 

“Your limbs are too long.” Jinyoung grumbles, tucking himself into Yugyeom’s chest. 

“Yours are too short.” Yugyeom says back. 

“Shut up.” 

“You shut up.” Yugyeom says, and kisses Jinyoung softly. Jinyoung lets out a happy sigh. He’s waited for this for so long, and the wait was more than worth it. 

“I really like you.” Jinyoung says after a moment. “In case you forgot.” 

“I really like you too.” Yugyeom replies. “In case you didn’t know.” 

“I had a suspicion. But I’m glad to hear you tell me anyways.” 

“I really like you.” Yugyeom repeats and Jinyoung can only smile at him. “Goodnight Jinyoung-ie.” Yugyeom says. 

“Goodnight Yugyeom-ah.” 

\--

Jinyoung wakes up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, so he has to disentangle himself from Yugyeom. This wakes Yugyeom up, his eyes opening blearily to see what Jinyoung is doing.

“Where are you going?” Yugyeom asks sleepily. 

“I’m just going to the bathroom.” Jinyoung replies. 

When he comes back to bed, Yugyeom immediately wraps himself around Jinyoung again. 

“I thought you were going to leave.” Yugyeom whispers, sounding vulnerable. 

“Well I did have to pee.” Jinyoung teases, but Yugyeom’s face stays looking serious. He changes to a more serious tone. “But I came back. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Good. Me neither.” Yugyeom says, and Jinyoung knows that they aren’t just talking about being in bed together. “So don’t leave.”

“I won’t.” Jinyoung says, and it feels like a promise. 

His eyes feel heavy, the weight of sleep laying on them, but Jinyoung forces himself to stay awake. He lies there and watches Yugyeom sleep. Yugyeom looks lighter in his sleep, features relaxed. Jinyoung lets his eyes trace over Yugyeom’s nose, his cheekbones, his Adam’s apple. He doesn’t know how it’s possible for someone to be cute, handsome, and sexy all at once. And even his. Because Yugyeom likes him back, and even though they aren’t official yet, Jinyoung has a feeling that things are changing for the better. 

Really, he would’ve worked for as long as he needed to for Yugyeom to want him back, but knowing that Yugyeom has accepted him, even tentatively, makes him feel more confident about them. 

Jinyoung can’t help but remember the night that Yugyeom slept over. How he woke up in love and ended up with a broken heart not an hour later. And yet, how necessary that was for him to understand how much he loves Yugyeom. 

Jinyoung finally falls asleep again, and he dreams of sunny days, and long legs. 

\--

When he wakes up in the morning, he finds Yugyeom is awake already, doing something on his phone. Jinyoung shifts so that he can lay his head on Yugyeom’s chest. The sun is rising -- Jinyoung can tell because Yugyeom doesn’t have proper curtains. 

“What are you doing?” He asks quietly. “It’s early.”

“What are  _ you  _ doing?” Yugyeom mocks, so Jinyoung wraps himself around Yugyeom so that he’s forced to pay attention to him. 

Yugyeom turns his phone screen toward Jinyoung. He’s watching prank videos on his phone. 

“You’re watching that when you could’ve been admiring my face.” Jinyoung say, feigning being offended.

“I already spend enough time doing that.” Yugyeom replies softly. Jinyoung shifts so that he can kiss Yugyeom. They both have morning breath, and Jinyoung is sure that his hair is a mess, but he can’t really bring himself to care. 

“As you should.” Jinyoung says, and Yugyeom pinches his side. 

“Don’t you need to go to work or something?” 

“Yeah yeah. I’m going. Kick me out don’t you?” Jinyoung gripes, but he does need to get up for work. He dresses quickly in his clothes from the night before -- he can change into a suit at work. 

“Alright. I’m heading off.” Jinyoung says, unsure what to do next.

“See you later.” Yugyeom says, and makes little kissy noises until Jinyoung goes over to him in bed and kisses him goodbye.

Jinyoung thinks he might explode of happiness.


	13. lost and found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter before the epilogue! I’m sorry for the delay, I felt like I needed time to to get this last chapter right, and then was promptly swamped with life. You know how it is. I hope you enjoy! I put a stupid amount of work into this chapter hehe. Not to be dramatic but I really think this is my favourite chapter that I’ve written. Also! There actually is a garden at the back of Changdeokgung, but it’s not really secret hehe. I edited reality slightly for that part. Chapter title comes from the song of the same name by the Radio Dept, and it’s an homage to the quote at the very start of this fic. 
> 
> Much love from me to you. Hoping all is well! 
> 
> Songs for this chapter (aka soft happy summery songs for soft happy Jingyeom): 
> 
> Summer Holiday - Wild Nothing  
> Lost and Found - the Radio Dept  
> Party Talk - Craft Spells

Jinyoung’s secretary definitely eyes him judgmentally when she sees him come in wearing the same clothes he’d worn to work the day prior. He knows what it looks like, and really is isn’t far from the truth, but there’s no way that he’s explaining that to his secretary.

He changes quickly, and gets to work. Although he’d been slightly distracted by Yugyeom in the little while, Jinyoung needs to focus again on his work. He needs to focus on doing the best that he can -- to impress his father, to appease his uncle, and to make the rest of the company happy. At first, he’d felt that desire in a somewhat shallow way, it was more that he didn’t want to fail because he was afraid of that. Now he has a desire to show his capability, to show off what he’s learned. 

His MBA courses didn’t necessarily prepare him for what he actually does, but Jinyoung is lucky to be a fast learner. He sometimes wonders absently if he even needed to go to grad school.

But then again, going to school in America was never about actually learning, it was about running away. He went to live in LA as an extension of his lazy university day, to avoid the world that Jaebum always complained about. His solution was to take the easy way out, to prolong the inevitable. It was never negotiable that he do anything but work for the family company, and while he hadn’t wanted that when he was younger, he hadn’t actively rebelled against it. 

In a lot of ways, Jinyoung feels different, more solid in himself. In some ways he still feels shaky and unsure, but they aren’t as many. It’s nothing like it used to be. 

People come and go -- that’s normal -- Jinyoung has realized. His friends from graduate school aren’t there anymore. His mother is absent sometimes. His dad isn’t going to live forever. People sometimes like him because of his name, and his reputation. People sometimes don’t like him because of his name, and his reputation. His life isn’t always going to fit neatly into a flowchart from one stage to the next. 

But he still has Jaebum, his very best friend. The person that has been with him through everything. And now he has other friends too, friends that support him endlessly, and would see him through anything. 

And Yugyeom. Jinyoung has Yugyeom. He hadn’t been looking for love, he hadn’t really been looking for anything, but yet he’d found Yugyeom anyways. 

And this means that Jinyoung has himself, stronger than before. 

\--

The next afternoon in a meeting about dividends, Jinyoung realizes that he hasn’t asked Yugyeom on a proper date. He’s supposed to be paying attention and providing his opinion, but he covertly sends off a text message to Yugyeom anyways. 

  
  
  
  


**pepi_jy_**

**Are you home right now?**

**yu_gyeom**

**yeah**

**why?**

**pepi_jy_**

**I’m going to stop by on my way home from work.**  
  


**yu_gyeom**

**creep**

 

\--

“- does that seem feasible Jinyoung-ssi?” 

“Right. Yes.” He says, trying not to show off that he obviously wasn’t paying attention. But this seems to be the answer the other board members were looking for, because they nod in approval, and Jinyoung lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

\--

Yugyeom answers the door for Jinyoung in low slung sweatpants and nothing else. Jinyoung decidedly does not ogle him. He does not. He does not stare at Yugyeom’s endless chest. 

“Is something wrong? Your eye is twitching.” Yugyeom says. 

“No! No, nothing is wrong.”

“Oh, okay. Did you leave something here yesterday?” 

“Kind of.” 

“Let’s go look in-”

“Will you go out with me? Like on an official date?” Jinyoung interrupts him. 

“The other night was kind of a date. Or at least I thought it was a date.” Yugyeom says with a laugh. “Does that count?”

“But it wasn’t an official date. Like we didn’t call it a date beforehand.” Jinyoung insists.

“Alright, alright.” Yugyeom concedes. “So-“ 

“So will you go out with me?” Jinyoung asks again. 

“Okay. Let’s go on a date.” Yugyeom says, crossing his arms over his chest. Jinyoung does not want to lick his chest. He does not. 

“Are you free this weekend sometime?” 

“Yeah, I should be.” 

“Will you let me figure something out for us to do? And surprise you?” 

“Alright. Nothing too wild though. I don’t know I want to go skydiving or anything.” 

“We’ll save that for another time then.” Jinyoung says with a straight face, and then bursts into laughter when Yugyeom looks terrified. “I’m kidding.” 

“You better be.” Yugyeom says darkly. 

“No skydiving then. We’ll have to find something else to do. I’ll surprise you.” 

Jinyoung ends up staying for a meal, because Yugyeom insists on it. 

“You’re always welcome to stay over.” Yugyeom says as they wash the dishes together. 

“I wish, but I should probably head home. My secretary definitely noticed that I came in wearing the same clothes as the day before. So I shouldn’t stay.” Jinyoung says, even though he really wouldn’t mind. 

“Go on then. And stop perving on me.”

“I’m not perving!”

\--

Jinyoung is worried about his date. Maybe he dug himself in too deep saying that he’ll surprise Yugyeom. He wants to do something casual, but not too casual, so as to seem unplanned. He doesn’t want to scare Yugyeom off with a fancy date, because he isn’t sure if Yugyeom has fully recovered yet from the gala. 

Then suddenly it strikes him: they’ll go to Changdeokgung. He hasn’t been in years, and it’s something dumb and couple-y. Not intimidating, no expectations, and he can take some cool photos. So they’ll go to the palace, and then maybe find something to eat? If Yugyeom wants to spend that much time with him, Jinyoung thinks nervously. 

Jinyoung has never planned a date before. But he can’t wait to see Yugyeom’s reaction. They won’t always be able to do obviously couple things, because Jinyoung has to be mindful of his public image, but for now he can do this: plan a start of the summer date with Yugyeom. He wants them to be able to do things like walk around on a nice day and be silly, and eat something sweet. They have a long time -- Jinyoung thinks -- to get around to everything else

\--

On Saturday morning he gets dressed in a nice outfit -- not a suit obviously, but not just jeans and a t-shirt either -- and styles his hair carefully. He doesn’t need to impress Yugyeom, but more so show him that he  _ wants _ to look good for Yugyeom. 

When Yugyeom comes out to his car, he’s dressed simply in black jeans and a shirt, but it suits him nonetheless. But Jinyoung thinks that Yugyeom could look good in anything.

“Not going to open my door for me?” Yugyeom asks. “Minus one on your date score.” 

“I’m still picking you up.” 

“Whatever.” Yugyeom says, quirking the corners of his mouth up. “You look nice.” He says, letting his eyes linger on Jinyoung. Jinyoung supposes that they can do that now -- they don’t have to hide when they stare at each other. 

“You do too.” Jinyoung responds. “Like always.” He’s rewarded with the soft blush that comes across Yugyeom’s cheeks. 

The drive to the palace is subdued, the two of them chattering about their week, and Yugyeom’s nerves about the upcoming round of medical school admission letters. 

“I already know someone who got in.” Yugyeom says. 

“That doesn’t mean that you won’t though.” Jinyoung reminds him. Yugyeom just sighs pitifully in response. “No seriously! Who cares about that other person? They’re not you!” 

“I know. I’m just worried.” Yugyeom says.  

“Well, then. It’s perfect timing for our date then. A distraction.” 

\--

“Woah. I haven’t been here since I was in school.” Yugyeom says, looking up at the grand walls.

“Me neither.” Jinyoung says. 

“Yeah but that was the stone age.” Yugyeom says, only for Jinyoung to smack his back. 

“It’s okay though right?” He asks, suddenly a bit nervous. “We could do something else?”

“No. It’s perfect.” Yugyeom says with a blinding smile. 

Yugyeom insists on paying for their entry tickets, and then they join the mass of other people out enjoying the beautiful weather. 

There are other couples out, walking around, and Jinyoung feels a sense of satisfaction that he and Yugyeom are one of them, even if it isn’t obvious. He can’t hold Yugyeom’s hand, or walk too close to whisper in his ear. But all the same, they are a couple, him and Yugyeom, even if it’s just them that know it. 

The palace is just as impressive as Jinyoung remembers -- the striking colour, and beautiful architecture. He takes a few photos to send to Jaebum and a few for himself. 

They find themselves on a tucked away path, because Yugyeom insists that there’s a garden somewhere behind the main area. Jinyoung is just content to be with Yugyeom. 

“Aha!” Yugyeom says, as they emerge on a path overlooking a serene looking pond, with a small pergola at the other end. There doesn’t seem to be anyone else around, and the place looks like it’s been frozen in time. “I knew I didn’t dream it.” 

“It’s pretty amazing.” Jinyoung agrees, pulling out his camera to take some photos. The sun glints off the water just so, and the wind rustles through the trees so that a photo can’t quite capture the moment -- but Jinyoung wants to try. 

“I didn’t know you took photos.” Yugyeom says. 

“A bit. Jaebum is more into it.” 

“I think you mean that he’s more into taking photos of Jackson.” Yugyeom says and Jinyoung laughs. 

“So you’ve seen them too?” 

“It would be creepy if it were anyone else. But it’s Jaebum and Jackson so…” 

“Somehow it works.” Jinyoung finishes. 

Jinyoung stops for a few more pictures, but mostly he’s content to enjoy the beautiful view. The sun feels good on his skin, not yet cloyingly hot, but just a pleasant warmth. Or maybe that’s just from being around Yugyeom. 

“Will you talk a photo of me here?” Yugyeom asks once they reach a look-out spot over the pond. 

“Why can’t I be in the photo?” Jinyoung grumbles, but he takes the photos anyways. Yugyeom poses for him, looking cute in front of the lake, and Jinyoung’s heart feels like it does a flip in his chest. Yugyeom’s poses progress into weirder and weirder poses. 

“Are you done yet?” Jinyoung asks, as Yugyeom crouches on the ground throwing his arms in the air. 

“Oh yeah, I just wanted to see how long you would take photos of me for.” 

“I hate you.” Jinyoung says, and snaps a few more photos. 

“Do you want me to take a photo of you?” 

“Only if you’re in it.” Jinyoung says stubbornly. 

“You want me to take a selca with you?” 

“Yes.” 

“Fine.” Yugyeom acquiesces, and leans in so that their faces are almost touching. Jinyoung snaps the photo, and then before he can stop Yugyeom, Yugyeom kisses Jinyoung’s cheek quickly. He pulls away in what feels like a split second. 

“There’s no one around. I made sure.” Yugyeom says with a cheeky smile before Jinyoung can even say anything. 

He looks around anyways, to make sure that there really was nobody around. 

“Told you so.” Yugyeom says smugly when Jinyoung turns back, because there wasn’t anyone around. 

“You’re too smooth for me.” Jinyoung says resignedly. 

He looks down at the photo and, he can hardly recognize himself with how widely he’s grinning. Yugyeom is making a pouting face beside him, but Jinyoung can see the smile in his eyes. His cheek feels warm where Yugyeom kissed him.

They make their way back towards the main part of the palace. Jinyoung gets a few stares, but no one says anything to him, or acts weirdly. It’s a relief to just be able to be normal. 

It’s a glorious sunny day, and the sun on Yugyeom is spectacular. Jinyoung may or may not spend more time staring at Yugyeom than staring at the sights around them. 

Yugyeom pretends to be a king and imitates the acting from a sageuk until Jinyoung tears up from laughing so hard. 

“You’re embarrassing me!” Jinyoung manages to say despite his laughter, as Yugyeom pretends to give an imperial speech. There are people staring at them, but Jinyoung can’t bring himself to care. 

“Who? Not me?” Yugyeom huffs. “I’d never.” Jinyoung just breaks into laughter again.

“Why do you cover your mouth when you laugh?” Yugyeom asks. “You have a nice laugh.” 

“I don’t know. I’ve just always done it.” 

“You shouldn’t though. Not around me.” 

“So serious.” Jinyoung says. 

“Because I am. Serious about you.” Yugyeom responds, seeming uncharacteristically sheepish. 

“Good.” Jinyoung says petulantly. 

\--

“Can we get ice cream?” Yugyeom asks after they leave the palace. 

“Of course.” Jinyoung agrees, and lets Yugyeom lead them to a stall outside the palace walls selling ice cream. Yugyeom gets some kind of swirled colourful confection, and Jinyoung gets green tea. 

“Boring.” Yugyeom says when Jinyoung orders. 

“Child.” Jinyoung responds and Yugyeom sticks his tongue out. 

They walk down the street, eating their ice cream in silence. Jinyoung wishes so badly to be able to hold Yugyeom’s hand in public, but for now he has to settle for walking close enough that their hands brush once in a while. Meanwhile, Yugyeom keeps stealing bites of Jinyoung’s ice cream when he thinks Jinyoung isn’t looking, so Jinyoung keeps pretending to look away. Like he could ever look away. 

Jinyoung hadn’t even really been paying attention, but they’ve somehow wound up at a small park, which happens to be strangely quiet for a summer afternoon. 

Yugyeom collapses on the grass in the shade under a large tree. 

“Jinyoung-ah! Come join me.” He whines, like Jinyoung would ever not do something Yugyeom asked. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Jinyoung says, settling down beside him, staying sitting while Yugyeom lies down. “Where is everyone? Isn’t this weird?” 

“They knew we were coming. Obviously.” Yugyeom drawls, and Jinyoung reaches a hand down to flick his arm, only for Yugyeom to grab his hand, and tug him down so that he’s lying beside Yugyeom. 

“Oof. You bully.” Jinyoung says, but he moves so that he can rest his head on his arm, lying close enough to Yugyeom that he knows it’s intentional, but far enough away that it doesn’t look strange.  

“Today was really nice.” Yugyeom says, fiddling with his hands. “I had a lot of fun with you.” 

“Not bad for a first date hmm?” Yugyeom snorts.

“We had a first date a long time ago.” 

“What? Like movie night?” 

“I always thought of that night you took me for a drive as our first date.” Yugyeom says quietly.

“But we weren’t even together.” 

“In mind it’s still our first date. It was the first time I realized I had feelings for you.” 

“Really?” 

“Really.” Yugyeom answers. “When did you…” 

“When I ran into you at that cafe, and you looked cold.” Jinyoung answers. 

“But I hated you then?” Yugyeom asks, looking confused. 

“I didn’t hate you though.” Jinyoung says with a smile. “I knew you hated me but even so.” Feeling a sudden surge of courage, he reaches for Yugyeom’s hand, and grasps it loosely. “I wanted to do this so badly earlier.” Jinyoung confesses, lifting up their intertwined hands. 

“It’s okay. We can do it now.” Yugyeom says softly. 

_ I want to give you everything _ , Jinyoung thinks. 

So they spend the rest of the afternoon, sitting in the shade and talking shit, until Yugyeom has to head home. 

Jinyoung drives him home, and they kiss goodbye quickly in the car, before Yugyeom is waving and heading up. Jinyoung doesn’t miss that Youngjae and Bambam are visible in the window, watching them. He waves, and drives home himself. 

\--

Jinyoung makes a mental note to get the photo of him and Yugyeom at the pond printed and framed. He wants to hang it up on his bedroom wall, away from any kind of prying eyes, but so he can see it. And, among other photos of his family and friends  Maybe his wall won’t be as full as Jackson’s, but he can have pictures of the most important things hanging privately. 

\--

So, the next time he’s over at his parents’ house, he asks. 

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Can I take a photo of you and Dad?”

“What for?”

“I want a photo for my apartment.”

“Aish, why not just dig out a photo from when we were younger?”

“Because I want a photo of you and Dad from now.”

“Alright.” She grumbles. “Remind me later. I didn’t even put on makeup today.” 

“Nobody’s going to see it but me.” Jinyoung says. “Isn’t Dad coming down?” 

“He’s not feeling well today. So he’s going to rest in bed for a bit.” 

“Not feeling well?” 

“Your dad is feeling sick again.” She clarifies, balling her hands into fists. 

“I thought he was doing better?”

“The doctors here want to send him back to Singapore for more testing.” Jinyoung sighs heavily. 

“He was supposed to be better.” 

“I know.” His mother says. “I know. But he isn't. And there's nothing we can do about it."

\--

After a few hours, his mom brings up a bowl of porridge with beans to his dad, and Jinyoung watches his parents together -- still so happy to see one another despite their current situation. 

Jinyoung takes a photo of his them-- his mom crouched beside his dad in bed. His dad is sitting somewhat upright, and his colour is somewhat pale. His mom looks tired, and stressed. All the same, both of them are laughing. Technically, Jinyoung takes a normal photo of them smiling and posing, but neither of their smiles seem to reach their faces. But when Jinyoung’s dad whispers something to his mom, they both start laughing, and Jinyoung takes another covert photo. 

He adds it to his list of photos to get framed. 

\--

 

**pepi_jy_**

**Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?**

**yu_gyeom**

**hmm**

**depends what r u making**

**pepi_jy_**

**I didn’t realize I was a restaurant…**

**yu_gyeom**

**:)**

**pepi_jy_**

**Brat.**

**yu_gyeom**

**fine**

**what time?**

\--

Yugyeom wraps Jinyoung in a tight hug as soon as Jinyoung lets him in. He smells like laundry soap. More than anything, he’s starting to smell like home, Jinyoung realizes.

“Come in.” Jinyoung says, ushering Yugyeom inside. 

“Something smells good.” Yugyeom notes, sniffing his way into the kitchen. 

“I decided to go all out since  _ someone  _ was complaining.” Jinyoung says, glaring at Yugyeom. And maybe he’s exaggerating, but he did cook a nice meal for the two of them -- nicer than he would usually make for just him alone. 

“I wasn’t being serious. You could put convenience store food in front of me and I would eat it.” Yugyeom says, eyes dancing with humour. 

“How was I supposed to know?” Jinyoung demands, and they both break into laughter. “Come on, let’s eat.” 

Yugyeom sets the table, and Jinyoung serves them. It feels domestic, and it feels  _ right _ for the two of them to spend time like this. Jinyoung can’t help but imagine endless future evenings spent like this. 

“I can’t wait to graduate and be done.” 

“You’re already done.” Jinyoung says. Yugyeom rolls his eyes. 

“But I haven’t gotten my diploma yet.” 

“When’s the ceremony? I’ll make sure to book my trip around then.” 

“Trip?” 

“I have to go to Singapore sometime in the next month.” 

“Oh. Why? Work?” 

“My dad is sick.” Jinyoung explains.

“I thought he was feeling better?”

“I did too.” Jinyoung says morosely. “I really did.”

“I’m sorry Jinyoung-ah. I’m really sorry to hear that.” 

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” 

“I know… But we- I’m your-” Yugyeom cuts himself off, looking frustrated. “What are we? What am I to you?”

“You’re a lot of things to me.” Jinyoung says slowly. He isn’t sure if there’s just one word that can describe what Yugyeom is to him. 

“Like boyfriends?” Yugyeom asks, voice cracking slightly. Jinyoung pauses. He knows that’s what he wants. 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay.”

“So you’ll be my boyfriend?” Jinyoung asks, eyes focused on Yugyeom’s so he can make sure that he knows what Yugyeom is thinking. 

“Yes.” Yugyeom replies. “Yes.” 

“Ok. Boyfriend.” Jinyoung says, and his heart swells up uncontrollably with happiness. 

“Boyfriend…” Yugyeom says slowly, like he’s determining how it sounds to say.

“I’ve never dated anyone seriously before. But I want to. With you.”

“I have.” Yugyeom blurts out. “Dated someone seriously.”

“Oh.” 

“He left me.” Yugyeom says. 

“We don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want.” 

“I just want to let you know. Because I want you to know more about me.”

“Okay.”

“It was serious. We were together for two years. I thought I loved him.”  _ Thought? _ Jinyoung wants to ask 

“I didn’t know what love was.” 

“I thought I was in love with Mark. But I wasn’t.” 

“Maybe I’m biased but I can’t imagine you and Mark together. You’re both…” 

“Both what?” Jinyoung asks, genuinely curious. 

“I don’t know. Too similar? You’re more serious though.” 

“So you can’t see me with him?” 

“No. But I’m also being selfish because if you were with him, then we wouldn’t be together.” Yugyeom admits. Jinyoung laughs at that. 

“I don’t think Mark and I were meant to be together. It’s about timing isn’t it? And the time was never right.” 

“It was with us though.” Yugyeom says, looking incredibly fondly at Jinyoung. 

"Yeah. It was.” He says, and quickly presses a kiss to the corner of Yugyeom’s mouth. Jinyoung doesn’t think that he’ll ever get tired of kissing Yugyeom. When he pulls away, Yugyeom looks kind of dazed, which Jinyoung takes to mean that Yugyeom feels the same. 

“I need to say something important though. If we’re going to be boyfriends. We can’t be super publicly open about our relationship.” Jinyoung says. “With my job-“ 

“I know Jinyoung-ah.” Yugyeom interrupts. “My famous boyfriend.” 

“Does that bother you?” Jinyoung asks, biting his lip. 

“No. I like you. And I want to be with you, even if that means that I have to work around who you are in public, then I’ll do it.”

“You have to tell me if it bothers you, alright?” 

“Okay.” 

“Yugyeom-ah, what did I do to deserve you?” 

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?” Yugyeom asks. 

“No. I’m the lucky one. I’m the luckiest one.” 

“I can assure you that I am.” 

“So, I know I can’t tell everyone, but maybe my parents?” Yugyeom asks quietly. 

“Of course!” Jinyoung responds quickly. “If you want sometime, I could meet them? If you want?” 

“Yeah. I do. I want you to meet them.” 

“I’m going to tell my parents about us too. I don’t know how… understanding they’ll be though. So I’m not sure if they’re ready to meet you as my boyfriend.”

“It’s okay, Jinyoung-ah.” Yugyeom says, and pulls Jinyoung in for a tight hug. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I want to. I just-”

“Stop that!” Yugyeom commands, and Jinyoung stills in his arms. “We’ll deal with that when we deal with it, okay? And you have me with you.”

\--

The next weekend, Jackson insists on everyone coming out to eat, despite the fact that they can usually never decide where to go. 

When Yugyeom shows up with Youngjae and Bambam, Jinyoung goes over and bumps his shoulder against Yugyeom’s as a greeting. Yugyeom bumps his shoulder back in response, and smiles. 

“Eww.” Youngjae says, wrinkling his nose at them. “Yugyeom told us you were dating but you weren’t supposed to be gross.” 

“Nah. Jackson and Jaebum are worse.” Bambam says thoughtfully. 

“Seconding that.” Mark adds, pinching the back of Bambam’s neck. 

“Ow! Jaebum-hyung! Mark-hyung is bullying me!” 

“You probably deserve it.” Jaebum says and Bambam squawks in response. 

“Oh. I wanted to invite everyone to my showcase.” Youngjae says, blushing slightly. 

“Showcase? What for?” Jinyoung asks. 

“For his singing. The studio where we go picked Youngjae to feature.” Jaebum says, and Youngjae blushes even harder. 

“When?” 

“Next weekend.” Youngjae says quietly. 

“We all have to go next weekend! Is everyone free?” Jackson asks. 

“I can’t.” Mark says, looking oddly sheepish.

“What? Why?” Jackson asks, looking offended. “It’s our sacred time. No exceptions.”

“Um.”

“Leave him alone.” Jinyoung chastises. “We don’t always have to do everything together.” 

“Yes we do.” Yugyeom, Bambam, and Jackson say in unison. 

“I’ll be there next time, I promise.” Mark adds. “I just… I have a date.” 

“What?” Jinyoung asks, and he’s fairly certain that everyone does the same. 

“Is this with the guy at the gala?” Yugyeom asks, looking incredibly satisfied with himself. Jinyoung had forgotten about that until now. 

“Uh.” Mark says, blushing a deep red. 

“So it is.” Jinyoung answers. “He’s cute.” 

“What guy? Why didn’t you tell me?” Jackson asks excitedly. 

“This is why.” Mark says, shyly. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” Jackson shrieks. “Of course it’s a big deal.” 

“That’s exciting.” Jaebum adds. “I’m happy for you. I hope it goes well.” 

“Me too.” Mark says, looking thankful for Jaebum’s normality. 

“You’re abandoning us.” Jackson says dramatically. “You’re a deserter.”

“I’m not. I wouldn’t have even said yes to that time if I’d known we were going to hang out.” 

“Calm down. Mark-hyung is allowed to have his own life.” Yugyeom says and Jinyoung nods. Jackson fakes gagging at the two of them.

“Are we going to eat now or what?” Mark grumbles. 

“Yes. I’m hungry.” Bambam announces. 

“You’re always hungry.” Youngjae says back. 

“I’m a growing boy!” Bambam insists, and then everyone is squabbling again over what to eat. 

\--

After their meal, Jinyoung and Yugyeom split off to go look in some shops. Yugyeom wants to look at school supplies, and Jinyoung wants to look at Yugyeom. 

Except: 

“Park Jinyoung!” Someone calls shrilly. Jinyoung turns around to see the interviewer from all those months ago striding toward them, her heels clicking on the floor. She’s commanding stares from all around them, but she has eyes only for Jinyoung, tucking a piece of hair behind her ears. “You never called me.” She says, tucking her hair behind her ears. Jinyoung can practically feel Yugyeom’s confusion. 

“No. That’s not very professional of me.”

“No worries. There’s no hurry, do you still have my number?”

“No. I’m not interested. Thank you.” Jinyoung says politely. 

“Jinyoung-oppa, you’ll hurt my feelings.” She says. Jinyoung wants to disappear forever. 

“If you’ll excuse me, I have someplace to go.” He says, and tugs Yugyeom away. He can feel his heart hammering in his chest out of embarrassment. He hadn’t wanted Yugyeom to see that, ever. They duck into the closest store, what looks like an electronic store. 

“Who was that?” Yugyeom asks, tone deceptively light. Jinyoung sighs heavily. 

“She hit on me while she was supposed to be interviewing me for a magazine article.” 

“Ah.” Yugyeom says, and he’s clearly trying to sound uninterested. 

“I didn’t respond to her. It was for work. I ignored her.” 

“Mmm.” Yugyeom says, but he doesn’t necessarily sound angry. 

“I was already too far gone for you when I met her.” Jinyoung adds, and this is when Yugyeom actually turns around to face Jinyoung. 

“Hyung.” 

“It’s true.” Jinyoung says. “I was gone for you from the first time we met almost.” 

“Loser.” Yugyeom says, and directs his attention onto the store that they’ve ducked in. It seems crammed full of things, and they’re right next to the phone case sections. 

“We need these.” He says, pointing jokingly to matching furry phone cases. They’re clearly couple phone cases, and it seems like that’s all the section sells. “Maximum cheesiness.” 

Except Yugyeom’s eyes have wandered onto another pair of phone cases. One is red, and the other is blue, and they both have cute cartoon bears on them, but most importantly Yugyeom’s eyes light up when he sees them. 

“Do you want to get them?” Jinyoung asks.

“Would you use it?” Yugyeom asks. “You’re supposed to be like a professional or something.” 

“If you want me to use it, I’ll use it.” Jinyoung answers, meaning for it to come out as a joke. Except he just sounds devoted. Yugyeom’s eyes roam over his face, expression serious.

“I-“ 

“Let’s get them Yugyeom-ah.” Jinyoung says with finality. 

“I can pay.” Yugyeom insists 

“Please let me Yugyeom-ah. You can get it next time.”Jinyoung says, because now there is always going to be a next time with the two of them. There’s always going to be another morning, another date, another day for Jinyoung to love Yugyeom. 

“Okay. Fine.” Yugyeom says, narrowing his eyes at Jinyoung. “But I’m buying coffee.” 

“Deal.”

“Don’t think you can buy my love. I’m not cheap.” Yugyeom says with a sniff, and Jinyoung can’t help but agree. 

\--

“Is that a couple phone case?’ Jaebum asks with disgust the next time Jinyoung meets him for coffee. 

“Yes.” Jinyoung says proudly. “It’s okay to be jealous.”

“I’m really really not.” Jaebum says, eyeing it like it’s some kind of cursed object. 

“Fine. Live in denial.” Jinyoung snipes back, only for Jaebum to roll his eyes. 

“Sorry I’m not gross like you and Yugyeom.” 

“Hey!” 

Jaebum’s phone buzzes on the table. Jaebum’s eyes flick over and then flick back to Jinyoung, mouth set in a distinctively harsher line than before. The joking atmosphere is gone, replaced by tension. 

“What’s up?” Jinyoung asks softly. 

“My dad’s really on my back about going on dates with his friends’ daughters. I’d be more upset if it wasn’t the first thing that I’ve seen my parents agree on in years.” Jaebum says glumly. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Shit.” 

“Yeah.” Jaebum says, sighing. “I wish it wasn’t so. But I think I have to go.”

“But Jackson-”

“He understands. He knows that it’s just how we have to be.” Jaebum says, and there’s no emotion in his voice. He’s just stating a fact. Jinyoung is silent for a moment, trying to process his thoughts. He couldn’t imagine having that kind of arrangement with Yugyeom, having to share. 

“Hyung.” Jinyoung says simply. 

“Don’t look at me like that.” Jaebum says, looking away from Jinyoung carefully. “It’s not that bad. I don’t have to marry them. I just have to go on a few pretend dates.” 

“Alright. I’ll drop it.” 

“And besides. If it makes both my parents happy, then so be it.” 

“That’s not always a good reason to do things.” 

“But sometimes it is.” Jaebum says wryly. “You know that, probably better than me.” Jinyoung just sighs in response. 

“Our situations aren’t the same.”

“I know. But you understand.”

“Yeah. That’s why we’re friends.”

“Otherwise I’d have no reason to put up with you.” Jaebum sniffs. 

\--

After his conversation with Jaebum, Jinyoung decides to broach the topic to his father at their next visit. He doesn’t imagine that his dad would make him do such a thing. They’ve never been as traditional as Jaebum’s family. 

“Hey Dad?” He asks, as he sits in front of the chessboard and his dad deliberates his next move. 

“Hmm?”

“You don’t want me to like go on a date with another chaebol girl right?” 

“What? What are you talking about?” 

“I just wanted to know if you expected me to be in some kind of arranged marriage or something.” 

“No. No. Why would your mother and I ask that of you?”

“No reason. I was just wondering.” His dad quirks a smile. 

“I take it since you’re asking that there must be somebody in your life then?” 

“What? No.” Jinyoung says, as convincingly as he possibly can. 

“I don’t have to worry about any unexpected babies though, right?” His dad asks. 

“You don’t have to worry about that. Yugyeom-ah is-” Jinyoung says jokingly, and then his eyes widen in horror as he realizes what he’s just said to his dad. He’s just come out to his Dad. As a joke. Fuckfuckfuck. And he told him that he and Yugyeom are together seriously. Jinyoung is pretty sure that his brain short circuits. 

“Um. Forget I said anything.” He says hastily. 

“You can’t- I don’t know if you can ever tell anyone publicly about him.” His dad says tensely. 

“I know. I know.” Jinyoung says. His dad sighs heavily, closing his eyes, and his age and illness shows on his face. 

“Jinyoung-ah.” 

“I won’t tell anyone. Ever. I promise.”

“The company needs a strong leader.” 

“I can be strong. This has nothing to do with being strong.” Jinyoung says stiffly. 

“It-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jinyoung assures his dad, feeling the blood rush to his head. 

“I want you to be happy. I just want my son to be happy.” His dad says, reaching up to stroke Jinyoung’s cheek. 

“I know Dad.” 

“And this makes it harder for you to be happy. So that makes me sad.” Jinyoung grits his teeth slightly. He should’ve known that his dad would be like this about his sexuality. 

“I should go.” Jinyoung says, standing up hastily to leave. 

“Jinyoung, please wait!” 

“I’ll see you next week Dad.” Jinyoung manages to get out over the lump in his throat. 

“I love you!” His dad calls out, just as Jinyoung is about to open the door. 

“Hmm?” He asks, hand hovering over the door handle. 

“I love you Jinyoung-ah.” His dad says again, a little louder this time and Jinyoung lets his hand fall to his side. “Please don’t be mistaken about that.” 

“Dad-”

“No. I- I think I made you think that I don’t love you, or I disapprove of who you love. Because that’s not true.” Jinyoung chews on his lip. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t- I didn’t expect. Your mother had hinted, but-”

“It’s okay Dad.”

“It’s not okay! I won’t be here forever, and I can’t have you thinking that I’m not proud of you, or that I don’t support you completely.” Jinyoung’s lungs feel like they have no air in them.

"I'll be careful-"

"Does he make you happy?" 

"Huh?"

"Does he make you happy?" 

"Yeah."

"Then that's all I need to know." His father says simply.

\--

Jinyoung has only just gotten home from his parents house when he gets a call saying that someone is calling his apartment from the lobby. Jinyoung picks up. It’s late, and he wasn’t expecting anyone. 

“Hello?”

“Jinyoung? It’s Yugyeom.”

“I’m buzzing you up.” Jinyoung says, and does that. 

He waits in front of the door to let Yugyeom in, unsure what Yugyeom is here for so late at night. 

When he lets Yugyeom in, Yugyeom is panting and looking strangely frazzled. 

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asks. 

“Jinyoung-ie?” 

“Yes?” 

“I got in.” Yugyeom says with a huge smile, and a look like he can’t believe it. Jinyoung’s jaw drops. 

“Into medical school? What? Where?” 

“Here in Seoul.” 

“Oh my god. Oh my god! Yugyeom-ah!” 

“I know.” Yugyeom says, all but giggling. Jinyoung picks him up by his waist and spins him around. “Put me down!” Jinyoung does, begrudgingly. 

“Congratulations! I’m so excited for you!   


“I’m so excited too.” 

“I knew you’d get in. I knew it.” 

“Youngjae got in too!”

“What? Really?” Yugyeom nods, and the grin on his face looks like it’s threatening to split his face in half. “So you’ll get to go together?”

“Yeah!”

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” 

“I know!” Yugyeom then pulls Jinyoung in and kisses him deeply. “I had to tell you right away, in person.” Jinyoung attempts to convey his gratitude by kissing Yugyeom back. 

Their kisses quickly grow sloppy, desperate, and before Jinyoung knows it, he’s getting hard. 

“Jinyoung?”

“Mhmm?”

“You know how I said that we were taking things slow? I lied.” 

“Okay. I can work with that.” Jinyoung says, standing up on his tiptoes to kiss Yugyeom again. 

“So I can stay over?”

“Any time you want.” 

“Good. Because I share a wall with Youngjae, and I don’t know if I’m ready to share what I sound like having sex.” Yugyeom says and Jinyoung can’t help but laugh. 

“Good thing one of us lives alone then.” Jinyoung says, trailing his hands across Yugyeom’s chest, feeling the way Yugyeom tenses under his touch. He can’t wait to get his hands all over Yugyeom finally, for them to finally do this. “Because I can’t wait to hear what you sound like having sex.” 

“Jinyoung-ah.” Yugyeom says, gaze shifting from adoring to something darker. 

“I want to sleep with you. In case I didn’t make that clear.”

“I want that too. I want you.”

“Okay.” Jinyoung says, and that seems to set off the spark in the room. 

Yugyeom moves first, roughly untucking Jinyoung’s dress shirt so that he can slip a hand underneath. Jinyoung gasps just at the simple touch, feeling Yugyeom’s warm fingers on his bare skin. Jinyoung responds in turn, unbuttoning his shirt so Yugyeom can touch him everywhere. Yugyeom bats Jinyoung’s hands away, and unbuttons his shirt for him, pulling it off fully so Jinyoung is shirtless. He takes a moment to admire Jinyoung, and Jinyoung feels self-conscious, but Yugyeom is looking at him like he’s something precious, and his awareness disappears. 

“Ah, Jinyoung-ah. Look how good you look.” Yugyeom mutters, and Jinyoung isn’t sure if he’s saying that to him or to himself. 

“Come on, I can’t be the only half-naked one here.” Jinyoung says, and pulls at Yugyeom’s shirt. There’s something incredibly sexy about Yugyeom pulling his shirt off. Jinyoung presses in close again to kiss Yugyeom, this time skin to skin from the waist up. Yugyeom is warmer than him and Jinyoung feels so safe and happy wrapped in Yugyeom’s arms. He would stay here forever if he could. 

Jinyoung acts first this time, unbuttoning Yugyeom’s jeans. Yugyeom gets the hint, and unbuttons Jinyoung’s pants too, so they can both strip. 

“Bed? Couch?” Jinyoung asks. 

“Bed.” Yugyeom replies, swooping down to press a kiss on Jinyoung’s collarbone. Jinyoung tugs them toward the bedroom, stopping along the way to kiss Yugyeom, already breathless with anticipation. 

Jinyoung pulls Yugyeom with him down onto the bed, enjoying the feeling of skin on skin. 

“Um, will you? Or do you want me to-” Yugyeom asks, pausing from kissing Jinyoung. 

“You can fuck me.” Jinyoung answers breathily, and watches as Yugyeom’s throat hitches. 

“Okay.” Yugyeom says, and yanks Jinyoung closer to him. It’s hot how strong Yugyeom is, how he can just pull Jinyoung if he wants, lift him if he wants. But then, Yugyeom has that effect on Jinyoung without even lifting a finger.

Jinyoung’s dick is sticking out the band of his underwear, and he watches Yugyeom’s gaze fall to it. 

“Underwear - off.” Yugyeom almost growls. 

“You’re hot when you’re scary.” 

“I’ll show you scary.” Yugyeom says, but Jinyoung lifts up his hips so Yugyeom can take off his briefs anyways. 

Then Jinyoung is completely exposed in front of Yugyeom -- not just physically. The way Yugyeom is staring at him like he’s something precious makes Jinyoung feel so wanted and cared for. 

Yugyeom straddles Jinyoung’s calves and leans down to lick Jinyoung’s dick. 

“Fuck! Yugyeom-ah.” Jinyoung almost shouts. 

“Shh.” Yugyeom says, and then goes and takes Jinyoung’s whole cock in his mouth. Jinyoung’s heart is racing at this point, feeling Yugyeom suck and lick at his cock. He throws his head back on the pillow, hands grabbing at the bedspread around him. Just the sight of Yugyeom between his legs gets him hot, let alone how good Yugyeom is with his tongue. 

But then Yugyeom is getting up to walk over to the bedside table. 

“Second drawer.” Jinyoung says, reaching down to stroke himself lightly. Yugyeom waggles the bottle of lube at him, and grabs a condom too. 

Yugyeom stands at the foot of the bed, watching Jinyoung stroke himself lazily. 

“I could watch you do this all day.” He says. “But that’d be a little boring, don’t you think?” 

So then Yugyeom resumes his position, licking Jinyoung’s cock gently and then there’s a finger stroking around Jinyoung’s rim suddenly. Yugyeom at least had the sense to warm up the lube, and the slide of the pad of Yugyeom’s finger on Jinyoung makes him whine. Yugyeom tongues at Jinyoung’s slit, and then slowly slips his finger into Jinyoung. The first finger is always a little painful for Jinyoung, but Yugyeom takes him time, slowing down if Jinyoung winces. 

Then two fingers, and three. It seems like forever that Yugyeom is working him open with three fingers, eagerly watching to see Jinyoung’s reaction, seemingly slowing down with each moan Jinyoung lets out. 

“Are you ready?” Yugyeom asks as his fingers brush Jinyoung’s prostate just gently enough for Jinyoung to  _ need  _ more. 

“Yes. Yes.” Jinyoung spits out. “I was ready ages ago.” 

“I was just taking my time.” Yugyeom says, eyes dark with desire. “I want you to feel good.” 

Yugyeom pulls his fingers out slowly, and preps himself, taking his own briefs off and rolling the condom on. Jinyoung isn’t sure what to do with the fact that Yugyeom has a big dick, bigger than he’d expected.  

“Hurry up!” Jinyoung almost whines. 

But then Yugyeom is thrusting in slowly, and if his fingers had been good, his cock feels amazing. Jinyoung doesn’t even know what kinds of noises he’s making. It feels like no time, and an eternity before Yugyeom has bottomed out, filling Jinyoung entirely. It takes some getting used to for Jinyoung, to adjust to Yugyeom’s size, but then Yugyeom starts moving more, thrusting into Jinyoung, and Jinyoung forgets those details. 

Yugyeom fucks him slowly, watching Jinyoung the whole time. It’s incredibly intimate. Jinyoung realizes that it will never get better than this for him, better than Yugyeom’s hands on his skin, Yugyeom’s name in his mouth. Because he loves Yugyeom so much. 

Jinyoung has no sense of time, he just knows that Yugyeom is in front of him, and he’s so full and yet not full enough. 

Yugyeom use a hand to push his sweaty hair off his forehead. Jinyoung almost comes just at the sight. The veins in Yugyeom’s hand are sticking out, and he’s so fucking hot with his hair off his forehead. 

“Fuck. Fuck. You feel so good Yugyeom-ah.” Jinyoung pants out. “I’m going to come.” 

“Me too.” Yugyeom says, thrusting a little harder. Jinyoung arches his back slightly, trying to get Yugyeom deeper. “Come for me.” 

“Yes. Yes. Yes.” Jinyoung moans, and he can feel the heat growing in his stomach, threatening to bubble over if he lets it. 

“Fuck, you’re so good.” Yugyeom says, stroking Jinyoung, and that’s enough for Jinyoung to go over the edge, coming all over his stomach and Yugyeom’s hand. 

Yugyeom comes almost right after him, groaning deeply. Jinyoung almost gets hard again just at the sound. 

“Shit.” Yugyeom says, exhaling raggedly, and pulling out to get rid of the condom. Once he comes back, Jinyoung wraps his arms around Yugyeom, ignoring that they both probably need a shower. 

“I love you.” He says. He’s known for some time now. And even if Yugyeom doesn’t-

“I love you more.” Yugyeom says, kissing Jinyoung’s nose. 

“What?” 

“I love you more.” 

“You couldn’t even say ‘I love you too’?” 

“No.” Yugyeom says, looking smug. “I had to out-do you.” 

“I hate you. I take back my love.” 

“Yeah right.” 

“Yugyeom?”

“Hmm.”

“I told my parents about us.” 

“What?” 

“Well, my dad. I guess my mom already knew.” 

“But wasn’t it not that long ago that you were afraid of-”

“It was an accident.” Jinyoung says. “But they’re not- it wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“I don’t know if they’re ready to meet you just yet. But they’re not disapproving.”

Yugyeom just tightens his arms around Jinyoung in response. 

\--

Jackson insists on throwing a celebratory party in honor of both Yugyeom and Youngjae getting into medical school. He decorates his apartment with so many balloons that there’s hardly any room to move around, even though Jinyoung isn’t sure what that has to do with graduating. 

“He can’t afford to go to university. Cut him some slack.” Jaebum says to Jinyoung, so Jinyoung doesn’t say anything else. 

Jinyoung has already congratulated Yugyeom, but now he just needs to congratulate Youngjae (although not in the same way). 

He finds Youngjae lurking in the kitchen, looking strangely stressed. 

“Congratulations.” Jinyoung says, clinking his glass of champagne on Youngjae’s. “This is great. Both you and Yugyeom got in. And to the same school!” 

“Yeah.” Youngjae says, clearly forcing a smile. 

“Why do you look like this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?” Jinyoung asks softly. Youngjae sighs heavily. 

“I am happy.” 

“I don’t think you’d be sighing like that if you were really happy.” 

“It’s just…”

“I just want you to be happy.” Jinyoung says. 

“Well, my parents are happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them more excited. But I don’t know if I want to go. But what am I going to do if I don’t go?” 

“I think those are a lot of worries.” Jinyoung says, and Youngjae manages to crack a smile. 

“Yeah. I know.” 

“So you’re going to go then?”

“Yeah. I accepted my admission.” Youngjae says glumly. 

“Shit.” 

“Yeah. Shit is right.” Youngjae says, looking like he’s trying not to tear up. 

“Are you going to be alright?” 

“I think so.” Youngjae says, but Jinyoung isn’t quite sure if he believes him. “I talked to Jaebum about it. And I don’t necessarily feel any better. But I’m scared. I’ve been working towards this for so long with Yugyeom. I just don’t know what I would do.” 

“What about your singing?” Youngjae sighs. 

“I can’t. There’s no way my parents would let me.” 

“Have you talked to them about it?” 

“They’re very traditional. They’ve told everyone they know about their successful son. And I just don’t feel successful.” 

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Jinyoung says, feeling frustrated. 

“I don’t know what to do. Except go. I talked to Jaebum-hyung about it like you suggested. And he told me not to go. But I can’t. I can’t do that.” Youngjae says, almost choking on his words. Jinyoung pulls him in for a hug, patting his back. 

“Is Youngjae-hyung okay?” Yugyeom asks with concerned eyes once they emerge from the kitchen. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to tell him.” 

“None of us do.” Yugyeom says wistfully. “So I think he’s going to go with me.” 

“Fuck.” Jinyoung says, more of a sigh than a word. 

“I know.” 

“Fuck.” 

“It’s just the way it is.” Yugyeom says. And it is. 

\--

Jinyoung needs to extend an olive branch to his uncle, only if for his father’s sake. His dad is going back to Singapore after Yugyeom’s graduation, and Jinyoung is planning on visiting. And maybe his uncle will come too, if he asks nicely. 

He goes himself, not sending his secretary on purpose. Jinyoung has to do this himself. He doesn’t even really know if his uncle is in, but he supposes that he’ll find out. 

His uncle’s secretary eyes him curiously, but she nods when he asks if his uncle is in, and makes no move to usher him in. 

Jinyoung doesn’t knock, he just opens the door quietly, moving past the coat closet where he’d hidden. He doesn’t need to hide anymore. 

“Hello.” Jinyoung says after taking a few deep breaths, and his uncle looks up from where he’s writing something at his desk. His uncle raises an eyebrow but he puts his pen down. 

“Hello. His uncle says stiffly. Jinyoung pauses for a moment, trying to remember what he wanted to say.

“I don’t want to have to prove myself to you.” Jinyoung settles for saying. His uncle doesn’t respond. “I want to work hard and succeed for my parents, and for the company. And that includes you. Is that workable?” 

“Yes.” 

“We don’t need to be best friends. We don’t need to tell each other everything.” 

“But we need to trust each other.” His uncle adds. 

“That’s not on me. That’s on you.” Jinyoung says. “I’m mad at you. But I trust you at least.” 

“Jinyoung-ah-”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to fight.” Jinyoung says, and he’s somewhat surprised to mean it. “I just. I wanted to let you know where I stand. And it doesn’t matter where you stand, as long as it’s not in my way.” His uncle’s mouth is set in a determined kind of line, but he doesn’t seem angry, not like some of their previous conversations. “I think we can do that.”

“Alright. Fine.” His uncle says. He’s tense, but not confrontational. “Are we done now?”

“Dad’s not feeling well again. He’s going back to Singapore for more testing.”

“I heard.”

“I’m going to visit him when he does. I’ll let you know the date, if you want to join.”

“I’ll- thank you, Jinyoung-ah.” His uncle replies. “I’ll see if that works with my schedule.”

“No pressure. I just thought I’d let you know.” Jinyoung says, and while it’s not as polite as he could be, it isn’t unkind either. 

\--

Yugyeom, Bambam, and Youngjae’s graduation comes up before Jinyoung even knows it. 

Yugyeom had claimed that they don’t have to go to their convocation ceremony but everyone insisted on going anyways. 

“We have to!” Jackson had protested, practically shooting daggers at Yugyeom with his eyes. “What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t go?” 

“Fine.” Yugyeom had conceded. He didn’t even protest when Jackson was talking about getting support banners printed, which Jinyoung takes to mean that they all know each other too well. 

—

Jaebum and Jinyoung take the afternoon off work, Jackson cancels on a private event at the bar, and Mark flies home from a family thing early to join in too. Jinyoung knows that Yugyeom, Bambam, and Youngjae are all happy to have them there, even though they haven’t said as much.

It's somewhat bittersweet for Jinyoung: knowing that Yugyeom is so happy to graduate, and Youngjae is somewhat ambivalent. He's there though, clapping loudly for all of them. 

Jackson cheers exuberantly loudly for all three of them, which makes Youngjae blush, and Bambam roll his eyes. Yugyeom waves excitedly in response and Jackson almost leaps out of his seat to wave back before Jaebum tugs him back down. 

“Behave.” Jaebum hisses at Jackson. 

“What? We only see our friends graduate once!” Jackson insists, practically pouting at Jaebum. 

“They’re all going to graduate in a few years from another school.” Jaebum says, ignoring Jackson’s pout. 

Jinyoung is so proud to see Yugyeom walk across the stage to get his diploma and for them to announce that he graduated with high honours. He takes a few sneaky photos on his phone, and ignores Mark’s knowing looks. He knows how hard Yugyeom worked to get here, and he couldn’t be happier or more proud. If he joins Jackson in cheering for Yugyeom, then no one has to know. 

Afterwards, Yugyeom has to go meet his family to go out to eat, but Jinyoung can’t resist the urge to ask to see him. 

**pepi_jy_**

**Can you meet me for a minute?**

**In the hallway off the lobby.**

**yu_gyeom**

**itll have to be quick**

**somewhere private??**

**i won’t have sex with u in a hallway**

**today at least**

Jinyoung chokes on his spit at Yugyeom’s texts, and quickly has to pretend that’s he choking on his drink, and not his own saliva, to avoid Jaebum and Jackson’s worried looks. 

“I’m going to the bathroom.” He says. 

“Okay. We’ll meet you at the car?” Jaebum asks. He’d driven them all there, like the father-figure that he is. 

“Yeah.” 

“Take your time. In the bathroom.” Mark adds knowingly once Jackson and Jaebum are out of earshot. Jinyoung smiles at him. 

\--

Yugyeom ducks into the hallway just after Jinyoung gets there. 

“What’s this about?” Yugyeom asks, spotting Jinyoung leaning against the wall. 

“Congratulations Yugyeom-ah.” Jinyoung says quietly. “I wanted to tell you myself.” 

“Thanks.” Yugyeom says, blushing more now than he did onstage during the actual ceremony.

“You’re amazing.” Jinyoung says. 

“Thank you for believing in me.” Yugyeom says softly. “Thank you.” 

“Always.” Jinyoung replies. “I’ll always believe in you.” 

“And I’ll always believe in you too.” 

They’re somewhat in public, so they can’t be too outwardly affectionate, but Jinyoung squeezes Yugyeom’s shoulder, and Yugyeom smiles in return, and that’s enough. 

“I have to go now.” Yugyeom says after a beat. “My parents are waiting for me.” 

“Go on then. Have fun.” Jinyoung says. “Eat too much.” 

“Will you still like me if I get fat from eating too much?” Yugyeom teases, breaking their serious moment. 

“Of course. I’ll roll you around from place to place.” Jinyoung teases back, and Yugyeom slaps his arm in response. “Ow!” He exclaims, feigning that it hurt more than it did. Yugyeom just sniffs at him, before turning to leave. “Hey!” He yells. 

Yugyeom turns around at Jinyoung’s shout and has the audacity to wink. 

\--

**pepi_jy_**

**Okay, were you serious?**

**About the hallway thing?**

 

**yu_gyeom**

**i guess youll just have to find out**

**:)**


	14. you've been a long time coming home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I can’t believe we’re at the end. I first got the idea for this at the start of June 2017 and now it’s February 2018 and it’s done. Wow. It started off as a one-shot where Jinyoung and Yugyeom met in the club and turned into whatever mess this fic became. It changed so much. Initially I planned for Jinyoung’s dad to die, his mom to be cheating, and his uncle to be evil (lmfao and some of you saw that coming!!!!) but the way things happened that just didn’t feel right. As much as I initially wanted this to be like a k-drama, I ended up wanting it to be like real life (if only I were a handsome chaebol in real life…) and in real life that doesn’t happen, life happens in shades of grey and people do weird shit. 
> 
> I want to say the BIGGEST HUGEST of thank yous to every single person for reading. I literally thought no one would read my silly Jingyeom story but the feedback that I got on this fic was amazing, not just because people liked it, but because they connected with some part of the story. I didn’t imagine that happening when I started writing it and I loved reading every single comment. You really pushed me to think about my characters and how they respond to different situations. I honestly am not exaggerating when I say that your comments really made me so emotional. Ugh. 
> 
> This final chapter is an epilogue set in the future a few years and it is some well-deserved fluff for all of you who put up with my RIDICULOUS ANGST. I have some other works coming up and there will be plenty of Jingyeom and Jackbum (and other pairings…) so don’t worry! :) I also plan on writing a few things from Yugyeom and Mark’s POV! Maybe Youngjae too. Let me know your thoughts! 
> 
> If you want, follow me on Twitter @twiceluckyy for writing updates and stuff! I'd love to talk! :D
> 
> Chapter title from “Long Time Coming” by Delays

Jinyoung is already curled up with a book in bed when Yugyeom comes in. He watches Yugyeom strip methodically out of his work clothes and into his pajamas. Yugyeom is older now, with more muscle across his chest, and the sight of his naked chest never fails to astound Jinyoung.

He looks exhausted though, like he hasn’t slept in forever. Yugyeom walks over to the bed and faceplants right into Jinyoung’s lap.

“Unnnngh.” Yugyeom says and Jinyoung runs his fingers through Yugyeom’s hair. It’s shorter than when he was younger, because Yugyeom has to be all professional at work. It still looks good though, because Jinyoung thinks that Yugyeom would look good in anything.

“Long day?” He asks.

“Nnnngh.” Yugyeom answers, which Jinyoung takes to be a yes.

“Do you want to talk about it or do you want to go to bed?”

“Bed.” Yugyeom says, or at least Jinyoung thinks he says. His face is still firmly in Jinyoung’s lap.

“Do you want to have a shower at least?” Jinyoung asks.

“No.”

“Come on.” Jinyoung wheedles.

“No. I can’t move.” Yugyeom insists.

“What if I give you a blowjob in the shower?” Yugyeom all but shoots up.

“I guess I can work with that.” He says nonchalantly.

“You’re so predictable.” Jinyoung says, rolling his eyes.

“I’m not.” Yugyeom insists, but he’s tugging Jinyoung’s book away from him. Jinyoung giggles, and follows Yugyeom out of bed, pulling him in for a messy kiss. Yugyeom smells like hospital, but Jinyoung can’t bring himself to care. Yugyeom pulls Jinyoung closer, hands on his ass to force them as close as they can be.

“Predictable.” Jinyoung sing-songs, and pulls Yugyeom into the bathroom, turning the light on.

He rucks off his own pajamas and then goes to strip Yugyeom as well.

“I just put these on.” Yugyeom grumbles.

“Oh? Do you not want to?” Jinyoung asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ll live.” Yugyeom replies, tugging Jinyoung towards him to kiss him again. Yugyeom is already half-hard, and Jinyoung lowers a hand to gently stroke him, listening to Yugyeom’s audible groan. “Ah, shit.”

“We’re showering.” Jinyoung says, pulling away to turn the shower on and take off his boxers. “Are you coming?”

“Now and later.” Yugyeom replies with a wink and Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Nice ass.”

Yugyeom waits until the shower gets hot enough that steam fills up the bathroom before joining Jinyoung.

“I was waiting for you.” Jinyoung says, and drops to his knees.

“For fuck’s sake! Can you not be so sexy?” Yugyeom says, watching Jinyoung stroke him, and then lick the underside of his cock.

“No.” Jinyoung replies, and takes Yugyeom fully into his mouth. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of this, of Yugyeom moaning, of Yugyeom brushing his hair out of his eyes with tender fingers.

His mouth stretches over Yugyeom’s cock, trying to take as much of him as he can. Over so many years he’s perfected the art of making Yugyeom come. He takes a hand to cup Yugyeom’s balls, and the other to stroke what his mouth can’t get at.

“Jinyoung, what about you-” Yugyeom starts to say.

“Shh, let me take care of you.” Jinyoung says, and takes Yugyeom back into his mouth. He can practically feel the way Yugyeom settles back and relaxes. He looks up through his eyelashes at Yugyeom, who’s looking down at him with such adoration that it makes his heart ache.

“Jinyoung-ah.” Yugyeom mumbles. “You’re so good to me.” Jinyoung doesn’t respond, he just doubles down on his efforts to make Yugyeom come.

Before long Yugyeom is spilling down his throat.

“Jinyoung-ah, please let me take care of you now.” He says, and Jinyoung lets him.

They shower quickly after, with Jinyoung washing Yugyeom’s hair for him, massaging his scalp carefully just the way he likes. The air between them is heavy and syrupy sweet. Jinyoung loves Yugyeom so much. So much.

They re-dress quietly in their discarded boxers and pajamas, passing each other bits of clothing as they fall back in bed. 

“Jinyoung?” Yugyeom says when they’re ready for bed again -- Jinyoung reading his book, and Yugyeom curled up beside him.

“Mhmm?”

“I love you.” Jinyoung smiles a soft, fond smile at Yugyeom, who looks absolutely exhausted but manages to smile back.

“I love you too.” Jinyoung says. “So much.”

“Do you want to do something this weekend?”

“Aren’t you on call?”

“No. My schedule got rearranged.”

“Okay. Let’s do something then.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Mmm, eat?”

“Okay.”

“Maybe go see a movie too?”

“Yeah. Sounds good.”

“And ice cream?”

“Of course.” Jinyoung replies with a smile.

“Won’t everyone be jealous? Saturdays are friend days.” Yugyeom asks with a yawn. “And you know how Jackson is about ice cream.”

“They practically live at our house. I’m sure they can manage. And Jackson and Jaebum are on that diet together, so they don’t need ice cream.” Jinyoung replies. And it’s true. He’d had Jaebum, Youngjae, Bambam, and Mark over for dinner just that evening. Jackson had been spamming his phone with messages because he couldn’t make it.

“You have a point. If we tell them they’ll probably all invite themselves along.” Yugyeom agrees. Jinyoung snorts. Yugyeom is probably correct. Knowing their friends, they most definitely would invite themselves along.

“When do you work tomorrow?”

“Six.”

“It’s midnight right now.”

“I know.”

“They work you too hard.” Jinyoung grumbles, wrapping himself around Yugyeom the way they’ve been doing for years.

“It’s okay. It won’t be like this forever.” Yugyeom reminds him.

“Mmm. I hope so.”

“Forever.” Yugyeom whispers. “I think I’d like to be with you forever."

“That’s good.” Jinyoung whispers back. “I was thinking the same thing.”

 

  
_"Whatever you are looking for, is looking for you too."_

Saul Williams


End file.
